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Original poster

Their dad has gone too far ....

123 replies

Themandme · 17/09/2021 12:00

Please be gentle, I'm really finding this hard.

I don't want this to be a long post so I'll get straight to it.

I do not condone or agree with smacking a child. My ex and I have been split up 4 years. On a few occasions my son (he's 9) has come home and told me his dad has smacked his bum, he's then gone on to make me "pinky promise" I won't say anything to him, so I didn't Sad I want my children to trust me and be able to confide in me, which he did, so I honoured his request to say nothing. Stupid I know, before anyone points that out Sad

Last weekend my son came home and his father has hit him across the face , I'm sick to my stomach. This time my son has asked me to stop him, which is great as finally I can do something about this. I mostly definitely would have done something regardless as this is unacceptable. His dad and I do not get on and he's not a nice person, I'm scared if I go to him with this he will take it out on our son the next time he is with him (every other weekend)

I want to report this. I've been told that it is not illegal to smack your own child in our area until next year! March to be exact!! This is disgusting and ridiculous!

Can I go to a solicitor and threaten no contact if it continues? I can't get through to child protection and was advised by recorded messages to call 999 if a child is in immediate danger. Social services will only act after the 4th report. There's so much focus on abused children, but absolutely no help or advice for children being smacked by their parents!!! Across the face!!!!!!! It's escalated!

Thank you for your time Thanks

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 24/09/2021 12:29

I hope you are on your way to collect them from school now OP. I would also be banging on the door of social services and demanding help to keep your DC safe.

Mothersister · 24/09/2021 12:31

I wouldn’t even bother with the nspcc. I would ring the Police and report him. Does your son have a mark, if so make sure you photograph it.

Don’t ask him about it anymore or discuss it with him. The Police will involve children’s social care and they will do a joint investigation.

Your ex will be questioned about what he did. If he admits it, he will be eligible for a caution (depending on any previous convictions).

Please don’t let this go without taking the appropriate action by involving necessary agencies. I would also seek legal advice to prevent your ex from having unsupervised contact with your son. Hope your son is ok.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 24/09/2021 12:39

RTFT @Mothersister Hmm

OP, with no court order there is nothing preventing him collecting them from school so you need to decide how you’re going to proceed and get in touch with school now. They can stall but ultimately can’t prevent. Equally, without a court order there’s nothing which forces you to hand them over to him once they are back in your care (and vice versa). Hope the solicitor calls you back soon.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 24/09/2021 12:40

Social care are not going to get involved if you can demonstrate you can keep them safe. This is a private law matter.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 24/09/2021 13:15

@GingerAndTheBiscuits

Social care are not going to get involved if you can demonstrate you can keep them safe. This is a private law matter.
She can't keep them safe though. She needs their help.
Mothersister · 24/09/2021 13:17

@GingerAndTheBiscuits I dipped in and out as busy with workmen at the moment and missed that bit.

HeartsAndClubs · 24/09/2021 13:24

OP, as previously stated, if he’s on the birth certificate then legally there is nothing the school can do to prevent him removing them. Similarly, without any kind of court ordered access there is very little you will be able to do to get them back if he decides not to return them.

His hitting your DS aside (and I’m not minimising that btw,) a court order would be in your best interests as if there is court ordered contact then withholding your DC would leave him in breach of that order.

I would however not pursue the court order yourself, not for access anyway, hopefully you’ve collected your DC already, and if you have then I would withhold all contact and leave it to him to pursue through the courts. At that point Cafcas can become involved, and esp your 9 year old’s wishes will be considered when it comes to a decision.

I’m not usually in favour of withholding contact but in this instance it is IMO warranted.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 24/09/2021 13:24

[quote Mothersister]@GingerAndTheBiscuits I dipped in and out as busy with workmen at the moment and missed that bit.[/quote]
Sorry for my grumpy message, got this horrible seasonal cold thing and short tempered!

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 24/09/2021 13:26

@CloseYourEyesAndSee she can as long as she keeps the children in her care. Her solicitor can get the ball rolling on formalising contact arrangements and as part of that Cafcass will get involved and do the social work bit. The council’s social work team is unlikely to get involved (as the police have already demonstrated how seriously they’re not taking it) and he could use that as a “see, it’s not even that bad/they don’t believe you” which may be worse for everyone in the long run

refusetobeasheep · 24/09/2021 13:28

Yes, get them from school now and do not let their dad take them. you have a duty to protect your kids. your solicitor needs to be sending legal letters to him today. do not correspond with him at all - just the once saying all communication will now be through my solicitor. if he tries to turn up at your house, call the police. Inform the school what is happening.

Staryflight445 · 24/09/2021 13:38

Stop contact? Your son is 9 so can choose not to go?

MarshmallowsOnToast · 24/09/2021 13:40

@Staryflight445

Stop contact? Your son is 9 so can choose not to go?
But there is a younger 5yo who OP is worried may take the brunt.
Staryflight445 · 24/09/2021 13:49

Ah I didn’t realise @MarshmallowsOnToast

The dad sounds utterly vile, did you get the kids op?

MrsBertBibby · 24/09/2021 13:51

I'm a solicitor.

You need to apply to court for a prohibited steps order preventing F from removing kids from your case, including care of school.

Complete form C100 (google it) plus write out what you have described here.

You can apply online, court fee is £215.

Get the kids, go somewhere not at home, and get the forms filled in and uploaded over the weekend.

MrsBertBibby · 24/09/2021 13:53

Ask for a order without notice, btw. So you can get kids back to school.

BobLemon · 24/09/2021 14:16

OP, Bert’s a real authority on this stuff! Please follow those steps. Good luck Flowers

JuneOsborne · 24/09/2021 15:10

Thank god for posters like @MrsBertBibby

Do what she says.

gonnabeok · 24/09/2021 15:54

Smacking is not a crime in this country but can still be considered an assault whether there is a mark or not. There are other methods of disciplining a child. Your ex should not have done this and your son is scared. Write down what your son told you. You need to phone your local police on 101, report the incident and get an incident number - ask for a child protection officer to come out to see you and your son.

Report the incident to social services in your area, some you can phone and they will also have out of hours telephone numbers to call and some will have helpdesk email addresses you can email the information to. You are within your rights to stop your ex having your child for safeguarding reasons and to prevent him being assaulted again. The information will be recorded properly by safeguarding services . Your ex can than apply to the court for contact but the court will need to be satisfied your son wont be harmed again. You will be able to demonstrate you have protected your son by contacting the proper safeguarding agencies.

MrsBertBibby · 24/09/2021 18:20

Smacking is not a crime in this country

That isn't correct. Smacking is assault by beating, contrary to common law, however, a parent may have a defence of "reasonable chastisement".

Parents are rarely prosecuted because the CPS have to have a reasonable prospect of success and prosecution needs to be in the public interest. Often it is considered better to engage and educate the parent concerned.

Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 18:49

A social worker and a police officer turned up at the school.
They interviewed dad, he admitted to giving the boy "a clip around the BACK of the head" (of course he's played it down, in the first police interview he denied it ... They interviewed my little boy, he told them dad hit him across the face and he was scared to go to his incase he gets in trouble.

I'm on my way to the school I work 45 mins away**

By the time I get there, they have let dad take the children! Even AFTER he admitted to it and my son told them he's scared.

I've been let down by the NSPCC, Social Services and also the school.

Of course I have gone absolutely mad with the school, the social worker and the police officer. I've found out they didn't have another adult present when interviewing my children, the social worker didn't know that the father won't tell me where he takes them, (they sold their house in wales and he works in England so goes to a house there) and she didn't know that there have been other incidents.

I was on the phone to my solicitor on the way to the school and I've spoken to her since. Everything about this is wrong!!! I'm sat here tonight feeling empty, worried sick and as though I'm being punished for trying to protect my child! I feel a failure!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 18:53

Thank you for all your support and advice by the way. I can't believe the lack of help and support I've received from relevant authorities Sad

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 24/09/2021 18:54

That is properly shit.

IDontDrinkTea · 24/09/2021 19:02

Oh my gosh, that’s terrible!

Figgygal · 24/09/2021 19:07

The school, police and ss just him take them? I’m furious for you op
Can you contact your children while they with him and check they’re ok?

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