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Parenting

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Original poster

Disapointed with my ungrateful son this christmas

134 replies

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 22:19

I feel quite ashamed of my son this year. He's almost 9 and has always been very "brutally honest" but I used to put it down to "kids being kids". I remember one christmas when he was about 3 we bought him all the stuff he wanted and then as a last minute thing, me and his dad decided to treat him to some suprises and spent quite alot on him (board games etc), just stuff he wasnt expecting. We were excited and so pleased with ourselves thinking he'd love them but when he opened them he just said "oh...I didnt want that" and put it aside. BUT as I say, he was only 3 at the time.

Anyway, this year he opened his stocking first, full of excitement, he'd been up all night because he was so excited and couldnt sleep, loved his first present from the stocking (boxer shorts), was thrilled to bits with the 2nd one (harry potter figure), smiled at the 3rd one (another harry potter figure) and then when he opened the forth one (another HP figure) he just said "another one...aww I really wanted snape" and put the others aside.

I let it slide but he was pretty unimpressed with the rest of his stocking so I made a mental note ("overkill on the harry potter stuff")

Then downstairs for the main presents. First he opened a DS game because he'd already guessed what it was and played on that for a bit but whilst opening the rest of his presents he seemed pretty unimpressed with most of them. No thank you's or anything.

Then he opened up a game thing that his dad bought him and said "oh great, he's got me the old one". I got cross and told him not to be so ungrateful and he made out as though he was just kidding but he wasnt.

Anyway he was like it all day.

Today we went to my mums and she had 2 presents there for both the kids each. Whilst DS was opening the first one he first sniffed it and said "it smells funny" and started lauging to which my mum got visibly upset and then when he finally opened it (harry potter quilt cover) he unrolled it very unenthusiastically, let it fall onto the floor and just laughed at it. I was so embarrassed and my mum was blatently offended.

I made him apologise for his attitude and after he'd said sorry he added "dunno what for like" (he DID know)

I just feel like never buying him anything again. Is this spoilt brat syndrome or does he just have an attitude problem??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Scramble · 26/12/2007 23:43

I'm sure you know but monitor the chat room use very closely, a lot of abuse given out, as you know even from Mnet. My 16yr old "emo" neice has some shocking comments on her bebo, I reminded her she can delete them but she hasn't .

"Emo" at 9 seems a bit strange but I suppose it could appeal to him, my DD 8 is so young and girly I just can't imagine it. She is heavily involved in dance and that is her world. DS is into his scouts and has found some like minds there (and some unlike ones too), any other hobbies your DS could get involved in to help him make friends.

Original poster

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 23:46

I wondered if he was trying to be like his dads gf's son but it doesnt seem to be that. He'll often say "urgh slipknot, I HATE them, S* loves them, they're crap".

Or "Football is so gay, I hate it, its crap...S* likes it and plays it ALL THE TIME, so pointless" etc...

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 26/12/2007 23:47

I'm finding him rather moving MrsSnape. Don't be disappointed in him. He sounds a bit confused, and as if he wants to be 'older' because he think it'll give him some protection because he feels a bit bad inside.

Does that sound possible to you?

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edam · 26/12/2007 23:49

he may say that, Mrs S, because very reasonably he resents the kid who has his Dad's attention - but his behaviour might reflect the fact that it's a bit more complicated and he's actually trying to be like the other boy.

colditz · 26/12/2007 23:51

Well yes he probably hates his dad's girlfriend's son's guts. He sounds bitterly jealous (with justification). Sounds like he wants to be in the other boy's shoes, and doesn't know how to be.

Original poster

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 23:52

yes it does hundredtimes, he often says to me "I cant wait until I start secondry school" so I say "oh? why?" so he replied "cos its easier to make friends when you're a teenager..."

Needless to say I'm dreading him starting secondry school.

TBH I am proud of him, I'm proud that he dares to be different, that he "doesnt give a shit what people think of his clothes" etc...

I did laugh when he scruffed all his hair up one day for school...he came out of the bathroom looking like he'd been electrocuted. I said "what on earth have you dont to your hair??" and he said "josh said it looks daft spikey..." so I looked and said "but...." and he cut in with "yes, its spikey...twice as spikey as it was yesterday" and he went to get a drink with a smile I was proud of him for that as it would have been the exact same kind of thing I wouldve done at his age but I worry that he tries too hard to be "hard" because really he's very sensitive.

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 26/12/2007 23:54

Yes, well he wouldn't be behaving like this if he wasn't sensitive I don't think. In a weird way.

I like him.

Blossomhill · 26/12/2007 23:55

My ds who is 9 would be estatic to have an xbox!

ahundredtimes · 26/12/2007 23:55

[sniffs the quilt]

But I still think he needs some support doesn't he. He's not a teenager and he's not going to get it right and he'll end up more isolated than he should.

What can be done for him do you think? What's he good at?

Original poster

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 23:56

oh he was estatic with the xbox, I just wish I hadnt bothered buying him all the other stuff, he wouldve been fine with just the xbox and a few games.

(thanks hundredtimes)

OP posts:

Elizabetth · 26/12/2007 23:56

Is there any way to get your ex to spend more time with him?

edam · 26/12/2007 23:57

I like him, too. Sounds like a very interesting boy. Who is trying to find a way to deal with some difficult stuff.

I really do think he could benefit from some outside help, though - if you don't want to approach the school, maybe try your GP or call one of the charities - Kidscape, given he's complaining of bullying?

Original poster

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 23:58

sorry hundretimes, crossed posts.

Hes good with the karate and Im constantly praising him for that. He's also made a friend of sorts there too which is a bonus.

I cant really think of anything else , hes no good with sports as he has dyspraxia. I bought him a guitar when he showed an interest in learning and he's hardly touched it.

OP posts:

edam · 26/12/2007 23:59

If he's doing well with karate despite having dyspraxia then that's very impressive, isn't it?

Original poster

MrsSnape · 27/12/2007 00:00

I could go with the gp but the waiting times put me off. I was waiting over a year to get DS2 seen to with his behaviour and even then they were useless.

He seemed to enjoy the councelling at school but when she asked him if he needed her after the holidays he said no.

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 27/12/2007 00:00

He's dyspraxic? Oh. That's interesting.

DS2 is dyspraxic. He over-compensates massively, he has attitude too.

Drama. Your ds needs to go to a drama club. I've decided. Is there one?

Original poster

MrsSnape · 27/12/2007 00:02

it is very impressive yes, I'm over the moon with him and have just bought him new sparring pads, a badge for his suit and will be getting him the club sweater after new year. I also treat him when he graded and made a huge fuss phoning everyone (in ear shot) to say he'd passed with a grade 2 and I was so proud etc...even then he was pretty unresponsive though, he was pleased but wasn't half as pleased as I was. I put it down to him trying to act "cool" though.

OP posts:

ibroughtxmascake · 27/12/2007 00:03

I like him too.

It does sound as if he is trying to push people away (look how much I don't care what you think about my clothes hair etc) before they can do it to him which obviously ties in with the rejection he is feeling from his father. On another note I have mental scars from having to open presents in front of people when I was a child. I hated hated hated it I would get so embarrased and usually forgot to say thank you or made some silly comment. I just wanted people to stop looking at me and leave me alone, could this be the same thing.

colditz · 27/12/2007 00:04

mrsSnape, I don't think it should be up to him, to be honest. He's not going to admit to needing someone if his whole self image rests on his being a 'tough guy'. Get him back in with the school councillor - it can't hurt.

Original poster

MrsSnape · 27/12/2007 00:05

funny you should say that hundredtimes, he has asked to go to one and there is one nearby but its on the same night as his karate and I really dont want him giving that up as its done wonders for his confidence.

He always tends to get good parts in the plays at school though, he's been joseph twice, once at the city hall and he couldnt keep away from the microphone, even when he wasnt supposed to be the main speaker lol.

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 27/12/2007 00:05

Agree with colditz. Not his call.

Neither will the drama club, which he will call 'gay' and 'wussy' but you will make him go, and he will have a surprisingly good time and actually enjoy himself AND it will build his confidence.

ahundredtimes · 27/12/2007 00:06

x-posts.

AHAH! Hooray. Find another one, there must be more than one?

ahundredtimes · 27/12/2007 00:07

I really really think it'll be good. Because it's not sporty but it is more interactive than karate, and attracts all sorts of kids and is good for expressing stuff.

I like drama clubs. He'll like it too. Please find another one?

chocolateteapot · 27/12/2007 00:20

I think a lot of the social issues may be related to the dyspraxia. Some of the things you have said remind me a fair bit of DD who is the same age and has dyspraxia.

Zazette · 27/12/2007 00:31

In an early post, you said 'I went all out to buy every other little thing I thought he might like'. There's a lot in your posts on this thread about adults not getting the responses they want/think they deserve from this child. Maybe he does have issues - but maybe the adults around him do too (not just you, other people in the family that you mention)? Lavishing stuff on him to trigger the desired emotional response to you isn't that great, is it?

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