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Original poster

Concerned partner may harm baby

150 replies

LVW2 · 28/01/2022 21:20

Hi all, just looking for some advice and support...

I have a 3 month old baby. I've been with her father for several years. He has Aspergers, and hasn't been great with LO so I've done 95% of caring for her even though he doesn't work so is around all the time. Earlier this evening he took her upstairs to change her nappy as I was exhausted from caring for her all day, mostly on my own. She was crying, and after a couple of minutes went quiet. I thought she'd stopped crying but realised I could still hear her, just muffled. I came upstairs quietly and was shocked to see partner had put pillows over LOs face while he did the nappy. I immediately removed them and comforted LO. Partner muttered something about needing earplugs and left the room. He risked suffocating her just because she was a bit loud.

Later when LO was happy, I asked partner to go and stay with his family. He was apologising and crying so clearly does know what he did was totally unacceptable. He's gone now, and I'm left wondering what next? Am I overreacting in thinking this is the end of our relationship , since I can't ever trust him alone with LO again? I'm sure he'll promise never to do anything like that again, but can I believe that? Also the plan was for him to be the main childcarer by the time LO is 1 as my maternity leave will end and I'm the only wage earner. Now I'm thinking no way is that going to happen!
As background, he's never been violent or abusive towards me, and always seemed good with children in the family before we had LO, so this has come out of the blue.

OP posts:
sunsshineshowerss · 28/01/2022 21:35

Call the POLICE
That is disgraceful

hammerandtong · 28/01/2022 21:36

Get help for your baby and yourself NOW!!

Winniemarysarah · 28/01/2022 21:38

He fucking smothered your 12 week old baby op. Do something about it! Log it with the police and get your baby checked over!

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A4513 · 28/01/2022 21:38

Op you aren't thinking straight

What happens next time when it's 2am, tempers are short and he loses it worse?

Get your baby out now. Don't let him trivialise it.

This is a huge red flag, I couldn't sleep if I were you knowing he did that with very little provocation, this is a terrible incident waiting to happen.

You need to get her checked and get it on record and get a log, otherwise if you leave it'll be your word against his in a year that the incident happened and then you'll be back at work and he'll be the main parent, and courts won't know the truth - that he cannot be left alone with her!!

PartyPlan · 28/01/2022 21:39

You’ve done the right thing. He can’t be allowed anywhere near the baby unsupervised ever again. A 3 month old baby is completely helpless.

TeethingBabyHelp · 28/01/2022 21:39

You're not overreacting to say your relationship is over. If you allow him back into your home you are MASSIVELY under reacting.

If I were you, I would be contacting the police and making sure my baby had a medical check. He just cannot be unsupervised with your (or any other) child

Wavypurple · 28/01/2022 21:39

This is truly horrific. This actually made me gasp out loud I’m so sorry that this happened.

He can’t ever be left alone with her again, I’m so sorry.

EmilyEmmabob · 28/01/2022 21:39

If you don't report this and you split up he'll have unsupervised access to your child, no questions asked. You need to report this, you must be so shocked right now, but please report it asap and get your baby checked out at the hospital.

So sorry OP, you've been incredibly strong to make him leave.

Redburnett · 28/01/2022 21:39

You need to report the incident to the police. Your baby could easily have died.

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 28/01/2022 21:40

That’s a one strike and he’s out situation, well done for asking him to leave. Never leave him alone with your daughter again, he clearly can’t be trusted.

Tee20x · 28/01/2022 21:40

Nonono you need to leave

nomorefrogs · 28/01/2022 21:40

Okay you must call the police and social services tonight. He has tried to kill your baby.

Twizbe · 28/01/2022 21:41

Report this now. You need the record of it to ensure he only has supervised access.

Well done for kicking him out. Now keep him out.

itsfreeeeeeezing1234 · 28/01/2022 21:41

You need to phone the police.

3peassuit · 28/01/2022 21:43

No. No second chances. Police now.

Cuddlemuffin · 28/01/2022 21:43

OP this is terrifying, in so sorry you are in this position. Unfortunately your husband has been triggered by the babies crying and this has led to him make a very dangerous decision that could have led to a fatality. You do need to take your baby to be checked and tell a professional what has happened. I know this is really scary but it is the right thing to do for your child. Your husband cannot be left alone ever with your child. A baby crying is very triggering for most people but unfortunately as they grow older the more they push you to your limits, it doesn't sound like your husband will be able to safely be around your child in these situations. I'm sorry that you are going through this, you need to contact family or friends in real life for supper as this is a tough situation. Sending you best wishes and I hope you are able to find the support you need to get though this xx

roastingmichael · 28/01/2022 21:43

I would end the relationship and would also report this incident.
If he is going to behave this way then he should not have unsupervised contact with your child.
You can talk about why and h

Cuddlemuffin · 28/01/2022 21:43

*support not supper

roastingmichael · 28/01/2022 21:44

Urgh, sorry.
Yeah, why he did this and what's going on can be talked about later but he needs to be away from her and you.

AegonT · 28/01/2022 21:44

I so sorry this happened and well done for getting him out and away. Please report this to the police and get her checked by a doctor. You must protect her; she is helpless and can't protect herself.

lhirault · 28/01/2022 21:46

Police. Now. He could have killed her.

Tempusfudgeit · 28/01/2022 21:48

This is shocking. You must be in shock. Do not minimise this, your baby's life depends on your decisions now.

cutietooties · 28/01/2022 21:49

Your partner has put a pillow over your baby's face.. Your baby's face! I feel concerned that you are even asking for advice on this! If my partner done that I would kill him.. I feel like this is a news headline waiting to happen and your the mother saying "I never thought he would hurt our baby" this has red fucking flag all over it and if you don't remove him permanently from your child's presence your failing that child.. for the love of god go to the police cps and keep him from having unsupervised contact

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/01/2022 21:49

Fuck me my body just ran cold reading that- what the actual fuck- would never let him near her ever!

BunnyBerries · 28/01/2022 21:50

Please get your baby checked and call the police.

Are you confident this the first time he's done this? Or has he been alone with the baby before this?

If you split up and he asks for 50/50 unsupervised access you need it on record

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