Do your children play on their own? Mine do not - aged 5 and 3 - and it is really beginning to get on my nerves.

[Oliveoil]

Constant, CONSTANT mithering and pestering

they have tons of toys, get lots of attention but I do not want to play with them all the feckin time

how can I get them to feck off and play on their own?

They follow me around when I am trying to get stuff done, when I am trying to have a conversation with dh - even when I bellow I AM TALKING!!!! they just wait 2 seconds and then say mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

please help before I buy myself a shed with a lock on the door

Focus on the 5 y-o - that's the key player here. The 5 y-o needs to be thinking up the good games.

I ignore a lot.

Also Olive, you did say you got bored after playing for 30 minutes. THIRTY MINUTES? You must lower their expectations immediately.

i've got exactly the same problem. my dds are 4 and 2 and are getting slightly better but when they play on their own they WRECK the house within 20 minutes and are then whining for me. I can't even go for a wee without one of them crying or needing me for something. I can't wait until next week when the eldest is at school and the youngest is back in pre school. My problem is I feel guilty if i'm not occupying them so i've probably brought this all on myself. No help at all for you, sorry, just wanted to empathise!

oh i am so jealous of these children that occupy themselves, really truly

I have tried but they will not leave me alone

even doing cutting they come in to show me their straight lines

or colouring etc

Though having said that, dd is awful if she's on her own, she goes on and on at me. Drives me nuts.

'looook at me doing a head stand'

'looook at me doing nothing at all'

'can we build a shed?'

yes hundredx so many wise points there

My limit is probably 3 minutes

maybe less

and you need to focus on the older one, does your younger one copy her a lot? My youngest is just happy to be the stooge in DD1's role-playing

She usually has a lead or a broom while DD1 has swirly silk capes and tiaras

I think you are too nice Olive. I'm sure I would feel like showing you my cutting because you sound appreciate and kind.

I think we need to work more on boring Olive and your ignoring face.

appreciative

yes mine are AWFUL on their own, I find it MUCH harder with just one of them

yes Olive

So let's role-play: You have sat down with a cup of tea and a paper, and what exactly happens?

Mine don't play together as such, but they do wrestle. In a WWF styl-ee. So I am forced to retreat to the kitchen where I can't see them because I fear the first spill of blood. Or premature loss of teeth.

So do get that precious, uninterrupted time alone

Also - and I have no idea whether this is generally considered acceptable or not - I think it's okay to spell it out.

I have said 'I'm not interested. I don't want you in the kitchen. Go away and play upstairs until I call you down. You can play schools in your bedroom.'

This wouldn't wash with dd on her own, but would if ds2 around.

dd2 is the worst

she has spent the whole day hanging off my arm or sitting on my knee

I sneaked off upstairs to change the sheets (exciting!) and she followed me and then dd1 came up and said "I didn't know you were both playing up here"

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This is one of the long-term benefits of having plenty of children (ie more than 2) so they are used to you being vvv busy with the baby and have to play on their own. When the baby grows up you can then pay the eldest child to play with it. Have just sorted out the youngest's evening sleep-problems out this way and ds1 deals with him if he wakes up. TBH he's a far better mother than me anyway.

So my suggestion is to pop another couple of sprogs out pronto

If I get out glue/glitter/paper DD will stick for ooh, around 30 seconds whilst saying 'muuuum look at this' and then get bored. Then I'll spend 15 minutes tidying up.

We did beading yesterday. DD sat next to me and told me which beads to thread but wouldn't do it herself.

I bought her a trampoline, with visions of DD bouncing in it on her own for hours - she invented a game where I had to stand on the outside of the net and throw balls into her instead.

We play the Wii - 'muuuuum do this bit for me' 'muuuum ooh I can't do this' 'muuum look at this jump I did'

Oh and shudder at the teddy bears picnic game.

Even with the DS - every 5 seconds 'look at thiiiis!' 'look at what I did' 'MUUUUUUUM'.

If I sit down with a cup of tea etc, dd2 will come and sit next to me, or on me

I screech HOT TEA!!!!!!!!!! and she will move over a bit

then just witter on at the side of me

dd1 will then come in

I will have to say Go Away a bit more, but it feels mean [spineless]

could you set a timer and say i will be doing x y z for 1 hour (whatever) and when the bell rings i will play with you or do whatever with you- if you dont bother me before the timer rings

oh arfishy we are the same

with playdoh I get all the stuff out and then run away and then they come and find me and get me making snakes or somehting or using the roller

same with glue
same with dolls
same with Polly pocket - put this on where are the red shoes SHE HAS THE BLUE COAT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

if i tell my dd1 to go away she breaks down in floods of tears and tells me to 'stop saying that it's mean.' I'm doomed

poor you - totally wearing, I can see.

I think to solve problem properly - you have to take a long-term strategic view here - ie, (i) find out what it is that keeps them occupied (even for matter of minutes) without needing you; (ii) be proactive in setting up said whatever-it-is (when mine were 5 & 3 it was a plastic teaset; later it was an ELC thing with fluffy velco spiders which attached to your arm with elastic string. Play-doh & Straw Art were also worth their weight in gold) & leaving them to it - knowing NB that it is going to be x minutes only & having the next thing up your sleeve. Gradually gradually the time they spend getting along without your management will increase - but be prepared for v gradualness.

Also: (iii) teach them to read. Reading was/is our lifesaver.

Oh yes, say it Olive. It can be said nicely, I think - I hope.

Sort of.

'Right you two, I need to finish this' [totally unspecified task, just wave your arm in the air] 'so you two need to clear out of the kitchen for half an hour. Go up to dd1's bedroom, and dd1 you be the teacher. I'll call you when I've finished this - erm - this' [wave arm in air again]. Then say something like 'fantastic, thanks a lot!'

I say that I have jobs and the more you interupt the longer it will take but it just feels like I am moaning at them all day

have to go and deal with my elastic now

feckin Friday night eh? ROCK N ROLL

xx

The being followed EVERYWHERE is v v frustrating. When they are not Wrestling (literally, slamdunking) they are right behind me.

I can't have a poo in peace. Even the cat comes in.

Yes, you see, you are all FAR too kind! I can even feel your kindness through your posts!

I will have to send you spines so you can develop a little bit of mean.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to tell them to bugger off, in the nicest possible way, every now and then especially if you are feeling crap and need a bit of space.

I set my two up with something - like Lego, drawing, playmobil police station and then after about ten minutes of playing with them I drift off to make a cup of coffee and then don't come back

If I am lucky they keep on playing, sometimes the game takes a slightly violent turn and I have to go upstairs and seperate them.

DS1 has never been good at playing by himself, so I had DS2 to give him a playmate. DS2 gets to fed up with DS1 that when he isn't around he loves to potter around playing imaginative games

I once actually told my ds he was a pain in teh arse after a day of him being my shadow