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Original poster

Disapointed with my ungrateful son this christmas

134 replies

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 22:19

I feel quite ashamed of my son this year. He's almost 9 and has always been very "brutally honest" but I used to put it down to "kids being kids". I remember one christmas when he was about 3 we bought him all the stuff he wanted and then as a last minute thing, me and his dad decided to treat him to some suprises and spent quite alot on him (board games etc), just stuff he wasnt expecting. We were excited and so pleased with ourselves thinking he'd love them but when he opened them he just said "oh...I didnt want that" and put it aside. BUT as I say, he was only 3 at the time.

Anyway, this year he opened his stocking first, full of excitement, he'd been up all night because he was so excited and couldnt sleep, loved his first present from the stocking (boxer shorts), was thrilled to bits with the 2nd one (harry potter figure), smiled at the 3rd one (another harry potter figure) and then when he opened the forth one (another HP figure) he just said "another one...aww I really wanted snape" and put the others aside.

I let it slide but he was pretty unimpressed with the rest of his stocking so I made a mental note ("overkill on the harry potter stuff")

Then downstairs for the main presents. First he opened a DS game because he'd already guessed what it was and played on that for a bit but whilst opening the rest of his presents he seemed pretty unimpressed with most of them. No thank you's or anything.

Then he opened up a game thing that his dad bought him and said "oh great, he's got me the old one". I got cross and told him not to be so ungrateful and he made out as though he was just kidding but he wasnt.

Anyway he was like it all day.

Today we went to my mums and she had 2 presents there for both the kids each. Whilst DS was opening the first one he first sniffed it and said "it smells funny" and started lauging to which my mum got visibly upset and then when he finally opened it (harry potter quilt cover) he unrolled it very unenthusiastically, let it fall onto the floor and just laughed at it. I was so embarrassed and my mum was blatently offended.

I made him apologise for his attitude and after he'd said sorry he added "dunno what for like" (he DID know)

I just feel like never buying him anything again. Is this spoilt brat syndrome or does he just have an attitude problem??

OP posts:

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Blossomhill · 26/12/2007 22:47

Do you have any concerns with his behaviour at all. It's just without worrying you (and obviously I am no expert) alarm bells are ringing for me with some of the things you are saying.

Original poster

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 22:49

yes his social skills have always been "Off", he's never been able to make friends and often says innapropriate things like "your breath stinks" to his grandma or something. All he ever wants to do is play on the computer but when he does he doesnt even play games, he just searches for stuff on google, mainly kids chat sites where he goes into a room as an avatar but I've recently noticed that he gets banned from most rooms he enters and I once looked on the pc whilst he'd nipped down to toilet and all the other people in the room where talking about him and saying they didnt trust him. a few were saying if he wasnt banned they'd leave but when I asked him about it he says he doesnt know why, they're just mean to him for no reason but surely not all sites he tries would bully him off them?

OP posts:

lennygirl · 26/12/2007 22:51

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SelfishMrsClaus · 26/12/2007 22:54

He sounds like an ungrateful little boy, but it does seem like there's more to it than just ungratefullness.

Blossomhill · 26/12/2007 22:54

I would seek professional help tbh There are lots of things you have raised that I would be concerned with.

moondog · 26/12/2007 22:56

Blossom,how are you?
Long time no see!
How is the job?

Original poster

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 22:56

yes they have. He once became obsessed with a girl (still is to a lesser degree) and followed her around everywhere constantly. Then when other kids started being funny with him because of it he told me he was being bullied. I went in kicking off until the head told him he'd been driving this girl mad and a number of witnesses to the "bullying" incidents all say that DS was following her around the field, he tripped up and landed on his face and everyone laughed at him, he got angry and said they'd pushed him. The head was concerned that he has these "issues" with his personality where he seems to get obsessed with things or people. Stalkerish behaviour.

But the stupid thing is, his actual behaviour is excellent. He's NEVER in trouble at school, NEVER joins in when kids are playing up and always remains sensible etc....its just the way he is personally with other people.

OP posts:

Scramble · 26/12/2007 22:58

Sounds like his social skills are needing to develop a bit, it is a difficult age, especially if they don't have freinds developing at the same age. My DS is 11 but seems to be lagging behind the boys who are all cool and "with it", girls his age are all giggly and bitchy at way too grown up. He is still quite young and wants to build things other lads are more into hanging about, but other ones are more like him.

It takes a bit of practice and getting used too, whent hey are younger they get away with things, relatives will laugh at the innocence of a child but as they get older it doesn't have the same effect. Can be hard to if he is thought of as the "good one", rebelious streak?

I wouldn't lay it on too thick but would keep guiding him and helping him to at least but on a good show, let him know he can tell you later that something isn't what he wanted, and that it is Ok not to like everything but he has to wait until they are gone.

DD got very upset one year over a outfit she was given, she just didn't know how to react, she was young so just got upset, perhaps if older she would have done the huffy thing, she was fine once we had a private chat and I reassured her she wouldn't have to wear it, and we could perhaps change it.

thelittleElf · 26/12/2007 22:59

I'm a firm believer in they live what they learn
I was having a "discussion" with my sister yesterday, when she mentioned that she was planning on buying my DN(3) his own digital camera . I was like WDF!!!! Why oh why oh why do people seem to be in a hurry to introduce children to such an adult thing?? Good god, i waited for bloody years to get something like that, so why on earth do parents feel 'the need' to buy them for CHILDREN! So please can anyone explain to me where the 'natural childhood' has gone, and how on earth has this planet arrived at such a stage where us adults seem to be overindulging such young children?
Why is the bar set so high so young?
Where else is there to go?
And most of all...is it really any wonder why most children turn into greedy/self obsessed/selfish ppl??

differentbutthesame · 26/12/2007 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blossomhill · 26/12/2007 23:01

Hi Moondog
How are you? I haven't got your email address anymore but would be nice to catch up properly. Are you on facebook by any chance?
I am not bad thanks. Up and down with dd but don't like to post on here about her anymore!
Job is going well thanks. Good for me and definitely makes you think when you see things from the other side. I also think perfect amount of time for me! xx

differentbutthesame · 26/12/2007 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SelfishMrsClaus · 26/12/2007 23:03

Does he show sympathy & have empathy for others?

Blossomhill · 26/12/2007 23:04

Well put it this way my dd has Aspergers and children with that generally have poor social skills, literal thinking, say what they think and become obsessive.
My dd would never ever say some of the comments that your ds has said. Not trying to make you feel worse or anything. She is 8 and knows not to say that someones breath stinks or be ungrateful for presents. If anything she is happy for a paper clip bless her!

Original poster

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 23:05

Scramble I think you could be right about the label "good child" he is often given.

His younger brother gets ALOT of attention, mainly because he is a complete pain 99% of the time, school are always phoning me saying he's done this and that but he's VERY popular, all his friends think he's hilarious and a couple of teaching assistants admitted to me that they have to hide their faces sometimes because he's so funny in the things he says they just cant keep a straight face. I know what they mean because sometimes he'll do something naughty but its often funny too so I tell him off and have to hide my ammusement.

DS1 seems jealous of him, constantly calls him stupid, ugly etc..."why does he always get the attention when I'm the one that behaves?" etc and I can see his point but I do reward DS1s good behaviour too, I dont ignore it but the school does.

As my kids have been growing up I have been worried sick about how DS2 will end up as a teen (the "naughty") one and more than one person has said "dont worry about him, the roles will reverse and it will be the other one that gives you trouble" and I always rubbished that idea but it seems to be going that way.

OP posts:

edam · 26/12/2007 23:07

MrsSnape, would second what Blossom said - I'm no expert but the way you've described your son I think he really could benefit from some professional help. I imagine your GP would be the starting point, or perhaps the school?

Elf, dh and I bought ds a digicam for his fourth birthday - because he had a child's standard camera but being little just kept pressing the shutter button and using up all the film. So digital is more sensible. Dh is a keen photographer and wanted to share his enthusiasm with ds. Nowt wrong with that.

I have been known to mutter about £££ though... Ds marched up to bed yesterday singing 'I'm a spoiled brat' in a very satisfied manner.

ahundredtimes · 26/12/2007 23:07

'stalkerish' is a bit strong isn't it?

He sounds to me as though he's reluctant to show gratitude for some reason. As though he thinks that's some way of someone getting one over on him, or something. Is he hurting for any reason? Has he any reason to be feeling insecure or uncertain about himself? He sounds like he's trying to be a Big Man to me, but getting it wrong, inevitably.

In fairness to him, I'd have struggled to hide my disappointment at 9 if someone had given me a bed quilt.

Blossomhill · 26/12/2007 23:09

ds2 has adhd?

Original poster

MrsSnape · 26/12/2007 23:10

He does SelfishMrsClaus, he cried when he saw the people suffering during the tsunami. He tried to comfort a friend (albiet the girl) when she was upset. If I'm ill he'll often ask me if I'm ok, same with his brother. He'll suddenly say "love you mum" out of the blue... but other times he'll be really off and if someone is hurt he'll say "shame" in a really cocky, sarcastic tone. Or if someone asks him if for example, he's had a good time he'll say "yeah, no, whatever" etc. He always starts laughing afterwards as if he's joking but half the time he seems like he just does that as an afterthought more than anything.

OP posts:

moondog · 26/12/2007 23:11

Brill about the job BH.
I will get around to Facebook one of these days!

differentbutthesame · 26/12/2007 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blossomhill · 26/12/2007 23:13

Have you got my email address moondog? x

SelfishMrsClaus · 26/12/2007 23:13

Do you ever chastise him for his behaviour? Do you ever prime him before you go anywhere?

Was it the fact that he got a HP bed cover, when he was hoping for something else?

ahundredtimes · 26/12/2007 23:13

You see you saying that about the laughing makes me think it even more now. He does know how to respond to the presents, but he's uncertain about doing it, as though giving a present has to make him grateful, and that makes him uncomfortable.

moondog · 26/12/2007 23:14

Yes, but it is months and months back.

E mail me when you have time.

bethanatfishdotcodotuk

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