Concerned partner may harm baby

[LVW2]

Hi all, just looking for some advice and support...

I have a 3 month old baby. I've been with her father for several years. He has Aspergers, and hasn't been great with LO so I've done 95% of caring for her even though he doesn't work so is around all the time. Earlier this evening he took her upstairs to change her nappy as I was exhausted from caring for her all day, mostly on my own. She was crying, and after a couple of minutes went quiet. I thought she'd stopped crying but realised I could still hear her, just muffled. I came upstairs quietly and was shocked to see partner had put pillows over LOs face while he did the nappy. I immediately removed them and comforted LO. Partner muttered something about needing earplugs and left the room. He risked suffocating her just because she was a bit loud.

Later when LO was happy, I asked partner to go and stay with his family. He was apologising and crying so clearly does know what he did was totally unacceptable. He's gone now, and I'm left wondering what next? Am I overreacting in thinking this is the end of our relationship , since I can't ever trust him alone with LO again? I'm sure he'll promise never to do anything like that again, but can I believe that? Also the plan was for him to be the main childcarer by the time LO is 1 as my maternity leave will end and I'm the only wage earner. Now I'm thinking no way is that going to happen!
As background, he's never been violent or abusive towards me, and always seemed good with children in the family before we had LO, so this has come out of the blue.

Please take your baby to hospital.. You need it on record. He may apply for unsupervised contact.. You need to make sure this never happens.
Ring the police now or you may live to regret it. Whatever medical conditions he has your dc comes first. agree.
I do feel a little sorry in a strange way for your dh as it wasn't done out of malice, but because of his condition, but his upset doesn't come before your baby's safety. Your baby isn't safe with him so he needs to leave permanently and not be allowed unsupervised contact.

Well done. You've done the absolute best thing for your baby.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. You just be exhausted as it without all this.
I am never one to say just end a relationship, but in this case, if it were me, it would be over. There's no way he didn't know what he was doing. Also, babies are hard work and noisy but toddlers are just as challenging. I'd constantly worry about what he was going to do next.

Sorry, crossed with your update. Well done for contacting ss. This is all very sad and it must be incredibly difficult for you, but you have made the right decision

You couldn't leave him alone with her again up to you what you do about your relationship with him but that is a must not ever do

Well done OP. It must have been just awful for you. And no one is underestimating that. You've done what you needed to do though ❤️. Rest, recover and enjoy your baby for now x

You need to report this to the police and social services and you need to go to court to get a supervised contact order.

Of course this is the end of your relationship and I'm so sorry that you have to face this alone now and deal with a breakup that's unexpected.

He could have killed your child and you must keep them safe. At all costs keep them safe. Well done for getting him to leave.

Reach out for support IRL OP

Oh and you need to go to the hospital and get baby checked.

Please take baby to the hospital and get it on record. Get as much evidence on paper as you can. This man can never be left alone with her and you need proof of that.

Asbergers is no excuse.
There are fantastic working people, with logical and sensible minds who are asbergers etc.

This guy is the scum of the earth. And if you are prepared to call the police, then do so immediately. This is the end of your relationship. And end of him being a father.

I mean, who puts a pillow over a baby face.
Thank God you went up. I honestly feel so angry reading this

Do not ever be persuaded that he's sorry and heartbroken and let him back.
My DD's ex did similar. And long story short he somehow brainwashed her into thinking she'd witnessed an "accident". Within a month I had to rush that tiny six week baby to hospital with multiple, deliberate bruises I discovered when I took him for the day after the father had him overnight.
I'll never get over it. That image is seared into my mind. Thank fuck there was no "serious " harm. But the bastard was never charged through lack of evidence (I know, it beggars belief??!!) and to this day six yrs later my DD remains quietly traumatised and completely guilt ridden.
I'm all haunted by what COULD have happened if I hadn't gone and taken the baby that morning. I just had this terrible feeling in my gut.
So stay strong, get everything on record with SS and the police and never doubt yourself.

That's great he's a four hour journey away (hopefully) - never let him back in. Change the locks. Well done for contacting social services, hopefully they'll be in touch soon to support you through this.

Well done OP that must have been very difficult. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, enjoy lots of cuddles with your beautiful baby and lean on any support you can. You’re an amazing mum xxx

@LVW2 I'm glad you've called social services.

I am concerned that not getting baby checked over by a health professional asap may look bad on you, though- if baby is found to have any injuries, with a delay, baby could be removed from your care. You need to show you're seeking expert advice, and will follow that advice, and put your baby first in every way, even if that means a long wait on the phone to 111, or in a waiting room. You don't know if this is the first attempt he's made on your baby's life, unless this is the very first time he's had baby alone?

I absolutely do not advice just enjoying your baby just now- your baby has been in danger. You need to get a medical professional to check the baby over.

@nomorefrogs @gordongrumpy

Stop trying to frighten OP. She's with her baby and clearly knows she's fine and hasn't been injured. I'm certain if she thought otherwise she'd have taken her to A&E - as she's obviously been very proactive in a very short space of time wrt to everything else - so to assume she wouldn't follow up with a checkup if she thought it was necessary is patronising at best.

OP I'm so glad you're on top of this, you sound like an incredible mum.

[quote gordongrumpy]@LVW2 I'm glad you've called social services.

I am concerned that not getting baby checked over by a health professional asap may look bad on you, though- if baby is found to have any injuries, with a delay, baby could be removed from your care. You need to show you're seeking expert advice, and will follow that advice, and put your baby first in every way, even if that means a long wait on the phone to 111, or in a waiting room. You don't know if this is the first attempt he's made on your baby's life, unless this is the very first time he's had baby alone?

I absolutely do not advice just enjoying your baby just now- your baby has been in danger. You need to get a medical professional to check the baby over.[/quote]
You are not concerned ...you are trying to shit stir🙄
OP says she has rung children’s services out of hours duty team.....they will have advised her accordingly....OP says baby is fine, I’m sure if she had any concerned re health she would seek immeadiate medical attention....she has prioritised her baby’s needs and safeguarded them by removing partner from the home.....next week she will engage with children’s services As they have indicated to her.....the baby will not be removed from her care.
So which children’s services do you work with? What part of the multidisciplinary team are you? Because quite frankly you are talking shite.

I do feel a little sorry in a strange way for your dh as it wasn't done out of malice, but because of his condition, but his upset doesn't come before your baby's safety.

I have a cousin with Aspergers and a sister with autism. Really can't state strongly enough that it's not an excuse. If you can go to work, run a home, have a baby with all the warnings about SIDS you get...no way do you get even 1% of a pass for smothering your baby.

I know where you're coming from but at the same time, just no.

@Amichelle84

That's awful! I'm so sorry that happened.

If it were me, I'd never trust him to be around baby alone. What could he do during a proper paddy when baby is a bit older. They are harder to handle the older they get.

At the end of the day you need to protect your baby.

During a proper paddy? Lovely casual racism thrown in there.

What part of that comment was casual racism? Have you never heard of the term ‘paddy’ before? So strange.

@Rach0710

What part of that comment was casual racism? Have you never heard of the term ‘paddy’ before? So strange.

Yes it’s racist, take yourself off to Google, we’re not here to expend our emotional energy educating you.

@Rach0710

What part of that comment was casual racism? Have you never heard of the term ‘paddy’ before? So strange.

Dumbest comment ever. Oxford dictionary defines paddy as rage and regardless, there's no racial context to this.

Back to the topic, all great advice and well done to you OP

Well you learn something new every day! Just googled that! Never knew the etymology behind that saying..

@RoobyToosday

Loads of people don't know the origin of that term. I didn't until it was pointed out on here a few years ago and now obviously don't use it.

But being sarcastic and accusatory when pointing out the origins of a word that is very, very commonly used when people genuinely unaware of the origins, without giving them the information to understand, is unnecessary.

Getting back to the main topic, really glad the OP has spoken to social services. Such an important part of protecting her baby for the future.