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Original poster

What age should kids learn about different sexual orientations?

178 replies

unpredictablemum · 21/10/2021 21:32

I’ve been categorised as a closed minded parent for saying a 4 year old is too young to understand and that they might be confused by it, I’m now wondering if I am in the wrong? And most importantly to clarify I have absolutely nothing against people with different sexual orientations.
Back story is I was incorrectly told that the new superman is bisexual (it's actually a new character, superman's son) and as my son loves superhero's I expressed that my son might be confused if his favourite superhero started kissing men all of a sudden, is that not a fair comment 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 21/10/2021 21:52

I was lucky to know a married gay couple and a married lesbian couple so my dc didn’t need to be taught about same sex relationships.

I think it’s easy when they’re that age because they don’t know about sex so see relationships as being very good friendships where people cohabit and sometimes have babies.

I think my dc (now 13 and 11) would struggle with the idea of superman kissing lots of people rather than the sex of the people involved. The younger one finds it hard to believe I had boyfriends before their dad and the older one screws her face up when she sees anyone kissing whatever their sexual orientation. Both know about sex but assume people only do it twice to have babies rather than for fun!

Rainbowunicorn76 · 21/10/2021 21:54

My ds attended his dad's wedding to another man aged 3. He has happy memories of the day and apparently not confused at all.
No need for details it should just be normal and accepted now.

MissAmbrosia · 21/10/2021 21:57

Dd announced to me in the car one night aged about 4 that her teacher had said that girls could marry girls and boys could marry boys. I was slightly surprised as to how the topic came up, but just said indeed that was the case. She said she wanted to marry ME in that case. Grin. I explained that wasn't possible as I was already married to daddy. She saw nothing strange or confusing about it and never has done til this day. Though at 17 she'd be horrified by the idea of ever saying she wanted to marry me.

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lottiegarbanzo · 21/10/2021 21:58

2

Honestly, who cares? Children don't hold the prior assumptions that adults do. To a small child, the idea that women can love, kiss and marry women and men men is completely normal.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 21/10/2021 21:59

I've never "taught" my dc about same sex relationships. There's nothing to teach. "DC this is Mummy's friend Sally and her husband David." Another day "this is Mummy's friend Hannah and her wife Belinda."
*husband/wife could equally be gf/bf.

Siepie · 21/10/2021 21:59

My 1 year old knows he has Mummy and Mama, and has obviously seen that other children have Mummy and Daddy, or live with Granny, etc. Of course he doesn’t know what being gay means, but he’s not confused by it.

Since he’s seen me and my wife kissing, do you think my DS would be confused by straight couples? Maybe I should keep him away from straight superheros until he’s a teenager?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/10/2021 22:01

We always just say "boyfriend or girlfriend" and "husband or wife" when talking to our dc. Never had to explain it to them or open their mind to it - it's just always been known.

My mum rang once when she had dd 2.5yo at the time who had said to her "men can marry men" - mum wanted to know "what on earth to tell her??"

I said - just say yes.

stillonthattightrope · 21/10/2021 22:02

It just shouldn't be a thing now. Your child will only be confused if you're weird about it.

WaverleyOwl · 21/10/2021 22:03

I've just told both my boys from a young age that they might have future boyfriends or girlfriends, and to introduce me. Job done.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 21/10/2021 22:04

Lots of same sex couples at my DC’s nursery, so they’ve always known there are different combinations of parents. I don’t think there is such a thing as ‘too young’ to understand or start talking about this.

riotlady · 21/10/2021 22:05

Not sure what’s confusing to understand about it? DD is 3 and knows some families have a mummy and a daddy, some have two daddies, some just have a mummy, etc etc

Thurlow · 21/10/2021 22:06

The only way it might be 'confusing' is if they somehow think that only mixed sex relationships are normal. There's actually nothing to explain or talk about. Some men are with women, some men are with men, some women are with women etc. Some people have a mum and a dad, some people have two mums.

I never found it was anything that needed explaining. People like other people, end of.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 21/10/2021 22:06

Took the kids to my cousin’s (lesbian) wedding when they were 4 and 1.

SmallProvincial · 21/10/2021 22:07

Same as many PPs, DD has no concept that heterosexuality is the 'norm'... She has friends with same sex parents, her female teacher married a woman, it's just never cropped up as something we need to explain.

I imagine it might be something we'd need to explain if we lived in a less diverse area.

TartanDMs · 21/10/2021 22:07

My DS has always known that his auntie has a girlfriend, and that you can love anyone, and that is fine and natural. I have never sat him down and had a talk about sexuality as such, he's just seen that it's normal for two women to be together and this it must be similarly normal for two men, or a man and a woman like me and DH. The only talk we ever had like that was where we reassured him that he could feel free to be gay, straight or bi. I think that was when he was about 11 after one of his friends had told him that his dad didn't agree with gay men, and it was the first time he had noticed overt prejudice.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/10/2021 22:09

Children are open minded. They will accept things if its presented as normal.

Bimblybomeyelash · 21/10/2021 22:11

They learn about families in reception. Both of mine came home telling me how
Some families have only one mummy and some families have two daddies etc. I was like ‘yup’. It’s good to just normalise these things from an early age. No need to get into ‘sexual attraction’ at 4, but the idea that there are different types of families and relationships is fine. My mum was all interested in what my kids would thing about the male couple of strictly. They didn’t even bat an eyelid, to them it was just another pair of dancers. Complete acceptance.

audweb · 21/10/2021 22:17

I’ve told my child since she was tiny that love is love, and some boys love girls, and some love boys etc etc. There’s nothing confusing about it, and if you have no one in your circle that is gay/bisexual then I think the earlier you are open about that the better. I also talk in general terms about boyfriends or girlfriends she might have in the future.

Ask yourself why you think it would be confusing? And why you wouldn’t want your child to know people are gay or bisexual?

BiBabbles · 21/10/2021 22:24

Of all the things that show up in comics, I'd think there are far more confusing and concerning things for a 4 year old than a guy kissing another guy.

It's not really a taught lesson labeling different sexual orientations but yeah, we read stories and see people loving towards each other. They see people kiss, it's really not that hard to explain if there is any confusion that guys can love guys and girls can love girls too if they don't have any experience of it with adults around them.

Sickit · 21/10/2021 22:27

I think it shows you have quite homogeneous friendship group. I don't think kids are ever to young to understand that some people love the same sex, but DSs best mate has 2 mum's so it's something we covered very early on.

Bushkin · 21/10/2021 22:32

We have a number of LGBT friends so my children have always known, they wouldn’t bat an eyelid

Pleasedonteliminate · 21/10/2021 22:33

I think they are never too young to learn and if you hide them from it,it makes it taboo. Education is important from a young age so your child is accepting,accepted and can be an ally if needed

Simonjt · 21/10/2021 22:34

@unpredictablemum

I’ve been categorised as a closed minded parent for saying a 4 year old is too young to understand and that they might be confused by it, I’m now wondering if I am in the wrong? And most importantly to clarify I have absolutely nothing against people with different sexual orientations. Back story is I was incorrectly told that the new superman is bisexual (it's actually a new character, superman's son) and as my son loves superhero's I expressed that my son might be confused if his favourite superhero started kissing men all of a sudden, is that not a fair comment 🤷‍♀️
How are you protecting your son from your own sexuality?
MrsSkylerWhite · 21/10/2021 22:34

The earlier the idea is introduced, the less of an issue it is.

Yellow85 · 21/10/2021 22:37

My youngest asked his same sex grandparents which one had the penis 🙈 I think they’re never to young to understand that men love men, men love women…people just love people. But as for the rest of the detail, I think we might leave it a while yet!

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