New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

I honestly think this is probably doable with a young baby if they sleep a lot, you will be extremely tired though from night wakings. I would make different arrangements for when they start crawling/walking if you can as you shouldn't really take your eyes off them for more than a few minutes. Lockdown 1 hit a week after my return to work when DD2 was 10 months. I only work 28 hours a week with super flexible hours and it was a real struggle doing both. I was effectively working 5 til 7am, over a 2 hour lunchtime nap, and then in the evening but all I did was work, clean, homeschool eldest, look after DC and sleep with zero downtime. During the odd times I had to join a meeting when DD was awake she sometimes did things that would not have happened if I had been giving her my full attention, like find a lone crayon and draw all over our walls.if I had to go back to doing that I would just quit, that's how hard it was.

Have you had a look at your expenses? see if you can cut back to bare bones for a few months so you can survive on SMP (about £150 per week) how much money will you actually be losing? there could be another way around it? could your husband work condensed hours? or take his paternity leave at a later date?

I think it will be tough, as I said I had a super easy new born and I think I would have really struggled

I could have done this with my first, easy baby who slept, fed or was happy sat on my knee until she was 4 months old. Then she hit the sleep regression and my life went to shit.

What are your plans if it doesn’t work out? What about if your employer realises that actually you do very little and they decide they don’t need you full time anymore?

What about when baby gets older? How long do you plan to do this for?

I did this with some KiT days. Absolute nightmare.

I worked freelance when my son was aged 6 months - 2 years. It was the hardest time of my life, sorry. I could only really work while he was asleep, so I was quite often at my computer in the early hours of the morning and I was a broken woman - though this wasn't helped by the fact that my DH worked away so I was carrying everything by myself.

I'm really sorry but without some serious support, I'm not sure this will work - not full time anyway.

Can't offer experience with looking after an 8 week old whilst also trying to work as I struggled enough with coping day to day without trying to do anything else.

I did (as did most parents) find myself without childcare during the first lockdown with a just turned 2 year old and was due to start a new job. The training had to be done via zoom and I found it so incredibly difficult trying to do both. Even after the training I couldn't do my job properly because of the demands from my 2 yo.

Each stage brings its own challenges and with new borns they want to be with you all the time. They do eventually settle into a routine and you'll find work easier to manage but when this happens differs from child to child.

It sounds like your employer are going to be really flexible which is amazing!! Until you try you honestly won't know how it'll work. The key will be communication between you, your husband and employer so that if you need to change hours etc at short notice they can try to accommodate you. Completely understand childcare is not an option, it's so bloody expensive even with the government top up, and like you, I wouldn't want to use them at such a young age.

Wishing you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy! x

At the you have know way of knowing what your birth will be like. You may have a very straight forward birth or have a few complications etc.

I’m saying this as l was induced and then six days later I was back in hospital with an infection. After being discharged, it took six weeks to recover and then obviously had a new born baby.

All I’m trying to say is that you need to prioritise your baby and yourself.

Could you go part time and gradually increase hours? Could you take a mortgage break, so that you can extend your leave to six months?

What is your DH doing? What about his shared parental leave?

If you want tips this is how people did it during covid.

Parent A worked from 5am until lunch time. Parent B did childcare.

They swapped at lunch time and then had dinner time together. After bedtime parents would work until about 11pm.

Parents were exhausted and many marriages came close to breaking point as parents tried to juggle family and work and who's work was more important.

It was hell and there's a reason people haven't carried on wfh with no childcare.

You can claim some benefits while on maternity leave, I suggest looking into this along side seriously reducing outgoings so you can afford a longer leave.

Both my children had horrific witching hours and cried from 7pm to 9pm every night. That would make any evening work impossible. This was from 3 weeks to 3 months.

Is your employer a man?
Is it an industry with few parents employed?

My bet is you'll muddle through then quit.
All new mums are unrealistic.

My older male HoD wanted me to take baby to work three days a week. He was very disgusted when I refused. Horrified I was so unreasonable and unyielding. He still thinks I'm unreasonable and then my baby is now 21. We meet socially still which is how I can say this. He's ok otherwise.

My dad's secretary had 4 kids inc a 6momth old while she worked FT for him, on phone, while all over the place (her at doctors with her kids / her at hairdressers / her at playgroups / in and out of office / on her PC on sofa).
People do work from odd places now. A dad I know in 2021 always works from side of rugby matches. Making tyre sales and arranging deliveries and staff. A mum I met up recently with was clocked on and working on her phone, while we were at a playground. She's a professional stockbroker. £120 an hour!

I was self-employed with both my babies, working from home. I only took a few days' maternity leave each time. Baby 1 started nursery at 3 months, and baby 2 at 4 months. So I worked from home with baby there for 3-4 months twice. This included having occasional face to face meetings in my at home office and taking some phone calls, as well as computer work.
My experience was: 1) It was tough with Baby 1, because they almost never slept! If I had to, I had them in a meeting with me, in one of those chairs you can rock with your foot. Otherwise, I would just work for half an hour whenever I could, and you have to be flexible and be prepared to work in the evening as well. If you have a DH then I suggest you do a lot of your work when he's at home in the evening and at the weekend and can look after the baby. I was a single mum, but managed to keep the business going. In fact that year was my most successful. 2) Baby 2 slept a lot and was basically very easy. I kept them in a pram next door to my home office. Working with them was almost the same as working before they were born. I was sad to start them at nursery at 4 months.

There are thousands of people with caring responsibilities who experience no let up in their role because a new baby arrives. A mother of three has a full time job looking after three, but doesn’t get to stop doing it when baby four arrives. Parents with older disabled children needing 24 hour care still have to provide that care to the child and the newborn. Families with older dependent relatives or any number of scenarios - you don’t get to take leave.

But the reality in those situations is that you compromise on them both, and that you're not required to do them to standards set by other people. For the vast majority of people - apparently not OP, though I remain sceptical - their employer wouldn't accept them doing a massively reduced quality and volume of work because they're also caring for a baby while on full pay.

I had my DS during summer break at Uni, went back for my final year when he was 5 weeks old. I had a childminder for 2 days/week for when I was at lectures. I had a decent sling, and hardly slept. I graduated with a 2:1 honours but was absolutely broken by it (and that's with a childminder). I don't think what you're suggesting is doable for long.

Don’t do that to your baby.

It’s neglect.

You would struggle to manage a puppy WFH - in those circumstances - I am sure the RSPCA would consider it inadequate never mind the NSPCC

I think maybe your employer doesn't have children!

I am self employed so went back to work when DD was 8 weeks old.

I managed one, maybe two hours during the day for emails and urgent stuff while she napped.

When DH got home from work, I handed over the baby at 5pm and then worked until midnight. I then caught up with stuff at the weekend. But I was freelance so extremely flexible employer.

It almost killed me to be honest. I was fucking knackered, making mistakes at work, forgetting things at home. It’s pretty brutal, but so is living on £120 a week, so I understand why you have to do it. Get as much help as you can!

So rude, OP, ‘actual tips’.

@expectinglittlebear maybe I missed it, but does your husband have any flexibility - that he could go in later so that you'd have an hour or two in the morning, or he could go in earlier, get home earlier and relieve you so that you'd have some time.

It sounds as though financially you'll have give it a go, but my only advice would be to make sure your husband realises he needs to step up and double job too, and not everything can fall on you.

A colleague of mine was told by her manager that that wasn't going to be on, looking after her baby while working. In the end she was fortunate that her dad could pick up some child care. It was before her baby was born. When it arrived she realised how impossible it would be, to combine both.

@tiggerwhocamefortea

I wouldn't have had a child either if I couldn't have afforded one

Is there an award for the most useless and malicious comment on mumsnet? This would certainly win.

OP I’m just sorry that in this day and age people are still being put in your position where you can’t even take the time you need with your baby, your employer should be ashamed of themselves (as lovely and as small business as they may be).

I’m not even going to comment on whether you could manage it, I think enough people have done that. Congratulations on your pregnancy, motherhood is such an exciting journey ❤️

I think it would be difficult, though I haven’t done it myself I just remember how tired and busy I was with an 8 week old.

I wonder if you could ask your employer to be flexible with working hours I.e. you could do some at 5 am in and around the baby sleeping.

They will also need to be flexible that you might not be able to do every scheduled call as the baby may not play ball.

You should invest in a good sling as well, it’s possible to work on a computer with the baby in a sling!

Again I think it will be hard but certainly not impossible.

I had a very straightforward birth and was never off my feet. No birth injuries at all. Feeding went very well after a shaky first few days.

At eight weeks pp I was mentally an utter wreck. My baby woke every two hours around the clock, slept little and cried a lot, and settled nowhere except on me. I dreaded every night. I thought maybe I hated the baby. I was afraid to be left alone with it. The idea of working was absolutely laughable.

This is not an unusual story.

OP you've heard from enough people why this won't work, so I won't repeat all that. But I do want to ask why your DH isn't similarly proposing to work from home and simultaneously feed a screaming baby and jiggle the bouncy chair with his foot whilst doing a Teams call.... You made this baby together. It's lovely that it happened so quickly when you were worried it might not, and it's understandable you didn't have finances in place because you weren't expecting it to happen so soon.... but you BOTH have to make adjustments, not just you! Could you afford an au pair (much cheaper than a nanny) who could do eg mornings so you can work and then you and DP split the afternoons? If you have a spare room this might work, with an experienced au pair who is trustworthy around new babies.

I have tried this - for me, it was not possible. Although I had the time while baby napped if I didn't shower, eat or clean the house, I didn't have the mental or physical energy. It simply was not possible to look after baby all day and then work like mad when they slept, and produce anything of value. You'll be up in the night. Your baby might only sleep in half hour bursts. You might not have the same mental capacities for a while that you have now.

I don't know the nature of your work - would you need to do things in real time, like answer the phone? That would not be possible.

A suggestion: if it really is true that you could do the work in 2 days, why don't you do one day in the office, and one day your husband has off work.

Hi OP, I want to help but I'm afraid I'm really doubtful it will work out.

At 8 weeks with my first I was suffering real PND, was exhausted and shell-shocked, was still bleeding and struggling to BF my baby and keep his weight up. Having a baby is a massive adjustment to every part of your life and it was 3-4 months before I felt like I was coping. Obviously I wasn't trying to work at the time.

For context with my 2nd born I was offered a WFH job 2 hours a day when he was 8 MONTHS old. It was really hard, I felt I was failing - I still had baby brain and it all felt really confusing, took me ages to 'get' things, and I found it a huge struggle to carve out 2 hours in the day when I could actually focus without being distracted by bub needing something.

He's 10 months now and I'm slowly getting it but it was/is quite a challenge to find the time - which to reiterate is 2 hours a day!

My concern is that without proper support you risk entering a downwards spiral - feeling stressed about the baby and stressed about work, short-changing both, doing a not-great job, getting not-great feedback, feeling more stressed about both...

Being a new mum is a real time of mental-health risk due to the wild hormones, adding full-time work with no childcare into the mix at 8 weeks makes things really hard on you.

Any help you can access will be worth it's weight in gold, I'd really give it a try if I were you - your health is very precious and this will be a real strain at a tough time. Best of luck.

I'm self-employed. With my first baby I took six months off, claimed maternity allowance, went back to work three days a week, with the help of a childminder.

However, by the time I had my second I had a well-paid regular gig that I didn't want to lose - around 12 hours work a week – and I couldn't find anyone to cover for me for any longer than four weeks. So I went back to work when the baby was about five weeks old (older child at nursery). The baby – who I didn't want to be in nursery till a bit older – slept in a sling (a Kari-me) while I worked. It was fine till around four or five months – when DC got more mobile, took shorter naps – and then nursery kicked in.

I did it because I had to, but it wasn't ideal. It also wasn't full time. It would have been much harder with my first than with my second – but then using a sling in that way may well have helped with my first. Your employer would have to be completely fine with it, since there's a chance that meetings may get interrupted.