New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

HR bod here.

It's a hard no from me.

You'll either break yourself, the business or the baby (or potentially all three) and potentially make yourself redundant in the process.

7 pages in - you're daft to still be considering this. You need to think of every other possible combination of factors to make this work. Hopefully you're not of the 'but childcare takes all of MY wages' school of thought. Childcare is a family expense. You've found yourself in a tricky situation but your proposed solution is not feasible except in the utmost of emergencies.

Until recently I have had several wfh jobs, including when the DC were small - but apart from the odd day, until they were about 10 years old, I always had childcare as it was impossible to work and look after a small child.

What exactly were you planning to do with your baby whilst you were working? Stick them in front of the TV? Ignore them when they cry? Not feed them when they are hungry/thirsty? Not change them if they poo?

I'm not sure the working from home with no childcare is well thought out.

Bless you OP. It's tough. I had to go back to work quite quickly after DC3. It's pretty hard but you can get some stuff done when they're really little and they can chill on the play may, nap etc. It gets way harder post 6 months when they want to move and naps are less. You're hardest thing will be zoom calls. Babies are so unpredictable with naps etc you can't plan these in.

I would suggest trying to do an hour or so in morning before DH goes to work, aim for two in the day spread into chunks and then swap with DH when he's back and work late.

You will be on your knees with tiredness but you can manage it. I had my DH around but he was working and we had two kids home to home school during lockdown so i do think you could just about do it.

Good luck.

@expectinglittlebear

Wow okay, I wasn't quite expecting that much of a response. Thank you I guess! Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...? (I'm looking for anyone here who has actually done this and then either failed at it or its worked for them).

Yes my employer is aware I would be doing both, and actually suggested the idea as they couldn't offer me EMP.

@JewelleryBox Yes it would be 'full time' hours but still working around baby, so yes flexi hours I guess you would call it.

Errrrr no I haven't done it but I've spent (MANY) days with a newborn baby where I didn't have time to eat or shower let alone do a day's work so I'm pretty sure I'm qualified to say it will NOT work. You obviously have absolutely no idea how demanding a newborn baby is!

Nope you need childcare/ nanny sorry it's impossible

I went back to my degree from home when my eldest (very easy baby) was about 6 weeks.

I managed about 10-12 hours a week. Mostly reading and watching online materials in 30 minute bursts. Then I got a couple of 2-3 hour slots to do writing or more intellectually demanding things while dad took the baby for a long walk.

At 6 months baby went to nursery for two 5 hour mornings so I could actually get some stuff done!

*In the evenings
*

Sorry OP, there are no 'evenings' with a baby. It's just a 24/7 shit show.

I think it’s utter madness, speaking from experience.

I retained 2 aspects of my role while on mat leave in exchange for continuous pay. One was ‘supervising’ a fairly established member of staff ie: checking work and being on hand to answer queries. The other was a sort of director role where I was required to attend monthly board meetings and prepare reports. It was by far the simplest part of my job pre-baby. My overriding memory of that time was being a at at my laptop stressing and crying and being on calls with aching leaking boobs, feeling like I was failing everyone. I put myself under too much pressure. I’d have rather struggled a bit financially and avoided all that if I’m completely honest.

It depends on the baby mine was relatively very chilled out and she still woke every 2 hours until around 12 weeks. I still couldn't have WFH as she wanted to be held constantly a sling wouldn't do.

I do think you need a back up plan though. Like I said earlier, with DC2 it may have been possible but with DC1, we could have been destitute and there's no way I could have worked - sleep deprivation and PND meant stopping myself from killing myself or walking out on my child and keeping the child alive were my absolute limits. Plan for the worst!

You need childcare.

You can not wfh and care for an infant simultaneously. The idea is absolutely insane. Childcare is not optional.

Thank you @HotDiggidy2017

In regards to DH he is a Mechanical Engineer, and so there is physically no way he could work from home. He will be picking up everything in the evenings, he is more than capable of sharing the load, which he will do as I know he is going to be an amazing dad, but due to his trade he won't be there during the daytime.

It appears that the general consensus is that I am naive for thinking I could do it - thank you for your opinions. I am most certainly not looking at this through rose tinted glasses, I know its going to be hard and I wouldn't be doing it unless needed, and therefore especially as a lot of people have had to do this during lockdowns over the past couple of years, I was hoping to get some tips on how to manage it all.

Thank you for all your responses regardless.

Actual tips:
DH looks after baby 5 hours of night block so you can each sleep 5hrs. You sleep 1am to 6am. He sleeps 8pm to 1am.

Can you go on laptop and bf at same time? I think that it can be done.
Itll be a mess but just about doable. It'll be hard to fit in getting dressed.
9am to 5pm Baby in carrycot / asleep or bouncy chair or bf. If making bottles get DH to do a batch of them for the whole day. On laptop while baby asleep or bf or bouncer. Snacks of toast and pot noodles.
Its not far off new muns shopping on laptop, watching box sets or playing on MN.

I used to go out more (in the olden days) and with a more phone based job you could still do that. Seems new mums stay in a lot nowadays anyway though.

I would go to playgroups and softplay and swimming / baby classes from 6m.

I WFH for most of the week. I have a cat and a husband, and they are both required to leave me in peace otherwise I can't work. I could NEVER work whilst looking after a baby. Its one or the other

Those saying it will never work are in a very luxurious position. I know people who have done this out of choice or because they’ve had too. It won’t be easy but what choice do you have? It certainly is possible but it will be tough!

I did similar @expectinglittlebear and it was OK. Mine was slightly different as I own the company but it was actually OK. Maybe I just had an easy baby, I don't know, but I got loads done while the baby slept next to me. /friends in America do this in their offices too.

I'd try it and see how you get on.

I know its going to be hard and I wouldn't be doing it unless needed

The trouble is if you're saying this is your only option what happens when it most likely doesn't work. You say you're doing it because you need to which means you will most likely keep doing it even if it's going poorly and you're job, baby and metal health will all suffer.

Not a chance. Even with the best baby in the world you won't manage to juggle full time hours as well without childcare.

Don't be so prickly, OP - you asked a bunch of people who know, and they told you. You don't know yet.

"Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...? " not me, but a close friend of mine thought she'd try it. She worked with her husband in a business they owned and during pregnancy they massively scaled her duties back. After the baby was born, she thought she would be able to carry on doing the stuff that was really core to her, so very light hours on a very flexible basis. It nearly killed her. A couple of weeks in they recruited maternity cover for her and she really regrets trying to do it and being so strung out for that time. She couldn't have had a more understanding boss (herself!) it's not about that. It's about how demanding it really is, and honestly, it's like nothing else.

Nobody listens to mothers, do they? Even women who go on a site to ask mothers' advice...

Can I ask what you would have done with your baby if your employer hadn't offered you any days to WFH?

@Lasair

Those saying it will never work are in a very luxurious position. I know people who have done this out of choice or because they’ve had too. It won’t be easy but what choice do you have? It certainly is possible but it will be tough!

Most people don't have the luxury of having jobs where you can work from home whilst holding a baby. Most contracts don't allow it either, for obvious reasons. My employer pays me to work, not to change my baby's nappy.

During the first lockdown I went back to work after mat leave. Only it was wfh with baby in tow because childcare was closed. Work were very understanding but it was near impossible and got harder the more mobile and less day sleep they had. After Christmas when childcare closed again they put me on furlough because its just too stressful for me and for the kids. Unless you do all your work in evening when child is in bed. Or just constantly juggle and have no time off at all from baby or work. It's not healthy.

I work from home around my son with no childcare - he's six and home educated. However , I work 16 hours a week at the absolute max and I still find it incredibly difficult. You will not be able to do it with a young baby, there's just no way. Sorry.

If you genuinely only have to manage 2 days work across 5 days and you get family help 1 day then yep I think it's totally doable to work 1 day over the remaining 4 days. You'll probably want a sling so baby can sleep on you, as that way baby will sleep longer and be more content.

However as a PP has mentioned, this will only work if you can still have the time to get out the house. I can't stress enough how significant a difference it makes to your mental health when you have a new baby to get out of the house every day whether for a walk or to meet other mums. So, so, so important. So if you only have to do 1 days work across 4 days but need to be at your laptop and available for the full 4 working days (even if not actively working) I think this would be far too much and you would be putting your mental health at risk.

You do realise there aren't actually tips to help you do this OP?

It's not do-able and your employer is categorically wrong for entertaining it. It's not illegal (I don't know why not) but just because something can be done, doesn't mean it should be.

The idea of sleeping in shifts reliably and out of choice is madness. You have to sleep when you can. And breastfeeding whilst you are on the laptop? Ridiculous to even think of it unless it's an absolute emergency and your normal childcare arrangements have broken down.

You can see from the thread that really the only women who have managed this are those who were self-employed, and even that was only for a few hours a week and extremely flexible. In that case, their client has no duty of care to them. And also, they found it extremely challenging.

Don't do this to yourself, your baby, your family or your employer. You shouldn't consider it any further as an option.