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Original poster

What age should kids learn about different sexual orientations?

178 replies

unpredictablemum · 21/10/2021 21:32

I’ve been categorised as a closed minded parent for saying a 4 year old is too young to understand and that they might be confused by it, I’m now wondering if I am in the wrong? And most importantly to clarify I have absolutely nothing against people with different sexual orientations.
Back story is I was incorrectly told that the new superman is bisexual (it's actually a new character, superman's son) and as my son loves superhero's I expressed that my son might be confused if his favourite superhero started kissing men all of a sudden, is that not a fair comment 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep · 21/10/2021 21:35

If it comes up in the general conversation then yes. I would matter of fact tell them that some men like women, some like men, some like both etc.
It's only a big deal if you make it one.

I'm a bit baffled by where he's going to see superman kissing anybody mind...

SpinsForGin · 21/10/2021 21:36

If it comes up in the general conversation then yes. I would matter of fact tell them that some men like women, some like men, some like both etc.
It's only a big deal if you make it one.

This. We've always been honest about it when it comes up in conversation.

Sirzy · 21/10/2021 21:37

I don’t think there is any reason that from a young age children can’t understand some men love women. Some women love men. Some men love women and some women love men. Just normalise it, no need to make a massive fuss about it.

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MistyFrequencies · 21/10/2021 21:38

My 4 year old has literally never even questioned why her uncle is married to a man. To her it's as normal as me (a woman) being married to a man. ...I think you're projecting some of your own thoughts of this somehow being not 'normal' onto what your son might think when I'm reality kids just accept whatever they see as being 'normal'. I bet he wouldn't even question superman kissing a man.

ThirdElephant · 21/10/2021 21:38

You just do it in the context of different families. Some children have two daddies or two mummies etc etc. They take it in their stride.

I would say that 4 is probably bit young for DC/Marvel though.

NotAnotherPushyMum · 21/10/2021 21:38

I’ve never felt the need to discuss it as such. It’s just always been ‘normal’ that people can love who they want!

Totallydefeated · 21/10/2021 21:39

I’m not sure any age is too young - after all, there are children growing up in families with same sex parents with a mummy and a mama, or a daddy and a papa.

DD6 has spent her whole life living next to our lovely neighbours, who are a gay married couple and I only recall her asking once, quite recently, about why Uncle Dave and Uncle Steve live together. We just told her they’re married and love each other and that was fine by her.

TheCheeseBadge · 21/10/2021 21:39

My 3 year old son has always been capable of understanding that he has 2 mums. HTH.

Whataday21 · 21/10/2021 21:39

Mine have always known. I think we just always said that men could marry men, for example, as they could grasp that was a romantic relationship.

IDontDrinkTea · 21/10/2021 21:39

I don’t think there is an appropriate age. We have gay friends and I’ve never presented their relationship as any different to any of my straight friends. I just said that everybody can choose a special person to love, and I chose daddy. Our friend Paul has chosen Martin. It never really came up as a ‘choice’ as to when to tell her - it’s no different

TrampolineForMrKite · 21/10/2021 21:40

Just whenever it comes up, surely? DHs brother is gay and has a partner, so DD1 asked about it when she was about 18m old. We said “some people love people of the opposite sex, some people love people of the same sex.... uncle Dan loves people the same sex as him, so that’s why we also have Uncle Phil” and she was like “okay cool” and went back to her Duplo. I can’t imagine my child asking me about it and me either saying “that’s something we don’t talk about at your age” or lying about if.

WhatsitWiggle · 21/10/2021 21:40

My experience of children that age is that they are completely accepting of things they are told. So a simple explanation of some men kiss women, some men kiss men is more than likely going to be met with a nod and a return to whatever the child was doing beforehand.

I remember my daughter at that age declaring she was going to marry her best friend, and then asking me "can girls marry girls?". My reply of "yes they can" didn't lead to any further questioning or confusion.

SinoohXaenaHide · 21/10/2021 21:41

The thing is that it's only "confusing" if you have first taught a child "heteronormativity" in the first place. Which is an inherently homophobic thing to do. If she's never been taught that relationships and marriages are always between a man and a woman then there's nothing to be confused about. Grownups often find one special friend who is so special that they want to share as much time as possible together. That can be with a man or a woman - and quite often but not always, a lot of people pair up as one man and one woman but its not unusual for pairs to be two men or two women. A 4yo doesn't need to know any more details than that.

adoreyou · 21/10/2021 21:42

At 4 they know what you tell them/show them.

If you tell them only men and women can marry/be in a relationship then yes they would then find it weird to see a same sex couple together.
If you only have straight couple friends/family they may again find a same sex couple strange.

Oh and apparently superman is now bi-sexual in the recent graphic novels!

Aria2015 · 21/10/2021 21:42

I've been telling my dc how anyone can love anyone and that 2 men can get married, 2 women, a man and woman etc... since they were old enough to talk really. I don't feel like there is anything for them to be confused about. I want them to grow up not even to question it if they see two people of the same sex hold hands or kiss. So no, I don't think it would be too much for a 4 year old to get their head around.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 21/10/2021 21:43

From when DD was about 3 we've answered occasional questions about why those 2 girls are holding hands, or kissing, or if a boy can have a boyfriend.

We've always just said that you love who you love. Sometimes boys love girls, sometimes boys love boys or girls love girls. It doesn't really matter what the order or configuration is.

ThirdElephant · 21/10/2021 21:43

@adoreyou

At 4 they know what you tell them/show them.

If you tell them only men and women can marry/be in a relationship then yes they would then find it weird to see a same sex couple together.
If you only have straight couple friends/family they may again find a same sex couple strange.

Oh and apparently superman is now bi-sexual in the recent graphic novels!

I thought that was Kon? A clone of superman created by Lex Luthor?

I may be totally wrong here btw.

NoJuliana · 21/10/2021 21:44

A four year old is absolutely not too young to understand, and to be honest i’d be surprised if they’ve not come same sex families in books etc at school or nursery. Two people who love one another, it’s not more complex than that 💕

ShinyGreenElephant · 21/10/2021 21:45

No age is too young, it should be normalised right from the start, because it is normal. Mine have grown up around same sex couples and never questioned it or found it "confusing". Surely a 4yo is a bit young for DC though? That's what I'd be worrying about rather than projecting your own backwards views

TedMullins · 21/10/2021 21:45

Unless you think he’s also too young to know that people are straight, then YABU. It shouldn’t be any more ‘confusing’ than a man and woman kissing.

VashtaNerada · 21/10/2021 21:46

My DC have always known that couples can be same-sex. So, yes, I do think you’ve got it wrong.

mrsbitaly · 21/10/2021 21:47

I only explained it when my daughter started seeing couples same sex holding hands ect or when she learned a word like lesbian without knowing what it actually meant but certainly not 4 I don't think but purely because she didn't question it at that age.

I don't think a 4 year old would be confused as such and if he does question it when watching it be open and honest that love happens in all kinds of ways you don't have to be graphic

DigOlBick · 21/10/2021 21:48

Surely gay relationships are just seen as normal from any age? Unless you’re saying that gay relationships are not appropriate??

5zeds · 21/10/2021 21:51

If he’s gay fo you mind him being confused by heterosexual relationships?

I personally don’t like any on screen sexualised activity though I’d be hard pressed to mind people kissing.

Youcancallmeval · 21/10/2021 21:51

DD never asked questions, I never discussed relationships with her, it was just her experiences. It was always completely normal for her to be around same sex couples as well as opposite sex couples. She did ask me at 12 if she had to tell me if she thought she liked girls but I told her I wouldn't expect her to announce she liked boys so it didn't need comment either way. Your DC will take their lead from you and you don't need to make a thing about it. It's only confusing if you sell relationships as being man plus woman.