Why we move babies to their own room?

[FurBabyMum02]

My son is 10 months old, he wakes usually 2-3 times a night, breastfeed and straight back to sleep. I've been thinking about moving him to his own room but I guess I'm not really sure why so am looking for some opinions, what changed when you moved your babies? Is it just a society thing that I feel like I should be doing?

He will start nursery in about a month so I'm thinking if we don't do it now before he starts we will be waiting another few months as I would want him to settle into nursery before having another big change.

So far I'm at, pros-
-personal space back
-can get into bed normally rather than climbing in from the bottom (cot next to bed and no space either side at the mo)
-there's a rocking chair in his room to feed in rather than perching on the end of the bed
-possibility of better sleep but totally unknown
-the cat often comes to see us in the night and wakes us up but waking baby is different as he needs resettling, wouldn't wake him in his own room

Cons-
-would have to go into his room to feed and resettle (but I get out of bed anyway so what's a couple of steps down the hall)
-possibility of worse sleep but totally unknown
-separation anxiety on my part, will I sleep worse not being able to just pear over and know he's ok

I still feel he's so tiny, should he be becoming more separated by now and given his independence a little more and own space or not? Opinions gratefully recieved.

@BertieBotts

Sillymummies, I agree with all of your post except this:

They don't want sleep, they want to feel needed at night.

I don't think you can really say that parents don't want sleep or that the motivation is feeling needed! I am one of those snuggle/nurse/keep them in as long as they want parents but the motivation is a bit more subtle - I find I cope OK with lack of sleep, but I also find that letting DC bedshare is a way to maximise my sleep while allowing me to meet their needs. And I don't have any intention of prolonging neediness, I just don't particularly want to go to the effort (because it is effort) to set up separate sleeping as an entrenched habit - it just doesn't bother me that much and I don't mind. But I wouldn't go so far as to say I want them to need me more than I want sleep. I'd be delighted if they slept through on their own!

I think there is an element of luck as well, this is borne out by research - apparently a sizeable minority of babies respond perfectly to that routine/independent sleep thing from early on and as they get older more and more respond to it but not all babies will, so you can be trying and trying these techniques with no results. I fully admit I didn't bother to try because it just wasn't that important to me to get them sleeping independently early on. I was quite happy to do the cuddles etc.

Ha. Yes I thought someone would find issue with the wording of that. Freudian slip, I suppose. I think objectively that both approaches are absolutely fine. I think one approach creates an independent sleeper and the other doesn't, but objectively I don't think that either really is superior over the other. Subjectively, however, I have chosen the former for the reasons stated (obviously I prefer the outcome of that, for whatever reason, as I chose it) - but outside of my own preference I think that both are fine. I just am 100% not someone who is okay with the idea of bed sharing with my child. Others are.

@BertieBotts

Sillymummies, I agree with all of your post except this:

They don't want sleep, they want to feel needed at night.

I don't think you can really say that parents don't want sleep or that the motivation is feeling needed! I am one of those snuggle/nurse/keep them in as long as they want parents but the motivation is a bit more subtle - I find I cope OK with lack of sleep, but I also find that letting DC bedshare is a way to maximise my sleep while allowing me to meet their needs. And I don't have any intention of prolonging neediness, I just don't particularly want to go to the effort (because it is effort) to set up separate sleeping as an entrenched habit - it just doesn't bother me that much and I don't mind. But I wouldn't go so far as to say I want them to need me more than I want sleep. I'd be delighted if they slept through on their own!

I think there is an element of luck as well, this is borne out by research - apparently a sizeable minority of babies respond perfectly to that routine/independent sleep thing from early on and as they get older more and more respond to it but not all babies will, so you can be trying and trying these techniques with no results. I fully admit I didn't bother to try because it just wasn't that important to me to get them sleeping independently early on. I was quite happy to do the cuddles etc.

This is definitely how I was/ still am.

It’s not really about feeling needed it’s what gets us the most sleep without distressing her. I genuinely don’t believe that I need to teach her to sleep, just make the conditions such that she is able to do so. For the longest time those conditions involved being in close physical contact with me, she doesn’t need that now and I didn’t have to teach or train her she was just ready for her own cot (for most of the night anyway). I figure she’ll let me know when she’s ready
For the next bit too ie her own room.

I was probably just too lazy for any kind of sleep training or strict routines. I’ve always done more of what seems to make sense in the moment.

So we don’t wake them up when we get ready for bed or get up in the morning. So we can have have sex in our own room…

@AntarcticTern

I guess for me it's just that you have to do it sometime. If you do it at 10 months, he won't really be aware of the difference. If you leave it for a few months, an 18-month toddler will definitely be aware and is likely to kick up a big fuss at bedtime!

We moved DD into her own room at 16m. She hadn't really woke in the night for input for a couple of months by then so we moved her. The only reason we kept her in our room that long was because it seemed much easier to settle her in our room for night wakings than triapsing up and down across the landing to her own room. She napped in her own bedroom in a travel cot from being 12 months, so she was familiar with the room already. We moved her cotbed from our room into her room, did the exact same bedtime routine as usual, said goodnight and left, she went straight to sleep. We had no bother at all. So I don't think delaying necessarily means there will be issues, it all depends on the child.

Main reason - I slept better and so did they. After that it was having space and not climbing into bed. Plus as a PP mentioned it has to happen some time and best to do it where they will notice the change less.

Im not sure if anyone mentioned this but in terms of separation anxiety, one thing that helps put the mind to rest is investing in a baby monitor for the cot that has the tracker pad, that way if they were to stop breathing you'd be woken by an audible alarm, I slept much better knowing that whilst I couldn't look over at my baby to check I could see the pendulum moving back and forth on the monitor that meant it could detect movement and she was fine, I woke and checked a few times on the first night but after that I trusted to monitor to alert me and slept really well.

Mine never woke when we came to bed. Sleeping with us made them used to noise around them.

I moved my daughter at 6m and we both slept so much better. I wasn't waking at every little sound she made and likewise she wasn't disturbed my me or dh. I had a video monitor and if I woke in the night I would glance at that to check on her and seeing she was ok I could go straight back to sleep. I didn't mind getting up to feed bc the glider was much more comfortable than the bed. And I loved that if I woke first in the morning I could sneak downstairs for a quiet coffee by myself with the video monitor until she woke up.