I feel Awful about Christmas, am I a bad mum if I can't buy my 16month daughter gifts.

[NewMammaOfOne]

I feel so terrible but this year I can't afford to buy any present for my daughter will that make me a bad mum? I don't want her to grow up hating Christmas because of me. I've recently moved out by myself struggling to pay bills as well as rent after I paid all my bills for food nappies baby wipes I have around £20 it's absolutely impossible. I don't think I'll even have a tree this year. I feel terrible for her.

I've tried to look for grants and I can't seem to find any can't afford any loans.

What can I do to make my daughters Christmas better?

I'm honestly trying my best, please I hope no one thinks I'm not.

Any ideas are welcome

Thanks

XxXx

I personally wouldn't wrap up her existing toys

I'd post on my local community page and ask for very cheap toys suitable for a child her age. You don't have to say your financial situation but you could say you're finding things tough and would like to purchase very cheaply

You'll be inundated I'm sure

My dad used to say ‘kids want what’s in front of them’
It’s so true-at 16 months she won’t give a stuff about Christmas-whatever you buy her,it’s for yourself not her-she won’t care!
I’ve had skint Christmas’s over the years-being together is enough

@NewMammaOfOne

Where abouts do you live? I know near us there is charities that work with the foodbanks and give parcels out

OP I appreciate you really don't want to actually ask for charitable donations, we are all brought up to contribute to charity, not receive!

But, actually, you are genuinely in a bit of horrible place just right now and asking for and accepting help and support whether emotional or financial from faith groups or other groups isn't being a failure. It's being sensible.

Is there a ‘life’s a gift’ Facebook group near you?

Does she not have any other family at all that will buy? On your side or her fathers? I don’t have much family but my mum buys the kids present (second hand) so try charity shops? My mum picks up things for 50p/£1 she’s got some lovely bits put away for them that would cost a fortune new

As many others suggested have a look on Facebook,Freecycle,Olio for free toys. On Freecycle you can also post a wanted request.
Your daughter is very young so she won't be aware of Xmas etc.
Just make the day a little bit different ,Xmas books from the library,watch a Xmas movie like the Snowman or something like the Gruffalo (the BBC always shows a kid movie on Xmas eve).It doesn't have to be about money and gifts,it can be a special day just doing something a bit different and with a lot of love.

At that age she'll have no concept or memory of it. Buy some cheap tinsel to play with & have fun & don't worry

Have you got a ‘town is kind’ Facebook page? Ours is run by volunteers and they have a gift giving event, where donated toys and items are all laid out and people in need can go and select the gifts they’d like for their families at Christmas. All completely free. I’d also check Facebook market place for free toys. Check local organisations / churches and see if they have a ‘swap shop’ where you can select new toys.

Focus on giving your child a wonderful special day and not having a load of new toys to open.

What area do you live in, because I could certainly help with a tree.

I’ve also just seen that a small local shopping centre is advertising a free grotto / Santa visit with present - you just prebook online, hopefully you could find something like that in your area.

I would honestly ask on nextdoor or facebook if anyone is having a clear out of toys before christmas.
A lot of people could find a toy or two, I'm sure.

You can contact organisations like the salvation army, they have gifts available.

Martin Lewis had a great suggestion a couple of years ago, buy balloons and get a box. Blow up the balloons and put in the box, small children love a box of balloons.

You can get balloons for £1.

Also check Olio, frrecycle etc as others have said you can pick up lots of things.

And your child will not mind, at that age they are more interested in the wrapping.

Please please please do not put extra Christmas pressure on yourself. The only thing your daughter needs is you, you can create such lovely memories and traditions without spending money. You can make reindeer Christmas cards with her footprint and a £1 pack of card from the £1 shop, the church Christmas service is always beautiful to go to religious or not, she’ll love just being pushed in the pram on a night looking at the Christmas lights, You can even take a flask of hot chocolate for you and some warm milk for her.

If you do want to wrap some things up, re-wrap some things she has so she can play with the wrapping. Singing Christmas carols etc or do you have any local drop in mum and baby groups at your local church? They are usually free to go to and will have Christmas things on in December.

You’re a great mum for caring but honestly at this age she really won’t know xx

Save the money!
Dont put yrslf under strain. Buy nice food!
My son used to l9ve cups and glasses cases at that age! Door handles too. He never showed interest in toys. He didnt get the memo " this is a toy"

She honestly won't care at all and it definitely won't make you a bad mum. When my kids were that age, I didn't buy either of them anything new for environmental reasons and just got them some bits from charity shops or Facebook market place so Christmas cost very little. Now their older and have an opinion on what they would like things are different.

Freecycle, Olio and Gumtree are great. My son only liked balloons and big boxes at that age.

There is so much pressure to buy things at Christmas. Do look out for something for yourself on freecycle etc too xx

Give your daughter your love and your time. That is what is important. X

I always used to wrap things that the kids were going to need, but chose things with characters on them. Home Bargains is brilliant for this.

Peppa pig vests, Pooh bear wet wipes, pokemon socks. That kind of thing. Flannels, bubble bath or shampoo, toothpaste and brush, all about £1 each. A bottle of bubbles to blow, a balloon or cheap ball, a new dummy/plate/cup.
The kids would be thrilled every time!

Others have given lovely ideas. Look at the Christmas lights, listen to a carol service, walk around town and look at the pretty window displays.

Your little one will enjoy doing these things with you and will have no idea that you're worrying that they've not got a mountain of gifts. As they say, It's the thought that counts, not the amount of money spent.

Have a lovely time

You are doing a great job, keep going.

Locally to me there is a hygiene bank, no referral needed button can go and pick up toiletries for free. It's run from the Healthy Living Centre so it may be worth seeing if there's something similar near to you?

Do you feel comfortable to post which county you're in. I'm happy to do some research for community groups in your area who may be able to help out.

All these messages are great but it’s still very difficult to be able to sit and watch when everyone else does Christmas and it’s around you 24/7.

I’ve tried to PM you but it says you’re not accepting PMs. Drop me a note as I would like to help you this Christmas.

*But you...

No idea where button came from!

You could make playdoh if you have the ingredients, she's a great age for it!

I buy loads of my DC's stuff off marketplace. Things like megablocks are always around. Also check freecycle, lots of people have a pre Christmas clear out.

Not at all! She's so young, she won't notice anyway. You could always just grab a couple of wrapping 'bits' (paper, ribbon, pom poms) and let her have that for Xmas sensory play! You'll be grand :)

Are you on Universal Credit? You have my sympathies, we've had to claim this and its almost impossible to live on. We will also be trying to do Christmas on a shoestring budget this year!

If you received an advance from them which is being deducted each month, then ask them to put your repayments on hold for three months. That will free up some money for you to live on. Put a note on your journal.

If you're struggling to get by and you think you situation will improve, then contact the Credit Union. They offer interest free loans for people in poverty. You can borrow £50 and pay it back at a rate of £1 a week for 50 weeks.

Finally, ask your Citizens Advice bureau for a food bank referral to use in December. That will give you some relief over Christmas. Go to www.citizensadvice.org.uk.

It's hard to go cap in hand, but charities are there for people like you experiencing hardship. Don't be too proud to ask.

I hope your situation improves, wishing you and your daughter a merry Christmas