Parenting trends you dislike?

[Avreil]

I would say ones that pass their experiences from childhood onto their children.

Not so much a trend but I dislike when parents set the same rules for their kids that they had when they were younger.

You need to move with the times, it’s a while different generation now and what might’ve worked then may not work now.

Whole

I'm not sure passing on your experiences is a trend - it's an inevitability! You either think "that was great!" and want to do the same for your kids or "that was awful!" and try to avoid it. Or accidentally end up doing the same thing because it's so ingrained!

I'm getting bored of "natural" parenting. A lot of the ideas are fine but it seems to be almost cult-like with a lot of judgement of anyone who does anything different.

Overindulgence. People buy their kids far to much rubbish they don’t need so they can boast about it with the full intention of trying to make others feel inadequate. I find it grotesque that some people feel the need to do this when some children have so little.

Sticking them In front of a screen to eat, or letting them wander around to eat. I work in a nursery and it’s so frustrating the amount of kids who have never been taught to just sit at a table with other people and eat. We then have to do the hard work and listen to the inevitable tantrums. When we ask mum or dad it’s “oh umm yeah well he usually has the iPad”

@Mimba1 what is natural parenting?

Parents who spend time setting up things to look in photos rather than just parenting.

Not sitting down properly for meals without a screen is my bugbear. DS does but none of my DNs do & as he’s only 2 he naturally wants to do what the older ones do and so can’t eat with them. We have another DN stay over who has also been taught to eat with an ipad and so have yet more shit to look forward to. But as it’s my house it’s my rules so I may ban all screens from the table.

Anything that involves making it an extreme lifestyle i.e. attachment parenting or the military routine trained method.

Just go with the flow and do what suits you/your child and realise that some aspects may work for one whilst others are like pissing in the wind!

Not something I dislike, more I don't understand and have done no reading up on and inclined to think it is hogwash : all this 'leaps' and 'regression' stuff that some people bang on about.

Ning your parenting style or something you do... just do what works for you. Like parents have done for decades.

Limiting access to useful technology. Not having Fortnite s different o not having access to a homework app.

Sticking labels on to different parenting "styles" - attachment parenting, gentle parenting etc

Absolutely!

The only thing I really dislike is the very ostentatious parenting that you see sometimes. We've got friends with a DD the same age as ours. It's exhausting hanging out with them because everything is an opportunity for them to demonstrate to us what great parents they are. They can't just say "share your carrots with Sally", they have to say in a sing-song voice "let's do sharing, when we have a snack it's nice to share with our friends, are you doing good listening with your listening ears? Well done darling now let's make sure we do good sharing" and it just goes on and on and on.

I'm sure they're not doing it on purpose but it makes every experience slightly draining and we've started to avoid them a bit. Perhaps they think we're shit parents because we don't do this and we just talk to our DC in normal voices

I’m a nanny so see lots of different ones, now I have my own baby I know what I definitely don’t want!

Over-indulgence- piles and piles at Christmas and birthdays, Christmas Eve boxes, mostly for social media.

Gender specific toys and clothes and decor from the off. A little girl I know has pink sparkly everything, has to do ballet, perfectly turned out all the time, all toys dolls etc and been that way since she was born. It’s not her at all and it very much cramps her spirit. Why? Because mummy was desperate for a little girl.

I think with ‘child-led’ some of the ideas are great but there’s a balance to be struck. Little children don’t always want a lot of choice as it can be overwhelming. ‘Apple or orange juice?’ Instead of ‘what would you like to drink?’ Boundaries and structure but done with love and kindness way more up my street. Makes them feel safe and secure. And some things aren’t up for debate- ie, you will have a bath, and you will be putting your toys away.

Thinking your children are much, much cleverer than they actually are.
This is taken to the extreme in "my children can set their own bedtime" philosophies but it seems to be a huge driver in "my child knows their own gender" when they are of an age where they'd eat sweets all day, believe in Father Christmas and would swear it's child abuse to ask them to read books from school or practice their maths.

Definitely @drspouse and the fact that it matters so much. Kids don’t have to be the cleverest at everything. All the ones I e ever looked after are at private school- are you seriously telling me every child in the class is amazing at everything…

Letting boys get away with bad behavior because 'boys will be boys', while girls are expected to be quiet and gentle from toddlerhood onwards.

@WheelieBinPrincess

Definitely *@drspouse* and the fact that it matters so much. Kids don’t have to be the cleverest at everything. All the ones I e ever looked after are at private school- are you seriously telling me every child in the class is amazing at everything…

I was actually thinking more of the "ordinary child is nonetheless able to parent themselves" rather than the "my child is a genius and outshines any other child academically" but you are right, that's another very annoying trend!

Telling kids everything.
Have some discretion.

@drspouse ah- I get you! I’m incredibly sleep deprived 😂

The whole 'gentle parenting' malarky I've seen on Facebook etc. I sort of get it but why does everything have to be so pandering these days?

There was one where little boy didn't want to wear his coat (it was snowing) so the mum did 'natural consequence', let him stand in the snow to see it was cold, then explained why he wanted to wear one, them let him choose a coat etc.

It was just so long and drawn out with too much enthusiasm. Just tell your child they're wearing a coat, you're the adult.

So what if they cry, they need to learn boundaries.

Forcing children to wear coats when it isn’t even cold.

Obese women who constantly yell at their toddlers to stop running. It’s not your toddler’s fault that you’re too unfit to keep up with her.

so what if they cry, they need to learn boundaries
Yes this absolutely! Why are so many parents afraid of hearing their child cry? It’s like they think it’s a crime!

I dislike the trend of allowing children to be rude to others under the guise of having 'boundaries' and not being people-pleasers. If you have friends over for a playdate, it's not OK to ignore them and not let them play with your toys because you suddenly want 'space' and you're just asserting your own personal boundaries. The moment of choice comes when children decide to invite their friends over or not. Once the friends are there, they have to be inclusive and play nicely imo and they can't just ignore their friends because they're bored of them.

I'm not sure this is a trend as such, its just rudeness. People who allow their children to have no manners really irritates me.

As an adult, if i have a friend over and we are sitting in the kitchen for example, if one of my children come in I expect them to greet and make polite conversation with the visitor. Just a, "Oh hello Jane, how are you? Mum said you were popping over, I'm just getting some squash. Bye!", kind of thing. Not hard and is great manners and good for future interactions. I go to so many peoples houses where the child comes in, ignores me, goes straight to the mum and asks for something, then leaves and Ive been both interrupted and ignored. Often these are kids i buy presents for and look after sometimes too!