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Original poster

Nanny compassionate leave

116 replies

SB53 · 13/09/2021 12:27

Hi there, our nanny has called over the weekend to say her boyfriend’s Mum has died suddenly. She has said that understandably the whole family is devastated and she needs to help out. As a result she has asked for the entire week off. Would appreciate your views on what is reasonable?

OP posts:
JustFrustrated · 13/09/2021 12:29

The kind human in me wants to say, absolutely, she has the time off.

The working mother in me says "well no, because how the hell do I do my job?"

A day is fine, and in line with what other companies would give. I know at my company if I asked for a week, it would be either annual leave or unpaid leave. And my job doesn't impact anyone if I'm not in.

SW1amp · 13/09/2021 12:29

What would you get from your company..?

I would say 2 or 3 days paid compassionate leave, and the option to take the rest as holiday or unpaid?

Is there anything in her contract? How long has she been with you and do you want her to stay long term..?

JustFrustrated · 13/09/2021 12:30

I just realised how unhelpful I was.

Ultimately, it needs to be a business decision tempered with compassion.

LIZS · 13/09/2021 12:31

Most workplaces would only offer for a direct or dependant relative. It is at your discretion whether to allow leave , paid or unpaid.

rubyslippers · 13/09/2021 12:31

If you can work it, then I would offer the week off
If not, then what could you stretch to? Obviously you have a nanny because you need childcare so what can / can’t you do if she has the time off

This is obviously a distressing time and if you can support your employee through it then that’s a good thing to do

MrsPumpkinSeed · 13/09/2021 12:33

I would think a day or two for boyfriends mum. That's what we would be allowed.

Original poster
SB53 · 13/09/2021 12:33

Contract says at our discretion. Been with us two years and looking to keep her. It’s just really challenging as we both work full time and supposed to be back in the office which will be impossible with school drops offs and pick ups.

OP posts:
GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 13/09/2021 12:33

I think it’s too much.

I’d agree to a day now and then show willing by eg saying you’ll get home an hour early on one or two other days.

addler · 13/09/2021 12:38

Offer unpaid leave and hire a temp?

PennyWus · 13/09/2021 12:39

It's her boyfriend's immediate relative not hers, I've never had a job that would give compassionate leave for a non-relative. Try and work it so you can let her take the day off for the funeral. I would simply say no, I really can't manage it this week, I'm sorry for your loss.

SunshineCake · 13/09/2021 12:41

I used to be a nanny and very conscious of the fact that if I didn't work then neither could one of the parents. I doubt I would have asked for any time off tbh. For a PIL their actual children would have been staying off work and if I was needed it would have been two days max in all honesty.

Akire · 13/09/2021 12:41

I agree it’s hard balance. 2 days for the total shock to support BF fine. But then presumable he be making arrangements with members of his family and sort practically things which she doesn’t have to be there holding hands with. She be there after work too. Like you say the knock on impact on you is massive.

She will also be needing day of for funeral in next few weeks as well.

AnneElliott · 13/09/2021 12:42

I'd offer a day paid and then another one for the day if the funeral. Anything else has to be AL on unpaid.

I'm public sector but I think I'd raise eyebrows at compassionate leave for the death of a boyfriends mother.

PurBal · 13/09/2021 12:43

I got zero days off when FIL died. Not a close enough relative for compassionate leave.

India92 · 13/09/2021 12:45

One or two days max. It is distressing but not her immediate relative.

theemmadilemma · 13/09/2021 12:45

Boyfriends parent? I'd allow a couple of days and the rest to be vacation or unpaid for any of my staff.

Hattie765 · 13/09/2021 12:46

A week is too much for this type of leave, 3 days max and that's being a bit generous tbh as she's not a relative

Iwantcauliflowercheese · 13/09/2021 12:48

I've only been allowed time off for immediate family. Boyfriend's mother certainly doesn't count, nor should it.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 13/09/2021 12:48

If your contract says it's at your discretion, I would look at her history of taking leave. If she rarely or never asks for unscheduled time off and you are happy with her performance in general, I would be inclined to grant the leave but perhaps only 1 day paid, the rest unpaid. If she has a history of asking for time off that perhaps isn't justified I would offer a day now and the day of the funeral.

Disclaimer - I'm looking at this as I would have when I was a corporate line manager - I have no experience of employing a nanny.

KickAssAngel · 13/09/2021 12:48

Realistically, what can you & your OH cope with?
I'd think 2 days paid leave, and time for the funeral, any additional would be unpaid.

BrilliantBetty · 13/09/2021 12:49

2 days paid leave plus a day when the funeral happens, then back to work.
It's her boyfriend's relative not hers so a total of 3 days paid leave is more than enough.

Djifunrsn · 13/09/2021 12:50

Have you got parents who could cover this one week? Or could you ask 5 friends to do the pickups one day each? After school clubs? Anything?

BrilliantBetty · 13/09/2021 12:51

As for 'unpaid' leave, it's still not going to work because you need childcare and may not be comfortable using an ad hoc / temp. Or be able to call on family to help.

PlanetTeaTime · 13/09/2021 12:51

Give it to her 100%

Ozanj · 13/09/2021 12:52

@SB53

Contract says at our discretion. Been with us two years and looking to keep her. It’s just really challenging as we both work full time and supposed to be back in the office which will be impossible with school drops offs and pick ups.
I would say 2 days max. You only give 1 week+ off for immediate family.