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Original poster

Their dad has gone too far ....

123 replies

Themandme · 17/09/2021 12:00

Please be gentle, I'm really finding this hard.

I don't want this to be a long post so I'll get straight to it.

I do not condone or agree with smacking a child. My ex and I have been split up 4 years. On a few occasions my son (he's 9) has come home and told me his dad has smacked his bum, he's then gone on to make me "pinky promise" I won't say anything to him, so I didn't Sad I want my children to trust me and be able to confide in me, which he did, so I honoured his request to say nothing. Stupid I know, before anyone points that out Sad

Last weekend my son came home and his father has hit him across the face , I'm sick to my stomach. This time my son has asked me to stop him, which is great as finally I can do something about this. I mostly definitely would have done something regardless as this is unacceptable. His dad and I do not get on and he's not a nice person, I'm scared if I go to him with this he will take it out on our son the next time he is with him (every other weekend)

I want to report this. I've been told that it is not illegal to smack your own child in our area until next year! March to be exact!! This is disgusting and ridiculous!

Can I go to a solicitor and threaten no contact if it continues? I can't get through to child protection and was advised by recorded messages to call 999 if a child is in immediate danger. Social services will only act after the 4th report. There's so much focus on abused children, but absolutely no help or advice for children being smacked by their parents!!! Across the face!!!!!!! It's escalated!

Thank you for your time Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Themandme · 20/09/2021 18:34

I thought I'd give an update. Thank you all for your support and advice. I've contacted child services, under the advice of NSPCC. As we don't have a court order for contact, I do not have to hand my children over this coming Friday. Child services are going to make contact with the father and we will await further action from here. Im absolutely dreading the come back from their father Sad but I know I've done the right thing and I'm protecting my child/children!

OP posts:
YRGAM · 20/09/2021 21:11

Well done. You are right to follow the lead of NSPCC here

Original poster
Themandme · 23/09/2021 07:37

So child services referred it to the police. They said if the police deem it necessary, they can refer it back!!

I spoke to the police, they informed me they'd ring the dad and caution him. Since, I've received a call from their dad, he's said to the police I've made it up, denying all responsibility and he's spoke to our son and TOLD him he didn't hit him across the face. My boy was crying saying "yes you did dad" even our 5 year can verify this.

The police have not got back to me since they spoke to him and told him it will not be going to child services. I'm sick to my stomach and absolutely shocked at the system, no wonder so many children end up abused for years!! I feel no better off than before I reported this, worse there's no support in fact!!

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/09/2021 07:45

Where do you live? I cannot believe it's not going for a social work assessment!

gailplattshairbrush · 23/09/2021 07:54

Sorry to read your update op. You have tried to protect your kids and it sounds like the police haven't supported you. In your shoes I think I would stop contact for now. Send a carefully worded text to their father to explain why. Let him take you to court if he wants to and get legal advice in the meantime.

To accuse your son of lying is emotional abuse on top of the slapping. No wonder your kids don't want to see the bastard. I would be worried about what the fallout would be for them if they went following this.

Sassymcsasserson · 23/09/2021 08:07

If I were you I'd speak to the police again and inform them of what happened after they spoke to him.

Just because he told the police you've made it up doesn't mean they believe him.

MrsRobbieHart · 23/09/2021 08:10

Can I go to a solicitor and threaten no contact if it continues?

You can but why wait until it happens again? It’s already happened. He’s been assaulting them for sometime and now he’s escalating. You are just avoiding having to deal with it.

Stop contact immediately.

MrsRobbieHart · 23/09/2021 08:11

Sorry, I should have read further. Glad you reported. You can still stop contact. Let him take it to court. Do not hand your children over with a court order telling you to.

MrsRobbieHart · 23/09/2021 08:12

without a court order

Original poster
Themandme · 23/09/2021 09:05

@CloseYourEyesAndSee Wales

OP posts:
Original poster
Themandme · 23/09/2021 09:08

He's told me he WILL be picking them up this weekend or he will be "taking this further" Hmm ... Surely that would work in my favour!! ... I'm awaiting a call back from the officer that is dealing with this. And I've requested a call from my solicitor but she can only fit me in, in two weeks time!! What a mess!

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 23/09/2021 09:20

Don’t respond to his messages. Take the DC out well before he is due to pick up and turn your phone off.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 23/09/2021 09:22

Just be out this weekend! You're doing the right thing x

FAQs · 23/09/2021 09:27

Has anyone actually spoken to the children? Is there a welfare officer at School who you can talk to, it would be go for the School to be aware incase they start to struggle at School.

Mischance · 23/09/2021 09:30

School does need to know what is going on as he might turn up at school to pick up children.

I think it would be best to talk to your solicitor about access concerns.

FatCatThinCat · 23/09/2021 09:37

I agree with the others, be out if necessary, but hell would freeze over before I'd allow this bastard to take my children. He's abusing them right in front of you.

Indoctro · 23/09/2021 09:37

Does your son want to go away with his father on Friday.? If not then surely that's grounds for refusal alone

Ask you son and see what he says. If he says he doesn't want to go surely there is nothing the father can do apart from court proceedings and when it gets to court you can explain why the child doesn't want to go

Authenticcelestialmusic · 23/09/2021 09:45

Who told you the police will not be referring to social services? Was it just the dad who said this?
I would call social services, the school and the police to clarify what they will do next.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/09/2021 09:52

Call social services and say you need help with this situation and with keeping the children safe. Its insane that they have pushed the responsibility back into you with no support and guidance.

YRGAM · 23/09/2021 10:47

Talk to a solicitor before you withdraw contact

Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 11:50

@Mischance you were right!!! ... I've just had a phone call from the school saying their dad has call and told them he will be picking them up at 1pm, of course they refused and contacted me immediately.

I rang my solicitor crying and begging for advice as she couldn't fit me in until week after next and apparently I will get a phone call from her today. I feel so helpless.
Imagine if the school had let him take them Sad he would have quite happily let me go there to pick them up knowing full well they wouldn't be there! ... I'm devastated and feel as though I'm being punished for something HE has done.

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 24/09/2021 11:55

OP the school can’t actually prevent him collecting his children at 1pm if he is named on their birth certificates (so has PR) they can prevent him going through the school to look for the children, and stall him at reception while they call you to come but ultimately they have no right to stop him collecting his children, just the same as they couldn’t stop you.

JuneOsborne · 24/09/2021 11:59

Go and get your children and stay somewhere else this weekend.

I know you're supposed to play by the rules, but contact isnt court ordered, so until he takes you to court, I'd withold contact if that's what your son wants.

Like a pp said, hell would freeze over before my kids went with a man who hit them.

RestingPandaFace · 24/09/2021 12:03

Go and get your children now before Dad can and take them somewhere safe for the weekend.

ClawedButler · 24/09/2021 12:04

Oh my goodness, what a dreadful situation. The man is showing his true colours now, isn't he - not only is he violent, he lies about it, and threatens people who don't believe his lies.

Let him "take this further". Go to court and explain exactly why you and your son do not want your son spending time in the sole care of his father for any length of time.