I feel Awful about Christmas, am I a bad mum if I can't buy my 16month daughter gifts.

[NewMammaOfOne]

I feel so terrible but this year I can't afford to buy any present for my daughter will that make me a bad mum? I don't want her to grow up hating Christmas because of me. I've recently moved out by myself struggling to pay bills as well as rent after I paid all my bills for food nappies baby wipes I have around £20 it's absolutely impossible. I don't think I'll even have a tree this year. I feel terrible for her.

I've tried to look for grants and I can't seem to find any can't afford any loans.

What can I do to make my daughters Christmas better?

I'm honestly trying my best, please I hope no one thinks I'm not.

Any ideas are welcome

Thanks

XxXx

She won't know! The fact that you're so concerned shows that you are an excellent mother.

If you are in the UK get InTouch with Gem radio, they run a toy appeal for children who won't get gifts for whatever reason.

Also look in the charity shops, you can get some decent toys for next to nothing. At 16 months she won't know any better.

Also look on Facebook marketplace, Freecycle etc, always toys being given away. Also post this on your local groups on Facebook, people will help you out with a tree, decorations, toys etc

Cardboard box. Packet of cheap balloons. Wrap the box if able and a couple of balloons inside. loads of fun for a toddler . Bubbles too.

She doesn’t know it’s Christmas she’s still so young, but you can do some things for free, walk around places that have lights etc like garden centres or shopping centres. Or even past houses lit up. Christmas carol services. We have a charity Santa that drives round some streets on a sleigh waving to the kids. Sometimes councils hold free events too like a light switch on when Santa comes with reindeer etc.

Contact charities mentioned above. This is exactly what they can help with at this time of year, even if it’s a food bank referral for some food. Sounds like you could be referred. Wrap up toys she has if you want her to open things on the morning.

Then plan for next Christmas by saving even 50p here and there. Children’s expectations are often formed by us as adults not them.

Hi all.
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Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP.
best wishes,
MNHQ

@EcoCustard

You are not a bad mother. At 16 months she won’t be aware of what Christmas is all about. It matters to you but as your prioritising keeping her warm, fed and dry this Christmas makes you a good mum. If you can access a library get some festive books. If you have a local Childrens centre they have some lovely groups and often do festive ones. If you can get a pack of balloons and get a big box off a free cycle page, blow them up, pop in the box and wrap. Once unwrapped have the best fun together playing ballon football or tennis. Winter Christmas lights walk around the shops and streets.

Great minds. Didn’t read the full thread when I suggested this! It’s a great cheap activity for kids though.

I totally ate that you should get onto Facebook and join local groups. We have a few free ones and there is always toys being given away for free, especially at this time of the year.

You could also look for food community projects that save food from landfill. This is NOT a food bank. My local one you pay £5 a year and then £3 a shop. Stock varies greatly on a daily basis but you can choose 2 fridge items, 5-6 fruit and veg. 6 ambient stored items, 3 bread/cake and 2 freezer items. Then extras on top starting at 50p. It's wonderful and cheap but most importantly it's saving food from waste/landfill.

In your shoes I would be trying to get a referral to the food bank in December as well. Very often they have a glut of festive food they have saved from landfill in the week before Xmas so you could really benefit from that. They can often refer you to local projects that will donate a small gift for your little one. I agree about the Salvation Army too. They are a wonderful organisation. Also other options are your local church groups that run toddler play sessions.

Please don't feel bad about your situation. Christmas isn't about competitive present piles or spending a fortune. It's about togetherness and love.

16 months? She wont have a clue.

Just have a good day.

Go on freecycle. I've picked up lots of amazing stuff there - put out a wanted post explaining your situation, and I'm sure people will help.
Although it's not for Christmas exactly, check out a local toy library, plus an actual library, so you have things to play with her at home.

And of course you are not a rubbish mamma -don't be silly x

She won’t remember- don’t worry.

When I was in skint one Xmas, I spent £20 on a load of kids toys that a parent was selling on eBay. Quite a lot of people clear out their old toys to make way for new Xmas stuff.

I wrapped it all up- daughter was same age as yours and loved them. They don’t know they are second hand or not in boxes!

Why don’t you post on freecycle: local Facebook group and ask if anyone has any old toys they want to give away?

Just say you can’t afford much this year, but just want your daughter to have nice things to open on Xmas day.

The food banks near to me wrap up and give out donated Christmas presents. Could you see if your local food bank do the same?

What everyone else has said. As well as Olio (fab app) take a look at TooGoodToGo. You get heavily discounted ‘mystery bags’ of food cafes and shops haven’t sold that day. I’ve used it lots and it can be a great way of getting lots of ‘treat’ food very cheaply.

In our area there's a small local charity that does a Christmas shoebox appeal for struggling families. There's also a really great Facebook group where people give away all sorts of things for free. I'm sure you will find similar in your area.

But really, gifts aren't the be all and end all, especially at that age. See if you can find some free/cheap events you could take her to in the run up to Christmas, e.g. looking at Christmas lights, a craft session in a shopping centre, etc.

She will have no idea and you won’t be ruining anything for her. At that age mine were far more interested in boxes/wrapping paper than the gift inside it.

At that age they have no idea about Christmas. But if you want to get her things you can often find free toys on Facebook or Freecycle.

Alternatively you could make her some sensory toys - dry rice/pasta in a plastic bottle with some glitter or colourful bits of cardboard, bubble wrap etc.

When my two were little they used to love crushing up dried leaves! We'd go on a walk and collect lots of pretty leaves, then I'd leave them spread out in the airing cupboard for a few days until they were crisp. Made a massive mess but they really enjoyed it.

At that age she doesn't know she's supposed to get gifts, so she won't care. Give her some quality time - read her a book, go for a walk, sing a song, whatever. It's more valuable than things.

Do not be guilted into spending money you don't have. She'll be more interested in the wrapping paper.
Prioritising keeping a roof over her head makes you a good parent, not a bad one.

However, if you keep an eye on your local selling pages, you could pick up loads of stuff.
16 months is prime big plastic stage. It's exactly the type of stuff I'm desperate to get out of my house and have given away

Can you do a toy swap with friends to give you a few things to wrap.

Hi!

Ive tried to private message you but it’s not working. your post made me really emotional. You are obviously such a good mum to feel how you do and you obviously want to give your child a good Christmas!

I’ve got a 21 month old little girl and I’ve just sorted out loads of lovely toys I was going to give away but I would really like to post them to you so your little girl can enjoy them on Christmas Day.

Happy to post to a local shop so you can collect the toys xxx

I know it's hard not to, but don't feel bad OP. She won't have a clue what day it is. Like others have said, rewrap some of her toys, could you have a look on your local FB groups and keep an eye out for things people are giving away or on FB Marketplace? Aldi are doing little felt Christmas Tree activity kits for £6 that she could decorate/play with. I imagine Card Factory will do some type of Christmas balloons or decorations for next to nothing but don't feel pressured to spend money you don't have. Time is the most precious gift in my opinion.

At 16 months you aren't buying a present for her.

You are buying a present to ease your guilt.

You don't need to. She's already got everything she wants for Christmas - you and your love.

Genuinely, give yourself a break and just make sure you give her an extra hug and kiss. Thats what she wants.

Your ability to parent isn't linked to your ability to provide consumer items to your toddler. Stop associating love with buying shit.

Don’t worry! Christmas isn’t just about presents. It’s about different things depending on what you are interested in. You could take her to church, a children’s carol service. (Probably not for long as she is young). You can walk around and look at displays. There are other things that’s don’t involve buying anything.

One thing you could do is make toys. Not by buying things but using things you already have but change their purpose. There is a thing called heuristic play. Or putting dried pasta into a plastic bottle and you have a rain maker. Because she is young you have to think a bit so it’s safe.

But main thing is don’t be sad. Not every Christmas has to be about presents. It can be what you want it to be. Big hug.

My local library has a toy library. I don’t know if it’s running at the moment. Basically you borrow toys. It wasn’t advertised but I know they have it.
Maybe your local library has one? If you don’t have a library card I recommend getting one and see what your library has. They might have rhyme time.

Don’t feel bad. She won’t know. I have bought my son many toys and he ends up not playing with them after some time . However I watched a few crafts for toddlers on YouTube and got a few ideas on there. I went to Poundland bought a couple of crafts stuff (Pom poms , colourful thread , paint etc ) and used some empty bottles,tissue rolls and boxes and made him creative games out of them which he plays with for hours . Maybe try this !

Firstly at this age your daughter won't care.
Do some Christmasy activities with her - walk to look at Christmas lights, ring bells and put oats out for the reindeer on Christmas eve, make Christmas cards(handprints /footprints), sing Christmas caroles together, pretend to be reindeer, elves, etc, with Christmas films.

Buy toys from charity shops, kids don't care if they're brand new. Does she have toys she hasn't played with in a while? Wrap it up for Christmas morning, she'll enjoy paper and boxes as much as a gift at the moment.

Go easy on yourself x