Why we move babies to their own room?

[FurBabyMum02]

My son is 10 months old, he wakes usually 2-3 times a night, breastfeed and straight back to sleep. I've been thinking about moving him to his own room but I guess I'm not really sure why so am looking for some opinions, what changed when you moved your babies? Is it just a society thing that I feel like I should be doing?

He will start nursery in about a month so I'm thinking if we don't do it now before he starts we will be waiting another few months as I would want him to settle into nursery before having another big change.

So far I'm at, pros-
-personal space back
-can get into bed normally rather than climbing in from the bottom (cot next to bed and no space either side at the mo)
-there's a rocking chair in his room to feed in rather than perching on the end of the bed
-possibility of better sleep but totally unknown
-the cat often comes to see us in the night and wakes us up but waking baby is different as he needs resettling, wouldn't wake him in his own room

Cons-
-would have to go into his room to feed and resettle (but I get out of bed anyway so what's a couple of steps down the hall)
-possibility of worse sleep but totally unknown
-separation anxiety on my part, will I sleep worse not being able to just pear over and know he's ok

I still feel he's so tiny, should he be becoming more separated by now and given his independence a little more and own space or not? Opinions gratefully recieved.

Following as I've been wondering too. Baby is currently 4.5 months - I'd be happy to have her next to me forever, but for her own development she has to be in her own room. At the moment I plan on moving her when shes about 6 months, I'll take the blankets from her current bed and put them on the cot so smells are familiar. We also use her room often so she's in and out of her proper cot. I'm going to leave the current bed set up when she moves just in case but I suspect that I'll have more issues than her.

but for her own development she has to be in her own room

Why? I’ve heard this before and I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to mean. I can see why it might help everyone’s sleep or give parents a bit of space or lots of reasons why it’s a good thing for some families but I don’t think it’s a developmental thing is it?

Sorry that wasn’t meant to be as confrontational as it sounded - I’m not some huge bedsharing evangelist honest! Absolutely move her if that works best for you.

But it won’t impact her development if you leave it a bit longer i don’t think - I have the most fearless and independent toddler you could imagine, who grew from the most clingy baby and definitely took us by surprise. Like I said above she’s still in our room/ often bed and I really don’t think it’s stopped her being independent or learning to self settle or whatever it is people worry about.

You just do what's best for you. My youngest was in his own room by 8 weeks, mainly due to him been a great sleeper an my oldest 2 been creepers an waking him an he only had 1 boob feed during the night so was best for me to get him back down in his own room an used to that routine of his own room for bed unlike making the mistake with my oldest 2 who still creep into my bed now. He doesn't so yeah made my life easier. But isn't for everyone x

@Mullercornershop

I wanted to have sex and I wouldn’t do it with my children in the room.

Do you only have one room?

@AliasGrape

but for her own development she has to be in her own room

Why? I’ve heard this before and I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to mean. I can see why it might help everyone’s sleep or give parents a bit of space or lots of reasons why it’s a good thing for some families but I don’t think it’s a developmental thing is it?

It isn’t for their development, no. In the same way that we would biologically breastfeed for years we would have bedshared for years as well. There aren’t any developmental benefits of being in their own room at 6 months.

(Isn’t it weird that it’s seen as odd if adults don’t want to sleep close to someone else but tiny helpless babies get chucked in their own rooms as soon possible.)

@AliasGrape

but for her own development she has to be in her own room

Why? I’ve heard this before and I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to mean. I can see why it might help everyone’s sleep or give parents a bit of space or lots of reasons why it’s a good thing for some families but I don’t think it’s a developmental thing is it?

It is absolutely not a developmental thing, no. This gets said, but there is no science behind it whatsoever.

I am one of the only ones probably but I sleep better when she is in with me, otherwise I'm just listening out for her all night!

@AliasGrape

but for her own development she has to be in her own room

Why? I’ve heard this before and I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to mean. I can see why it might help everyone’s sleep or give parents a bit of space or lots of reasons why it’s a good thing for some families but I don’t think it’s a developmental thing is it?

I just probably also worded it badly...I just meant she needs her own space...I didn't necessarily mean bang on 6 months...I was more saying for future, imagine having an 18 year old still sleeping there lol. I'll move my baby when we we are ready and not by the book.

It is seen as important for them to have the option of their own bed (own room isn't always a practical reality). But not at six months, we're talking more 2-3 years old. At that age it would be seen as neglectful to not provide a bed, even if they would prefer to sleep with you. It's just seen as restricting their opportunity to develop independence. Much like although obviously it's fine and beneficial to keep breastfeeding into toddler hood, it would be very wrong not to offer a one year old solid foods as well.

My daughter was an insanely light sleeper so having her in our room with a 7pm bedtime meant we had to either also be ready for bed or have our things out of the room by that time every night. Getting into bed without waking her was also hell, I genuinely hated my husband every time he coughed in the night because it woke her and then she was up and so difficult to get back down. If my husband was ever up early for work then again that was her up so that was me up. I absolutely hated it! I am now due our second and think I'll put a bed in the baby's room and sleep there in case we get another light sleeper. I would also agree if you're ever going to do it it's only going to get harder once you've got a toddler who is more aware. But otherwise do what works for you!

I moved mine when she no longer wanted to sleep in the cot at around 18 months. She wanted to sleep with me! No way! I even took the side off her cot, put pillow and mini duvet, all so that it would look like a mini bed. She wouldn´t get in. So got her big bed in her own room. She had no problem getting in the bed she wanted me to be there! She was SO alert poor mite so that I wouldn´t leave. I should have done it when she wasnt aware of her surroundings really, but as she had been poorly with ear infections for months and I had to keep an eye on her I never got round to it. If you have the opportunity do it sooner rather than later.

what changed when you moved your babies?

My son was 1 when we started sleeping separately. I would have continued sleeping in the same room however, he sleeps so much better alone. I realised we were waking him through the night, coming in later, turning in bed, coughing etc.. now he's in his own room he's gone from waking 3 times a night to once at 5am for a bottle then back to bed until 7:30.

I'm like you though, the idea of having to get up and resettle in another room was off putting. I've just tried to make it as comfortable as I can so I have somewhere to sit and I also ensured I have a way of sleeping in there if necessary so we bought a nice thick fold away mattress. That way if he's ever a nightmare one night or if he's unwell for a few days I can easily sleep in there if needs be without needing a whole permanent bed.

Moved my little boy when he was 4 months, could have done it earlier but we needed a blackout blind for his room. We moved his next2me away from us when he was 4 week old as we were just disturbing him whilst he slept! He is now undisturbed in his own room, he’s 6 months old and is a really good sleeper! We had zero issues moving him

Both of ours went in at 3 months, and one of those had a chronic lung disease (they had a Sat's monitor that beeped loudly if they even moved, let alone had an oxygen complaint).

It is 100% an issue of the type of child and the type of relationship a parent wants. As long as the baby is loved when awake and its emotional and physical needs are met (e.g. it's not being abused) there's nothing wrong with either, though you get evangelicists in both camps.

For us, we wanted to help Foster healthy sleep early to support the development / well-being of our children (we've both struggled with sleep in our lives) and to allow ALL to be refreshed and happy in our days together. Both babies slept through from 3-4 months and (bar the odd illness) still do. They go to bed chatting, smiling (bar the youngest who is generally very fussy about everything, but when not tired/hungry does the same). Our 2 year old chats happily to his toys from 7pm-8pm, goes to sleep and then wakes at 7am, with a 2-3 hour nap in the day. It's impossible to know if that's the actions we've taken or genetics, but I honestly credit, in part, our prioritisation of nurturing good independent sleep habits.

Other parents would hate that. For them, the snuggling and nursing is what draws them to the experience. They don't want sleep, they want to feel needed at night. The thought of withdrawing it is counter to bond forming, to them. I think I'm right, and I also think those types of parents are right. I think babies will generally follow either lead and have the same odds of becoming happy adjusted people. They'll come to expect and need whatever they're offered, and that's okay if you're happy to offer it.

I should add that we're both also very light sleepers. My DH, once awake, cannot easily go back. Also - babies are noisy when asleep, and easily roused by parental presence. Lots of false starts (the babies awake - get ready to feed) when they probably would have gone back to sleep.

We moved DD at about 8 or 9 months as we were disturbing her when we went to bed. I was a bit concerned about it disrupting her sleep but it had no effect at all! (At the time she normally woke once a night I think.)

(Isn’t it weird that it’s seen as odd if adults don’t want to sleep close to someone else but tiny helpless babies get chucked in their own rooms as soon possible.)

I think that's really wrong. People shouldn't be throwing babies.

( for your sanctimonious tone)

I moved my DD because she was so loud. Huffing and puffing in her sleep. It was like trying to sleep in a room with a manic squirrel.

I bedshare with my 2 year old in his room (he has a king size floor bed) - he sleeps through unless he's ill. I love the cuddles and closeness. We're currently setting up another room which will be his baby brothers room and once that's done I'll start sleeping in there and see how we get on.

Is it just a society thing that I feel like I should be doing?

Fuck whatever "society"' things. You do what's best for you and your family. No-one else can tell you what that it.

Personally I find western society's idea that babies should move in to their own room a bit odd. Mammals have evolved keeping their young nearby, not putting them in another cave. Many cultures keep their children in with them for much longer. Personally I just can't sleep unless my young toddler is in the room, my brain just won't switch off.

I often wish it would because it might be nice to have my room back, but I guess they're small for such a short time in the grand scheme of things.

My son went to his own room at 10 weeks because I was back at work and we were disturbing his sleep when we came to bed/got up etc. monitors will stop you worrying. No one can tell you when the right time is, it's up to you but the longer you leave it the harder it will be for the children who will be very aware of you no longer being there. Everyones different but I was certainly not going to be one of those parents who sits by the cot until they fall asleep and then army crawls out of the room. From my experience of friends and families, the longer you leave it the more likely it is that you have to do things like this. What a palava!

Sillymummies, I agree with all of your post except this:

They don't want sleep, they want to feel needed at night.

I don't think you can really say that parents don't want sleep or that the motivation is feeling needed! I am one of those snuggle/nurse/keep them in as long as they want parents but the motivation is a bit more subtle - I find I cope OK with lack of sleep, but I also find that letting DC bedshare is a way to maximise my sleep while allowing me to meet their needs. And I don't have any intention of prolonging neediness, I just don't particularly want to go to the effort (because it is effort) to set up separate sleeping as an entrenched habit - it just doesn't bother me that much and I don't mind. But I wouldn't go so far as to say I want them to need me more than I want sleep. I'd be delighted if they slept through on their own!

I think there is an element of luck as well, this is borne out by research - apparently a sizeable minority of babies respond perfectly to that routine/independent sleep thing from early on and as they get older more and more respond to it but not all babies will, so you can be trying and trying these techniques with no results. I fully admit I didn't bother to try because it just wasn't that important to me to get them sleeping independently early on. I was quite happy to do the cuddles etc.

Mine pretty much stopped waking to feed once moved to own room.