New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

This will undoubtedly affect your bond with your baby. Is it worth it?

OP I think half the issue is that you asked if you could work full time while looking after a baby then when everyone said ‘fuck no’ you said actually it’s not full time it’s more like two days per week which I can do whenever suits me (yet I’m still paid full time). If you had opened with that I’m sure most posters would have advised against it but perhaps slightly less vehemently.

I agree with 99% of posters who think this is madness and likely to absolutely destroy your entry into motherhood with your much longed for baby. I wouldn’t normally advise it but if you’re going back into a good salary could you not even live off credit cards for a few months to survive taking six months properly off? With a plan to pay it back of course but i honestly think even that is a more realistic and responsible choice than what you’re proposing.

I don’t think you can possibly have any idea of the myriad reasons why this is such a bad idea until you have had the baby and experienced those early weeks for yourself. But, even if you can’t imagine it right now, stop and ask yourself why almost every woman on this thread who has actually been through that experience thinks this is a complete non starter. If it was one or two ok maybe you are more capable than them. But this many telling you you’re mad…..you can’t ignore that.

I assume your unfathomably generous and accommodating employer hasn’t had their own newborn baby ever? If this thread is real I can only imagine this has been agreed by a man who hasn’t been near a newborn never kind suffered the physical trauma of birth.

Good luck OP, but please please look at other solutions or you risk ending up with severe PND, a neglected newborn and/or unemployed.

God no, looking after a baby is a full time job, it’d be impossible to do alongside an actual job at the same time. X

especially as a lot of people have had to do this during lockdowns over the past couple of years, I was hoping to get some tips on how to manage it all

Okay, my top tip: abandon the idea that it’s ‘hard’ to do properly and resign yourself to accepting it’s impossible to do properly. Or even adequately. What this looks like in practice is spending every waking hour flipping between child/work/child/work and still feeling like both a terrible mother and a terrible employer because you’re failing both of them. Get used to catching up at emails at 1.45am while sobbing.

Unless you have the easiest job possible, don’t do this.

I did work when my babies were 3 weeks old from home and yes it is possible, but I ran my own business and literally had no choice for the first 3-4 months and as soon as I'd managed to earn more I put them into nursery a few days a week.

It's such a different situation to what you're looking at, as you have a boss, and work hours, I was able to work between feeds, naps and tiredness and would work early or late and any hours between.

I think what you're suggesting could be ok short term but not once the baby is mobile.

It'd be possible with part time hours, say 4 split into 2 hour periods (if baby sleeps that long). No way you could do it full time, I had several moments on 9 months of maternity leave where I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a breakdown, just me and the baby.
The thought of looking after a baby while working full time hours.. It's just not possible to do this and be sane.

I'm sure op will try though anyway despite the advice. Not trying to be mean just being brutally honest as I still remember looking after my DS in the early months quite vividly (he's 17 months now). The rose tinted glasses before they are born is real.

Good luck op, you’ll need it but hopefully it’ll work.

The main problem is that if you end your maternity leave you can’t then restart it if after 2 weeks you have a breakdown.

If you have a very easy birth plus the most easy going baby that sleep well at night and during the day it might (just about be doable)

DD was 2.3 when lockdown one happened. I had to WFH for 2 weeks until my maternity leave started. I was getting up at 6am doing an hours work, getting DD ready and fed breakfast, then plonking her down with my ipad for 1/1.5 hours (basically the minimum time I could get away with from my employer). Then giving DD snack, then a quick play then lunch time. Then DD would go down for a two (sometimes 3 hour nap). Where I would frantically work and make calls, etc. Then we would have some more ipad/tv time whilst I frantically tried to finish my work. It was beyond stressful and the mum guilt from ignoring DD was unimaginable for those two weeks.

There was no way I could have gone back to work after 8 weeks with DD. I ended up with a tear, forceps, haemorrhage and ended up anaemic. I was taking a max does of painkillers month and it wasn’t until DD was 4 months old that I wasn’t in pain everyday. DD was also a Velcro baby who wanted me to constantly entertain her and would never nap during the day unless I took her out in the car. I went back to work when she was 7 months and I felt like an empty shell of myself. I remember my day back as I had time to drink a hot cup of tea and I also had a lunch break for the first time in 7 months!

DS was a much easier baby and would easily nap and I probably could have done an hour of two work per day if DD hadn’t been around!

Sadly I have to agree with what others have said. looking after a newborn is a full time job.

As well as the lack of sleep and feeding schedule. There will be extra washing that needs doing bottles to make up and sterilise, unless you are exclusively breast feeding. Plus the first 6 months is full of doctors/health visitor appointments/vaccinations/getting weighed etc..
Babies immune systems are not developed and so they pick up coughs & colds etc..really easily and when they are poorly they don't settle and will cry a lot.. so you have to bear this in mind.

If you are lucky & can get into a good routine, the baby should nap 3x a day and you will need this time to rest and catch up on jobs.

Sorry I hate to say this but I really cannot see how it will be possible to work full time. Would they let you do part-time for the first year, until you are a bit more settled? You might be entitled to tax-credits if your income is reduced?

My DD was in a similar position with her LO and it didn't work - baby took up too much time - and he is a goodun.

"You might be entitled to tax-credits if your income is reduced?"

It's no longer possible to make a new claim for tax credits. It would be Universal Credit.

when i knew i was going back to work when my DC was 3 mths old i was super organised. stopped BF, got him into a good routine...your more focussed when you know your not having a long maternity leave. You will be tired having an 8 week old, however if your job is as chilled as you say it is ...you will likely be able to do whats needed during the course of a 24hr day not 9-5

I worked from home after 6 weeks Mat leave. It was bloody difficult and only part time!

Well you’ve nothing to lose by giving it a go!

This is absolutely not true. Once she ends her maternity leave she can't restart it so if it's a disaster the only option would be to resign and therefore not get even statutory maternity pay.

I'm about to return to work in a few weeks with an 8 month old. I am going to be working full time compressed hours over 4 days from home, my parents will be here from 7.30am-5.30pm. I won't be looking after the baby in work hours. What you are attempting to do is impossible, I've had a few keeping in touch meetings since my baby was 3 or 4 months old, it was stressful as the baby would not settle, needed feeding etc etc during the meeting. I was only listening and it was hard. I honestly can't imagine doing work with a small baby, they are pretty constant and if they nap that's your window to clean yourself, the house or have some food or drink. I think reality is far from what you are imagining. I'm not convinced any employer would be on board with this either, they are paying you to work not to babysit.

I would do anything to keep the job, even if that meant going into a bit of debt short term. Your long term earnings potential drops by something like 40% on average if you take time out.

I think it’ll be pretty rubbish for you while you do it, but if that was my only option to keep my job, especially one that sounds as flexible as yours, I would. During our lockdown (abroad not UK). We had no childcare for our 18 month old for 8 weeks. It was fairly terrible but also doable and she was only napping once a day.

Why on earth is your boss paying you to work a 40-hour week when

My workload is incredibly light, we are a very small company and so in my 40 hour work week, if I was to cram all my 'weekly workload' together, it would probably be 2 days max?

What a waste of money for your boss. What do you do the other three days?

Hello OP

I worked around a baby, I contract for companies but have own business. I had a peaceful baby and I work very quickly - it is possible to do SOME work in these circumstances but not a full 8 hour day. That is not possible in my opinion.

I worked about 12-15 hours a week which was do-able for me. I couldn't have done more. I was also really tired so less productive than normal. And a lot depends on the temperament of your baby. You can't predict this.

Depends on a combination of your job and the baby.

With the work you've described, I think it is totally possible.

I did this with a job based mostly online with very few calls. I had four weeks off and then went straight back into it.

The things you'll probably find you need to adjust to - if your work allows it. You'll end up spreading the work out across longer hours. In other words if there are tasks you can save that are not time specific so that you can grab some time in the evening when partner comes home to get all done.

Which means you need an understanding partner who is prepared to be flexible about taking turns with the baby and housework to help you manage the work from home plus childcare load.

You'll have to be very organized and work out a good variety of options for soothing the baby while you are working.

In the early days I had a swing set up next to my desk, and sometimes used the pram to rock her (with my foot) to sleep while working.

When tiny you can put them in a sling and still type on a computer.

I got very fast typing with one hand while breastfeeding her with the other arm.

If you get a baby that likes a routine, and is a good sleeper you'll find it fairly easy for the first ten months. Even with a little rascal like I had it was possible but quite intense.

It's more difficult when they are walking and talking but for 10-24 months I had a series of 'penned' areas with toddler proof stuff to play with, I just had to be very organised to keep her entertained etc.

For busy work weeks you can always try hiring a 'mother's helper' to come and entertain the baby in your home while you work. In school holidays that could be a teenager - or in school time a retired person.

@expectinglittlebear

Thank you *@HotDiggidy2017*

In regards to DH he is a Mechanical Engineer, and so there is physically no way he could work from home. He will be picking up everything in the evenings, he is more than capable of sharing the load, which he will do as I know he is going to be an amazing dad, but due to his trade he won't be there during the daytime.

It appears that the general consensus is that I am naive for thinking I could do it - thank you for your opinions. I am most certainly not looking at this through rose tinted glasses, I know its going to be hard and I wouldn't be doing it unless needed, and therefore especially as a lot of people have had to do this during lockdowns over the past couple of years, I was hoping to get some tips on how to manage it all.

Thank you for all your responses regardless.

OP your dh does not need to wfh, he can take paternity leave AND parental leave, both paid to some extent, if it is so imperative that you return to work.

Why are you not perusing this, and he'll-bent on what 300+ posters have told you is likely to be an impossible task (with massive impact on your productivity, recovery, parenting and mental health)?

Not exactly the same but I’m trying to do my last year at university having just had my baby 7 weeks early. I started back classes the week after the baby was born, while recovering from an EMCS and visiting them every day in the neonatal unit.

I’m only 5 weeks in but it’s not been too bad. Although the baby brain is not conducive to doing academic work but I’m trying. I have no other choice but to make it work. Over the past 4 years there’s been at least 8 babies born to women in my class, some have had 2 in that time and they’ve all managed to do their work and look after their children.

I understand it’s not exactly the same but if your job is flexible then it shouldn’t be impossible with a newborn. Good luck.

There’s a reason millions of parents use Childcare……you can’t be a full time mum at home AND work full time, it’s one or t’other.

children need interaction, babies brains develop so much in the early stages. They can’t shouldn’t sit in a bouncy chair all day while their primary care giver is on a laptop.

Don't forget how much they sleep though.

OP - as long as you know that it will be hard. And accept that there are some factors you can't prepare for until it happens (your post birth recovery, the baby's temperament, how easy or hard sleep and feeding will be) there's every chance you will be fine. I think we underestimate what we can do when we have to.

As I said in my earlier post, I did exactly this, and I did all the night wakings for the first 18 months. There were some very tough times but it was also wonderful being able to spend time with my baby all day and still work.

If I had the choice of a long maternity leave vs WFH after five weeks then of course I'd choose a long maternity leave. BUT I didn't have that option (USA) and I made it work.

Don't forget how much they sleep though.

Again that's niave. Some newborn babies sleep lots but once again that's some babies not all. Mine didn't and I know many many more who had babies who didn't sleep well either even as newborns. So I really wouldn't be encouraging anyone to make a choice using the argument about how much babies sleep.

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Don't forget how much they sleep though.

Again that's niave. Some newborn babies sleep lots but once again that's some babies not all. Mine didn't and I know many many more who had babies who didn't sleep well either even as newborns. So I really wouldn't be encouraging anyone to make a choice using the argument about how much babies sleep.

I didn't have a 'good' sleeper either - at night. But babies do all sleep a lot - they just do it in fits and starts. Which is hell when you are trying to get sleep yourself but actually is fairly easy to work around when WFH.

You just have to be able to switch fast between tasks / childcare. And be ready to work like crazy for a 2-hour stretch when they drop off.

Of course, not all jobs can be structured like that but if you have one that can then it's not impossible to do it, and even enjoy the process.