I feel Awful about Christmas, am I a bad mum if I can't buy my 16month daughter gifts.

[NewMammaOfOne]

I feel so terrible but this year I can't afford to buy any present for my daughter will that make me a bad mum? I don't want her to grow up hating Christmas because of me. I've recently moved out by myself struggling to pay bills as well as rent after I paid all my bills for food nappies baby wipes I have around £20 it's absolutely impossible. I don't think I'll even have a tree this year. I feel terrible for her.

I've tried to look for grants and I can't seem to find any can't afford any loans.

What can I do to make my daughters Christmas better?

I'm honestly trying my best, please I hope no one thinks I'm not.

Any ideas are welcome

Thanks

XxXx

16mths, honestly don't bother or wrap something she already has (just for the photos).

Firstly it won't make you a bad mother at all.
Could you maybe get a charity like the salvation army to help. When I was a child my parents were in the same boat. No money. The salvation army gave some small gifts for us but never knew until we were older.

OP she won't have a clue she really wont.

Look for free stuff on Facebook hand on groups? Your daughter won't care or remember at that age, but it might help you feel better!

Wrap up stuff she has, at that age she will enjoy unwrapping them and won't think too much of it.

You make your daughter's Christmas by :

Being with her and talking/listening to her.
Singing Christmas songs with her.
Reading her Christmas stories (from the library)
Taking her to a local Chriskringle or children's carol concert.
Going for a walk locally to look at Christmas decorations.

None of this needs money. She doesn't need expensive presents, she knows nothing about them.

Wrap up an old toy in a box. Go and pick a couple of new items from a charity shop for a few pounds and wrap them.

Be cheerful. Don't wallow in misery about what you can't give her and focus on what you both have.

At 16 months she won't be aware of it.
Focus on having a lovely day with her - that's what's important.

I understand how you feel, and I know that it matters to you (which makes you a good mum, not a bad one) but it really won't matter to her.

She honestly won't even know what Christmas is at that age, so really don't worry. I hope you're ok x

Definitely wrap up things she already has- it will make it a fun for her.
Do you have any colourful paper in? You could make paper chains or if you could stretch to a few rolls or wrapping paper (one for dd's 'gifts' the other could be used to make paper chains.

You really would be buying for the sake of it this year especially as she isn't aware of what is going on.
If your food shopping budget allows you can do fun things like making biscuits.

I also agree that the the Salvation Army will help.

There's a brilliant organisation local to me called Mothershare which helps with stuff like this. They can help with equipment and kids clothes but also do a birthday/Christmas project so kids from lower income families don't miss out. Maybe there's something similar where you are? (This is Calderdale, West Yorkshire)

She's 16 months old so she won't have any idea that it even is xmas.

A lot of people are posting toys for free at the minute on Facebook and the like.

Don't get into debt for Christmas, that's absurd.

She won't know it's different from any other day at that age and she certainly won't remember it.

She probably won’t even understand Christmas in 2022, let alone this year. Please don’t worry, you sound like a devoted mum and that’s all your baby needs x

Honestly at sixteen months she’s no clue. Next year, save fifty pence a week, two pounds a month and go nuts in the charity shop at crimbo 😍

Please contact your local Salvation Army- they will help you. Or the foodbank will .

Honestly take away one of her toys for 2 weeks before Christmas and then wrap it and give it back to her - she will love it! She is far too young to remember. My DD was more interested in playing with a bag of potatoes at that age that her toys - honestly no joke. If you want to do Christmassy things why not take her to look at all the Christmas lights around the neighbourhood/in town one evening, put some Christmas songs on and dance around together? The most important thing is that you're together and you love eachother and those are the memories she will remember. Hope you're OK, sounds tough at the moment x

Have a look on the Olio app, you might find some good giveaways there.

Me and my siblings had our presents donated one year. I can only remember the sparkly Avon tights my parents bought, I loved them!! It’s not all about expensive gifts.

@willingtolearn had some lovely suggestions.
At her age she won’t have any expectations about presents any anything you do she will be amazed by. See if there are any free/cheap bits on Facebook or charity shops, then just focus on having fun. Do some homemade decorations.

Wrap up a few big boxes she can draw on and crawl in and out of. Mine loved boxes are that age.

Also op, do you have a health visitor or social worker? Charities like the Salvation Army collect presents for kids and they are distributed via those networks,

She won't know or mind in the slightest. Have a lovely day cosied up at home singing carols and reading Christmas books (from your local library if you don't have any) and she will be delighted.

Thank you for all your reply's. They are amazing!

At 16m she won’t care or understand about presents; and she won’t remember it later on, so as pp have said, just wrap up some ordinary things in a box (babies love boxes more than anything else!)

Is there a church or local community hub or centre near you who you could speak to to let someone now you need a bit of help and support? Also, talk to your health visitor or GP - they often can refer you to local charities who can pass along free baby things and be able to point you towards other sources of support. Sign up for your local Facebook free groups - people are often passing on good quality outgrown toys before Christmas to make space. There are lots of the “life is a gift” fb groups/freecycle, and some local fb parents’ groups near me, where people often post free or very cheap nearly new toys.

- remember all your baby needs this year is the lights and sone love and cuddles. Don’t worry about presents!

She definitely won't remember. There are some books that we read to our kids hundreds of times, other things that were their favourite things to do etc and even things we did up to the age of 3 or 4, there is a lot that they don't remember at all now they are 9 and 6. Make a paper hat, sing some songs, scrunch up paper and have a snowball fight. Laughing and having a fun day will be subconsciously remembered.

Is there a local charity you could approach? Not sure if it's the same now but in the 90's I knew a family who had their entire Christmas catered for by SVP every year, a representative would visit in early Dec to see what the kids were interested in, what sizes clothes they'd need and how many would be there for Christmas, presents, clothes, food and fuel would be provided closer to Christmas day. I was amazed when I first realised this was happening, it was a married couple with a large family of various ages, the father worked but drank a lot and the mother always looked worn out, I'm glad she and the children got help to celebrate, some gifts, warm clothes and fuel can mean a lot. Your child is so young, they won't appreciate or remember this Christmas so please don't put yourself under pressure, do see if there is help available, and if there is please accept it. You are a wonderful mother thinking this much of your child but remember the best thing you can give them is happy time with you.