Page 4 | Mums who don't follow the "rules"

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ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/04/2022 23:42

None of my babies read any books before birth and as we didn't need to be up early, they went to bed at about 9pm. That meant I wasn't up at the arse crack of dawn for no reason.

I did try Gina Ford for Twins for a couple of days but when I realised her timetable of feeding each twin for 15 mins each was impossible with mine, and wtf was I waking them for at 640 when we weren't going anywhere I ditched it.

ReggaetonLente · 02/04/2022 00:19

Same as many on here, I just do what works. Co slept from birth, never did any special recipes etc for weaning, never worried about developing bad habits or rods for my own back just responded to my kids and let them develop in their own time and way.

They are now pretty much indistinguishable from the children who had to nap in dark quiet rooms at 1pm every day, weren't allowed in their parents bed, had puree til 1, etc. And I was happier along the way, for it, although everyone is different of course - I've always found strict routine stressful, I know lots don't.

But basically, by about 7 they're all pretty much the same anyway, so just do what you find easier and makes you happier!

ReggaetonLente · 02/04/2022 00:23

Oh yes, the bedtime police! I remember when DD1 was about 8 months I told someone at a baby weighing session she went to bed about 10 with me and slept in til 9, I loved this as I did my housework in the morning while she slept. I was met with kissing teeth and "oooh you'll want to nip that in the bud and get a good routine in place, she can't be doing that when she starts school". What, in.... 4 years time?!?

People in the UK are bizarre about children's sleep.

AlwaysLatte · 02/04/2022 00:34

We just fitted in around the babies' sleep patterns. They're very happy, easy going 14 and 11 year olds now with perfectly normal sleep.

AlexaShutUp · 02/04/2022 00:42

Yep, I ignored most of the advice and just followed my instincts. DD is 16 now and has turned out pretty well, so I can't have done anything awful!

Clockstooforward · 02/04/2022 00:43

All my children were asleep by 7pm and wake about 8 am ..routine worked for me !

LBFseBrom · 02/04/2022 00:45

@ReggaetonLente

Oh yes, the bedtime police! I remember when DD1 was about 8 months I told someone at a baby weighing session she went to bed about 10 with me and slept in til 9, I loved this as I did my housework in the morning while she slept. I was met with kissing teeth and "oooh you'll want to nip that in the bud and get a good routine in place, she can't be doing that when she starts school". What, in.... 4 years time?!?

People in the UK are bizarre about children's sleep.

I used to receive comments like that too, Heggatoni. "That child doesn't get enough sleep", that sort of thing. Which was ridiculous because if he'd wanted to sleep, he'd have slept! I wasn't going to prevent him sleeping but no point going to bed if not tired. He used to like a lie in too which suited me fine when I wasn't at work because so did I :-). We had to get up earlier when I returned to work part time but it was all OK.

Some people are funny about sleep and bedtimes.

Shmithecat2 · 02/04/2022 00:51

I never read a book, never attended prenatal classes. Coslept from night 2 (still do now most night, ds is 6yo), bfd until he was nearly 4yo. Bed times vary, so do meal times. I let him eat what he wants, whem he wants mostly. Never had to plan a day around naps. Worked for us.

RowanAlong · 02/04/2022 01:10

Yes yes yes! Ignore the rules, just listen to your baby. They’ll find their own rhythm!

ReeseWitherfork · 02/04/2022 01:28

If you’re not doing it wrong then they can’t sell you their book can they?

Feckaffoutofit · 02/04/2022 01:34

I wasn't nt aware there were any rules when my DC were babies. Didn't read up about parenting methods as didn't know they were a thing. Mucked sleep training up big time nevertheless. Rolled with the babies. Yeah, that did not go well. Didn't get a full night's sleep for an embarrassingly looooong time.

SamanthaVimes · 02/04/2022 06:32

I read lots of parenting stuff but mainly for ideas. I feel most stuff I know fairly instinctively if it’ll work with DD or not and I just ignore the bits that wouldn’t suit her.

Eg I never sleep trained her because I know in my heart she needs the extra help still. I have no doubt for a different / less sensitive child sleep training would work really well but that’s not the child I have. So we’re “still” breastfeeding, cosleeping (although she sleeps with DH now as number 2 is on the way) and generally take a “gentle” approach but with boundaries on the non negotiables.

The best parenting advice I received from a friend before I had DD was “follow your instincts” the times I’ve ignored them have never worked out well!

VampireMoney · 02/04/2022 10:19

Never did set bedtimes either, some nights they were asleep at 7, some nights it was half eleven, but they then slept til half 9 the next morning so I got a lie in or got up and did some work while they were still zonked. Worked for us.

I didn't think much of it until I was at baby and toddler group with DD1 at about 6 months old and the mums were really snotty about her lack of routine, and put it down to me being 'really quite young and a bit silly..' This was after I mentioned we'd been on holiday for a week and how much she'd enjoyed her evenings in the family friendly club on the caravan site.

It didn't change how I'd chosen to parent her though - or my subsequent babies. Each to their own, just do what works 🤷🏻‍♀️

Eri21 · 02/04/2022 11:22

@ReggaetonLente

Oh yes, the bedtime police! I remember when DD1 was about 8 months I told someone at a baby weighing session she went to bed about 10 with me and slept in til 9, I loved this as I did my housework in the morning while she slept. I was met with kissing teeth and "oooh you'll want to nip that in the bud and get a good routine in place, she can't be doing that when she starts school". What, in.... 4 years time?!?

People in the UK are bizarre about children's sleep.

Aaaah yes, when my DS had his 6 month development check my HV asked what time he goes to bed, how’s he’s sleeping generally etc, so I told her that he goes to the bed at around 9pm because that’s what worked the best for us at that time. She insisted that I should try and make him sleep at about 7-7:30 to prepare him for the school. For.The.School. At 6 months. I was speechless and literally wanted to tell her to F off with her idea.

VampireMoney · 02/04/2022 12:47

She insisted that I should try and make him sleep at about 7-7:30 to prepare him for the school. For.The.School. At 6 months. I was speechless and literally wanted to tell her to F off with her idea.

Oh haha I remember a HV saying the same to me. Gobsmacked. Can you let me enjoy them being tiny first please!!

DropYourSword · 02/04/2022 12:54

I just wondered if anyone else decided to sod what they were "supposed to do" and just went with it and had more success? Just want to quiet that anxious side of me telling me I should still be following the "rules"!

Most parents, I would have thought! There aren't really rules.

Aria999 · 02/04/2022 18:37

I fed both of mine to sleep for months.

navydear · 04/04/2022 21:54

@DonnyBurrito but seriously how do you expect a baby on a strict napping/ sleep schedule to adapt when there body has become so dependent on exact same sleep routine. What about if your older child has an activity or party or school play or whatever during "nap time". Or is sleep routines only for first babies??
What if a friend in dire need needs you but your baby requires nap time at exactly 2.15pm??
What if you are sick or family member is sick?
What about holidays?
What if a family member drops by but it's nap time
What is life just goes on?
Or does everything and everyone have to revolve around this napping baby?
I'm sorry but my sister in law and brother do this ridiculous routine where when invites to a family get together at xmas or birthdays, even if it's weeks in advance notice, they will always be the awkward rigid ones saying well x will be sleeping so even if party is on at 4, we will be there at 6 and will be leaving at 6.30. They can't go anywhere, they live the most boring lives of restrictions. None of mine had bedtimes as babies..that only came in on school nights and guess what we are the most laid back family there could be, nobody is over tired, nobody is she'll shocked because they didn't get their usual 2.15 nap.
It's possible to parent and be relaxed and go with the flow without over kill of routines and bed schedules. I'm sorry I couldnt imagine living such a rigid life🙄

navydear · 04/04/2022 21:59

Also it's like musical beds in our home every night and it's wonderful, 12 year old sleeps with me, 2 year old sleeps with 18 year old sister, 7 year old rotates between dad and me and sis, me and my husband could have few nights on our own but never planned and we actually miss them and their nighttime cuddles, you are missing out on vital family life with those nonsense books

Junobug · 04/04/2022 22:20

I deregistered my children from school and won't be sending my little ones. I can not tell you how liberating it is to properly not have to follow the rules. We do what we want, when we want. Nice day? Let's go to the beach. A few hours spare? Let's go to the library. And I don't have to have my children in bed at a certain time.

VampireMoney · 04/04/2022 23:21

@Junobug

I deregistered my children from school and won't be sending my little ones. I can not tell you how liberating it is to properly not have to follow the rules. We do what we want, when we want. Nice day? Let's go to the beach. A few hours spare? Let's go to the library. And I don't have to have my children in bed at a certain time.

I've always homeschooled. Absolutely love the freedom of it. The kids have thrived on it too.

DonnyBurrito · 04/04/2022 23:40

@navydear Those occasions are few and far between, you're talking maybe once or twice a month where things might clash. I mean why bother putting your older children to bed for school? Could it be because they need a certain, yet individual, amount of sleep to function at their best?
Trust me, my baby is a pain in the arse when he's not had enough sleep through the day, and it messes up my down time in the evenings if I don't stick to a schedule. Once every so often, yeah I'll stay up til 10pm with him because his day sleep got messed up. I like having a few hours of baby free time in the evenings most of the time though, it works really well for me and my partner.

Yes a family member can drop by unannounced all they like during nap time, they just won't get to see the baby. It's a bit like if they dropped round at 3am, I would be asleep.

In all fairness, you don't sound laid back at all, you sound judgemental and overly concerned with what other parents are doing. Your brother and SiL sound like they've made their peace with missing out on a few things from time to time. They sound more chilled to me! Maybe they use their babies naps as an excuse so they don't have to spend time with you?

Sunnytwobridges · 05/04/2022 00:30

I most def went with the flow. I didn’t care about milestones or what others did. My dd didn’t take naps, I let her stay up til 11/midnight which is when she’d fall asleep. I didn’t put her on a schedule til she was about 18 months. As long as she got 6 hrs of sleep she was fine, and she’s still the same as an adult

lucykala · 05/04/2022 14:13

I have a friend who doesn't follow a schedule...she hasn't had a minute of child free time in the best part of a decade, her children go to bed at 11, wake in the night past 3 years and co-sleep and she gets not a single minute in the day to herself. It does not sound relaxing to me! Her kids are permanently exhausted and all of them are behind at school or have developmental delays, I think the lack of sleep is affecting them.

It's whatever works for you, but it isn't necessarily the easy way out.

ReeseWitherfork · 05/04/2022 16:49

@lucykala

I have a friend who doesn't follow a schedule...she hasn't had a minute of child free time in the best part of a decade, her children go to bed at 11, wake in the night past 3 years and co-sleep and she gets not a single minute in the day to herself. It does not sound relaxing to me! Her kids are permanently exhausted and all of them are behind at school or have developmental delays, I think the lack of sleep is affecting them.

It's whatever works for you, but it isn't necessarily the easy way out.

I don't know what you mean by schedule... Surely they have a schedule in terms of going to school and coming home the same time each day? But if you mean "they don't have a bedtime" then I don't think that's the issue there. I don't think all kids need a set bedtime. But I do think parents need to know signs their kids are getting tired etc. Sometimes my son will go to bed at 6.30 and sometimes it's as late as 8.30. I'm not strict about the timings, I just know my kid well enough to know when he's tired. Doesn't sound like your friend is watching to see when her kids actually need to go to bed.

Mums who don't follow the "rules"

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