What age should kids learn about different sexual orientations?

[unpredictablemum]

I’ve been categorised as a closed minded parent for saying a 4 year old is too young to understand and that they might be confused by it, I’m now wondering if I am in the wrong? And most importantly to clarify I have absolutely nothing against people with different sexual orientations.
Back story is I was incorrectly told that the new superman is bisexual (it's actually a new character, superman's son) and as my son loves superhero's I expressed that my son might be confused if his favourite superhero started kissing men all of a sudden, is that not a fair comment 🤷‍♀️

Our not yet three year old has no difficulty understanding that most of Mummy and Daddy’s friends have a man and a lady living together, two are ladies who live together. If you make a big deal of it, it will become a big deal.

• that, while

They can be taught this from day one. Same as they can be taught that skin colour is largely irrelevant and that there is no differences in what a girl or a boy can achieve if they put their minds to it.

My older sister is gay so my children have just grown up with it, they've never questioned it at all

Why would he be confused? I have never understood this argument.
Kids are never “too young” to learn about gay people. It would be ridiculous to suggest they were “too young” to learn about straight people- what is the difference?

I was never confused by my Aunt being a lesbian. I never even needed it explained to me, it was just normal. In fact I remember as a kid being quite insulted by hearing the “it’ll confuse the children!” argument.

If you don't explain it, you're leaving it to the one kid at nursery or school with same sex parents to either educate your child or keep quiet about their family.

Tell kids about things they will encounter in the world, it's not hard. They should know about racism and disability and class etc as well, in terms that make sense to them. Because otherwise you're leaving it to little kids to teach your children and that's not fair.

You're not protecting them from anything, you're setting them up to give another child a hard time. Some families have to have tricky conversations with their kids about sexuality, race, disability etc from the get go, why shouldn't yours?

Why would he be confused? I have never understood this argument.
Kids are never “too young” to learn about gay people. It would be ridiculous to suggest they were “too young” to learn about straight people- what is the difference?

Homophobia is the difference, but they’re too weak to admit it so they’ll do this pathetic dance of pretending a child will be confused.

My 6 and 3 year old have had gay uncles since birth and not batted an eyelid. Confusing part is they get referred to as aunty x and aunty y

I was going to say much the same as everyone else. Ds’s uncle and his husband visited him from day 1 so was entirely used to it. He has never actually been to a wedding between a man and a woman, first time will be next summer hope it’s not too hard to explain

I think you’re massively overthinking this OP. Kids are so accepting of everything and it’s adults who change that along the way by getting it so wrong IMO. When my kids have touched on subject (only through discussing PHSE mind), I’ve just said I don’t understand why there are a few people who have issues with what goes on behind closed doors. Love is love, love is beautiful. You can have a boyfriend if you’re a boy or a girlfriend if you’re a girl, you can marry the same sex, as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.
For a very young child I’d say nothing at all? I honestly don’t think a young child would even question it as they don’t think of the semantics of the act itself.

My DS is 5 next month and about a year ago, randomly asked me if boys can marry boys and I said yes. He then asked if girls can marry girls and I said yes. He then asked me if he could have wraps for lunch. It’s a non issue. Why shouldn’t he know from a young age. Won’t confuse him unless you make it an issue

Is he confused when his favourite superheroes start kissing women? I’d imagine not.

So just say yes superman loves Lois Lane doesn’t he. Yes superman’s son loves x character.

And how do you think children of gay people manage 😂 do you think one parent dresses as a the opposite sex until the child is old enough to be exposed to the fact they have two mums/two dads.

Mine always knew people could love and marry whoever. What was more interesting was their questions once they had a grasp of intercourse, what did men who loved men do? I told the truth and they (DTs) absolutely fell about laughing.

Mind you these days it seems no child under 8 could ever be that innocent

What everyone said. Wait til your DS is old enough to ask complicated questions about the exact difference between pansexual and bisexual (my 9 year old this week after passing some Pride banner.)

Nothing confusing about ‘some men like women, some like men, some women like women, some like men.’

Is there no one gay in your son’s life?

I don't think it needs to have a set age. If it's something that's normalised in day-to-day life then there never really needs to be a big fuss made about "learning" about it.

In the course of growing up, your kid is bound to see same-sex couples on TV, go to school with children who have same-sex parents, see trans persons walking down the street in high heels and glitter. No fuss needs to be made. If it's just a normal part of growing up, it's something kids naturally accept as life and not something that's hidden then touted as some sort of big reveal when they get to a certain age.

My 17-year-old stepson was round our house a few weeks ago and was crying as his lifelong (male) friend had just come out to him as trans. I asked him why he was crying and (stupidly) expected him to say something like, "He won't want to hang out with a boy now that he's a girl" but instead he said through his tears, "I'm just so happy that they're finally living their truth". It was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard and I was really touched that the lad wasn't sad for the friend he lost but happy that the friend he'd gained was a happier, more comfortable version of themselves.

I think the younger generation is a lot more accepting of sexual differences than we give them credit for so if my 17-year-old stepson is coming out with statements like that now, just imagine the level of acceptance and understanding a 4-year-old today will have by the time they get to 17. No need for a "talk" about it. I think it just "is".

There's nothing to teach, it's only a big deal if you make it one.
It's exactly the same as a gay couple with a child, they will see heterosexual couples and think nothing of it.
You do seem a bit "off" about the subject given the way you've written your op. 4 is absolutely not too young for a child to understand that two people love each other, that's all there is to it - if he asks, that's all you say.
"Superman and his boyfriend love each other the same way mummy/daddy nanny/grandad superman/Lois love each other".
He's only ever going to be "confused" if you react to it.
My children have two nanny's - neither have ever questioned why nanny and nanny are women and mummy and daddy are a man and a woman.

My 3yo calls everyone “he” and doesn’t understand the difference between male and female. So I don’t really think this is an issue that needs to be addressed for at least another 3-4 years.

Yes, you have been closed-minded here, quite honestly. There is absolutely no reason why a four-year-old would find any same-sex partnership 'confusing' unless he has already been exposed to homophobic or biphobic views from adults in his life.

At the same age they learn about heterosexual orientation? Why differentiate?

I genuinely have no idea why anyone thinks kids would find the concept of homosexuality confusing. It's such a weird belief. 4 year olds aren't stupid, it's pretty obvious if you've ever interacted with anyone else that not everyone lives with a mummy and a daddy. My parents are divorced and my 5 year old asked me once why granny and grandad don't live together and I had to explain that they used to live with each other but now don't, and grandad lives with X instead now, and that aunty y and uncle z are mummy's brother and sister but we only have the same daddy and not the same mummy. If he was able to understand that I don't see why saying "some women love men and some women love women" would blow his mind? And yes, I do think that treating homosexuality as something children need to be protected from until they're "ready" is inherently homophobic.

Sorry, it isn’t fair comment. It’s giving the message that heterosexuality is the default position and anything else is deviant. It is an inherently homophobic thing to say even though I know you don’t intend it.

There doesn’t need to be an age where it’s revealed like a secret! They can grow up knowing people can love, marry and have children with whoever they like as long as the other person also wants that!

Marelle that is unusual. ‘Girl’ or ‘boy’ is usually a big part of a three year old’s identity and they’re usually obsessed with who has a Willy and who has girl bits.

Their godmother is a lesbian so as soon as they were born? It’s not confusing, it’s completely normal.

@Marelle just turned 3? IME that’s very unusual, do they go to nursery or spend much time with other kids? Every 3/4yo I know (a lot, I have one) is obsessed with boys/girls/the differences and toilet humour