Mums who don't follow the "rules"

[Booklover2021]

This is meant to be a lighthearted thread by the way... for the past few weeks I've been overloading myself with info on how to help my 4 month old to sleep. Tried bed at 7pm as that's what's "ideal", tried different sleep training methods...yesterday I decided "sod it" and just went with my intuition and how my LO was. He had the best sleep he's ever had.

I just wondered if anyone else decided to sod what they were "supposed to do" and just went with it and had more success? Just want to quiet that anxious side of me telling me I should still be following the "rules"!

Hmm, I went with the flow with feeding and baby dropped to the 0.1 weight centile. Fed to sleep till she was 1 and she was and still is a terrible sleeper. If I had my time again I'd read more books!

The rule about not letting them get over tired... I make mine stay up as long as possible as she will sleep so much better because she is exhausted

I went with the flow, followed baby's cues etc.

Still had 1 DS who never slept through the night until he was 7 years old and another who was 5 before he slept through.

Fucking ADHD

I never read the rules tbh!
We did exactly what our instincts said. All was well.
The only rules I followed were safe sleep, we co-slept but followed the rules for that. And rear facing car seats.

Fed on demand, no routines, did our own thing.

I did my own thing. No routine whatsoever. Co-slept, breast-fed, let them decide when they wanted to lose nappies (lucky for me they were just 2).

It was all nice and easy. I couldn't really understand my stress-head friends who were all about the routine and books.

Definitely listen to your instincts and 'read' your baby and respond accordingly. You'll be so much happier.
I breastfed on demand, coslept and carried and it was so much easier than friends I saw who tried to follow strict routines. The above made our lives really flexible and DC1 and 2 so much more 'portable'; we socialised, went on holidays, went camping and to festivals with minimum fuss because we did not shackle ourselves to a strict routine. I still always prioritised a decent bedtime for my babies / toddlers / young children, but happily fed to sleep and co-slept for years. They love their sleep now.

My method so far is to read loads of conflicting advice then follow LO’s lead. It’s working great and there’s far less angst than worrying when and where he naps etc.

I’m pretty paranoid about food so do tend to follow guidelines on what I feed him, but not necessarily on how.

I find it ridiculous to be honest when I hear of new parents "following" someone's sleep method or feeding method or whatever else method. My god how did man ever survive all this centuries🙄
Stop revolving your lives around sleeping babies for Gods sake, a baby is part of your family and needs to fit in to the family, honestly some people are mad🙈

I have got more chilled as time has gone on because I was/am quite anxious and I realised a lot of it was because of these rules I felt like I should follow.

He’s just 2 and I give him 3 meals but he can snack whenever as I intuitively eat and I believe he should be able to too, we also eat however we want, at the table or on the sofa or just plate on the toy box as he roams about. I don’t take him up to bed until around 8ish and even then he goes in his cot and I chat n talk to him until he goes to sleep. I don’t limit screen time, I don’t offer it but if he asks I don’t ever take it off him. I also don’t limit ‘bad’ food in fact I’ll often give him dessert alongside his main meal, as nothing is restricted he doesn’t gorge on it and often actually refuses chocolate! We go with the flow and it’s loads more fun.

@Ionlydomassiveones

I read the Penelope Leach book pre-birth then threw it away and thought I’d wing it my way. I did that for 3 babies. Co-sleeping. No routines. Bottle and breast simultaneously. Dummies forever. No potty training.

It moved on to primary school too - never gave a shit about reading levels or SATS or homework.

It’s brilliant. I recommend. If you can resist peer pressure. My kids were happy and relaxed and so was I. They were well behaved, good sleepers, good eaters, high self esteem and academically high flyers.

Well done you. Or something.

It's only recently we realised our baby is actually a "tricky" one, I just stuck her in a sling, put boob in her if she cried and coslept when her sleep went to pot. If I'd tried to force her into a cot, be left with others, stick her in a jumperoo then we'd all have been miserable

You’ll make a rod for your own back by… caring for your child, they’ll expect it all the time

I think one of the benefits of being an older parent (we were 41 and 46) was that we had the confidence to do our own thing. DH and I had never even had a newborn or changed a nappy. We did NCT but otherwise just did it our way. Turns out we are naturally very “attachment style” but we hadn’t intentionally followed anything/anyone.

We just followed his lead when it came to sleep, he didn't sleep through until about 14 months old.

I do like routine now, it's priceless to us.

FTM here and I agree with following your instinct. My friend told me to do that and she was right. The boy naps in the sling, despite the health visitor telling me it would make him “clingy” - it hasn’t, he’s happy to be left on his own in his play pen while I have a pee or make tea. A well-meaning friend gave me a book by She Who Must Not Be Named (rhymes with Mina Ward) and it reduced me to tears every time I tried to implement any of it, so I binned it and went with the flow. The boy is 16 weeks and sleeps from 8:30-5:30 with a dream feed, happily sits on my knee in restaurants, is content to be handed to other people (for now!) and only cries when he has to fart or is hungry. Do whatever works until it doesn’t suit you anymore, then change it. No one knows your baby better than you!

Bloody Gina Ford got chucked at the wall!
My DC were so different as babies - there was no point in following any rules.
They're fine at 21 and 18.

Always followed my instinct. It's funny as with work and other things I always second guess myself but never with my kids. I don't understand how to stick to a routine so rigidly anyway when things are constantly changing around them.

Still boobing to sleep at 3 (and he sleeps 10 hours a night) so nope to the rules.

@navydear

I find it ridiculous to be honest when I hear of new parents "following" someone's sleep method or feeding method or whatever else method. My god how did man ever survive all this centuries🙄 Stop revolving your lives around sleeping babies for Gods sake, a baby is part of your family and needs to fit in to the family, honestly some people are mad🙈

I have a proper little handful who will unpleasant to look after if he is tired. He is a lot easier in every way if I stick to a nap routine. It also means I reliably get him to sleep at 7pm, and I get 12 hours guaranteed where he will just stay in one place Bliss.

Granted that isn't someone elses routine, I do what I want (based on months of trial and error), but what I mainly want is a baby that I actually enjoy spending time with. When his sleep gets messed up, he is not a baby I want to hang out with.

I've not read any books properly and let DD do what she wants- she's only 7 weeks but has got into a nice routine now of a bath, bottle and bed by 8pm. I won't lie during the night she may have good ones of 3-4 hours before waking and others she'll be up every 2 hours but for now I'm more than happy with that! My friend recently gave me what she calls a 'baby bible' that she said helped her massively- I've read about 5 pages and if I'm honest it just made me feel like I was failing at being a parent so it's been put away- being a parent is hard enough without feeling like you're doing it wrong as well 😂

Wait... there's rules???
Survive each day as it comes, that's the only rule I follow!

We don’t do things by the book. It just doesn’t work me for to parent DD in a ‘normal’ way. She’s difficult to parent, I’m a lone parent with almost no support. Fuck it. We’re both still alive. I’d have unschooled if I wasn’t a raging introvert.

if it makes you feel better, most "rules" go against giving your baby, especially newborns water, saying that milk is the only thing a baby requires.

i have given my baby water since he was a week old and if anything couldn't imagine being without it. milk is supposedly "food" for them, not a drink. it doesn't quench their thirst, or so i feel it is with my baby.

my baby reacts well to water, he really shows his thirst was quenched after water, but many people would argue against this.

i think mothers know best, not rules to go by.

My DD was not a sleeper. She never slept more than 10 hours a day. Ever. So all the health visitors telling me to put her to bed at 7 could take a jump, because I did not want her up at 4.30 in the morning. So she went when suited her; usually about 11pm. As she got a bit older and at school, she’d go maybe 9pm - 7am. But now she’s a teen and sleeps like the dead. Just the same amount she did as a baby…about 9 hours. Go with what suits you and your child.