What are the hardest years?

[isntlifeacrazyride]

As a parent of a 14 mo, I wonder what would you say are the hardest year(s) of raising a kiddo?

Whatever age they are currently at. Once you're through it, you look back and think "oh that wasn't that bad" but it's with the benefit of experience.

My DH insists DS toddler years "weren't that bad" mainly because he wasn't with him for most of the time. He was working during the week and always decorating in doing sone DIY at weekends and leaving paint within DS reach DS was like a whirlwind - finding danger or creating destruction whenever and wherever he could! I felt like I needed eyes in the back of my head, I dreaded going to the loo for fear of what he might get up to. I feel like I must have aged 10 years between the time DS could walk and him starting school!! (But I still think baby years and sleepless nights were worse)

Well we have kids ranging from under 1 to 16.
There are difficult times at all ages, it depends on a child's personality and how you've raised them. I'm mostly relaxed but can be very strict when required, we've not really had hard times with any but just small bumps along the road. Teen did get brought home in a police car once, was punished and hasn't stepped out of line since. Sleep deprivation is pretty tough, early years and illness are biggest causes of that. I love the baby stage, the snuggles are the best. Back chat gets on my bleeding nerves.

Aye, teens. My lad is a young teenager and in the main, we have a great time together (it's just the 2 of us). But there are times when it's terrifically hard, harder than I ever thought it could be.

And I say that also as a secondary school teacher. At best, I'm 'better' at asking open questions thanks to my profession but as another poster said, when you've skin in the game and this angry, frustrated, upset, gangly, hungry, spotty, (often hilarious) human being is your flesh and blood, it is incomparable with teaching.

So far teens are easiest and out of all age ranges end of age 3 was hardest

For dd only really

Other two fine at three, but sleep as more an issue when younger

Definitely the teenage years!! I think it’s the lack of control you have which is the hardest part. When your little one falls over you pick them up and make it all better with a cuddle and before you know it they’re laughing away playing patta cake. They want to toddle out the door into the traffic and you simply pick them up and take them back and find something to distract them. Yes the tantrums and night wakings, no lie ins etc are exhausting (I’ve currently got a toddler) However it’s nothing like not being able to do fix a teen experiencing bullying, a teen storming off out the house to all manner of dangers and you can’t stop them etc. The horrible things they say to you etc. They do usually become quite pleasant again once past that stage thankfully. The teen stage worse than any other but personally 1-4 not my favourite either, although super cute at times and nothing beats them snuggled up asleep on you. 4-11 and 18+ is brilliant

@Sillymummies123 1-3 with dc1 was a breeze, dc2 was a nightmare. Non-sleeper for a long time, biter and bolter. However it was emotionally so much easier. Less worry as I knew where they were at all times and I felt in control of them. Now they are becoming their own people who require freedom which is hard for me. I think we have evolved to be awful in our teenage years to break the bonds with our parents.

@Sillymummies123

I'm really sorry to hear this. I see it in post-16, where I teach. Broadly, mental health service waiting listed equate to not actually having access. I wish your teen well. Have faith in the love you give him. That's all they'll need in the long run - knowing that you're there.

I don't think it's the lack of MH services, it's them being treated badly in the first place. If they're treated properly, then many wouldn't have suffered the MH issues and wouldn't need MH support.

Ah well... I can only adopt a 'let's wait and see attitude' can't I? So many posts mention control.... I don't feel I have that now and I can't imagine what's its like to want to control my teenager (I've not had them)
Frankly I loath having responsibility for a human as is! I take that responsibility of course, but its not natural to me. I think i would relinquish every inch of control that k safetly can over time? so the evidence now suggests I'll much prefer it but we'll have to wait and see? Its all just conjecture and words until I get there isnt it? Check in with you in 16 years!

Can I throw a positive slant out there by saying how excited I am for the 5-11 time! Shout out to crafts, days out, camping, colouring, games, cinema etc.

My eldest is 2 and 3/4, he was super early and his temperament (related or u related, who knows) is really really firey. He has about as much chance of sitting down for any of the above as I do of winning the lottery. We have days out of course but having an actual, walking talking child! I cannae wait!

I found baby/ toddler years hard as they need you so much but you are in control of everything - well, mine slept well so I was lucky there. I liked it better when they got to about 4 and were more independent and better company. Teens are easier in one way as they need you less, but the problems are bigger and less solvable.

One of mine has ADHD and school issues were massive during the first few years at secondary plus they had no stable friendships- lots of drama and angst. Got better from 16 onwards.

But the other has become more difficult since they turned 15 - mental health issues caused a lot of problems during the pandemic. Now nearly 17, mental health a bit better but they are quite rude and dismissive. Luckily it's easier to zone out and ignore a lot of it.

So I'd say depends on child - all ages have their positives and negatives though.

I think teenage years , my son is sitting his exams and has only
Finally realised he needs to put the work in!! He's nearly 16 now and after me going on & on for the last year lol .. it has been a v stressful time in my house !

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Teens, when they're bullied.

You may as well have ripped out my heart and broken it in front of me.

100% agree. My 11 year old (Year 7) has been bullied by several different kids. The day he said "I'm used to it Mum" was absolutely heartbreaking. To be fair his school have acted on it but it doesn't stop the bullying, it just temporarily lessens it for a few days. 2 children from his class are on their last warning before exclusion because of what their behaviour has been like towards him. Exclusion really is a last resort. The parents are phoned and they just don't care.

@GeneLovesJezebel

Teens. It usually kicks off around year 9 I find.

Bang on!

I'm a school governor and even various educational stats back this up.

@carefullycourageous @RampantIvy god no, I have two under two! That’s why I asked because the almost unanimous answer surprised me, I am finding it hard to imagine anything being quite this draining.

@Sixlegsfoward88 thank you, that explains it perfectly I think. It’s hard to imagine anything being as hard as it is right now, maybe my brain can’t contemplate it. I don’t know how I’ll cope with the emotional side as you’ve described there, obviously I will because we just do.. what ever it is.

I’ll come back in 15 years after pulling all my hair out😂. For now I will long for a time where I can shower or shit without being interrupted by a crying child.

Late teens without a doubt. You have to let them go but they’re not very sensible so it’s stressful….
Also 12/13 was a bit tricky with one of my boys who was full of hormones at that age.
Baby/toddler years were a breeze in comparison (and they had their moments!)

@Sillymummies123

Can I throw a positive slant out there by saying how excited I am for the 5-11 time! Shout out to crafts, days out, camping, colouring, games, cinema etc.

My eldest is 2 and 3/4, he was super early and his temperament (related or u related, who knows) is really really firey. He has about as much chance of sitting down for any of the above as I do of winning the lottery. We have days out of course but having an actual, walking talking child! I cannae wait!

Yes absolutely agree, have got 5 from toddler to adults and the 5-11 stage wonderful, even better when you’ve got 2 so close in age (which helps make up for being so exhausting in the early years) There are so many fun exciting and non expensive things to do with them and they’re so enthusiastic (if not having to pull them off the iPads!) really is the golden age of parenting

P.s 2 under 2 is very hard, sure you’ve got the sympathy of many parents out there, really does get easier

0-1 - absolutely awful.
1-3 - fairly grim
4-5 - definite improvement
6+ - actually this is vaguely enjoyable.

Haven't got any further yet but I'm pleased it's got better the older she gets.

All the time I spent trying to tick boxes and do what I was apparently supposed to do were hard.

As soon as I started simply responding to my baby's needs and only caring about that, things became easy.

Times when I'm stressed at home are hard. Times when I have time to focus on my role as a mother are easy.

Teens by far the hardest. With toddlers and babies it is hard physically but with teens it is emotionally very hard.

With younger children you are in control and know where they are and who they are with pretty much all the time. With teens you don't. They can get mixed up in the wrong crowd, they can get horribly bullied, they have wildly varying hormones and you have no control. They also maybe involved in various clubs and sports and need ferrying around plus they maybe doing exams and feeling under pressure.

Add into the mix that many women maybe peri menopausal, are likely to be working full time and may have older parents needing support it can make life tough.

Eldest ages 14-15 easy teenager rude , exposing stuff to me etc

Youngest 0-1 I don’t know how he even survived. He screamed constantly and did not sleep for more than 20 minutes for the first 8 weeks and literally vomited or screamed the entire year

It will be different for everyone, I found the baby and toddler years easy! But I noticed most say they are the hardest but mine have asd and haven’t got easier they’ve got much much harder with age I miss when they were little so much easier!

By control we mean there is very little you can do as a parent to fix the problem. If your 13 year olds friends turn on her there’s not really anything a parent can do to resolve it.

Teens without a doubt.