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Parenting

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Original poster

Mums who don't follow the "rules"

107 replies

Booklover2021 · 01/04/2022 19:38

This is meant to be a lighthearted thread by the way... for the past few weeks I've been overloading myself with info on how to help my 4 month old to sleep. Tried bed at 7pm as that's what's "ideal", tried different sleep training methods...yesterday I decided "sod it" and just went with my intuition and how my LO was. He had the best sleep he's ever had.

I just wondered if anyone else decided to sod what they were "supposed to do" and just went with it and had more success? Just want to quiet that anxious side of me telling me I should still be following the "rules"!

OP posts:

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rainbowegg · 01/04/2022 19:51

I just followed DD's lead from day one, I've no idea if it's just coincidence but she's always been pretty chill and fell into her own routine. She napped on me for the first 8 months of her life and we co slept once she got too big for the next2me crib, she's 2.5 now and sleeps amazingly in her own bed most nights after deciding when she was around 18 months that she wanted to sleep by herself. Every child is different and it isn't one rule fits all so trust your gut and just go with the flow.

Ionlydomassiveones · 01/04/2022 19:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Flittingaboutagain · 01/04/2022 20:05

I read the books. Felt like I was doing it wrong. Then I had a breastfeeding expert tell me to ignore drowsy but awake and that some babies need a boob milk coma to go down. Ignoring drowsy but awake has changed my life!

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MrsPnut · 01/04/2022 20:13

My kids are much older now but I went with the flow both times, I didn't need to impose a routine because they fell into one and as they grew I remembered two bits of advice given to me whilst I was training to be a social worker. Never promise something you can't deliver and never threaten anything you won't carry out.
I have been that parent with a screaming child tucked like a rugby ball under my arm leaving soft play 10 minutes after paying to get in because I have given two warnings about what they were doing and they decided to carry on. They only did it once or twice and know that I always mean business.

I also let them sleep for as long as they wanted, my youngest would get 10 hours no matter what time she went to bed which was great for us and we never stuck to a nap in the cot routine.

We potty trained at around 3, when they were ready so they were dry day and night within a week.

My biggest advice is to be flexible, sometimes things take a few goes before they work and conversely sometimes after doing things one way for a while isn't making any progress so make changes.

In the long run, the race is only with yourself.

Chely · 01/04/2022 20:14

I've always just gone with the flow, got 6 kids and they're all doing fine.

Qwill · 01/04/2022 20:19

I didn’t read any of the books as I was too tired/too lazy too! All mine were really good sleepers, but don’t think it was related!!

Madmaxxy · 01/04/2022 20:29

Same as PP. We've done what felt right. Co-slept, fed to sleep, anything we felt our baby needed. She's now fallen into a lovely routine and I think it works because of that rather than its what a book told us to do. Similarly I didn't download any of the development apps, with 'Leaps' and such. I think if an app is telling you that baby will be fussy this week because of something or other then you'll just focus on that and have a bad time regardless

NearlyHeadlessNick · 01/04/2022 20:32

I clicked on this wondering what the "rules" even were

I'm supposed to be weaning my nearly 2 year old from the boob. Said child now has covid and is barely off so I've definitely said "sod it"

Thesearmsofmine · 01/04/2022 20:33

I followed my kids lead and still do(eldest is now 11). I have happy, thriving, kind children so I guess I am doing something right.

Mulhollandmagoo · 01/04/2022 20:36

4 months is really young, so I would take your cues from your baby at this point, I found that the best way. I understand your frustration though, I used to tie myself in knots trying to do things by the book, and I hates Evey second of parenting. We aren't routine people so trying to enforce a strict routine was never going to work for us, We have naturally settled into some sort of loose routine now and we are ticking along nicely.

Mulhollandmagoo · 01/04/2022 20:37

We have naturally settled into some sort of loose routine now and we are ticking along nicely

I say this like we've nailed it.....she's 3 and we are only just getting there 🤣

jellymaker · 01/04/2022 20:40

I had such little confidence in my own ability to cope with a newborn, I read quite a few books including one that encouraged an early routine, self soothing etc. I found it very reassuring to follow it as I felt so hopeless and inadequate. Of course 17 years on, I wouldn't do it again if I had another child because I have all that experience now and have developed that intuition. There's no right and wrong though. I needed the guidance at that time in my life.

LBFseBrom · 01/04/2022 20:43

I never followed rules, feeding and sleeping was baby led. It worked for us.

NotMyDayJob · 01/04/2022 20:45

I ignored the drowsy but awake with my first. I fed her to sleep until that didn't work and she started sleeping through consistently at 11 months. She's a great sleeper now

Slowdownandsee · 01/04/2022 20:46

Mine older but always went with the flow when they were all little, much easier! You know what’s best for your child, like other poster mentioned I also continued in this vein, ie not getting caught up with reading levels and pushing with extra homework etc, mine all academic high achievers now and organise their own homework etc, we were and are always now interested in their interests and let them try out different clubs and sports etc from young age but always following their lead, definitely don’t get caught up with apps and comparing your child to others or what some algorithm says they should be doing.

aylis · 01/04/2022 20:47

My mum is very big on routine, we were to a routine and her foster kids are as well so it’s kind of what I ‘knew’. When I was in hospital after having my baby they encouraged a routine as well, same as my mum, eg feed every 3 hours etc. As soon as I was out I switched to on demand feeding, sleeping etc and while there was an element of routine, it was pretty much completely led by her and by learning her cues. I don’t regret it at all, it was the right thing (and I know I was fortunate to be in the position to, having only one kid etc).

I also started bed sharing when my daughter was just about 3 and I wish I’d done co-sleeping from the start. She slept in her basket then crib beside my bed until I think it was about 8 months, then I slept in her room with her most nights after that until she was about 3 and 8 wish I’d just done the co-sleeping. But one thing she has always been is a great sleeper and I truly believe in ‘never wake a sleeping baby’.

Newuser82 · 01/04/2022 20:49

When I had my first son the lovely health visitor told me that there are no rules when it comes to babies and that a lot of new mums she had dealt with who were trying to get their babies into a routine and follow whatever "rules" they had chosen to were in her opinion more likely to get post natal depression. I think you just have to do what suits you and your baby, whatever that may look like.

fruitpastille · 01/04/2022 20:52

I'm really glad I had my first child before there were apps and wonder weeks. I had never heard of a 4month sleep regression until I was years beyond that point. I'm not saying it was easy and I did my fair share of agonising but less 'rules' is a good thing! It's ok to just do whatever gets you through.

Slowdownandsee · 01/04/2022 20:53

Also I fed to sleep bottles and boobs, used dummies for all of mine, one only 6 months then just didn’t want it and one nearly 2.5 years, all are fine, my 7 yr old still likes to hear me potter about upstairs while he goes off to sleep, his older siblings didn’t need that past 3 or 4 but in a minute he won’t be bothered either and he’s not a baby of course but why deny that comfort for him if he likes the background noise, bit like a baby with a dummy or a toddler with a fave teddy, it’s just their comfort and they will grow snd change, my teens comfort seems to be a room like a tip, I shut the door snd still trying to go with the flow!

SockFluffInTheBath · 01/04/2022 20:58

We always did it our way because I have an aversion to being told how I should do something DS fell asleep on DH’s shoulder every night until he was about a year old. DH loved it, DS loved it and he slept really well from quite young so it suited us. It’s quite against the rules though!

Hangthetowels · 01/04/2022 21:00

I never followed any routine or agenda until baby was over a year old (except for BLW mealtimes). I let her nap when she needed too, breastfeed when she needed too, etc..it's been very low stress, even when she didn't sleep and fed 25 times a day - because I wasn't pushing her into something

orchardgirl4 · 01/04/2022 21:01

@57Ionlydomassiveones this is exactly what I aim to do. Nice to hear your positive outcomes with this. I try and ignore the pressure to 'do more', and go with the flow. I figure that, not having done something to a particular time-scale, doesn't mean they're never going to do it. They'll do it to their time-scale, and it's a lot more pleasurable being on the journey with them.

iCouldSleepForAYear · 01/04/2022 21:05

If my kid takes an illegal nap at 5:15 pm, she gets to nap.

I have learned the hard way that it is less ugly all around if I just let that tired kiddo sleep.

Tiree1965 · 01/04/2022 21:05

The best thing I ever did was throw the parenting books in the bin. They never agreed which only confused me more. You know your baby, do what feels right for you.

Oneonetheracehorse · 01/04/2022 21:07

I follow my instincts with mine on everything. Use NHS guidance for anything medical/health related but just figuring the rest of it out as we go! I didn't want to read theories about how I 'should' do things. I do check things on Mumsnet every now and then just to see what other mums do and I find that really helpful.
My little boy has always slept through from about 7 weeks (give or take a few nights), eats like a horse and is the smiliest little chap going so I think we're doing ok!

(I do however follow all current safety guidance with naps/car seats/cots/cutting food up etc!)

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