5 year old found sanpro

[Ilikecheeseontoast]

So my just turned 5yo daughter found my sanpro in the bathroom. I don’t hide them away they were just in the cupboard. She asked me what they were… I just changed the subject and distracted her as I wasn’t sure what to say. I don’t want periods to be weird or taboo like they were with my mum growing up. My mum is such a prude that even as a 40 year old married woman I could never say words like period/tampons/sex/vagina etc in her presence. She just gets all embarrassed and weird. Periods are a normal human function and I want both my sons and daughters to view them that way. However, I’m thinking that too much info at a young age maybe isn’t appropriate?!! Gaaaa. How would you wise old mumsnetters handle such questions??

5 is way too young to learn about periods, sex and pregnancy. Let her be a kid

Children have an amazing propensity to accept all sorts of bodily functions…. snot, puke, blood, tears, poop, wee 😂. They don’t need to know the detail behind it, just that it happens. I think many people overthink it. Knowing that blood that comes out of a vagina rarely equals a full-on discussion about sex for a 5 year old…

@Sushi7

5 is way too young to learn about periods, sex and pregnancy. Let her be a kid. Just say “they’re mummy’s” or “only women use these.” She doesn’t really need to learn about puberty until she’s around 8.

Would you say the same about other bodily functions and processes? For example if your child asked why their heart beats or what wee is? Are they too young to know that the heart beats to pump blood around their body or that wee is extra fluid that their body doesn’t need? I don’t see the difference.

As someone who was a bit traumatised by 'the talk' on periods my mum gave to my dsis and I when we were 10, I vowed that I would be open from the start with mine.

I don't hide my sanpro from my boy and girl. I don't hide when we share a toilet cubicle. They know that the bleeding doesn't hurt like a cut, but sometimes my tummy hurts. They know it's about eggs and babies. No need to go into detail about sex. My dc are fine with it. It's normal. No nasty surprises in a few years.

[quote Sushi7]**@EarringsandLipstick* It's a normal function - there's no such thing as being 'too young'. Be age appropriate in language & content.*

Obviously periods are normal and shouldn’t be ashamed of. However, I feel uncomfortable with the following conversation:

Mum: This is a tampon. I stick it up me so I don’t bleed out into my knickers.

Dc (who cry when they see their bloody knee): Why are you bleeding so much??

Mum: I bleed every month. It’s because sperm didn’t fertilise my egg. proceeds to talk about the process of how mum and dad have sex, how mum falls pregnant, how baby comes out

Just sounds way too traumatising at the age of 5. Dc only need to know when they’re approaching puberty.[/quote]
You really don't see any other way in which that conversation can go?

With DD it was mostly like this and how the baby story came to be ,but I'll keep it short for brevity's sake.

DD: what's that?
Me: it's a pad. A bit like your nappies, but they're for my period.
DD: what's a period?
Me: when you're older you can have babies. An egg gets made by your body every month, and if it doesn't become a baby it's not needed anymore. Then it comes out with some blood.
DD: does it hurt?
Me: it can ,but it depends. It's not actually an ouchy, just where the egg sits so it all comes out.
DD: so like a blankie for the egg and then baby?
Me: yes.
DD: haha you're wearing nappies like me! Can I listen to the baby story again?

Contraception was literally one sentence of "This is so I can't have a baby. Remember when we talked about periods?". DD nodded, poked me to check if it hurts(it fucking did!!) and skipped off.

This topic has got me worried. I have 2 dd and they have never asked me what pads or tampons are for. They are almost 7 and 5. I didn’t/don’t want to bring it up without them asking. But feel with my older daughter that it’s round the corner and don’t want her to be caught unawares like I was. (Really religious school and mum never talked about it)

@PaddleAlongRiver

How does she not know? Does she not follow you into the toilet? Mine asked why I was wearing a nappy from around 2nd birthday! I explained they were period pads and I'm on my period, it is part of becoming a woman. No need to over think it

I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding for the past couple of years so no periods! Unfortunately they’re now like clockwork!

@Hoppinggreen

Those are for grownup ladies, you don’t need to worry about it for a while

Just tell her "Those are mummy's sanpro/ tampons. Sanpro/tampons are something grown up women use, like bras and makeup. ".

If DC asks any further questions, just give the simplest answer again, using correct term ( we use them for our period/ when we menstruate).

What's a period?

"When people grow up, their bodies change a lot."

Adults men grow hairy faces have to shave. Grown up women grow breasts. Sometimes they grow a baby in their belly. Lots of changes.

@MsProbably

I don’t have a period because I use a coil. I have a 5 yo DD and I can’t think of a way to bring it up naturally when it isn’t part of day to life… any ideas?

Does she know where babies come from? I'd just start the conversation - hey, you know when a women doesn't have a baby in her tummy etc etc

My children have never seen me using tampons because I like bathroom privacy so I think I probably just started the conversation one day.

@Blackbird2020

I have a ‘baby bed’ too 😉 And my then 3 year old DS also used to love playing with my tampons, lining them up like carriages of a long express train…

OP, I know how you feel. I too came from a family of prudes… It did not feel natural to me to start talking openly about periods etc with my DS, but I forced myself never to shy away from any opportunity he gave me, and I am so glad of this now. I’ve broken the line of prudish families! He’s at secondary school now and doesn’t squirm with embarrassment at any mention of sex, periods, etc., He’s actually a little confused why a few of his friends are so extremely self-conscious about it all…

My tip would be just to answer the question that they have asked. Very young children are naturally unselfconscious question askers, so treat it no differently to any other question. When they want to know more, they will be sure to let you know! So, for instance, my then 3 year old DS would ask “What’s this?” and I’d just reply “A tampon.” At some point at a later time, that would progress to “What’s it for?” to “Where does it go?” and so on… Children are very good at asking for information as they are developmentally ready to process it. Don’t hide the sanpro and good luck with being the first in a long line of non-prude parents!

Thanks for your message and for not making me feel like a weirdo for asking g the question in the first place. Some good advice here x

You can be brief and matter of fact with young kids, they probably won't want to know more than whatever you tell them, but don't be evasive.

Just be honest. Say they are for mummy’s periods and go from there. She might have more questions, she might not.

I remember taking my boss's little daughters to the ladies toilet and they asked me what the tampon machine was for -- I'm embarrassed to remember I said flannels!

My kids knew by age 5.
The younger they know the more blasé they are about it where as if you wait too long it becomes something to be scared of or embarrassing. My kids saw it as the equivalent of growing hair on legs- something for grown ups.

Kid- what's this?
Mum- those are for Mummy when she has a period
Kid- what's period?
Mum- it's when mummy's body makes a little cosy nest in case I want to grow a baby. When I don't want to grow a baby, the nest goes away. That's a period
Kid- OK, can I have a biscuit?

I'm surprised she's only just asking now. Both my boys had to come in the loo with me as toddlers and I had to say what I was doing at a v early age!

@Mrsbluesk1

This topic has got me worried. I have 2 dd and they have never asked me what pads or tampons are for. They are almost 7 and 5. I didn’t/don’t want to bring it up without them asking. But feel with my older daughter that it’s round the corner and don’t want her to be caught unawares like I was. (Really religious school and mum never talked about it)

Why don't you want to bring it up?

Jeez, we have no privacy here. I’ve been discussing periods for ages and DD is just 3. I use a cup so she literally says stuff like “mummy, if you’re going to the loo do you need your cup for your period sauce?”

We answer anything and everything as honestly as possible here and DSD started hers this year and is very open and honest about it all so it’s worked. DD knows and checks her sister has a pad if she needs one.

There’s nothing gross about periods or blood, it’s a normal healthy function which DD will hopefully experience and the more matter of fact we are about it the better.

You’ll be fine OP, I envy you the privacy you’ve had, I’m always on the loo with someone hanging around near by!

Honesty pays off long term, my DSS and DSD are both very well adjusted and mature about all this stuff and when they’re old enough for you to deal with sex and all the other stuff they need to ask about you’ll be so glad you were a source of trusted chatty information and advice.

When I was young (in the early forties)my younger brother came up to our flat with a bloody knee. My mother was out for a while so I took charge by wrapping a sanitary towel around it. Mum returned and I told her I had bandaged his knee and he had gone out to play again. My mother asked what I had used so I opened a cupboard door and pointed to the Sts whereupon she gasped and ran downstairs to find him.

You have done well to keep them in a place she can see them, and are quite right to have the attitude that they are not something rude or dirty or disgusting. You can tell her that ladies need them when they are older ever month, but she doesn't need to think about it yet. And it's important she knows what the body parts are called - the amount of rubbish kids come up with for normal anatomy because prudish parents think words like 'penis/vagina' are paramount to swear words!
I also had a friend who started her period age 8, and her prudish mother had never taught her about them. I remember her sobbing in school thinking she was dying. Your daughter is very young, granted, but these things have to be spoken about, just as teeth falling out/hair growing is.

@ImFree2doasiwant

I'm amazed she has never seen them before. I have 2 DS, aged 5 and 6 who have only recently stopped coming into the bathroom when I'm on the loo. I say stopped, they no longer come in every time. So they've seen sanpro months for years.

That's fine if that's what you want to do, but I have really never had any desire to have children watch me on the toilet. Also don't remember ever wanting to watch my parents on the toilet. It's not that amazing

My 4 year old daughter has always followed me to the toilet and has thus often seem me emptying a mooncup or changing pads. When she was a lot younger I just reassured her that although there was blood it wasn't a cut and I wasn't hurt. It was special blood. She has recently asked about the sanpro and I just said that every month mummy 's body makes a big cushion in her uterus in case a baby grows. If no baby grows we don't need the cushion so it turns to liquid and falls out and because the liquid is red it looks like blood. She was utterly delighted by the idea of her lying around in my tummy on a big soft cushion and has really taken to the whole concept. She knows that eggs can grow I to chickens and that mummy makes tiny eggs that could grow I to a baby Thankfully she hasn't taken it a step further and asked how the egg turns into a baby as I haven't fully thought that part through yet. I will probably tell her that daddy can put in a seed called a sperm and that joins with the egg to make a baby. Then we will cross the next bridge about how the seed goes in in a few years. I don't like making bodies into shameful things and we are scientists, so we like factual answers.

DD7 and DD4 both know I have periods and I talk about them if they ask. DH is good at encouraging them to give me uninterrupted time on the loo when I am changing pads/tampons- he knows they are horrendously heavy and it can be like a blood bath sometimes.

I did have a mum who was always open and my war-time generation grandma who was too. But, they were both nurses.

It's your choice OP just don't use any negative language where possible.

I'm amazed by the prevailing view that you take your kids to the loo with you and they see you change your tampons. Doesn't the lack of privacy bother you? I'd be very uncomfortable.

Anyway I reckon it's ok to honestly answer questions and no more- if some are happy that kids watch you on the loo, bring you pads etc that's fine but if like me you wouldn't like that, you don't have to involve them if you don't want to, we don't give up the right to as much privacy as we are comfortable with just because we are mothers

That's fine if that's what you want to do, but I have really never had any desire to have children watch me on the toilet. Also don't remember ever wanting to watch my parents on the toilet. It's not that amazing

NO ONE has any desire for their kid to watch them on the toilet. But going to the toilet in public toilets is a thing, so is kids bursting in or needing you then and there, or needing the toilet while your precious is having an hour long bath and so on.

As pp, I have answered all questions asked in age appropriate way and my kids all grew up knowing about the 'baby cushion' mummies make, and the 'baby cushion blood' when the cushion isn't needed. This has been added to and proper language substituted as they have got old enough for it. Mine have never given me any privacy of any sort so explanation of some sort has been unavoidable. I'd like to think it will be normalised for them but who knows.