What are the hardest years?

[isntlifeacrazyride]

As a parent of a 14 mo, I wonder what would you say are the hardest year(s) of raising a kiddo?

15 without a doubt so far.Thought we were smashing the teen years but when 15 hit, it was off the charts.My lovely kind,caring slightly geeky little girl,changed almost overnight.Moody,deceitful,flirting with boys,wanting to go out in unacceptable clothing,occasionally drinking and vaping -ahh.We have put boundaries into place for unacceptable behaviour and has a therapist to deal with some mh issues.I do see a few glimmers of hope sometimes when she pays back money she's borrowed without us having to ask for it and just doing her time when grounded without a fuss - these are moments we think we are on the right track.Just really hope this is as bad as it gets and 16 isn't worse!!

I don’t think being sad when your child has friendship problems makes you needy emotional or overly attached to them! What an utterly bizarre comment!

I have 14 yo dd and she is easy so it would be baby years were hardest for me. I appreciate we have not yet reached the transition into adulthood which may be more testing.

And I do think it’s very different doing something professionally and parenting your own children. It’s just not comparable.

@MsTSwift

I don’t think being sad when your child has friendship problems makes you needy emotional or overly attached to them! What an utterly bizarre comment!

Nice gaslighting there. You're minimalizing the point you made about 'wanting to control the things that happen to your child' (down to friendship interactions, learning about safe use / abstinence from recreational drugs) to make my disagreement seem ridiculous. I said feeling sad is normal - I said that actually having got that far (or even to the point of conception) not realising that you would spend many many more years with a teen / adult out in the world, for which you would not have control, but be a guide (if you don't fuck up their trust in you along the way) than when they're a young child, is the above.

You've also spent the thread belittling those who actually probably WOULD thrive with a teenager (your fears and worries are so foreign to me - being in that parental situation is the goal! It's what I had in mind when conceiving, not watching Mr Tumble for the millionth time). People have different skill sets :) I have no doubt in saying you'd probably be a much better, happier parent of the age that my child is, just as I feel I will thrive more with yours.

I have a 2yo and I can appreciate what I was like as a teen and how I stressed my
parents out at times, but have those who say the teenage years are the hardest forgotten hot insanely hard work the toddler and baby years are??
For me is the constant clinginess, tantrums, volume, lack of eating, stopping them fall over, expla

Oops didn't mean to send
... explaining things over and over again even though they don't take it in.
Toddlers rely on you soooo much!

Maybe it's those that loved the toddler years who hate the teenage years and vise versa!?

@MsTSwift

I don’t think being sad when your child has friendship problems makes you needy emotional or overly attached to them! What an utterly bizarre comment!

You're only ever as happy as your least happy child.

[quote Vintagecreamandcottagepie]@Sillymummies123

I'm a teacher too (upper ks2) and I felt exactly as upu do about mine until they hit 4. Well, 5 if I'm completely honest! Really struggled.

It does get so much better when they get older, hang in there.

I can never understand anyone who enjoys the baby and toddler age! They are crazy little dictators who drive you round the bend, yet somehow by the end of it, you're totally in love with them.

But yes, it's so much better when they can do things for longer than five minutes, and be reasoned with.[/quote]
Thank you. Some people like others to know how hard they're still working, so it can't be the toddler phase - it's the teen, then young adult, then when they leave home...

I'm a million times better with toddlers now. I actually enjoy time with my son - but it's still not like... how fun can the swing be? I remember going on my 7th walk of the day during lockdown because my then 14 month old was just whinging and crying, and I thought 'what the fuck have I done' - life up to now was just so devoid of any actual pleasure. I guess seeing other parents at baby / toddler events would've been nice if not for covid but that wouldn't have been fun with the baby would it? That would've been fun in spite of them

0 to 3 was the hardest for me.
Teens was the best.

Maybe it's those that loved the toddler years who hate the teenage years and vise versa

I found both really tough.

I love looking after newborns and tiny babies...I find it relatively easy. Primary age is wonderful too.

If kids went from newborn to primary then straight to adulthood, I'd have loads more kids

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Teens, when they're bullied.

You may as well have ripped out my heart and broken it in front of me.

I can imagine😔 my DS is just short of 3 months old but I've already had moments where I think of this.

2-3 is so bloody relenting and exhausting as they're fast and have no sense of danger, and the tantrums.

9 for girls is so bloody dramatic.

13-15 just made me want to lock myslf away. So many tears, arguments, being wrong no matter what you do, and then you don't even get a hug at the end of it to say sorry 😭

I would just like to add that although some posters have patronised, been uneccessarily rude and dismissive of those who think they'll find the teen years easier:

The hardest stage is the stage the parent finds hardest. Parents and children are different, and circumstances change and that's it really. If you're finding the toddler stage unbearable and a part of you wanted a child before you had one, there must be a stage you're looking forward to and therefore will prefer

I also have a theory that, whilst 0-4 is shit, 5- teens is actively nice, and the bam - teenagers become seriously hard work again (like toddlers) - so recency bias and the contrast against years of happiness make it harder.

Plus I'm sure all the teachers would at least agree that some teens are lovely and some are volatile wrecks so luck of the draw

It massively depends on your child. I read a post on these boards once where a woman had raised multiple teenage boys and said she hadn't had one moment of stroppiness.... I am lucky to have five minutes without stroppiness from my teen!

@Comedycook

It massively depends on your child. I read a post on these boards once where a woman had raised multiple teenage boys and said she hadn't had one moment of stroppiness.... I am lucky to have five minutes without stroppiness from my teen!

I have that when I ask for advice with hitting in toddlers. "Oh, they tried it once but I came down hard and they never tried it again".

Ok, Sharon... I'm sure that'll work for everyone else.

I'm actually finding the transition to adulthood really testing, mine are 18 and 21
I’m found that age was when the ‘came back to us’ emotionally and physically. It was as if they decided we did actually know what we were talking about and we had done some pretty cool things with our lives and we were worthy of doing things with them!

Teens when they are being bullied
I didn’t have to go through this but I work with kids that are both bullied and being being bullied. Both their stories are horrendous but the impact on the person being bullied stays with them.

Comedy. ... I agree, I had such an easy baby - slept solidly 7pm - 7am,, never ill, happy to be left with anyone, I never had a problem leaving him on his own (safely of course) when I wanted to get on with things at home, go to the bathroom etc. but come the teenage years I would lie awake a night waiting for him to come home ... or the phone call needing a lift .. those were my only 'disturbed night' years.

Teens wasn't that hard. DS1, particularly was rubbish at been a teen, he'd try to be grumpy, but he couldn't keep a straight face

I am finding the transition to adulthood really hard. The treating the house as a hotel, never knowing where they are, but also knowing they're adults and that's as it should be, worried that they're not applying themselves to work and study, but also knowing that's their problem and very concerned about MH following lockdown and other issues. Wanting them to step up but not wanting to put too much pressure on and drive them away. Plus watching their relationships with GF's family is really hard! I now understand the nightmare MIL and it scares the hell out of me.

They're old enough to be independent and in many ways they are, but it still feels like it will be down to me to fix it when things go wrong.

Probably I'm doing it all wrong, but I'm finding this phase really hard emotionally.

So far, my DD 11-13 ( she is 13) friendships, trouble in school, nothing pleases her, everything is a catastrophe 🤦‍♀️

But my SD was 16-now (she is 18) 🤦‍♀️ Honestly not sure where the shocking level of entitlement has sprung from but here we are 🤣

Both girls.

Been in SD life since she was 3, both very different. Both equally causing us a nightmare in different ways.

The toddler years are harder physically as they need constant supervision. They are also frustrating. My DC2 had regular tantrums that went on for a couple of hours sometimes. At the end of the day though, whatever was wrong could usually be sorted out by me just being there.

I am only just entering the teen years. Physically it is much less demanding and you can definitely have more lie-ins. It's hardest in terms of knowing the right thing to do though. There are umpteen sources of information about what to do with a toddler tantrum but very little guidance about how to deal with an emotional adolescent. It's certainly the period when I've felt least confident about my parenting (apart from the first few weeks where I really had no clue what I was doing!).

I'm also a (primary) teacher. I know from experience that the way children are in school is not necessarily how they are at home. I have kids in my class who are no trouble at all at school but completely different at home. My own two were angelic at school and very much not so at home! I also seem to have no trouble getting 30 children in my class to do exactly what I want but lots of trouble getting my own two to listen to me at all.

I would also say one of the most tiring times as a teacher is when your own kids are the same age as the ones you teach.

Also one of the harder things as they get onto the teen years is the distance that grows between you and the complete disdain they have for you sometimes. Only natural as they are gaining independence but I miss the younger years when they wanted lots of cuddles.

My teens always reminded me of the toddler phase.

Difficult to reason with
Emotional melt downs

But so much harder as couldn't pick them up and put them in the buggy/playpen etc

The transition to adulthood is hard too.
Sometimes felt like I was watching a car crash in slow motion with some of the decisions made.

Not sure if it's all teens but my teens very much lived in the here and now meaning they struggled to do things for their future gains.

Im out the other side now and they have grown into lovely responsible adults.

You have to trust that all the work you've put in will eventually come to fruition.