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Original poster

Their dad has gone too far ....

123 replies

Themandme · 17/09/2021 12:00

Please be gentle, I'm really finding this hard.

I don't want this to be a long post so I'll get straight to it.

I do not condone or agree with smacking a child. My ex and I have been split up 4 years. On a few occasions my son (he's 9) has come home and told me his dad has smacked his bum, he's then gone on to make me "pinky promise" I won't say anything to him, so I didn't Sad I want my children to trust me and be able to confide in me, which he did, so I honoured his request to say nothing. Stupid I know, before anyone points that out Sad

Last weekend my son came home and his father has hit him across the face , I'm sick to my stomach. This time my son has asked me to stop him, which is great as finally I can do something about this. I mostly definitely would have done something regardless as this is unacceptable. His dad and I do not get on and he's not a nice person, I'm scared if I go to him with this he will take it out on our son the next time he is with him (every other weekend)

I want to report this. I've been told that it is not illegal to smack your own child in our area until next year! March to be exact!! This is disgusting and ridiculous!

Can I go to a solicitor and threaten no contact if it continues? I can't get through to child protection and was advised by recorded messages to call 999 if a child is in immediate danger. Social services will only act after the 4th report. There's so much focus on abused children, but absolutely no help or advice for children being smacked by their parents!!! Across the face!!!!!!! It's escalated!

Thank you for your time Thanks

OP posts:
TangledTrees · 17/09/2021 12:05

I don’t know for sure, but would think that smacking across the face is assault, it’s very different to a light smack on the thigh for example (not condoning smacking at all btw). Did he leave a mark?
It’s really good that your DS was able to tell you. I hope that you can withold contact whilst you seek some legal advice. NSPCC may be able to advise?

Original poster
Themandme · 17/09/2021 12:07

@TangledTrees

I don’t know for sure, but would think that smacking across the face is assault, it’s very different to a light smack on the thigh for example (not condoning smacking at all btw). Did he leave a mark? It’s really good that your DS was able to tell you. I hope that you can withold contact whilst you seek some legal advice. NSPCC may be able to advise?
I've been on hold to the NSPCC on and off all morning, I'm struggling to get through. There was no mark, I've researched that if a mark was present then all this would be a lot simpler to report Sad I can't believe it!!
OP posts:
Lucked · 17/09/2021 12:12

I think a 9 year old can give a reliable account so I would be on the phone to 101 and I imagine social work will then get involved. There is often no physical evidence of abuse but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be investigated.

WitchBaby · 17/09/2021 12:12

Yes a smack across the face is hugely different to a smack on the bottom. Can you get advice from a solicitor on what to do next?

Original poster
Themandme · 17/09/2021 12:24

I've just got off the phone to the NSPCC and they have arranged for me to get a call back within the next few days, they are extremely busy.

They're not due back with their dad until next Friday thankfully, so hopefully I can get this sorted before they have to go. I so desperately want to phone 101. NSPCC said to wait until I've spoken to an adviser with them.

OP posts:
FabulousIAm · 17/09/2021 12:26

Call the police immediately. That is assault. I know a father that did the same thing and got a caution for actual bodily harm as he left a mark. Only a caution as he admitted to doing it, but it is on his record. You need this on record, especially if it goes to court so you can protect your child.

Tlollj · 17/09/2021 12:29

Perhaps there wasn’t any mark because by the time he had got home it had faded.
Makes me feel sick. A grown man hitting a child across the face. Poor little sod must have been terrified.
I would stop him going. Let him take you to court.

LadyDanburysHat · 17/09/2021 12:38

I'm not an expert, but I think this would be enough to stop contact. I hope that the NSPCC get back to you and help.

Twosixseven · 17/09/2021 12:51

There's no way I would allow them to go back after this, not a chance.

Stop contact. If he wants to take you to court then let him, and tell the court what he has done to your child.

ProudAlly · 17/09/2021 12:58

Call 101. It's unlikely they will do anything after one report but it's on record and if it happens again they will act. They will involve SS after three incidents. Get it on record.

Suzi888 · 17/09/2021 13:13

I agree, get it on record.
Slapping across the face is unacceptable and assault.

PumpkinKlNG · 17/09/2021 13:32
  • ProudAlly

Call 101. It's unlikely they will do anything after one report but it's on record and if it happens again they will act. They will involve SS after three incidents. Get it on record.*

This is not true, well at least it isn’t anymore, it won’t take 3 reports SS will be notified straight away

fairgame84 · 17/09/2021 13:40

This needs to be reported to social services. A smack across the face is unacceptable. I wouldn't be waiting a few days for nspcc to call back, call social services this afternoon.

I went through similar when my dad slapped my ds across the face (I was at work at the time). It was witnessed by somebody who called social services. We were seen by social workers and a specialist police officer the same day, it was taken very seriously and my dad was questioned under caution at the police station.

Gorl · 17/09/2021 14:07

You need to make a police report

HollowTalk · 17/09/2021 14:09

I would call the police. It's all very well NSPCC telling you to wait, but they're too busy to deal with you.

Imagine if his teacher did that - you'd call the police then, wouldn't you?

Dancingfairydreams · 17/09/2021 14:33

Sounds like you are in Wales Op? Just an FYI, its always been illegal to assault a child...the change is using the defence of reasonable chastisement in court. Please report this & stop sending your child to his abusive father

Notaroadrunner · 17/09/2021 14:36

Don't send the dc next Friday. By then hopefully you will have reported it to the police and heard back from NSPCC.

girlmom21 · 17/09/2021 14:47

I agree about reporting it to the police. Your child's asking you to make it stop. You need to act quickly.

GiveMeAUserName123 · 17/09/2021 14:54

Don’t let him go back to the dads. He can drag you to court, by then it will March.

GiveMeAUserName123 · 17/09/2021 14:55

Also call the police and log it

InnPain · 18/09/2021 11:30

If your child is too scared and if there is a risk of him being hit again then I personally wouldn’t send him to his father until this is resolved.

Neverwrestlewithapig · 18/09/2021 11:57

Inform the school too. They will record it and be able to seek advice & support your son if needed Flowers

ThatScottishLass · 18/09/2021 16:56

No advice above what’s already been said, but I’m so sorry this has happened. Do what you have to do to protect your son. Hugs to you both.

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/09/2021 17:01

Stop contact and let the ex take you to court. He might not even bother.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 18/09/2021 17:06

I'd be inclined to try and trap your ex into admitting it somehow.
But I really don't know if that's a stupid idea or not as I have zero experience in this.
I'd maybe text to say Ds said you smacked him on his face, what had he done that was so naught? And maybe he would sent a text saying what he had done and this would be his admission rather than you accusing him and him saying Ds is a liar.

I don't know. Sound so bad though. I'd not be letting him go back