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Original poster

Their dad has gone too far ....

123 replies

Themandme · 17/09/2021 12:00

Please be gentle, I'm really finding this hard.

I don't want this to be a long post so I'll get straight to it.

I do not condone or agree with smacking a child. My ex and I have been split up 4 years. On a few occasions my son (he's 9) has come home and told me his dad has smacked his bum, he's then gone on to make me "pinky promise" I won't say anything to him, so I didn't Sad I want my children to trust me and be able to confide in me, which he did, so I honoured his request to say nothing. Stupid I know, before anyone points that out Sad

Last weekend my son came home and his father has hit him across the face , I'm sick to my stomach. This time my son has asked me to stop him, which is great as finally I can do something about this. I mostly definitely would have done something regardless as this is unacceptable. His dad and I do not get on and he's not a nice person, I'm scared if I go to him with this he will take it out on our son the next time he is with him (every other weekend)

I want to report this. I've been told that it is not illegal to smack your own child in our area until next year! March to be exact!! This is disgusting and ridiculous!

Can I go to a solicitor and threaten no contact if it continues? I can't get through to child protection and was advised by recorded messages to call 999 if a child is in immediate danger. Social services will only act after the 4th report. There's so much focus on abused children, but absolutely no help or advice for children being smacked by their parents!!! Across the face!!!!!!! It's escalated!

Thank you for your time Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 19:19

@Figgygal YES, they just let him leave with them. The words were:

"The police officer had firm words with dad, he's not to hit him again and he is not to discuss this with him over the weekend" also that they told him about the law change due in wales In March 2022 regarding hitting your children... I'm sick to my stomach.
The social worker told me this!

The school didn't have an answer for me as to why they couldn't wait until I was present and the social worker said "I don't believe the children are at further risk going to their dads this weekend"

I've never felt so helpless. He has blocked my phone number, I've had no contact, I've even sent a message to his partner saying "please just let me speak to my boys" and I've had no reply Sad

OP posts:
SouthSideSally · 24/09/2021 19:24

Don't send any further messages. He will claim it is harassment. When are the children due to be back with you?

User5827372728 · 24/09/2021 19:26

If there isn’t a court order the school has to let them go with the dad. They can’t make the decision not to, unless SS or the police intervene so they are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I’m sorry, this must be so stressful and worrying for you. Try and think positively and distract yourself. And I would consult a legal support ASAP to stop contact or make it supervised

MrsRobbieHart · 24/09/2021 19:31

I’m so sorry OP. Unfortunately for your children the police, SS and school had no legal grounds to prevent him taking the children.

This will have to go through court now. I find it unlikely he will return the children either to you, or to school. You’ll need to locate him in order to have the court notices served.

I’m so sorry.

jumper1234 · 24/09/2021 19:33

In fairness to the school if the child’s father has PR then they cannot legally stop
Him from taking them, it would be the police and the Social worker I’d be directing my anger at

Catnuzzle · 24/09/2021 19:49

You needcto ensure the police have recorded this as a crime. Unless there is evidence to support the allegation is false they have to record a crime when a victim alleges it has occurred (you can quote national crime recording standards). This then affords your child rights under the Victim Code and your ex will be recorded as the suspect. You really need to insist on being given a crime reference (NOT an incident number) to make sure this is properly recorded. It makes it harder for anyone to make it go away. The police and social services should be in deep shit for interviewing a child without an appropriate adult authorised by you, your ex shouldn't be allowed to authorise it as he is the suspect. I'd lodge a complaint with both.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your children. Flowers

Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 19:51

The school (deputy) said to me:

"As long as there's a question over this I will not allow him to take the children until you're present. We will keep the children safe in our care until you are here" (knowing I was on my way.

She should not have said this to me! Also my children were in a room with a police office and a social worker, NO teacher or familiar face present to support them while being questioned, so I feel I have a reasonable amount of right to be upset by the way the school dealt with this.

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 24/09/2021 19:55

As long as there's a question over this I will not allow him to take the children until you're present.

Well that’s a recipe for disaster isn’t it. You turn up and then what? You and him fight over the children in front of the children and the rest of the school??

Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 19:56

This has been recorded with the police as:

An assault against a child and it has been referred to a sergeant in CID for further investigation. This was BEFORE today! I've covered everything, I'm not directing my anger at one specific agency, I'm just worried sick and feel so let down.

OP posts:
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 24/09/2021 19:56

Get the court stuff rolling now as per Bert's post.

Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 19:57

@MrsRobbieHart I'm not a confrontational person and will do anything to protect my children from the toxicity of this. So no, not at all Sad

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 24/09/2021 19:59

[quote Themandme]@MrsRobbieHart I'm not a confrontational person and will do anything to protect my children from the toxicity of this. So no, not at all Sad[/quote]
Exactly, so you’d have had to just let him take them. And would you have been able to do that if your DC were crying to stay with you? Seriously, teacher needs to be much smarter!

Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 20:03

@MrsRobbieHart or have been smart and sent them away with a parent that has not assaulted their child and openly admitted to doing so.

OP posts:
Iloveabourbon2 · 24/09/2021 20:04

@Twosixseven

There's no way I would allow them to go back after this, not a chance.

Stop contact. If he wants to take you to court then let him, and tell the court what he has done to your child.

Exactly this. Even mothers generally who stop the father of their children don't get put in prison or anything drastic like that. You have good reason to stop contact anyway OP.
Staryflight445 · 24/09/2021 20:04

So you literally have no idea where they are and zero way of contacting them?

Did social services give you any advice on how to deal with this? Was he controlling and abusive when you were together?

Staryflight445 · 24/09/2021 20:07

Can the police help at all?
Could they call your ex and do a safeguarding check on the children either over the phone or find out where he has taken them?

DomPom47 · 24/09/2021 20:10

Are you in contact with any of his family? Could they reach out to him and ask him to give you a call? Really sorry you are experiencing this. 💐

Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 20:14

@Staryflight445 I have absolutely no idea. I've been fighting for months for an address. The social worker told me today that him and his partner "don't live together" he told her during their conversation... this is not true, they sold their home 5 months ago and have been living in a rented property in England together with their son as he works there. My boys go there every other weekend. My child maintenance dropped a huge amount around the sale of their home, so I'm guessing they are saying they don't live together, HENCE, Keeping the address from me.

There a 3 minor incidents recorded of his behaviour during our relationship.

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 24/09/2021 20:17

[quote Themandme]@MrsRobbieHart or have been smart and sent them away with a parent that has not assaulted their child and openly admitted to doing so.
[/quote]
How?? You weren’t there, he was and the teacher can’t prevent him taking them!

whynotwhatknot · 24/09/2021 20:17

Jesus christ the law is shit not the same but my nephew has been been moved school by his dad because he wanted to nothing they can do because he has PR (he is in his teens though)

My sister hasnt since him since july apprently nothing she can do-if she forces a court order her son might just refuse and leave of his own accord

Original poster
Themandme · 24/09/2021 20:18

I've told social services I have no contact and no idea where he takes them and she said:

"I know he's taking the children somewhere nice this weekend, he didn't say where, but his partner and Her child will be going also"

She said a colleague or herself will be in touch to offer further support next week!!!!

I had to tell her that its THEIR child together. She didn't even know this.

OP posts:
cookingisoverrated · 24/09/2021 20:18

I'm so sorry, OP. You're doing the everything right; the 'system' has let you down badly, and your DCs. Parental 'rights' always seem to trump children's I'm afraid. it really, really sucks

Staryflight445 · 24/09/2021 20:20

That’s absolutely appalling, I’m so sorry. You must be feeling all the emotions tonight.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 24/09/2021 20:24

I’m so sorry, you have done everything right and yet it sounds like you’re stuck in a nightmare. Unfortunately the school were probably limited in what they could do, I’m a teacher and if a parent has parental rights we can’t stop them from taking their child unless there is an immediate safeguarding issue and as the police and social worker were happy to let them go the school would have been powerless to go against that.

gailplattshairbrush · 24/09/2021 20:26

This is beyond appalling.

Op do you have doubts that he will return the children after his visitation has ended? Surely he won't be able to keep them out of school?

He sounds like a horrible man and whatever happens next I think you should definitely get a court order in place.

I would be absolutely furious with the system, they have let you and your kids down badly. At the very least they could have waited for you to get there.