Baptisms without consent...

[LC09122126]

New here and a First time poster and trying to find that AIBU section... I can't so here goes!

I've been separated from my child's father since last summer. Plans to have a christening were in place prior to us separating and COVID came and shit all over our plans. Ex was fine with me wanting to christen the little one when we were together (probably because he knew my family would mostly foot the bill, the absolute bum) He understood I was brought up in a close knit, church attending, large catholic family and was happy for this to be the way forward, with far better schooling prospects in the area where I live for the future.
I haven't discussed it yet, but I KNOW he will now refuse just to throw a spanner in the works.
It would make no odds to him either way, but he would do it to be awkward.
A: Can I do it without his consent? And B: Does anyone think I'm being unreasonable for wanting to do it that way?
Thanks in advance x

@twinningatlife

But then again it's the Catholic Church which forgives anything so a few Hail Marys and you'll be forgiven OP

Basically that ... My nan had my three done without either parent consent... seems that isnt terribly important

^www.nytimes.com/2007/04/21/world/europe/21briefs-limbo.html^

The Pope abolished limbo in 2007.

Slightly off topic, but when limbo got shut down in 2007 do we know what happened to all the unbaptised babies who lived there?

And yet the Catholic faith hasn't updated its stance on children out of wedlock has it? It's still largely frowned upon isn't it?

What do you think its stance is, and what does the phrase 'largely frowned upon' mean?

It is also pretty un Christian like to lie and deceive the ex about having the baptism done? Doesn't exactly conform to Christian values?
The exP agreed to the baptism and they would have gone ahead with it together except for covid and the separation.
They are both still parents of the same baby they intended to baptise, regardless of separation.
Separation shouldn't mean you can back out of decisions related to becoming parents that were fine with you beforehand and would have been carried out but for unforeseen circumstances - the baby's name, the baby's baptism, hopes for the baby's future school if still affordable.

How is the OP lying or deceiving? By not inviting the ex to the party?

The problem isn't the water and the prayer, it's the perception from the Catholic Church that the child is now a member and should adhere to their beliefs. I wouldn't want my child in that situation.

@DoTheNextRightThing, the important sacrament as far as living up to your commitment is concerned is Confirmation, not Baptism.

Confirmation is the occasion when you decide for yourself whether you're in or out. The average baptised child has no beliefs whatsoever.

It's very clear that RE lessons in UK schools are woefully lacking in the facts department.

The snarky remarks about having a child outside of marriage from women implying by their comments on religion that they are liberated and enlightened are pretty eyebrow-raising.

Honestly I don’t see the problem if you go ahead but obviously it would be much better if you got his consent.

I guess I’d ignore the arguments about the church having some kind of claim, they won’t and it basically means nothing.

I think bigger issues are how the child is schooled, cared for, protected, nurtured and their health needs.

And the even bigger issue is - how will your Ex feel when you didn’t ask? You are going to be co parenting for years. Isn’t it perhaps worth it to your child’s future happiness to ask his consent even if he says no if it means you have a better parenting pact?

My Catholic granny who really was a wonderful granny ‘christened’ one of my Muslim children at the kitchen sink when he was weeks old.

Forty odd years later I still laugh about it because it was such a daft thing to do.

@MurielSpriggs

^www.nytimes.com/2007/04/21/world/europe/21briefs-limbo.html^

The Pope abolished limbo in 2007.

Slightly off topic, but when limbo got shut down in 2007 do we know what happened to all the unbaptised babies who lived there?

I suspect that they were served with a Section 21 and then presented at the Pearly Gates with a copy of the notice after 28 days. As we know from all major montheistic religions, after creating the Earth, Moon, sky and sea, plus the animals, God had a day off from construction - I suspect this was the day in which He popped into the Office and came up with Bureaucracy shortly before a couple of rounds of interplanetary golf.