My two year old just made me cry in Tesco

[Yebbie]

I'm pregnant, being sick a lot and feeling generally rubbish. Went into Tesco, he refused to go in a trolley, wanted to walk. Ok fair enough, got in and he just started trying to run off. Picked him up and he screamed at me to put him down, put him down and he ran off again, picked him back up, he weighs a fair amount at this point so I'm struggling trying to carry him and a basket, feeling like shit, he starts screaming SHUT UP MUMMY, PUT ME DOWN MUMMY, SHUT UP MUMMY, YUCKY MUMMY at the top of his voice. I tell him calmly you don't speak to people like that, that isn't nice. He swings his fists at my face "SHUT UP MUMMY SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP" pulling fistfuls of my hair, biting my arm trying to get me to put him down. I abandoned my basket and walked out in tears.

It makes me feel like such a failure the way people were looking at me. He is normally a sweet boy, I don't know where he's learnt shut up as we never say things like that to him, ever. He started crying when we got back in the car saying sorry mummy, mummy go back shop, tried going in a different one on the way out of town as I didn't manage to get anything for dinner in the first shop and he bloody did it again. Had to walk out again of this shop without anything. Strapped in his car seat and the whole way home he screamed at the top of his lungs shut up mummy, yucky mummy, go in the bin mummy

I got home threw up and then went upstairs to cry, left him with dh. I feel really gutted by it, like I've really failed?

Did this just happen? If so I would be thinking tiredness! My 6 year old can still be an absolute devil after 5pm. All just gets a bit too much. Hope you are OK and get a rest.

Yes he's knackered after nursery and I know that's why, but to hit me pull my hair out and scream shut up repeatedly in my face in public just really felt crap. I feel like people were looking at me thinking god is that how they speak to him at home for him to be doing that. I don't know where he's got stuff like that from

Oh bless you. I'm pregnant with a 2 year old and some days are just awful. Don't blame yourself. Could you ask your DH to pop to the shop? Or leave DS at home with him so you can go in peace? DP does most of the shopping here for this exact reason!

P.s. sounds like a night for a takeaway or freezer fodder

I've been there, pregnant, mortified and shattered and dd is now a lovely big sister and such well behaved, polite and kind girl. Have a big bubble bath and some chocolate and look after yourself this evening. Having a toddler and being pregnant is brutal.

Don't worry OP. Lots of us have been there. I remember mine screaming his head off for ages for no apparent reason once. I had to drive around in the car until he eventually calmed down.
Tomorrow will be better.

Yeah they do that sometimes. Not long after I'd had DC2, we went to Tesco and DC1 had the biggest tantrum ever right in the entrance, wouldn't be moved, I couldn't pick him up because I'd got the baby strapped to me and we really needed formula and nappies. He cried, baby cried, I cried.

We eventually carried on and about three aisles down a woman told me it would get better. I cried again. I went to Asda for about 3 months after in case anyone recognised me.

Most of us have been there op.

On another day where you feel better, you would have been different, it's not a failure, its 2 tired, stressed out people running a boring task in a stimulating (for a 2yo) environment and it not working out on this occasion.

Tomorrow is a new day, and, while you're pregnant at least, come up with some new strategies to make your life easier (go shopping before nursery pick up, online shopping, get dh to do it etc).

As for tonight, have a rest, have a bath, let dh deal with ds and get a takeaway when he is down for the night.

I'm currently 6 months PG with a 2 year old and some days are really tough so I feel for you OP. Toddlers just use words, they don't know how hurtful they can be so don't think too much of it, let your DH look after him and have a peaceful hour doing shopping by yourself

I guarantee you if people were looking it was with sympathy not judgement. We have all been there and done that. It's so hard when they are overtired and you are pregnant. Have a nice warm bath and a hot drink, let DH deal with little one. Be kind to yourself, you are doing fab. This too shall pass. Xxxxxx

I wish I could give you a hug. Xxx

You absolutely haven't failed! As someone who had two very ornery male toddlers, I'm sitting here admiring your composure. You didn't scream back at him, you accepted when enough was enough and left the second shop rather than putting the two of you through any more of it. You safely drove him home and put him into the care of his other parent before going upstairs to sort yourself out. What else could you have done?!

You're pregnant and the sickness is hellish. Be a bit nicer to yourself. Toddlers are famously impossible and you handled it fine

Could you keep a small pram in car for these times? When he’s tired after nursery, but you need to get basics. He’s only 2 still. Just strap him in, give him a snack to keep him going and ship in piece 10 mins

Don't fret, if people were looking they were pro ably wo during if there was someway to help or with sympathy. Toddlers are completely unreasonable.

I remember having days like this with my 6 year old when she was a toddler. She ran away and hid in a rack of clothes in a shop and I couldn’t see her anywhere, I absolutely freaked out and when I found her was pretty cross, carrying her out of the shop she clamped her jaws down on my shoulder! I finally got us both back to the car and we both cried- a real parenting low point. I think these moments are pretty common, you haven’t failed at anything and are doing your best. Tomorrow is a new day to start from scratch.

@Yebbie

Yes he's knackered after nursery and I know that's why, but to hit me pull my hair out and scream shut up repeatedly in my face in public just really felt crap. I feel like people were looking at me thinking god is that how they speak to him at home for him to be doing that. I don't know where he's got stuff like that from

If I saw this in a shop I'd be feeling shit for you,not judging you. Look after yourself

Online shopping. Don't attempt anything after nursery. After 5pm is winding down, supper and bath time, story and bed by 6.30.
It is a phase they all go through and they are worse because they know you aren't feeling well and that makes them anxious.

Toddlers really are a pain in the arse. I think abandoning your shop was the right thing to do. It sounds like you did a great job. Be kind to yourself.

@Yebbie

Yes he's knackered after nursery and I know that's why, but to hit me pull my hair out and scream shut up repeatedly in my face in public just really felt crap. I feel like people were looking at me thinking god is that how they speak to him at home for him to be doing that. I don't know where he's got stuff like that from

I definitely wouldn't be thinking that, so don't worry about that. It's crazy how much toddlers pick up just from the world around them! It's not a reflection on you. Toddlers are bloody hard work. I have a 16 month old and am pregnant too with bad morning sickness so I fully empathise with you! Have a takeaway and let husband put him to bed.

Almost identical experience a couple of weeks ago with my three year old in Tesco... also very pregnant and hormonal and I sobbed in the car after I escaped the shop for a good 15 minutes - big ugly heaving sobs.

Sending you lots of love, it's so tough and my son is also normally such a lovely kind boy- defo tiredness and probably unsettled about baby.

I never ever ever now allow my son not to be sat in the trolley as I can't carry him and he plays up! If he won't get in we don't go in.

Hope you get something yummy for dinner. Tomorrow is a new day xx

@endofthelinefinally

Online shopping. Don't attempt anything after nursery. After 5pm is winding down, supper and bath time, story and bed by 6.30. It is a phase they all go through and they are worse because they know you aren't feeling well and that makes them anxious.

Yep. After nursery is the witching hour. Save Tesco for another time or do it online!

I didn't want to read and run. My 3 year old does exactly the same. If he wasn't too big for the seat in the trolley he would still go in one. I have a nightmare time shopping with him and I left in tears on Sunday. I dread going in. The times I have most success are when he has something to do. I always do scan and shop now. He is in charge of scanning the items. When he gets bored of that, I give him items to look out for that he will recognise such as bananas. The main reason I have a problem is because the store when I live have moved the toys next to the tills and he always wants to buy one which I obviously refuse. I have also tried deliveries and click& collect but I always find either I've forgotten something or a key ingredient isn't available so I need to change my plan, otherwise I'd do it all the time. Please remember that you are not a failure and that people in the store are probably feeling sorry for you instead of judging you. Despite what it feels at the time.

I really feel for you because I've been there. I've got 4 kids and one of them would do this EVERY time we went into a supermarket amongst other places. I felt I could not take her anywhere because she she would have a full blown tantrum/ screaming fit over everything and people would stare. I felt so low and really struggled with her at this age. Anyone who judges isn't worth it because they don't know anything about you or you child. I remember an old woman remarking on her behaviour and it upset me for days. Just try to focus on the fact that they will grow out of this behaviour and things will get better and that there's lots of us who have been in the same position as you

It happens to us all. You dealt with it perfectly Calmly removing him from the situation

Oh lovely these things happen and it's totally normal. Everyone who's had a 2 year old has been there. You're really not failing