Word for vagina?

[ncnewbaby]

Parents of girls, what word do you use for vagina? I have a baby girl and can't remember what we used growing up!

If a boy says he has a problem with his ding-dong, everyone knows he means his doo-dah.
Why must girls be more specific?

@VikingsandDragons

Vagina. After reading how it's the #1 thing a parent can do to protect their child from sexual abuse (abusers are less likely to target children who can confidently speak about their anatomy and use correct terms, as they are much more likely to report it to a grown up) there was just no way I felt comfortable not taking that step.

Ive heard this but cant understand how it relates in any meaningful way, in fact even looking up several articles that state this, it doesnt appear to have any evidence. They tend to say that abusers dont target as often children who can talk about their bodies openly and confidently. Nothing to do with using the latin words for body parts. Obviously you dont want to make a kid feel that their body parts are shameful or naughty, but thats surely more about family attitudes to the body than about whether you use the latin term or a colloquial one

@Moonmelodies

If a boy says he has a problem with his ding-dong, everyone knows he means his doo-dah. Why must girls be more specific?

Exactly. Everyone knows that if a girl says her hoo-ha hurts, that she means her fanjo

Vagina and vulva, and penis for DS. It's important they know the correct terminology even at a young age, there was a facebook post recently showing how it can highlight abuse in the early stages.

My kids always knew the correct terms but we used bits normally. Boy bits fir the boys and girl bits for the girls. I can't think I used it that often though except for when they first started bathing themselves and I'd remind them to clean behind their ears and not to forget to clean their bits and bobs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MissCruellaDeVil

Vagina and vulva, and penis for DS. It's important they know the correct terminology even at a young age, there was a facebook post recently showing how it can highlight abuse in the early stages.

Well if its on facebook it must be true

I'm somewhere in the middle on this. I agree with PPs that it seems perfectly normal to have a sort of family language about names for body parts (or anything, really). For example, I refer to my DS's hands as paws etc. So it seems quite natural to extend that to genitals.

What makes me pause a bit is that I don't think I've heard a slang word for penis used by a small child that wouldn't immediately, obviously be understood to mean penis by pretty much everyone. Everyone I know uses willy, as do I with DS, although he knows the word penis too which we use just as often.

Some of the words for vulva- nunnie, foof etc- I wouldn't instantly recognise as meaning vulva, although I suppose any sensible adult would figure it out from context. However, sometimes children disclose abuse to other children, who might not understand the significance of 'x touched my nunnie'. I thought of this because a school friend told me that she was being abused when we were around 7 or 8 and I told my mum, who told the school. But then again, they might not understand vulva either if there's far less consistency with the way people refer to girls' genitals instead of boys'.

Don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it! But I imagine that not all disclosures are made to an adult who is listening attentively, like the example of a police officer interviewing a child and asking them to point. So I rather feel that it's best to keep language as unambiguous as possible.

It also makes me feel a bit grumpy that we have really clear language to describe male genitals whereas there's no end of euphemistic terms used to describe female genitals and they're so cutesy. I know willy isn't 'correct', but it's so widely used and understood as to be just as unambiguous as penis. And girls don't have an equivalent word.

We used tuppence but that creeps me out now 😂

[quote Unreasonabubble]@ncnewbaby - Blimey! Bit of a hard time! Front Bottom is what I used with my girls when they were younger.[/quote]
I don't like this. They don't shit from their vagina so it weirds me out. It's not another dirty place.

DS says penis and willy (both pretty obvious) and he knows mummy doesn't have a willy she has a vulva because womans do. (He's a GC feminist like his mother, but his pluralisation isn't quite there yet). We do sometimes use the generic private parts, more to emphasise to him that they are private, no one wants to see them and he shouldn't be playing with them in the living room. My understanding is this is more of a male child obsession, but I don't have daughters. I hate the flouncy fluffy names. Just say what it is.

@VikingsandDragons

Vagina. After reading how it's the #1 thing a parent can do to protect their child from sexual abuse (abusers are less likely to target children who can confidently speak about their anatomy and use correct terms, as they are much more likely to report it to a grown up) there was just no way I felt comfortable not taking that step.

Very true, @VikingsandDragons but the correct word is vulva. Not vagina. A vagina is internal and can't be seen. If someone touches your daughter down there, unless he actually penetrates her, he is touching her vulva. Not her 'vagina'. It's important to use correct terms.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

“Vulva” is something i havenever heard in my life except on MN

Another poster said the same thing also earlier on in the thread. See, this is the VERY REASON why proper names need to be used. This poster here and the previous one, are why.

@Moonmelodies

If a boy says he has a problem with his ding-dong, everyone knows he means his doo-dah. Why must girls be more specific?

I would not know what a ding-dong (isn't that an American confectionary?) or doo-dah is.

If a boy is taught to say penis, then why is he any more or any less specific than girls?

@Branleuse Neither penis or vulva are latin terms, so why are you talking about latin?

@Branleuse Everyone knows that if a girl says her hoo-ha hurts, that she means her fanjo

I had NEVER heard of either word until this board, so they both seem Mumsnet specific, so no, not everyone (in fact, almost no one would know) knows what they mean. They're made up Mumsnet terms that aren't used in the wider community. That puts girls at risk. And lets be honest; vulva sounds much better than 'hoo-ha' or 'fanjo' (shudder).

@Simonjt It's common knowledge, as my and other posters' links in this thread show. Very, very common knowledge and standard safeguarding knowledge and practice.

We said foof. I still call it that now, so does my Mum. 😂

Justheretoaskaquestion91

<span class="italic">“Vulva” is something i havenever heard in my life except on MN</span>

If that is true, then it's truly astonishing, and also appalling.

Did you never do biology in school? Never once looked at a labeled diagram of female genitalia?

I am with you. While children and adults should it know proper names, I haven't seen evidence about it stopping abuse and I ask myself how does it do that. Apparently because kids that know proper words are more likely to report.
Is it the proper word or that they come from families that are more likely to have discussed safeguarding with them? Do abusers first find out what words kids use before touching, raping or grooming them? Does this evidence account for grooming? I know we have busy stressful lives but listening to kids talking about being touched in their X,y,z should be something we should take time to listen to. And remember, kids can learn genital nicknames from friends. Abusers can introduce new secret terms for vulva, penis, anus etc to their victims.
Some exceptions are cookie, biscuit, sweetie, sausage to describe vulva or penis etc as obviously there are names that belong to real things in the universe but I think overstating the role of knowing anatomical names in safeguarding gives a false blanket on security and can be downright dangerous.

but that was the point that the poster was making.
obviously because male reproductive parts are so visible they get named.
but a small girl, why would she be aware of, or need to be, of an internal organ.
do you also name urethra, and carefully distinguish it from ureter, and then go on to aorta, descending colon, islets of langerhans etc for your toddlers. and test them on the same.

@alexdgr8
That's nonsense and hopefully you know it.
If you sincerely believe that letting little girls know something of their reproductive organs is best avoided, then I am truly horrified.

Small girls are aware of their internal organs as far as they know of them. Tummy or stomach, heart, bones, brain, for instance. When they are aware of poo and ask where it comes from, you can tell them about the intestines, rectum and anus, and the fact that food goes into their mouth, down the esophagus to the stomach, and basically on through the intestines, coming out as poo through the anus, located between their legs, toward the back. No need for the scenic detour to the islets of langerhans, or the bile duct.

As soon as they see a penis and ask why they don't have one, that's the cue to tell them what they have instead, namely vulva, clitoris, vagina, and uterus. There's no need for the full on fallopian tubes, endometrium, and cervix spiel unless you have a particularly attentive child. Girls of 3 and 4 are curious. They ask questions about where babies come from, and they ask about their bodies and the bodies of others. (And yes, to respond to a comment from a PP - they do play with their genitalia, just as little boys do.)

What is so wrong about telling girls the truth?
What is so wrong about calling their body parts parts what they are actually called?

Why are you (and others here) so invested in hiding terminology and even hiding the fact of the existence of certain internal organs from their owners?

@GingerScallop, you have completely misunderstood the role of proper naming in safeguarding.

It's not supposed to stop or prevent abuse.

You give your children the words they might (hopefully won't ever) need so that when asked what happened, they can say exactly what body part was touched, or penetrated, etc.

Or when they go to an adult to make a disclosure, the adult doesn't misinterpret the silly, coy words listed here (foof, muff, nonnie, etc) as meaning 'stomach' and dismiss it as inconsequential.

I’d rather a twee word any day than vagina. You can’t actually see a vagina externally. At least call it a vulva.

www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/health-and-wellness/sexual-and-reproductive-anatomy/what-are-parts-female-sexual-anatomy

Diagrams, for those who are confused.

It’s total nonsense that a girl needs to know at 3/4 what the different is between the vulva and the vagina. Are you also teaching little boys to distinguish between the head and the shaft of the penis? Ffs. The vulva specificity seems like some sort MN woke thing people say. I agree with the PP who said we don’t tell children to wipe their anus.

I maybe learnt specifically about the vulva at school but I have 0 recollection of it and can remember watching an old re run of spaced where there’s an episode about it and having to Google it as an adult. Otherwise it’s only MN where people seem to have this obsession. I’ve managed to live a perfectly rich and full life this far referring to my privates as a whole as my vagina. I’ve never heard a friend use another word, never been corrected by or heard a doctor or Gyny use another word.

It’s total nonsense that a girl needs to know at 3/4 what the different is between the vulva and the vagina. Are you also teaching little boys to distinguish between the head and the shaft of the penis?

Piffle.

One is an internal organ which she can't see and one is external. The analogy with the head and the shaft of the penis is nonsense.

Girls ask where babies come from. Do you tell them they get dropped off by a stork? Do you shrug and tell them they're just boys without penises when they ask what happened to their penis?

The vulva specificity seems like some sort MN woke thing people say. I agree with the PP who said we don’t tell children to wipe their anus.

I maybe learnt specifically about the vulva at school but I have 0 recollection of it and can remember watching an old re run of spaced where there’s an episode about it and having to Google it as an adult. Otherwise it’s only MN where people seem to have this obsession. I’ve managed to live a perfectly rich and full life this far referring to my privates as a whole as my vagina. I’ve never heard a friend use another word, never been corrected by or heard a doctor or Gyny use another word.

They were being kind, I assure you. Just because you have used the wrong term all your life doesn't make it ok. You personally haven't been affected, lucky you. But maybe there are girls out there who have been molested or assaulted, and using the right term to describe what has been touched, what part hurts, or feels itchy, etc, would make the difference between being understood or being dismissed. Maybe there are girls out there who care a bit more than you do about coming across as properly educated about their own bodies.

Your privates consist of many parts, one of which is your vagina, an internal organ. The external parts are shown in the Planned Parenthood link I posted.

The persistent attempts to justify posters' own ignorance are both hilarious and tragic at the same time.

The insistence that little girls don't need to know the proper names for their own body parts is just plain tragic.