Why we move babies to their own room?

[FurBabyMum02]

My son is 10 months old, he wakes usually 2-3 times a night, breastfeed and straight back to sleep. I've been thinking about moving him to his own room but I guess I'm not really sure why so am looking for some opinions, what changed when you moved your babies? Is it just a society thing that I feel like I should be doing?

He will start nursery in about a month so I'm thinking if we don't do it now before he starts we will be waiting another few months as I would want him to settle into nursery before having another big change.

So far I'm at, pros-
-personal space back
-can get into bed normally rather than climbing in from the bottom (cot next to bed and no space either side at the mo)
-there's a rocking chair in his room to feed in rather than perching on the end of the bed
-possibility of better sleep but totally unknown
-the cat often comes to see us in the night and wakes us up but waking baby is different as he needs resettling, wouldn't wake him in his own room

Cons-
-would have to go into his room to feed and resettle (but I get out of bed anyway so what's a couple of steps down the hall)
-possibility of worse sleep but totally unknown
-separation anxiety on my part, will I sleep worse not being able to just pear over and know he's ok

I still feel he's so tiny, should he be becoming more separated by now and given his independence a little more and own space or not? Opinions gratefully recieved.

'Duracellbunnywannabe

Do you not feed laying down? Its a game changer'

We never did work this out unfortunately couldn't get him to latch properly in this position and now he's rolling and crawling the side is on the cot so there's a barrier between us anyway

'AntarcticTern

I guess for me it's just that you have to do it sometime. If you do it at 10 months, he won't really be aware of the difference. If you leave it for a few months, an 18-month toddler will definitely be aware and is likely to kick up a big fuss at bedtime!'

This is a really good point I hadn't thought of thank you!

@SickAndTiredAgain

'Space was a big factor - DD’s cot did fit in our room, but not well, it blocked a chest of drawers so was very inconvenient.'

This is a factor for us aswell, we've had to rearrange to get the cot in and now neither of the wardrobes open properly and we have to crawl into bed from the bottom!

Do what feels right for you! I moved mine at 6 months and weaned off the night feeds but others continue for much longer.

We move our children as soon as they outgrow their next to me bedside crib! Ds was just under 6 months. Will see how long our new baby lasts.

@pattish
'I might be weird but I can’t imagine anything worse than having a baby in my bedroom with me for 10 months or more! How do you have sex/read a book/get a good night’s sleep?'

Not very often and downstairs haha! But honestly that's more to do with being knackered and super busy.

I’m a night owl and needed my own space. And I hate tip toeing around a sleeping baby. I was much happier and slept much better once my DD moved to her own room at 4months old.

My 2 and a half year old is still in with us. I love having him close.

@pattish

I moved mine into their own rooms at 8 weeks, 2 weeks and 4 weeks respectively. They were in the bedroom next door, no monitors needed, slept beautifully. If they cried I heard them.

I might be weird but I can’t imagine anything worse than having a baby in my bedroom with me for 10 months or more! How do you have sex/read a book/get a good night’s sleep?

Same with mine. They were out of our room at a few weeks. Next door room with door open; no monitors. They were fine, and we never had any problems as they were so small it was for them the norm.

My OH was on duty during the nights several times a week and they were able to sleep without being disturbed.

They did not come to any harm.

We didn't exactly, dd1 coslept until 2.5, dd2 until 6. We took their lead

@Flittingaboutagain
'I think it was a sign of wealth and status historically that people were able to not live in one room altogether?'

Yer this is probably true, if u think about cultures that live more 'naturally' the family sleep all together usually. I read alot in the early months about baby evolution and it was reassuring to understand why they behave as they do and therefore to not stress about it but know that he would develop and change as and when he's ready to and actually didn't need much input from us to do what he's built for. Weve tried as much as possible to go with the flow and take his lead. On the other hand I'm not sure I'd cope with what other posters have said and wait until he's 2/3 and asking for his own space I think i probably want my own space back before that so maybe it makes sense to do it now while he's a bit more unaware.

www.atlasobscura.com/articles/communal-sleeping-history-sharing-bed

Baby is currently asleep on me feeling poorly...I've done a bit of googling if you're interested.

DD 18 months is still with us. You do whatever works for you, there is no right or wrong way :)

Came to a point where it was no longer beneficial- I felt I couldn’t sleep for waking every time they stirred. A lot of the time a baby can get back to sleep but with me there I think they smelt my milk, I was quick to react etc.

My eldest went of his own accord age 7 and my 2 youngest are still in our room at 7 and 6 and show no sign of moving

We just put the wardrobes in the spare room for now.

@carefullycourageous

I guess for me it's just that you have to do it sometime hmm, we didn't. They did it themselves with zero drama.

Same. She decided her own room was nicer (for at least part of the night) at about 18 months.

Forcing independence in babies/toddlers is a hangover from the Victorians (and since widely debunked in terms of avoiding dependency).

Whatever works best for you. We had ours in with us until they made their own minds up to move out at around four.

I think it’s really important to know that it’s ok to do what’s right for you and your family rather than what is (currently deemed) optimal for babies in general.

My mental health benefitted greatly from moving my babies out of my bed, and my bedroom. But as toddlers, I realised that putting my dc in together worked better for them even though I had thought they all needed their own room and space. They actually needed the security of company more.

If I could have a do over I’d like to have had a humongous bed with space for everyone (but I know dh wouldn’t so that still wouldn’t work for my entire family).

Ours were nearly three when we moved them. We loved having them close by and it made things easier.

@Sunnytwobridges

I’m a night owl and needed my own space. And I hate tip toeing around a sleeping baby. I was much happier and slept much better once my DD moved to her own room at 4months old.

“I was much happier” is quite telling IMO.

This night owl gave birth to a night owl. We both went to bed (same bed) late. She once slept through a RAF typhoon display - me moving around was never going to disturb her!

Past six months, it's really up to you. Do whatever YOU think will work best for everyone in the house.

Not relevant for you OP, I know, but for anyone else reading it is really really not recommended to leave infants under six months to sleep in a room alone. Even during the day. It's now understood that one of the factors in SIDS (cot death) is the breathing of the baby not being automatically regulated by the breathing of another, older human in the room. Young babies are really not designed to sleep apart from their caregiver. Obviously many babies have been left to sleep alone and not died, but it's really not worth taking the chance.

And as for me personally, probably not a good person to give advice as DD is 11 years old and we still mostly cosleep! But this works for all of us, she has a disability and has always needed much more support than many other children. She sleeps absolutely beautifully without disturbing me at night if I'm there next to her, even puts herself to bed if I'm tired and have gone to sleep earlier than her. But she really can't settle herself alone comfortably yet (she's tried to many times!) and I'd lose sleep through staying up late to settle her at bedtime and during the night when she woke if we didn't cosleep.

Ok I feel like an awful mum now. Moved DD into her one room at 3 days old.

An it’s so lovely to read so many of you have your children still with you, or waited until they decided to move in their own room.

My old school mother is constantly on mine and DH’s back about DD being in her own room and that it’s “wrong”. I just roll my eyes and ignore her, but it’s been the same conversation for the last year. I’m going to show her these posts so she knows that it’s more normal than she thinks!

I love having DD in our room, however, I do have a question for those of you with 2, what did you do when another came? DD is 18 months and we have another DC due in October! I am thinking I’ll probably have to start to transition her into her own room soonish, as not sure how it would work with two of them in the room 😂

@JufusMum

Ok I feel like an awful mum now. Moved DD into her one room at 3 days old.

Don’t feel bad I would’ve liked mine to have been in her own room from day 1

Ours had their own room from 2 weeks old, it’s opposite our room and we have monitors and the doors ajar. They sleep from dream feed until between 6&7am and we are moving the dream feed forward to about 10pm now. They’re settled and sleep well and have been through the night for a few months now.