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How to deal with rude people on public transport with a Baby

128 replies

Mummy31x · 04/01/2022 13:04

I never learnt to drive when younger, live 5 mins from town and everything was accessible on foot or taxi easily. Before having a baby I realised that having a car is essential so booked and paid for lessons but only after 2 lessons there was covid lockdown.

I'm trying to learn now but there's a massive wait and will take time. So basically now I have to rely on public transport. Ive always used taxis in recent years but with a buggy I find it bit difficult, getting it out from the back of the taxi, assembling it again whilst holding the baby and other bags especially when getting dropped somewhere busy.

So Ive been using buses and 100% of the time I've come across rude people!

People who are sat where the buggy is supposed to go and aren't happy to move even when there's plenty of other seats. When they move they keep giving me dirty looks.

There are people who are sat in the seats right next to the buggy space and don't move. They aren't elderly or with luggage either. I dont have it in me to say can you move please (I have social anxiety and barely manage to get on the bus with people and don't wana get in conflict). I don't mind standing but on a longer journey where bus keeps stopping I feel like I'm in the way when standing. And it does bother me that why aren't they moving when they can see its causing someone difficulty and there's plenty seats.

I try to go out on times when I think bus will be nearly empty. Other day I got on the bus and another buggy came which there was enough space for both and it was fine. Then there was a driver change and he let 2 more buggies on. I moved my buggy to give them space and had to stand. Beacuse there was a woman sat on 1st seats next to the buggy area and had her bag on the other seat which she only moved for some man a while later.

So now there was 4 buggies and people who were getting on the bus had to go sideways to move down the bus so I had to say sorry to couple of people as I was standing. After a few stops the bus driver stopped the bus and looked at me out of all the other people with buggies and shouted that I need to rearrange the buggy or move it as people are having difficulty. I already feel anxious around people and his tone was so horrible. The first time I lost my patience and thought to myself I have to say something. I was so frustrated because he was the one who kept letting more people on with buggies. I was the 1st there and I was only one stood up after trying to be helpful. These other women (I'm not a racist, I'm not originally from England myself but im not rude. Them on the other hand didn't say thanks or acknowledge what the driver was saying, on top of it they just kept staring at me). I said to him there's no space beacuse you let more buggies on. He didnt like that and said well 1 of them can get off meaning me and goes there's no need for the attitude. I said there's nowhere I can possibly move my buggy and why would I get off. Meanwhile some random woman on the bus goes why don't u collapse ur buggy and make it easy for everyone else which made me even more angry because it was not her business why was she picking on me. Also how can I do that with a young baby with nowhere to sit then reassemble the buggy before getting off and why don't any1 else do that if necessary whose kids are bit older and can sit on a seat. Anyway he drove off and i felt like everyone was just looking at me. At every stop he would tell people sorry can't let u on "too many things on the bus already". Then he let some people on and kept apologising to them and they kept moaning. I felt so uncomfortable and miserable that I decided to get off the bus way before my stop.

I am now scared to get on the buses and its made my anxiety even worse. It can't just be me who thinks people are so rude on buses.

OP posts:
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stillsleeptraining · 04/01/2022 16:22

All these people saying to take a sling while using public transport - that's something I always wondered about before I had kids, but it's just not practical sometimes. I love a sling and still use them with toddlers, but it's back breaking, you need somewhere to put them down and you've got the changing bag, maybe heavy bottles of milk etc, maybe shopping. That could be 30kg easily you're carrying! All on 2 minutes of sleep.

And collapsing the buggy is not easy at anytime when you're juggling baby and stuff. Never mind on a packed bus!

YANBU. The bus driver created the issue, then made it your problem.

Snowiscold · 04/01/2022 16:29

I wouldn’t have been able to use a sling with a toddler, but it was fine for babies. I just had a small backpack, not a changing bag. And the advantage of slings is that you have your hands free, so easy to carry things.

changingstages · 04/01/2022 16:33

Get a sling - honestly it's SO much easier. I don't drive, it's not essential unless you live somewhere with no public transport, which it sounds like you don't.

If you're running into rude people every single time you travel, though, you do have to consider if the issue might be you - which I appreciate can be hard to hear and if you're feeling anxious then it can be difficult to deal with people's reactions. But you can fold the buggy - you can ask people to help, which I know sounds awful if you're feeling socially anxious but people generally are helpful in these situations. I'd always hold a little baby if someone asked me, or hold onto bags or something while you folded a buggy.

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CornishTiger · 04/01/2022 16:41

A decent sling - like a Tula- and a baby jogger city mini- so easy to fold.

ElectraBlue · 04/01/2022 16:42

Those are spaces for wheelchairs.

You can of course expect to be able to use it for your needs if it is empty but this is not what they are made for which is probably why some people don't feel like they have to move...

Some good suggestions about using the type of buggy which is easier to fold (you are being unreasonable if you expect to get on with a buggy without folding it and think that this is not going to cause problems) and continuing to avoid rush hour to try to get more space.

I am afraid as with all public transport it is not going to always be an easy, comfortable journey.

chineybumps · 04/01/2022 16:49

*Thankyou for understanding! I'm not based in London. The bus route I take has lots of schools/nurseries and usually has 1 or 2 buggies on. Most bus drivers usually don't let more on. I don't see any1 with folded buggy at all and didn't think about folding mine. If there's no space I just stand.

You're right it's not easy to fold the buggy and keep the baby safe whislt managing any bags. The bus drivers don't exactly wait that long either and get funny if someone's taking a long time to get sorted because it causes delays. You're also right I need to work on my anxiety*

@Mummy31x honestly, I've never seen anyone with a folded buggy when I'm on the bus and I use public transport everyday. Even if someone's on the bus with a toddler and the toddler wants to get out of the buggy, they'll have the empty buggy in the buggy aisle which just takes up space and prevents another buggy from coming on!

I have a bulky Kinderkraft buggy and it's so unrealistic to expect us buggy users to fold our buggy. To the people suggesting the driver or a stranger holds OPs baby, I can only laugh at that suggestion.
What world do you live in where this is a thing?!

Also, exactly that! Bus drivers are impatient at the best of times, they're not going to wait until you faff about with your buggy until they can get moving again. I'd also ignore the comments on here about you being the problem because you're not.

Definitely work on your anxiety but these situations can be awkward especially with people staring so it's easier said than done. All the best X

Peppapigforlife · 04/01/2022 16:57

I remember getting on a bus in Miami when DD was a newborn and once İ had already sat down, getting shouted at because İ didn't know that strollers had to be folded. İ asked the driver if they could please help me to fold it then, as İ had a newborn in my arms, and he refused. He sat there refusing to move the bus until a pissed off person eventually got up and moved the buggy to the back of the bus for me. People are so cruel. Don't take it personally and look forward to the day when you can add to climate change and don't have to get on those buses any more!

Chely · 04/01/2022 17:25

Last time I had to use a bus with a pram I folded it down. That was with both of our twins in one arm, pain in the arse! Glad I drive tbh but when the car needs repairing needs must.

chaosrabbitland · 04/01/2022 17:28

@Snowiscold

people that are saying you should fold your buggy aren't realising how unrealistic that is.

It’s not unrealistic at all - hence the number of people who say they do and did fold their buggies. The problem is that people now expect to get on the bus with an unfolded buggy. Not needing to fold the buggy is a bonus- ie, no wheelchair user needs the space, or the bus isn’t very busy. Then you can travel with an unfolded buggy.

unfortunatly it would be unrealistic in the city i live in 8 out of 10 mothers board the bus with those fancy ones that cost a small fortune and are the size of sherman tanks , there would be nowhere to put it even if they did manage to fold it down , its normally a problem at quieter times of the day , but i do have a good laugh to myself when they are trying to ram it on board a bus packed to the gunnels at 8 am and looking all pissy because they can barely get on , or the bus driver says no , if i had to take the bus with a baby at that time theres no way i wouldnt have a foldable one of a smallish size
chaosrabbitland · 04/01/2022 17:30

i meant to say not normally a problem

RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 17:32

I’m not folding my pram on the off chance a wheelchair user may get on, where I am they are rarely ever on the bus like once a year I may see one. If they do get on then I will happily get off and wait for the next (London so buses very frequent) although the last time I got off for a wheelchair user she started having a Go at me for getting off 🙄 because she “ could have just got the one behind” and “why did you get off” I wasn’t to know there was one behind as I didn’t see it! So you can’t win sometimes

BertieBotts · 04/01/2022 17:43

You can of course expect to be able to use it for your needs if it is empty but this is not what they are made for which is probably why some people don't feel like they have to move...

Every bus I've ever seen in 2 countries and several different cities they have a sign saying joint wheelchair/buggy space, wheelchairs have priority, but I haven't seen a wheelchair inaccessible bus in about ten years, and they were rare/only on certain routes before that.

I'm always baffled by MN buggy threads as they seem to be full of posters who haven't been on a bus in about 20 years, and don't understand that on modern buses, the driver is in a compartment (many ticket sales are digital/contactless now) and there is generally ample flexible space, intended for wheelchairs OR buggies OR bulky luggage (and no other luggage rack to store a folded buggy anyway) and you can normally fit at the very least a wheelchair + buggy, or about 3 buggies, if not more, there are often two spaces - so there's really no need for people to fold and the bus companies certainly aren't encouraging it. Where I live now it's even pretty common for people to get on with a bike, although they are third priority behind wheelchairs and buggies and do actually get turfed off fairly regularly.

chineybumps · 04/01/2022 17:51

I'm always baffled by MN buggy threads as they seem to be full of posters who haven't been on a bus in about 20 years

Literally!!

Ozanj · 04/01/2022 17:54

With all due respect if your anxiety is so high you can’t ask people to move from a buggy space you need to reconsider your use of buses.

Puffalicious · 04/01/2022 17:58

Oh OP, many people forget what it's like to have a baby/ young family. Buses are a nightmare- often people think only for themselves. As PP suggests a Baby Jogger mini is an idea- fabulous things, best buggy/ pram I ever had and I had many with 3 DC- and I could hold DC3 and fold with one hand, but only if I had a back pack and little shopping.

Please don't avoid the buses, remain polite and hold your ground. The more you go out I hope the anxiety gets better.

JollyHostess · 04/01/2022 18:21

@Ozanj

With all due respect if your anxiety is so high you can’t ask people to move from a buggy space you need to reconsider your use of buses.
That's just not true. Give over.
RedWingBoots · 04/01/2022 18:39

OP even if you use a sling/carrier there will be times when you will have to make a polite request to the most able bodied person you think you can see to stand up so you can sit down.

You will very randomly get it wrong e.g. bloke you thought was healthy/able-bodied isn't.

Oh and slings/carriers have an advantage on train/tube stations with no lifts.

Cherryblossoms85 · 04/01/2022 18:42

You stick them in a carrier and make sure they grow some good strong legs by the time they're 3 Grin

kikisparks · 04/01/2022 19:32

Out of interest my pram is an icandy peach and the carrycot is so massive it actually takes up more space folded down as you’ve then got the huge carry cot section and the base. Is it just the case that this kind of pram can’t be used on public transport? I don’t have a car and wouldn’t feel comfortable only having a sling when out on my own with nowhere to put the baby down.

Puffalicious · 04/01/2022 19:42

@kikisparks

Out of interest my pram is an icandy peach and the carrycot is so massive it actually takes up more space folded down as you’ve then got the huge carry cot section and the base. Is it just the case that this kind of pram can’t be used on public transport? I don’t have a car and wouldn’t feel comfortable only having a sling when out on my own with nowhere to put the baby down.
Get a light-weight buggy for the bus. Common sense!
RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 19:50

@kikisparks

Out of interest my pram is an icandy peach and the carrycot is so massive it actually takes up more space folded down as you’ve then got the huge carry cot section and the base. Is it just the case that this kind of pram can’t be used on public transport? I don’t have a car and wouldn’t feel comfortable only having a sling when out on my own with nowhere to put the baby down.
I have an icandy peach and use it all the time on the bus I’ve used it with all 4 of my kids even as a double and I’ve never folded it I would just get off if a wheelchair user wanted to come on but doesn’t happen often at all (once a year if that!) so not a worry. Plenty of people use it on the bus and doubles etc.
Thesearmsofmine · 04/01/2022 19:52

@kikisparks

Out of interest my pram is an icandy peach and the carrycot is so massive it actually takes up more space folded down as you’ve then got the huge carry cot section and the base. Is it just the case that this kind of pram can’t be used on public transport? I don’t have a car and wouldn’t feel comfortable only having a sling when out on my own with nowhere to put the baby down.
When I had my dc I knew that I would be using public transport so got a suitable pushchair(although I only really ended up using a sling). I never really needed to put baby down, they were secure and safe and my hands were free.
Woeismethischristmas · 04/01/2022 19:55

I’d agree with a sling on public transport. Don’t know if it’s an option for you but I used to have a baby seat on the bike you can fit a surprising amount in panniers and I’d go to the supermarket regularly. Then a stretchy wrap sling for when you park the bike.

LakeShoreD · 04/01/2022 19:55

@kikisparks

Out of interest my pram is an icandy peach and the carrycot is so massive it actually takes up more space folded down as you’ve then got the huge carry cot section and the base. Is it just the case that this kind of pram can’t be used on public transport? I don’t have a car and wouldn’t feel comfortable only having a sling when out on my own with nowhere to put the baby down.
The Peach isn’t a great choice if you don’t drive and are reliant on public transport… You can’t fold it, it takes up twice the space of a small stroller, baby is loose in the bassinet and not strapped in which I don’t love when you have to bump the pram on/off and you’re on moving transport. I actually have a Peach and hardly use it as it’s just not practical. Instead, my everyday stroller is a YoYo.
LakeShoreD · 04/01/2022 19:57

But of course you can take the bus! It’s not like big prams are banned or anything. It’s just that it’s not exactly the choice for an easy life if you take the bus lot.

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