Nanny compassionate leave

[SB53]

Hi there, our nanny has called over the weekend to say her boyfriend’s Mum has died suddenly. She has said that understandably the whole family is devastated and she needs to help out. As a result she has asked for the entire week off. Would appreciate your views on what is reasonable?

It’s extremely difficult. I would try and give her as much as I could reasonably manage, especially if I wanted to keep her. I think it’s worth putting yourself out for if you can.

@Sightlinesandsolutions

The lack of compassion on this thread is absolutely chilling. Honestly, what is wrong with you people? Death matters.

Please allow her the flexibility she needs.

Completely agree

And this race to the bottom 'oh my employer would be a heartless bunch of pricks, so why should I be anything different'

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

I think the trouble with this issue is that employers have to set some clear parameters which are based on the actual formal relationship and not the closeness/how upset the employee is. Because other employees would demand the same - X got a week off when their friend died so why can’t I (even though we saw each other once in the last ten years)? Sadly too many people cannot be trusted to be honest and fair with how they ask for CL so it requires employers to put black and white boundaries in place which can be consistently applied. So rules like ‘close relatives only’ have to be used to ensure fairness/no piss taking. I do see why people are aggrieved when it works against them but I’m not sure what else large employers of loads of people can actually do?

I think it’s fair enough to let people take annual leave on short notice. Leaving the official ‘bereavement leave’ for close relatives. I’d however have grandparents included as well.

@SW1amp many bosses are flexible despite what the official ‘policies’ say. Sadly it’s the very flexibility that causes the need for policy in the first place because if a boss allows time off for someone in genuine need(like one of my colleagues raised by an aunt) there’s always a bunch of people trying to take advantage.

Furthermore employees in need often have no qualms about using their holiday entitlement. For someone you’re close to sacrificing a bit of holiday is nothing! People who insist on bereavement leave however…

@SB53

Thanks for the advice and posts. I’ve said we will cover mon_wed and that the second half of the week we can manage drop offs so just the after school bits when we are both at work. I have however given the option to take it off if she thinks she needs it and to let us know later in the week.

That sounds both sensible and compassionate.

Two to three days and then time off for the funeral.

In no Company i have worked for has anyone been able to take a week for a grandparent of a spouse. Even your own grandparent is only one or two days and I genuinely don't know anyone who has had a month off on compassionate leave! Maybe if you take holiday but not paid leave

This is why I am so so glad my children are older and I don't have to deal with this ever again.

Of course you want the person caring for your children to feel you care for them, support them, you want them to feel warmly and positively towards you and your children. So of course you might wish to find a way to offer this.

But.. really?! No workplace I've ever been in would offer a week off for the death of a boyfriend's mother. Sadly perhaps, but usually it is immediate relatives only.

@AlexanderArnold

This is why I am so so glad my children are older and I don't have to deal with this ever again.

Of course you want the person caring for your children to feel you care for them, support them, you want them to feel warmly and positively towards you and your children. So of course you might wish to find a way to offer this.

But.. really?! No workplace I've ever been in would offer a week off for the death of a boyfriend's mother. Sadly perhaps, but usually it is immediate relatives only.

Honestly they're going above and beyond probably because it's really hard to keep a good nanny. Individual bosses also tend to give good employees some leeway. But in general no, it's not usual.

I worked for an American company that wrote the rule book of being shitty to employees on many levels, but even they had a bereavement leave policy that treated in-law immediate family as your immediate family, and also gave extra leave if you have to travel more than 300 miles

I’m surprised at the rigidity of some of the policies being quoted on here

but even they had a bereavement leave policy that treated in-law immediate family as your immediate family, and also gave extra leave if you have to travel more than 300 miles

If you're not married, they aren't your in laws.

@ManifestDestinee

but even they had a bereavement leave policy that treated in-law immediate family as your immediate family, and also gave extra leave if you have to travel more than 300 miles

If you're not married, they aren't your in laws.

We don’t know if the nanny has been with her boyfriend for 10 weeks or 10 years

And a lot of companies will treat co-habiting partners as married for things like joint private health insurance, so I’m sure anyone would half a brain cell would be able to apply some common sense to a bereavement leave policy also

Point still stands, they are only in-laws if you are married. It's literally what the term means.
If anyone chooses to write their policy as in laws and equivalent or whatever, they can do that.

I was only allowed one day off when Mil died.

As a nanny I only had a week of compassionate leave after my Dad died, which personally I feel is far too little. For someone who isn't a relative I would offer one day paid compassionate leave plus the day of the funeral. The rest should be taken as annual leave or unpaid.

** So a week off for a boyfriend’s mum. Not even family ,how long for her own mum ,a month ?
I think even asking for more than the funeral off is taking the piss**

^I agree