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Original poster

Why we move babies to their own room?

132 replies

FurBabyMum02 · 07/04/2022 12:22

My son is 10 months old, he wakes usually 2-3 times a night, breastfeed and straight back to sleep. I've been thinking about moving him to his own room but I guess I'm not really sure why so am looking for some opinions, what changed when you moved your babies? Is it just a society thing that I feel like I should be doing?

He will start nursery in about a month so I'm thinking if we don't do it now before he starts we will be waiting another few months as I would want him to settle into nursery before having another big change.

So far I'm at, pros-
-personal space back
-can get into bed normally rather than climbing in from the bottom (cot next to bed and no space either side at the mo)
-there's a rocking chair in his room to feed in rather than perching on the end of the bed
-possibility of better sleep but totally unknown
-the cat often comes to see us in the night and wakes us up but waking baby is different as he needs resettling, wouldn't wake him in his own room

Cons-
-would have to go into his room to feed and resettle (but I get out of bed anyway so what's a couple of steps down the hall)
-possibility of worse sleep but totally unknown
-separation anxiety on my part, will I sleep worse not being able to just pear over and know he's ok

I still feel he's so tiny, should he be becoming more separated by now and given his independence a little more and own space or not? Opinions gratefully recieved.

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TakeYourFinalPosition · 07/04/2022 13:53

@JufusMum did the HV not comment? I know you don’t need to see them, but in my experience, most people do… the hospital; my midwife and my HV spent a while talking through why six months was the minimum and 12 months the recommended with us. We’re only at four months but I can’t imagine him being out of the room..

If it works for you and you’re happy with the risk, it’s absolutely your call, but if you weren’t told and now you feel you’d have made a different decision, I’d complain.

Echobelly · 07/04/2022 13:56

We moved DD out of room as soon as we'd finished decorating her bedroom at c8 weeks - we all seemed to sleep much better after that. We were in a two bed flat with the bedrooms literally three steps door-to-door so it wasn't a difficulty for getting up. DS we probably moved in around 6 weeks - he was a noisy sleeper but his sister slept through him!

OnceAgainWithFeeling · 07/04/2022 13:58

@JufusMum

Ok I feel like an awful mum now. Moved DD into her one room at 3 days old.
My mum put me in my own room the day I came home from hospital. I’m still working on the attachment disorder 40 years on (not realised until I was in my 30s).

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inmyslippers · 07/04/2022 13:59

Establishing routine for me. He went into his own room at 6months. Bath, book and bed. Fantastic sleeper. Waiting till they're older is changing already ingrained habits.

inmyslippers · 07/04/2022 14:00

But just to add. That was what was right for me. I need a solid sleep to be a good mum. It differs for everyone

FunnysInLaJardin · 07/04/2022 14:04

Once was that purely because you went into your own room at birth, or were there other factors at play? Were you in every other respect securely attached to your mother?

WestminsterCrabby · 07/04/2022 14:10

I moved mine at 6 months and she's slept amazingly ever since. She was a rubbish sleeper in our bedroom! I think we were all disturbing each other, I'm a restless sleeper and DH is a horrendously loud snorer. Now she sleeps 8-7, occasionally needs to be resettled when we come up to bed but mostly not. She was also getting too big for her next to me, and her cot wont fit in our room so it made sense.

Traumdeuter · 07/04/2022 14:14

Space & better sleep - we were waking each other up. I also wanted to have sex in bed rather than on the sofa!

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/04/2022 14:14

@pattish How do you have sex/read a book/get a good night’s sleep? I read on my kindle and have sex when my babies/toddlers are asleep.

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/04/2022 14:14

@pattish and they don’t stop me sleeping, my dh snoring is much more likely to.

medicmummm · 07/04/2022 14:15

Hi Op,

Exactly the same thoughts here. My little one is the same age too. She is tiny though and still sleeps in her snuzcot but has a separate cot bed in our room too.

I thought of moving her but between sleep regression and teething and then a cold she has become an awful sleeper recently. Use to sleep from 12-8am since a few weeks old!

I also have a 9 year old who was an awful sleeper but now is fine. As adults we do eventually sleep so i’m not too worried about sleep associations as they won’t last forever!

What ever you want I would do. They are only small for such a short time anyway and I personally like being able to look over at DD to see she is okay. Blush definite separation issues on my part!

Best of luck what ever you choose.

Hugasauras · 07/04/2022 14:20

DD slept like a log, still does, so I could watch TV, read a book, practice the trombone in the bedroom when she was in there! I actually did move her at six months, hated schlepping through in the middle of the night to feed her, plus I missed her, so she came back Grin

TheCraicDealer · 07/04/2022 14:20

DD went into her own room on the dot at 6mos. I wasn't gagging to get her out but her snuffling and stirring would wake me (I'm a light sleeper). You may find you sleep better and more deeply because you're not subconsciously listening out for those tiny mewls which 90% of the time don't come to anything. It was also nice not tiptoeing round the bedroom when we went to bed several hours after her. A good quality video monitor quelled my initial anxiety about not being able to see her.

I have to say it was a very smooth transition in our case and I'm glad we did it when we did. Some families have a dynamic where co-sleeping is the key thing that keeps everyone's sleep on an even keel, but if that's not the case for and you're keen to get them reliably into their own room/bed in the next few years then I would look to move now.

In your position I would also take into consideration that if they take a while to settle initially and you need to go in and out to reassure them, I would rather be doing that in the spring/summer rather than on cold winter nights!

Katela18 · 07/04/2022 14:21

This thread is super enlightening that there really is no hard and fast rule, it's all about what benefits you and works for baby.

We moved DD at 7 months. I really struggled with my mental health (traumatic birth 2 months early, long nicu stay which impacted bonding). One of the things that helped my MH was routine and part of that was moving her into her room so i could sleep (she was a really noisy sleeper!). She slept way better once in her own room, my husband snores so in hindsight she was probably being disturbed by that. So it worked for us, but lots of parents don't worry about routine, or have babies who sleep well etc and thats all totally fine too, so I guess just think about what you need and what your little one needs :)

OnceAgainWithFeeling · 07/04/2022 14:25

@FunnysInLaJardin

Once was that purely because you went into your own room at birth, or were there other factors at play? Were you in every other respect securely attached to your mother?
Of course there were other things. But that was a very clear signal of the emotional distance she would maintain throughout my life. Made sure I had my basic needs met in terms of food, bed, activities but always at arms length emotionally.

I wish someone had realised how strange it was that her instinct not to keep her (first) baby close would be.

(Baby 2 was stillborn and baby 3 wasn’t put down for 2 years. These dynamics are still at play. She refuses to discuss it. It’s been very very hard.)

irregularegular · 07/04/2022 14:28

My mum put me in my own room the day I came home from hospital. I’m still working on the attachment disorder 40 years on (not realised until I was in my 30s).

But I think that was really common a generation or two ago. I don't think it means anything by itself.

ofwarren · 07/04/2022 14:30

@ChloeHel
We bed shared with my middle child and when his brother was born we brought a cot into the room and also a toddler bed.
We play musical beds at night now with 2 single beds and a double bed in our room. Sometimes they sleep with us, sometimes in their own beds.

houseargh · 07/04/2022 14:31

DD 18 months is still in with us not out of choice (1 bed flat). We're hopefully moving soon and the thing I am most looking forward to is the ability to make a bit of noise while going to bed, maybe even chat to DP in bed, maybe even have sex not on the sofa!!!! Also, DD is a terribly early riser and this may not happen but I'm kind of hoping that will improve when she no longer sees us the minute she wakes up. But in terms of pros/cons for her, I don't get the impression she's been horribly damaged by all this time in with us - she's very independent, not at all clingy etc. So do whatever works for you

tillylula · 07/04/2022 14:34

You're right it's a society thing. It's the biological norm to sleep close to your baby. Don't let anyone pressure you into thinking you need to put him in his own room. You will know when he's ready. My mum bedshared with me and I'm a well functioning adult who doesn't need my mum to get me to sleep 🤣

Flittingaboutagain · 07/04/2022 14:35

JufusMum

Ok I feel like an awful mum now. Moved DD into her one room at 3 days old.

^ assuming this was before the SIDS guidance. Lots of the previous generation did this.

Foxglovesandlilacs86 · 07/04/2022 14:37

My older ones co slept with me til they went into their big bed, I was more into attachment parenting then and it just worked at the time I guess.

With my younger three I’ve been so different and I really wish I’d done the same with my older kids, it would’ve been a lot less stressful, I think I read too many earth mother books and was trying to be something I’m not. I basically had them in a Moses basket in my room til about 6 months and then did controlled crying (very successfully-it only took one night) to get them sleeping in their own room. They all sleep so well and I’m very happy to have my evening child free.

Just do what works for you, if you don’t want him in his own room yet then don’t do it.

Aria2015 · 07/04/2022 14:40

We got to the point where we were disturbing each other. Both of mine slept much better once they were in their own rooms. They slept in later too! I did miss them but it was nice to get my space back and some extra sleep!

Neverreturntoathread · 07/04/2022 14:43

I moved DD into her own room around age 1. But I went with her and slept on a mattress on the floor.

Then there was a gradual process over several years where I sometimes slept near her and sometimes with DH in the ‘big’ bedroom.

It is what worked for us. Trust me you will spend a lot of time in there when she’s ill / has nightmare / is grumpy wtc. Mighg as well get a mattress.

My main regret is not just having a double bed for her in spare room from day 1.

JufusMum · 07/04/2022 14:45

@Flittingaboutagain

JufusMum

Ok I feel like an awful mum now. Moved DD into her one room at 3 days old.

^ assuming this was before the SIDS guidance. Lots of the previous generation did this.

It was in 2002. Nobody gave me any guidance?
JufusMum · 07/04/2022 14:49

[quote TakeYourFinalPosition]@JufusMum did the HV not comment? I know you don’t need to see them, but in my experience, most people do… the hospital; my midwife and my HV spent a while talking through why six months was the minimum and 12 months the recommended with us. We’re only at four months but I can’t imagine him being out of the room..

If it works for you and you’re happy with the risk, it’s absolutely your call, but if you weren’t told and now you feel you’d have made a different decision, I’d complain.[/quote]
My visiting midwife was surprised how well DD has slept in her own room at 3 days old. I was breastfeeding and the first two nights she was in with me and woke every 3-4 hours for a feed. On day 3 when we put her in her own room she slept 7 hours solid. I was sold at the point.
DD hates being cuddled and ahwats preferred her own space. I do feel in the minority though and wonder if I did something wrong.
That said she’s a perfectly happy, well adjusted ambitious 20 year old at university so I think I do something right! Haha!