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How to deal with rude people on public transport with a Baby

128 replies

Mummy31x · 04/01/2022 13:04

I never learnt to drive when younger, live 5 mins from town and everything was accessible on foot or taxi easily. Before having a baby I realised that having a car is essential so booked and paid for lessons but only after 2 lessons there was covid lockdown.

I'm trying to learn now but there's a massive wait and will take time. So basically now I have to rely on public transport. Ive always used taxis in recent years but with a buggy I find it bit difficult, getting it out from the back of the taxi, assembling it again whilst holding the baby and other bags especially when getting dropped somewhere busy.

So Ive been using buses and 100% of the time I've come across rude people!

People who are sat where the buggy is supposed to go and aren't happy to move even when there's plenty of other seats. When they move they keep giving me dirty looks.

There are people who are sat in the seats right next to the buggy space and don't move. They aren't elderly or with luggage either. I dont have it in me to say can you move please (I have social anxiety and barely manage to get on the bus with people and don't wana get in conflict). I don't mind standing but on a longer journey where bus keeps stopping I feel like I'm in the way when standing. And it does bother me that why aren't they moving when they can see its causing someone difficulty and there's plenty seats.

I try to go out on times when I think bus will be nearly empty. Other day I got on the bus and another buggy came which there was enough space for both and it was fine. Then there was a driver change and he let 2 more buggies on. I moved my buggy to give them space and had to stand. Beacuse there was a woman sat on 1st seats next to the buggy area and had her bag on the other seat which she only moved for some man a while later.

So now there was 4 buggies and people who were getting on the bus had to go sideways to move down the bus so I had to say sorry to couple of people as I was standing. After a few stops the bus driver stopped the bus and looked at me out of all the other people with buggies and shouted that I need to rearrange the buggy or move it as people are having difficulty. I already feel anxious around people and his tone was so horrible. The first time I lost my patience and thought to myself I have to say something. I was so frustrated because he was the one who kept letting more people on with buggies. I was the 1st there and I was only one stood up after trying to be helpful. These other women (I'm not a racist, I'm not originally from England myself but im not rude. Them on the other hand didn't say thanks or acknowledge what the driver was saying, on top of it they just kept staring at me). I said to him there's no space beacuse you let more buggies on. He didnt like that and said well 1 of them can get off meaning me and goes there's no need for the attitude. I said there's nowhere I can possibly move my buggy and why would I get off. Meanwhile some random woman on the bus goes why don't u collapse ur buggy and make it easy for everyone else which made me even more angry because it was not her business why was she picking on me. Also how can I do that with a young baby with nowhere to sit then reassemble the buggy before getting off and why don't any1 else do that if necessary whose kids are bit older and can sit on a seat. Anyway he drove off and i felt like everyone was just looking at me. At every stop he would tell people sorry can't let u on "too many things on the bus already". Then he let some people on and kept apologising to them and they kept moaning. I felt so uncomfortable and miserable that I decided to get off the bus way before my stop.

I am now scared to get on the buses and its made my anxiety even worse. It can't just be me who thinks people are so rude on buses.

OP posts:
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Mummy31x · 04/01/2022 13:05

Sorry for extremely long post!

OP posts:
PAFMO · 04/01/2022 13:08

People should be folding buggies.

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 04/01/2022 13:09

For ease I always folded the buggy. Handed the baby to the driver while I got sorted!! Over 20 years ago mind.
No complaints!!

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madisonbridges · 04/01/2022 13:09

Sorry that you've been upset. Can I just clarify, there were 4+ buggies on the bus but you were the only person standing? Where were the other buggy owners?

SeasonFinale · 04/01/2022 13:10

I didn't think there were buggy spaces just wheelchair spaces that buggies use if no wheelchairs were on the bus. The situation you described above just was daft as you made a martyr of yourself by choosing jot to sit but others who got on after you did. Hence you were the one that appeared to be the blockage. I am unsure what race had to do with anything?

SeasonFinale · 04/01/2022 13:10

*not not jot

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 04/01/2022 13:10

Without wishing to be unhelpful, politely asking people to vacate the buggy area is not an unreasonable thing to need to do, nor is it unreasonable for other passengers to use the buggy area if there is not currently a buggy in it. Buggies are allowed on buses with the proviso that they may need to be folded at busy times, or to get off altogether if a wheelchair user needs the space.

Try using a sling instead.

DropYourSword · 04/01/2022 13:11

Oh god OP, I’ve been in Mumsnet for almost a decade and I can tell you in my time here I have seen a fair few threads about buggy’s in buses. And they are always a shit show!

Thesearmsofmine · 04/01/2022 13:13

Non driver with 3dc here. A sling is the easiest option on public transport,

PassingByAndThoughtIdDropIn · 04/01/2022 13:13

Honestly? CBT for your social anxiety is the only thing within your power to change this situation. People will sometimes be dickheads and nothing will change that, but if you can change your response then life will be easier.

Apologies if you've already tried that without success.

ShinyHappyPoster · 04/01/2022 13:15

You're taking it all too personally. There's always been issues with prams and buggies on buses. You've just never noticed because you've never had a baby or a pram before. Often, drivers will just drive past if they already have two prams on.
Like PPs if I had a buggy, I'd fold it. If I had a pram and someone was sitting in the seat closest to the pram (when there were empty seats elsewhere) I'd ask them to move. I'd just say I need to be able to keep an eye on my baby.

AlternativePerspective · 04/01/2022 13:15

Those are wheelchair spaces which were campaigned for and have since been highjacked by buggy owners.

I’ve had buggy owners run over my guide dog’s paws in their rush to push their buggy into the space.

Your buggy is foldable for a reason. But tbh if you can’t fold it and handle the baby at the same time then you should get a sling. It makes it much easier anyway because then you can sit anywhere on the bus.

MajorCarolDanvers · 04/01/2022 13:15

Easiest way is to either use a sling or get a folding buggy.

babybrain77 · 04/01/2022 13:16

How old is your baby? Could you use a carrier instead of the buggy, or get a really compact pushchair (there are some which are suitable from newborn)? I don't understand why you would stand up to let someone else in the same position as you sit down.

Honestly (and I mean this gently as it's a pain getting out on public transport with a young baby) I think if you are finding that people are rude 100% of the time, it may actually be you who is the problem rather than other people.

Lucked · 04/01/2022 13:16

If the wheelchair space isn’t occupied you can use it and it isn’t unreasonable to ask people to move if there are empty seats and they don’t need priority seating. Otherwise you need to fold or wait for a bus with the space free.

I don’t understand how three buggies got on after you but you were the only one standing. Why hadn’t you taken a seat? Why could they use seats but you couldn’t?

NerrSnerr · 04/01/2022 13:18

I would 100% use a sling. So much easier on public transport.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/01/2022 13:20

@PAFMO

People should be folding buggies.
I didn't drive when ds was little and went all over London on PT. Maclaren buggy, fold just before the bus comes ,much easier to get on and off .
VashtaNerada · 04/01/2022 13:21

For ease I always folded the buggy. Handed the baby to the driver while I got sorted!! Over 20 years ago mind.
Because of covid there’s now a barrier between the driver and the passengers so not an option nowadays unfortunately! FWIW OP, I’m on your side. I found some people to be extremely impatient and rude when I got the bus with DD years ago. It’s one thing to say in a pleasant voice “would you like me to hold the baby so you can fold the buggy?” and quite another to be nasty about it. There are still nice people out there though. Now my DC are older I always try to be patient and helpful when I see someone travelling with young children.

Babyg1995 · 04/01/2022 13:22

I always fold the buggy on buses .

Cornettoninja · 04/01/2022 13:25

I just wanted to let you know that if you get a black cab you should be able to get it in the main seating bit without collapsing the pram. A lot of them carry ramps for wheelchair users if you ask them.

It’s a solution that might work for you depending on finances but most areas have a black cab company knocking around. If not it may be worth ringing round your local taxi firms and see if any vehicles offer wheelchair access you could use for a pram.

BingBangB0ng · 04/01/2022 13:29

How the fuck are you supposed to fold a buggy with a baby that can’t even support their head. Where do you put them while you do it

BingBangB0ng · 04/01/2022 13:30

@AlternativePerspective

Those are wheelchair spaces which were campaigned for and have since been highjacked by buggy owners.

I’ve had buggy owners run over my guide dog’s paws in their rush to push their buggy into the space.

Your buggy is foldable for a reason. But tbh if you can’t fold it and handle the baby at the same time then you should get a sling. It makes it much easier anyway because then you can sit anywhere on the bus.

And if you’ve got two babies young enough to need carrying, then what?
Just10moreminutesplease · 04/01/2022 13:31

I haven’t gotten a bus with my baby (mainly because I’m worried about having to fold the buggy!).

But to everyone suggesting slings, surely that can’t be safe? If the bus crashed or even performed an emergency stop, you could be thrown forward with the baby taking the brunt of the impact.

Buses either need seatbelts for car seats or dedicated buggy spaces in addition to wheelchair spaces.

Snowiscold · 04/01/2022 13:33

I didn’t have a car and always used buses with my DC. Taking a buggy would be my last resort when travelling. Obviously, I had to do that when I had a baby in a sling, plus a toddler in a pushchair, but it’s best to use a sling instead. When I had a buggy, I made sure it could be folded and carried one-handed so you can get on the bus, as there’s always a good chance that you will have to fold it even before you get on.

RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 13:39

You won’t get any sympathy on here I’m afraid op.