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How to deal with rude people on public transport with a Baby

128 replies

Mummy31x · 04/01/2022 13:04

I never learnt to drive when younger, live 5 mins from town and everything was accessible on foot or taxi easily. Before having a baby I realised that having a car is essential so booked and paid for lessons but only after 2 lessons there was covid lockdown.

I'm trying to learn now but there's a massive wait and will take time. So basically now I have to rely on public transport. Ive always used taxis in recent years but with a buggy I find it bit difficult, getting it out from the back of the taxi, assembling it again whilst holding the baby and other bags especially when getting dropped somewhere busy.

So Ive been using buses and 100% of the time I've come across rude people!

People who are sat where the buggy is supposed to go and aren't happy to move even when there's plenty of other seats. When they move they keep giving me dirty looks.

There are people who are sat in the seats right next to the buggy space and don't move. They aren't elderly or with luggage either. I dont have it in me to say can you move please (I have social anxiety and barely manage to get on the bus with people and don't wana get in conflict). I don't mind standing but on a longer journey where bus keeps stopping I feel like I'm in the way when standing. And it does bother me that why aren't they moving when they can see its causing someone difficulty and there's plenty seats.

I try to go out on times when I think bus will be nearly empty. Other day I got on the bus and another buggy came which there was enough space for both and it was fine. Then there was a driver change and he let 2 more buggies on. I moved my buggy to give them space and had to stand. Beacuse there was a woman sat on 1st seats next to the buggy area and had her bag on the other seat which she only moved for some man a while later.

So now there was 4 buggies and people who were getting on the bus had to go sideways to move down the bus so I had to say sorry to couple of people as I was standing. After a few stops the bus driver stopped the bus and looked at me out of all the other people with buggies and shouted that I need to rearrange the buggy or move it as people are having difficulty. I already feel anxious around people and his tone was so horrible. The first time I lost my patience and thought to myself I have to say something. I was so frustrated because he was the one who kept letting more people on with buggies. I was the 1st there and I was only one stood up after trying to be helpful. These other women (I'm not a racist, I'm not originally from England myself but im not rude. Them on the other hand didn't say thanks or acknowledge what the driver was saying, on top of it they just kept staring at me). I said to him there's no space beacuse you let more buggies on. He didnt like that and said well 1 of them can get off meaning me and goes there's no need for the attitude. I said there's nowhere I can possibly move my buggy and why would I get off. Meanwhile some random woman on the bus goes why don't u collapse ur buggy and make it easy for everyone else which made me even more angry because it was not her business why was she picking on me. Also how can I do that with a young baby with nowhere to sit then reassemble the buggy before getting off and why don't any1 else do that if necessary whose kids are bit older and can sit on a seat. Anyway he drove off and i felt like everyone was just looking at me. At every stop he would tell people sorry can't let u on "too many things on the bus already". Then he let some people on and kept apologising to them and they kept moaning. I felt so uncomfortable and miserable that I decided to get off the bus way before my stop.

I am now scared to get on the buses and its made my anxiety even worse. It can't just be me who thinks people are so rude on buses.

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RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 13:40

@BingBangB0ng

How the fuck are you supposed to fold a buggy with a baby that can’t even support their head. Where do you put them while you do it
According to Mumsnet hand them to a stranger or the driver 🙄 I’m guessing these people don’t live in London 😂
NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 04/01/2022 13:43

How the heck do you fold a buggy with a baby people??
Bearing in mind this is in covid times and the woman sounds like she's by herself.

FKATondelayo · 04/01/2022 13:43

Not sure what the configuration of buses are where you are but most spaces are for wheelchairs, not buggies. You need to be able to fold your buggy. And the driver is within their rights to remove you if you are taking up space a wheelchair user needs. They rightly have priority.

I travelled solely on public transport with two kids across ten years including travelling across country on trains with baby in a sling and had almost no problems. Get a foldable buggy and learn to fold one-handed while holding baby or hand baby to passenger or put baby in sling for travel. You're on a hiding to nothing if you expect public transport with a buggy to be comfortable and convenient. You just get on with it and get to where you want to go. It's two years out of your life and it soon is over.

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NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 04/01/2022 13:44

Also I don't think you are to blame Op, the poorly managed public transport system is. It should be more accessible for all, but no instead we are crammed like sardines.

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2022 13:44

I live in London and take the bus regularly.

Lots of people hold babies for parents while they fold the buggy, or they'll ask how to fold it for them.

FKATondelayo · 04/01/2022 13:45

According to Mumsnet hand them to a stranger or the driver 🙄 I’m guessing these people don’t live in London

Live in London, usually managed one handed or gave to a nearby nice lady. I've had a random baby thrust in my arms on the 43 bus on more than one occasion Grin

RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 13:45

@WorraLiberty

I live in London and take the bus regularly.

Lots of people hold babies for parents while they fold the buggy, or they'll ask how to fold it for them.

Have you ever seen a bus driver hold the baby whilst someone folds? 😂
Shelby2010 · 04/01/2022 13:46

It’s difficult when the baby is small. I remember one time reading the ‘buggies must be folded if space needed for wheelchair’ sign. I was terrified that I would need to do this as I couldn’t work out how I could hold the baby whilst dismantling the pram, and stopping the shopping (stashed at the bottom) from escaping!

The only way I coped was to go out reasonably early but after rush hour, & be prepared to walk if necessary!

RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 13:46

@FKATondelayo

According to Mumsnet hand them to a stranger or the driver 🙄 I’m guessing these people don’t live in London

Live in London, usually managed one handed or gave to a nearby nice lady. I've had a random baby thrust in my arms on the 43 bus on more than one occasion Grin

Not everyone is comfortable handing their baby to a stranger I certainly wouldn’t, I was more laughing at the suggestion the driver would hold the baby 😂
FKATondelayo · 04/01/2022 13:47

I actually think the NCT should do an antenatal course on 'managing public transport with a buggy' - much more useful than breathing exercises and talking about dilation.

ShinyHappyPoster · 04/01/2022 13:47

I wouldn't have a baby that couldn't support its own head in a buggy. It would be in a pram. But there are lots of buggies that collapse easily. Hold baby in crook of arm, kick up backplate of buggy, pull handles together, pick up buggy. I never asked a stranger to hold my baby.

Clymene · 04/01/2022 13:48

@BingBangB0ng

How the fuck are you supposed to fold a buggy with a baby that can’t even support their head. Where do you put them while you do it
Carry it in a sling
Lifeisnteasy · 04/01/2022 13:48

Put baby in sling and fold up buggy when you wait for the bus
When you get off the bus you can put baby back in the buggy
They’re not pram spaces they’re wheelchair spaces technically
You need to stop being a nervous Nellie and just ask if you want someone to move their bag
Don’t ask don’t get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Snowiscold · 04/01/2022 13:48

I live in London, and travelled by bus with my babies and toddlers all the time. You get a buggy that you fold one-handed and can manage by yourself. But a sling is best until they grow out of it.

Joinedforthis2021 · 04/01/2022 13:49

"I was so frustrated because he was the one who kept letting more people on with buggies"

Imagine if YOU was told no..sorry no more room...

Joinedforthis2021 · 04/01/2022 13:49

What is a wheelchair user boarded? Would all four of you vacated the space?

Londonr · 04/01/2022 13:49

Sorry the journey stressed you out op. Where I am they sometimes let lots of pushchairs on. But people manage . Sometimes wheels get tangled and everything. People get their buggy of the bus to let another of then get back on etc . Especially on school runs.

Some do have older toddlers in buggy. But it's not always easy to get them out to sit down. Toddlers can be hard work. Tantrums /tiredness etc

What sort of pushchair do you have? Is it an easy fold small type that can be folded one hand and light weight?

The baby carriers are very good now as long as time wearing it right. I actually carried 2 children one on my back on the front. Then as they got older I carried q on my back till around 4 years old . It did save so much stress on the buses.

I do feel a bit frustrated when the nis is practically empty and someone sits in the chair next to the buggy. It's nice to have a sit down. But I tell myself I can't have it both ways the luxury of mot having to fold plus a seat for myself. It's just a bonus if I can.

dreamingbohemian · 04/01/2022 13:50

I think this is a mix of reasonable and unreasonable

Yes people should not stand in the buggy/wheelchair area if they don't need to and a buggy/wheelchair comes on

No, people do not have to vacate the seats right next to the area. It's polite but those seats are not part of the area.

The driver was unreasonable to let more buggies on and then get angry with you

But you need to accept there will be times where you either have to fold the buggy or get off, if you absolutely cannot fold the buggy then either don't take the bus or be prepared to get off

Staryflight445 · 04/01/2022 13:53

Folding a buggy down wouldn’t make all that much difference really? Where do you put your folded down buggy for starters?
Drivers don’t wait here either, I’d end up being thrown around with a baby in arms if I folded one down here.

At the end of the day op you’re paying to use the bus and are as entitled as the other 3 women to use the space as they were. My response would have been- if I have to fold my buggy down everyone else should have to. I got on first, as a driver it’s their responsibility to keep an eye on how many accessible spaces there are left.

They only let 2 buggies on where I am and I would happily get off and wait for another bus if someone with a wheelchair needed access and space. It’s just how it is.

However- I do have a car now so will probably just use that if I can build up the courage to when number 3 comes along.

Carpetmoth · 04/01/2022 13:58

Buses by me only allow 2 unfolded pushchairs on at a time (there is a separate space for wheelchairs). The trouble is they have taken any spaces to put folded pushchairs out in newer designs so you would have to hold it (not easy if you have bags and a small child). One family recently had folded theirs but it had to be left on the floor and so took up just as much space than if it had been open.

LakeShoreD · 04/01/2022 14:12

People sat in the wheelchair/buggy area when there’s space elsewhere- they shouldn’t really do this and it’s fine to ask them to move.

People sat next to the wheelchair/buggy area shouldn’t move for you. Be prepared to stand.

If you’re there first and in an appropriate area then I wouldn’t move for other buggies so that I was the one in everyone’s way. If they can’t fit then that’s not your problem. You could have folded your buggy to make space though. (And obviously you always make space or get off for a wheelchair user).

But if your buggy is such a pain to fold that even a taxi is a drama then it’s clearly not appropriate for your lifestyle. I’d strongly consider selling it in favour of something lightweight with a one handed fold.

humblesims · 04/01/2022 14:14

I think the OP is getting a hard time here. It's not easy travelling with a small baby and a buggy on public transport if you are not used to it (or some sort of super juggling woman-human as so many mumsnetters apparently seem to be).
It is tough on public transport but other passengers and drivers and mothers and non super woman-human jugglers should perhaps be a but fucking kinder.
Yet again mothers have to bend over backwards to accommodate the selfish attitudes of others.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/01/2022 14:15

TBH if you’re using buses a lot, you need to get an umbrella type buggy that folds up very quickly and easily. Even if you don’t need to fold it, , two of those will usually fit in buggy spaces on buses, whereas the much bigger, expensive jobs that are popular now, will usually take up so much space, there’s no room for another.

oakleaffy · 04/01/2022 14:16

Folding buggies are the only way on public transport.
Or sling

chineybumps · 04/01/2022 14:18

I live in South West London and my DD is 8 months old. I'm not sure how old your DC is but people that are saying you should fold your buggy aren't realising how unrealistic that is. As long as there's not a wheelchair on the bus, why would you fold your buggy up? People are already not getting up for the OP so where do you suggest she puts her folded buggy and where should she sit with DC? (bearing in mind she'll have to be in close proximity to the buggy).

I sometimes feel the same OP but luckily I don't have any anxiety and I'm very quick to speak up. If I'm only on the bus for a short amount of time, I'll stand near the buggy if someone is in the seats next to the buggy area. Sometimes people are kind and will offer the seat to me or take their bags/shopping bags off the seat so I can sit down.
I'm not sure where you're based but in London, the 'priority seat' stickers are placed near the buggy area. I'm now pregnant with my second so if someone's sitting there and I have a long way to go, I'll politely ask if I can have the seat. No one has ever objected. People have always happily given away the seat and have gone to sit somewhere else.

As for the driver letting other buggies on the bus. There was a situation where my buggy was on first, another buggy came on after me and then a couple of stops later, the driver let a third buggy on. Because it was rush hour I never saw the third buggy come on as I usually let them know there's already two buggies on. Of course the driver had a moan and said the third buggy was in the way (as she was just in the middle of the aisle because she had nowhere else to go). I said to the driver he shouldn't have left anymore buggies on where there were already two on board.

I'm not sure about the comments but it's not realistic to just fold your buggy up, especially if you have a young baby and/or shopping.
When being a parent you definitely have to learn how to speak up and just ignore any nasty looks or comments. Maybe work on your anxiety first but I wouldn't let the bus situation get to me. People are rude/inconsiderate and it just is what it is🤷‍♀️