Am I a bad mum ?

[Theyarealltaken]

My little girl arrived 4 weeks ago, she’s been a golden baby, really gave us an easy start. I was never a children loving person, for a really long time I thought I will not have children myself. As soon as I found out that I’m going to be a mum I knew that baby will not dominate my life and it didn’t ! Obviously the sleep is not the same and few other areas of life are restricted but I am still the same person (I was worried that I won’t be).
Sometimes I’m bit anxious that maybe I should be more of a brainwashed mum? I have no app that tracks every single feed and sleep times, I am not religiously counting wet and dirty nappies, I’m having a controversial glass or two of wine few times in a week and sometimes letting my baby cry for a bit longer because I want to finish making dinner, i’ve not read one book about mothering and basically I am just taking care of my child following my instinct and intuition. I love her very much but I know there is so much time for us to get to know each other and fulfil our hearts with many different feelings.

I think about 40% of new mums are like this.... you’re fine

Are you breastfeeding? If not then crack on with the wine drinking. The rest is fine
Think of the millions of babies born before the internet and apps existed.

Even if you are breastfeeding a glass of wine is fine. No sense is being a martyr

I didn't use apps or books when I had my babies. But I didn't let them cry so I could finish cooking dinner.

I don't think parents who do things differently to you are brainwashed. It really sounds like you look down on parents with a different approach.

I think you know you are not a bad mum. But neither are people who track naps and read parenting books.

Parenting is entirely personal and each person’s journey is unique (and changed bloody daily!)

What is a brainwashed mum? One who doesn’t leave a newborn to cry while fixing dinner?

My instinct was to comfort my baby straight away as she had no other way to communicate with me. Many parents feel the same. Poor brainwashed idiots that we are…

Sometimes I’m bit anxious that maybe I should be more of a brainwashed mum?

Brainwashed? I drank while breastfeeding (in fact I still drink whole breastfeeding my toddler), didn’t have any apps or baby books etc, but I don’t think people who do things differently are brainwashed. It sounds like you are looking down on mothers doing things differently.

Keep doing it your way.
There was no app when I had mine, and I managed to drag four of the up.

No, but I wouldn't let the baby cry for any longer than necessary this early on.

Think of the millions of babies born before the internet and apps existed.

They were probably strapped to mum or being held by grandma while meals were caught/killed/prepared/eaten not crying by themselves.

Also, high levels of infant mortality were a shitty fact of life. Learning more about what babies need and proactively caring for them isn’t a bad thing.

@AnneLovesGilbert

What is a brainwashed mum? One who doesn’t leave a newborn to cry while fixing dinner?

My instinct was to comfort my baby straight away as she had no other way to communicate with me. Many parents feel the same. Poor brainwashed idiots that we are…

Same here.

@AnneLovesGilbert

What is a brainwashed mum? One who doesn’t leave a newborn to cry while fixing dinner?

My instinct was to comfort my baby straight away as she had no other way to communicate with me. Many parents feel the same. Poor brainwashed idiots that we are…

Yep, same here too

I never read a single book. Didn't go to antenatal classes as they're not my thing. Didn't count feeds and wet and dirty nappies on an app.

I'd know how many feeds my child had in a day but I didn't keep track on an app.

You're doing fine and congratulations!

The brainwashed mum comment I'm not sure what you mean though and that's a little offensive. Everyone is just doing their best.

I love how you have all this figured out 4 weeks in.
Go you!
Those brainwashed mums don't know a thing

Also to add I never left him to cry. Not at 4 weeks. They're so little. They're crying for a reason.

4 weeks in and an expert already!

I think you’ve just got an easy baby by the sounds of it. Those that you think are ‘brain washed’ might actually just be struggling and desperate.

At this age I definitely wouldn't leave baby to cry!! Also it still very early on, plenty of time left for her to dominate your life

Not a bad mum. Condescending, rude and smug maybe...

Everything you said sounds fine apart from leaving a 4 week old to cry!

That sounds practically inhumane to me. I can't imagine leaving such a tiny thing in distress, let alone my own baby. Do you think you are having problems bonding? How unnatural, if you think that's fine then I honestly don't think I'd trust your judgement in anything. If I saw someone out ignoring a distressed newborn I'd worry they had severe pnd.

Lololol I know its bad form to AS someone but maybe if the OP had actually read a pregnancy and baby book she wouldn't have need to start 22 threads in the last few weeks or weigh her baby on kitchen scales. You do you, OP, but maybe try not to judge people who want to feel informed?

Brilliant.

I wouldn’t call comforting a 4 week old baby when she cries a brainwashed mum. I’d call that a good mum. Hope that answers your question.

Your baby cries because she needs you. Even when you’re making dinner. Other than that do it how you want but don’t be a dick about mums who do it differently to you.