Concerned partner may harm baby

[LVW2]

Hi all, just looking for some advice and support...

I have a 3 month old baby. I've been with her father for several years. He has Aspergers, and hasn't been great with LO so I've done 95% of caring for her even though he doesn't work so is around all the time. Earlier this evening he took her upstairs to change her nappy as I was exhausted from caring for her all day, mostly on my own. She was crying, and after a couple of minutes went quiet. I thought she'd stopped crying but realised I could still hear her, just muffled. I came upstairs quietly and was shocked to see partner had put pillows over LOs face while he did the nappy. I immediately removed them and comforted LO. Partner muttered something about needing earplugs and left the room. He risked suffocating her just because she was a bit loud.

Later when LO was happy, I asked partner to go and stay with his family. He was apologising and crying so clearly does know what he did was totally unacceptable. He's gone now, and I'm left wondering what next? Am I overreacting in thinking this is the end of our relationship , since I can't ever trust him alone with LO again? I'm sure he'll promise never to do anything like that again, but can I believe that? Also the plan was for him to be the main childcarer by the time LO is 1 as my maternity leave will end and I'm the only wage earner. Now I'm thinking no way is that going to happen!
As background, he's never been violent or abusive towards me, and always seemed good with children in the family before we had LO, so this has come out of the blue.

Can only echo what others have said...its good you have asked him to leave but it really concerns me that you posted on here rather than immediately calling the police and or social services,and I dread to think what could have happened if you hadn't gone upstairs to investigate.
Please please protect your child now, call the police and call social services.If you are honest with them and continue to cut ties with him and not let him near your daughter, they will not remove her from your care and by you reporting this it will help to ensure he is never a risk to her again.I have a baby of a very similar age and I am also a family support worker.
Please don't minimise this, your daughter needs you to protect her as this man is not fit to care for her and needs to understand the severity of (and be held accountable for) what he has done....technically if you hadn't intervened this could have become either a manslaughter or an attempted murder case.
Please.Act.Now! and save your precious baby from any further harm...this was a close call and if you allowed a next time it might well be too late.

Sorry meant to say manslaughter or murder...it could already potentially be attempted murder!

This is utterly chilling!

Well done for getting him out. Now make sure he stays out.

You need to report this to the police. You can call them on their 101 number to get the ball rolling and get their urgent advice. A report to social services should also be made so that all of this is on record because he must never be left alone with your baby ever again. Supervised contact or no contact at all.

Taking her to A & E might also be another way to get things moving.

Don't minimise or excuse this at all. Your baby could easily have died tonight and the danger he poses to her is abundantly clear.

She’s 3mo, you’ve been doing 95% of the care and he’s still tried to kill her in a few minutes he was left alone with her. Yes, he’ll do it again and quite possibly be successful next time. Please, please report to the police if you haven’t already and never, ever let him near you or your baby again.

FFS. Get off Mumsnet and report this bastard. Don't let him near your child again.

Today has to be the last day he is in your house, don't let him or his family guilt you into having him back, especially not as main carer!

Worst thing I’ve ever read on this site . I hope this thread has been reported also and services alerted
Do not stand by now you have a one and only chance to take a different road for your child and you. Please take it .

Call social services NOW. They need to
Know Incase he tried to go for custody/access etc, please protect your baby!!!

Oh OP. What a horrible shock that must have been.

I agree that he cannot be unsupervised around your child, and I would definitely want a record logged somewhere of this, just in case. You say he has Aspergers - are sensory issues to do with coping with noise a particular trigger?

I'm not sure I could continue with the relationship because as you say, how can you ever trust again? If you do continue and he stays in the same home, you will forever be worried about the two of them being alone for any period of time, and the risk to your lovely baby is just too high.

Babies can and have died from far less overt restrictions to their breathing than a pillow over their face. It only takes a few seconds for air flow to be badly affected (we had a scare in hospital when DD's head was at a bad angle and she went grey so quickly it was terrifying).

Wow I am so sorry. Deep down you know what you have to do. Its such a shame this happened but you cant trust him.

If you hadn't noticed the baby had gone quiet how long would he have left her like that?Babies can be resilient but a very small drop in oxygen levels can do untold damage. I'm sorry but he can't be left unsupervised with her again . You need to speak to someone about this to have it on the record . Social services will encourage and enable contact but they will put a safe care plan in place

He could have killed your baby. What do you think you should do when someone has tried to murder a child?

WTF, phone the police, he can never ever be alone with the child again.

OP, you know when something happens to a child at the hands of the father and lots of people say that the mother must have known something was going on? That's potentially your situation at the moment if you do nothing. There should be no second chances in child endangerment.

You need to report him to the police.

Please make sure you report this x hope you and the baby are safe and ok x

Bloody hell hope you are ok, definitely hospital and police x

@Santahasjoinedww

Please take your baby to hospital.. You need it on record. He may apply for unsupervised contact.. You need to make sure this never happens. Ring the police now or you may live to regret it. Whatever medical conditions he has your dc comes first.

This. You are so so lucky your baby is alive and you need to make sure there’s no damage done. This very minute you could be trying to comprehend that your perfect little 3 month old is never coming back while the police ask you questions about your parenting and your partner and you feel suspected as well while they arrest your partner, who is swearing it was an accident and he loved baby too and he loves you.

Your baby could have died. My young children know not to put pillows on someone's face.

Had you not gone upstairs your baby might be dead.

My earlier post said police and social services tonight but you must get your baby checked out at A&E. She could have sustained brain damage from the lack of oxygen. How long was it between her going quiet and you seeing him with the pillows?

Please be kind to op, she has had a terrible shock.

He tried to suffocate your baby. Your baby could have died. It only take a minute or 2 for a baby to be starved of oxygen. He can never ever ever be in the same house as your child again. Ever. Not even if you're there.

You need to get this on record. If you split and its not formally recorded this dangerous man could be given sole custody of your child and there's nothing you could do.

Straight to hospital for a check up and ask them to call the police. They will commend you for taking swift action to remove him from the home and will support you to ensure he can't return. If he's done this there is no telling what else he could do.

Jesus this gave me a shock, one of the most scary posts and now op hasn’t come back.

op even if you don’t feel like saying much or replying please let us know the baby is safe. For a lot of peoples peace of mind.

Do not ever let this man near yours and report so he isn’t near anyone else’s. It’s not his fault he has a disability and crying may have triggered him but it was such a dangerous reckless sickening choice that he made.
He can’t undo what he did, he isn’t safe to be around your baby or others.

I truly hope you will report so there’s a paper trail and he won’t get unsupervised contact. Your relationship being over should be the least of your worries!! You’re lucky you don’t have a dead baby.

jesus christ - end this relationship now, he will kill your child

go to the hospital, get it on record. Also phone 101 (although hospital should report it).

thats terrifying. do not ever leave your child with him alone again

YOU MUST REPORT THIS
GP / A+E / Police
Get this on official record asap

When you say put pillows over the babies face @LVW2 Do you mean, actually put a pillow over the face and mouth? Or on the stomach so it muffled the sound coming towards him?

Either way this is terrible, and if I'm honest I can't think of a reason why it would be the latter (unless it was the worlds smallest pillow). I'm pretty easy going and reading this makes me feel sick. I would never ever trust that man around my child again.