What age should kids learn about different sexual orientations?

[unpredictablemum]

I’ve been categorised as a closed minded parent for saying a 4 year old is too young to understand and that they might be confused by it, I’m now wondering if I am in the wrong? And most importantly to clarify I have absolutely nothing against people with different sexual orientations.
Back story is I was incorrectly told that the new superman is bisexual (it's actually a new character, superman's son) and as my son loves superhero's I expressed that my son might be confused if his favourite superhero started kissing men all of a sudden, is that not a fair comment 🤷‍♀️

I’d just answer questions, factually, as and when they get asked and not make a big deal when stuff comes up in conversation. Some of my female friends have husbands, some have wives. So far DC1 (6) hasn’t asked why. At the moment he wants to be a train driver and a daddy, but hasn’t said anything about getting married.

We did have a sticky moment a few weeks ago when he asked whether boys could become girls which I think got fobbed off by DH as being “complicated”….

Wow, did t expect that much response! But point taken people, I will not try to be so closed minded about the subject, thank you for all of your comments and not having a go at me!
My son does not know anything other than male and female because that's all he knows or has seen and not because I've hidden it from him, just because he doesn't know anyone that is gay or lesbian or bi. I have gay and lesbian friends but don't really see them.
So what about Disney, should they create a bi character to show kids it's a normal thing?? Do they cover anything like this in primary school? I don't know, I am a mum of one so every stage is new to me

@unpredictablemum

Wow, did t expect that much response! But point taken people, I will not try to be so closed minded about the subject, thank you for all of your comments and not having a go at me! My son does not know anything other than male and female because that's all he knows or has seen and not because I've hidden it from him, just because he doesn't know anyone that is gay or lesbian or bi. I have gay and lesbian friends but don't really see them. So what about Disney, should they create a bi character to show kids it's a normal thing?? Do they cover anything like this in primary school? I don't know, I am a mum of one so every stage is new to me

I wouldn’t look to Disney! I’m sure primary cover sexualities at some point, but you’ve raised an instance yourself where orientation may come up —Superman’s son? Just explain if your DS asks, and you can talk about your gay friends.

Marelle just turned 3? IME that’s very unusual, do they go to nursery or spend much time with other kids?
Nursery twice a week since he became eligible for free hours in September (last month) 🤷‍♀️

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

Sorry, it isn’t fair comment. It’s giving the message that heterosexuality is the default position and anything else is deviant. It is an inherently homophobic thing to say even though I know you don’t intend it.

There doesn’t need to be an age where it’s revealed like a secret! They can grow up knowing people can love, marry and have children with whoever they like as long as the other person also wants that!

Ok appreciate it does sound homophobic but science and nature intended for male and female in order to breed and reproduce and this is a default teaching to any child... guessing I am wrong again with this... please don't hate me!

@unpredictablemum

Honestly yeah. Why not?
There are gay characters in children’s cartoons already. Hey Duggee has a pair of male crabs who live together and mention being together. Same sex love is not any more “adult” than opposite sex love.

Oh I see we’re on same sex being not “what nature intended”. Okay, that’s enough internet for today. 😒

[quote Mumoblue]@unpredictablemum

Honestly yeah. Why not?
There are gay characters in children’s cartoons already. Hey Duggee has a pair of male crabs who live together and mention being together. Same sex love is not any more “adult” than opposite sex love.[/quote]
We watch hey duggee and I never actually noticed that!
Maybe I'm just thinking about how I grew up and what I was taught as normal, it was a bit taboo when I was a child

Ok appreciate it does sound homophobic but science and nature intended for male and female in order to breed and reproduce and this is a default teaching to any child... guessing I am wrong again with this... please don't hate me!

There's no 'intent' in science and nature. The two sexes may have evolved for sexual reproduction and thats the primary function. But in humans and some other animals, sex has other functions - social ones of various sorts. So you're being too simplistic.

We have been open about the idea that people can have relationships or feelings for the same sex or opposite sex always, like since they could talk or do role play.

You don't need to get into sexual orientations (so I suppose in essence they assume everyone is bisexual until they are old enough to understand most people have a preference towards one or the other) and neither is it confusing in the slightest. They just accept it as normal... because it is.

Yes it is useful/helpful for same sex relationships to be represented in children's media. Many children will be gay, lesbian, bisexual etc themselves. It would be a bit werd if only gay relationships were ever shown wouldn't it? So by the same token it's weird that until recently only heterosexual relationships were ever shown, unless you think non-heterosexual relationships are something taboo.

It’s definitely taught in primary school here at about age 9/10 but I would hate for my child to be the one finding out for the first time in front of classmates from a teacher. I’ve always handled these things as a gradual drip of information so there has never been the need for a big talk or any shock.

But in our house, love is love no matter who or what.

I think you might want to give your thinking a shake, OP. You actually do sound homophobic the more you post, and the coy little exclamations of ‘Don’t hate me!’ don’t really alter that.

As soon as they're old enough to ask why those 2 men are kissing.

@Mumoblue

Oh I see we’re on same sex being not “what nature intended”. Okay, that’s enough internet for today. 😒

Sorry to offend but nature intends to reproduce in order for the species to survive, that is science and fact. As the human race we have indeed evolved from that to anything goes and I would never judge anyone on who they want or decide to be but science is still science..,, I'm going to shit up now as I'm digging a hole for myself here and I'm sorry if I have offended anyone.

Nature ‘intends’ nothing @unpredictablemum.

Relationship education is now part of primary education. They might not list orientations by name as sex ed isn't required in primary - though more schools are doing some of the basics - but there is an effort to represent many different types of families and relationships.

Disney has had brief representation of same sex couples in some of it's children's shows and movies, but really - as much as Disney would like otherwise - there are other media options. There are a lot of children's books and other shows that show a wide range of families and relationships.

but science and nature intended for male and female in order to breed and reproduce and this is a default teaching to any child

I don't default to teaching my children about breeding and reproduction from the start.

I default to starting teaching my children about relationships and emotions.

And homosexuality and bisexuality has been shown in tens of thousands of species so science and nature are a little more complicated than you're representing.

@unpredictablemum

Homosexuality appears in nature. Nature doesn’t “intend” anything. Science has no problem with people being gay. You do. Just because we reproduce doesn’t mean that’s all we do. And yeah, I am a little offended by homophobic comments.

science and nature intended for male and female in order to breed and reproduce and this is a default teaching to any child...

Oh dear.

I think when it naturally comes up in life - which happened to be when DS1 was reading 'The Boy in a Dress' and he got called a 'poofter' by another character. Modern DC's programmes and books though are full of gay characters. I remember Julia Donaldson's 'Tabby McTat' has a lesbian couple in it, they're not labelled as such, but I think putting that kind of content into a DC's life gets them used to the idea early on that love is love.

I dont think there is any age thats too young for kids to know that there are different relationship types. Its completely normal. Dont you know any gay people? Its hardly a big secret.

Right so the problem here is that you’re homophobic. Maybe not deliberately so.

I never taught my kids that nature intended for people to be heterosexual so I didn’t need to worry about when to reveal to them that some deviated from what I had taught them was ‘natural.’ That will be the problem.

Although if your four year old is advanced enough to understand that humanity evolved to breed and that’s why the ‘norm’ is heterosexuality (in your view) then I’m sure he’ll be able to understand some people being gay.

@Clandestin

I think you might want to give your thinking a shake, OP. You actually do sound homophobic the more you post, and the coy little exclamations of ‘Don’t hate me!’ don’t really alter that.

Because I was bought up straight around straight people and taught male and female at school. Im asking for advice, opinions and ideas not an argument so I can better my parenting. It's clear everyone disagrees with me which I accept and will endeavour to change my ways

Reproduction and love are different things. Their friends will have all sorts of family set ups... Mum&Dad together seperated parents, half siblings, step siblings, gay parents, parents who were never together, donated conception...

Well, its true that if you've brought your children to know that men can love women or men, and women can love women or men from the first time they were aware of human relationships, then when you go on to "where do babies come from?" you might have questions about can Uncle Jack and Uncle Brian have a baby?

But that's still really easy to answer, so meh.

Children that age pretty much accept what you tell them. Keep it simple and in magnate he'd understand: "Some Daddies marry mummies and some daddies marry another daddy"