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Parenting

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Original poster

How to forget my son?

119 replies

lonelydad2022 · 16/04/2022 21:36

My son's mother and I have been in court for many months. I am trying to obtain access to him without any real progress. She doesn't want me in my son's life and will stop at nothing to prevent any kind of access. Even when I get access at some point in the future, she will make sure that I don't have a meaningful relationship with him. Every hearing is so draining that I am having problems with my health, at work and with my life in general. I am starting to think that it may be better to let it go for the good of everyone involved. So much hate between his parents cannot be good for him. I miss him so much so I don't know how I can forget him. Is that even possible? Can you forget you have a child in order to move on?

OP posts:

lollipoprainbow · 17/04/2022 22:34

@bringon2020 wow how nasty are you ??

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 17/04/2022 23:12

@lollipoprainbow are you the self appointed thread police?

No need to tell us all off for giving answers not quite to your liking

Its a simple fact that anyone thinking of giving up on seeing their 3 year old child obviously doesn't care that much about them, nobody is being 'nasty' for saying so. What are we supposed to do, tell him he sounds like a fantastic dad and that his son will get in touch when he's 18 and it will all be hearts and flowers from then on?

lollipoprainbow · 17/04/2022 23:41

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno I wasn't the only one pointing out you and others vileness. I for one can see the sadness of the thread even if you can't. Someone desperate to see their son but being kept apart from them for 17 months and asking how to forget them as it's so painful. It's called empathy you should try it some time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

bringon2020 · 18/04/2022 10:52

@lollipoprainbow what about having empathy for the child? Imagine finding out that your father was thinking of "giving you up" after 17 months of legal battle? Not even 2 years!

I can only imagine what this super dad would do if his child has a long illness? Or mental health problems? How long would it take for him to "ask how to give up"? (And probably dump the child on to the nearest woman, but then I'm just extrapolating, based on the behaviour of most men - I don't know this man specifically)

lollipoprainbow · 18/04/2022 10:58

@bringon2020 no one knows this man specifically but there seem to be a lot of man haters here who haven't read the post properly and have piled on with horrible comments.

Pumperthepumper · 18/04/2022 11:34

[quote lollipoprainbow]@bringon2020 no one knows this man specifically but there seem to be a lot of man haters here who haven't read the post properly and have piled on with horrible comments. [/quote]
Nobody knows if the OP is a man. And being so cagey about why access is blocked should be a red flag to anyone offering ‘helpful advice’ (under the guise of the usual ‘mumsnet just hate men! Not me! I’m different!’)

SpinningMeSoftly · 18/04/2022 12:14

I agree that no-one knows for sure if OP is a man. The OP's only use of the word 'father' was in a post giving a few hypothetical 'invalid reasons' for a hypothetical mother withholding contact and it's hard to parse properly.

SpinningMeSoftly · 18/04/2022 12:15

I think ^^

I could be wrong

bringon2020 · 18/04/2022 16:20

That's right, it's not explicit that OP is a man. May be a woman, but my point stands.
Anyway, it looks like OP is not coming back, not having got the answers they wanted.
(Gave on the thread after a few unfavourable answers, wants to give up a son after 17 months, do I see a pattern here?)

Lovemusic33 · 18/04/2022 16:29

As a parent I would never give up fighting for my child however stressful it was, however ill it made me.

As long as you have never caused this child harm or out him at any risk then you have a right to see him and most courts would give you some kind of access. You can’t simply give up and move on, some people fight for years to see their children. When he is older he will feel a whole lot worse knowing you gave up on him and moved on.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 18/04/2022 16:32

@bringon2020

That's right, it's not explicit that OP is a man. May be a woman, but my point stands. Anyway, it looks like OP is not coming back, not having got the answers they wanted. (Gave on the thread after a few unfavourable answers, wants to give up a son after 17 months, do I see a pattern here?)

Or their mental health is shot to pieces and they're on the verge of a breakdown? It doesn't hurt to be compassionate.

Pumperthepumper · 18/04/2022 16:34

So then why not say the reason for no contact?

itsgettingweird · 18/04/2022 16:47

@Ridingoutthewaves

So yes stop and leave your x alone and your child without the stress you’re causing by pursuing this further, the one and only good thing you can now do for your child.

Seriously?

It maybe best for the mum to have her own way but you cannot speak for the child who may be wondering why their father doesn't see them.

Lostmyway86 · 18/04/2022 16:58

OP I understand the court system over here and the frustrations you raise. My DH went though similar with my stepchildren. It took years due to covid, hearings being adjourned. Loads of prep and putting together a case for a hearing that was then just a 2 minute formality and another 4 month wait. He stuck with it. She threw EVERYTHING at him, stuff I knew was lies as I'd been around. He kept his cool through the whole thing, focused only on seeing the children. He won in the end and has the contact he wanted. My advice, stick with it. Don't give up or try to forget your son, keep fighting for contact you'll get there. My DH represented himself in the end as solicitors were too expensive and he still got contact.

lollipoprainbow · 18/04/2022 17:42

@bringon2020 you really are a delightful person aren't you.

lollipoprainbow · 18/04/2022 17:43

@bringon2020 are you surprised the OP hasn't come back on after some of the vile and nasty comments (yours included by the way) on here??

Orangepink75 · 18/04/2022 18:39

My heart goes out to you OP, I know how difficult the system is and how painful it can be not to see your child. Wishing you peace and justice for you and your son.

bringon2020 · 18/04/2022 19:52

I'm not delightful. Women are raised to be nice, but I don't have to.

Maybe the OP's mental health is damaged, as a PP suggested. But the OP never said why they were prevented to see the child, which is weird.

Being "supportive" and "delightful" are not prerequisites to post on MN.

Annette32123 · 18/04/2022 21:05

[quote lollipoprainbow]@bringon2020 are you surprised the OP hasn't come back on after some of the vile and nasty comments (yours included by the way) on here?? [/quote]
Why not just DM the Op and offer private support, rather than attempting to act as a moderator (which you are not)?

If anyone has posted messages that you feel offensive, report them. It is not appropriate for you to continuously attempt to censor the comments of others. If MN believes they are offensive they will be deleted. If MN doesn’t deem them offensive, then mind your beeswax. We can give whatever advice and opinions we wish, with no reference to you.

You are both naive and judgemental.

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