Do your children play on their own? Mine do not - aged 5 and 3 - and it is really beginning to get on my nerves.

[Oliveoil]

Constant, CONSTANT mithering and pestering

they have tons of toys, get lots of attention but I do not want to play with them all the feckin time

how can I get them to feck off and play on their own?

They follow me around when I am trying to get stuff done, when I am trying to have a conversation with dh - even when I bellow I AM TALKING!!!! they just wait 2 seconds and then say mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

please help before I buy myself a shed with a lock on the door

What would happen if you sort of gave them a theme like eg "why don't you get all your toy food/toy cutlery etc and set up a picnic and play picnic"

would they take to that?

(sorry at rather feeble attempt to help there...)

I don't know. Mine did at that age I think but then I probably veered towards the neglectful end of the parenting spectrum .

Perhaps you're just too much fun Olive. Perhaps I need to teach you to be reaaaaaaaally boring. That'll put them off.

they would say

can you find the pink spoons grace has the pink spoons and I want the fork! where is the fork??? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa will you sit with me mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee do you want a coffee I am bored now

I am not fun

am ill (kind of) and tired and have spent the day saying fgs leave me alone for 5 MINUTES in a mean way

dd2 is better at it than dd1.

but i just tell them i am busy and need peace when i need to clean.

like fox, however, i can be reeeaaallyyy boring .

shed with lock sounds divine

yes mine do leave us alone. But for ds it's only JUST started, he's 10. Dd is 4 and is a dreamy child happy to occupy herself. Just as well.

what happens if you say "I am now going to do xtzx and you must play on your own" ?

Mine do, but then dd (the elder) is very good at initiating role play type games, or deciding what they are going to play with and little brother idolises her so potters along behind. Mind you even when dd is at school ds is very good at entertaining himself (even declines my offers to join in sometimes ). I guess I am just lucky.

Generally yes, unless I'm trying to do something that really needs doing and then they bother me ... oh, and when I pick up the phone to make a phonecall they cannot and will not resist the urge to be very near me, clinging to me, talking to me or making a load of noise. It's uncanny but they don't seem to be able to stop themselves!

DD plays on her own quite a lot. Good job too as she is an only child, and I just can't play with her much. But luckily she will sit and play with toys, books, craft, etc for lengthy periods of time. Fortunately for me she has done this since being quite young - before 2yo when she would play with Happyland toys for ages at a time.

I think DD just has no choice as there is no other sibling around for her to play with. I guess she is just used to it. Also no other sibling to argue and fall out with too, so no need for adult intervention there either.

She does obviously have her monents though when she will want to be with me loads - okay in small doss, but I am not really a "play with toys" type of person TBH!

if I say you must play on your own I get probably about 2 mins before one of them comes in

or I get can you find me my dressing up dress or whatever

or fighting starts and one or the other comes in wailing

do you do ignoring? I feel slightly on edge just reading your last post . Poor you.

I may be remembering things through rose tinted specs though because you mentioning shed in the garden has made me recall locking myself out in the back a few times when mine were around that age! I also don't think this weather helps - it's far easier when you can take them out.

pah! did a post then and my computer kicked me out (no power)

I find playing with them for more than about 30 mins quite boring tbh, dd1 can bore for England when she gets going and doesn't notice my eyes glazing over

so what do I do then? just sternly saying Go Away or what?

DS has always been fantastic at playing on his own. DD has generally been hopeless. She is a bit of a velcro child and has spent hours stood on a chair in the kitchen while I am cooking. She is gradually getting herself more and more jobs though - setting the table, cutting the mushrooms, shouting DS (loves that one though), getting the cups out.... so maybe I will eventually put her off.

Today though DS was playing Fifa 08 on his DS (again) and DD wanted to do really easy flash cards (she is 3 1/2, what 3 1/2 yo girl does not know what colour a pink flower is?). So I told DS that he had done enough time on the game and he had to do flash cards with DD.

OMG that is my WORST NIGHTMARE

Mine are 5 and 2 and honestly don't bother me a great deal

They play imaginative games together most of the time, or sometimes separate games but next to each other IYSWIM

I've never encouraged them to bother me, I have always been very polite but made it clear that they are supposed to entertain themselves while I clear up / read the paper / cook.

I find 'playing' with children unutterably dull. Occasionally I might intervene with a jigsaw or some painting which needs supervision, but generally I encourage role-playing etc.

HURRAH

I'm no help at all am I? Just banging on about how great my life is?

No. DD 5 cannot do one single thing on her own and never has. Even watching a DVD she wants me there for interaction.

Yesterday she unusually set up her polly pockets in her room while I was putting away ironing. I was impressed because she was actually playing, but as soon as I tried to leave the room 'muuuuuuuuuuuuum I want you in my room'.

It drives me mad and other parents judge me on the amount of attention she needs like I'm over-parenting.

She's only ever played in her room once, for about 20 minutes and I got quite freaked.

She's starting school at the end of the month and apart from the fact it finishes at 2.45 (WTF!) and I'll have to occupy her whilst simultaneously working from home unlike the lovely pre-school which finishes when I dictate, I'm hoping she'll get a bit more independent in the playing department.

My total sympathies OO. Must be much worse with 2. My youngest stepson is just like this, eldest complete opposite.

Re the dressing up - I'd say get it yourself to them.

Re play with me - plonk yourself on the couch with a book and when they ask you to play, just tell them you are watching.

If they start fighting, tell them they have to sort it out themselves and that's your policy from now onwards (ignore, ignore, ignore).

Also, I find saying 'right, I'm going to play XYZ with you now and then I'm going off to cook/have a bath/have a cup of tea/phone a friend' works quite well. They get the idea quite quickly that they get a bit of time then you get a bit of time.

It's good for them to learn to play on their own.

one day they disappear into their own room and you never hear from them at all, so you pine for the days when they played with you.

then you remember what it was like with threads like this one .

ARGH your lives sounds AWFUL

One thing I do is encourage the older one to meet the younger one's needs, also I often wink at the older one so we are 'cahoots' about fooling the younger one that something is more exciting than it is ... if the young one needs something I will shout at DD1 to find it and then when she does I HEAP PRAISE on her for ages and tell her how marvellous she is. The older one is endlessly patient and lovely with her younger sister though, so it is largely about their personalities - if I'd had the older one first I would be sitting in the kitchen cupboard with a bottle of gin.

ooh Bozza, our sons really were separated at birth . Ds LOVES Fifa07 on his DS and feels aggrieved that I will not buy Fifa08 for him .

oh god no, mine have always played well on their own.

I would go insane if I was pestered all the time.

I think the two are probably connected .

I do often say "Well to be honest, I find it really boring doing jigsaws, and I want to read my paper because it's really interesting for me."

Or if they want something I will say "I'm sorry, I'm just too lazy to go and get it" or challenge them to get it themselves before I count to 10

Basically anything that results in me sitting on my fat lazy arse is the aim of my entire parenting life

tonight I was making my lovely fish pie and wanted some peace

but dh came back from work in a mood and said I realllyyyyyyyyyy can't deal with them atm, I will do potatoes

so we were both hiding in our (small) kitchen with them both coming in every 2 seconds with enquiries/whines

dh said OH FGS CAN'T YOU LEAVE YOUR MOTHER ALONE FOR 5 MINS????!!!!

and I said NO THEY CANNOT!!!!

the tv was put back on and peace resumed for about 5 mins then it was mummmmmmmmeeeeeeeee I am hungry etc etc

Mine are the same age and play on their own for ages. I do have to supervise if they are doing anything with glue or paint. (Anyone know how to get red paint out of beige carpet)

DD is another one who loves roleplaying and has always played alone, and her brother just copies everything his adored sister does.

Can you give them a pile of coloured paper/glitter/feathers etc and get them to make you pretty pictures? That keeps mine occupied for ages. Or playdough.

yes, we have a stopwatch to time such tasks . 'See how quickly you can get your own drink from the kitchen'.

Ds went through a phase of wanting to play board games all the time, especially Monopoly. WHY he had to pick the game that took the longest, I will never know. It nearly got to the stage where I considered paying someone to play it with him. I don't know why they invented Monopoly. It is almost intolerable.

and now I have to sew some fucking ELASTIC on some ballet shoes for tomorrow morning

if I don't do it now I have to do it at 8.30am

ffs