Am I a bad mum ?

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My little girl arrived 4 weeks ago, she’s been a golden baby, really gave us an easy start. I was never a children loving person, for a really long time I thought I will not have children myself. As soon as I found out that I’m going to be a mum I knew that baby will not dominate my life and it didn’t ! Obviously the sleep is not the same and few other areas of life are restricted but I am still the same person (I was worried that I won’t be).
Sometimes I’m bit anxious that maybe I should be more of a brainwashed mum? I have no app that tracks every single feed and sleep times, I am not religiously counting wet and dirty nappies, I’m having a controversial glass or two of wine few times in a week and sometimes letting my baby cry for a bit longer because I want to finish making dinner, i’ve not read one book about mothering and basically I am just taking care of my child following my instinct and intuition. I love her very much but I know there is so much time for us to get to know each other and fulfil our hearts with many different feelings.

You are not a bad mum. Tbh I think even the bad mums are still trying their best.

OP said brain washed mum maybe because of a overachieving consensus ‘mum’s should forget about themselves and ONLY focus on the baby’. Be easy on her I don’t think her intentions were to offend anyone. Let’s be supportive instead of shutting others down when they feel the need to post on mumsnet?

You are doing fine. As long as your baby is developing well and is cared for and loved, happy and healthy, as are you. All is well. Parenting doesn’t have a manual.

All I'd say OP is don't count all your chickens before they've come home to roost xx

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

I wouldn’t call comforting a 4 week old baby when she cries a brainwashed mum. I’d call that a good mum. Hope that answers your question.

Yep.

Brainwashed is a really horrible term. Just because you don't use apps or whatever, why does someone who does mean they are brainwashed?
I don't like the gloat about leaving a very young baby to cry whilst youre in the kitchen seeing to something you deem more important, very nice either. Personally, I'd go to my crying child.

Why is anyone that is doing it differently to you a brainwashed mum?
I think you’re a perfectly normal new mum, if anything you sound a big smug tbh.
There’s nothing wrong with tracking things like nappies etc, sometimes you’re told to for various reasons. Not sure sure why a glass of wine is controversial but hey ho.

Although tbh I wouldn’t leave my four week old to cry but again, takes all sorts

I wonder if OP’s first language is English. I’d go easy on the brainwashed comment because of that. She might’ve not meant it the way it sounds.

I was pretty much a textbook mum. Baby stayed in with me until 6 months we didn't wean until 4 months all of those types of rules but I had loads of friends that done it different. I found forums incredibly helpful tbh way better than books. I think I may need to leave my newborn crying this time around as I'll have to sort tea and stuff for my toddler but I didn't before.

Brainwashed mums was abit of a shitty comment but I think you were looking for reassurance rather than being an ass.

I mean good for you but at 4 weeks don’t count your chickens, babies change all the time. That’s great you’ve had an easy start but maybe hold off the humble brag post for now

Omgggg guys I don’t think she meant brain washed the way everyone is taking it! It was shitty wording but I think deep down she feels like a bad mum and is trying to get some reassurance that some things are normal but I get it brain washed is crappy wording and just mums would do things differently doesn’t make them Brain washed

Everything you are doing is fine snd what a lot of people (a suspect the majority), including myself do. But I don't think it fair to say, that those who have a more structured routine, or who do things differently, are brainwashed!! We all have different babies and different lifestyles, so do what works for you. But don't pass judgement on others.

Also, a lot of people have dream babies at 4 weeks, they change so much and she become much harder work and then you may feel the need to track naps etc. You've been doing this for 4 weeks!! I think you'll realise that your approach begins to change weekly, I know mine does.

Other than letting your child cry this is how parenting was done before the Internet op.

I would really like to hear from the OP again, I'm keen to know how marvellous she is at just knowing how to do everything without reading anything, while simultaneously posting threads on mumsnet asking how to do everything.....

I'm not a regular mom I'm a cool mom 🙄

Love a stealth brag.
It's been 4 weeks - come back when she's teething and hanging off your leg like a baby koala.
The "brainwashed" mum comment is just offensive. You have an easy baby - everyone's doing their best.

@AnneLovesGilbert

What is a brainwashed mum? One who doesn’t leave a newborn to cry while fixing dinner?

My instinct was to comfort my baby straight away as she had no other way to communicate with me. Many parents feel the same. Poor brainwashed idiots that we are…

Same. If "brainwashed" isn't prioritising making food over my newborn then I'm very happy to be.

@NeverMetANiceOne

I would really like to hear from the OP again, I'm keen to know how marvellous she is at just knowing how to do everything without reading anything, while simultaneously posting threads on mumsnet asking how to do everything.....

Maybe she's had a tough few nights...sods law!

Wow.

I never thought I'd actually wish and awful 4 month sleep regression on anyone.

Must be because I've changed so much since becoming a Mum. Because of all the brainwashing.

My mum was similar to you - made it very clear that being a mother was not her whole life, didn’t define her etc etc. I’ve seen your other threads - she didn’t much like children either and although she loved me, I don’t think she really wanted children. She was, like you, very eye-rolly at mothers who did things differently, whilst I looked on longingly at the kinder, softer, gentler mums my friends had, and wished I had more nurture and comfort at home. I felt unwanted a lot of the time. It was damaging. I was in many ways a very easy child (I had to be, I had to make myself and my needs small, in order to be tolerated)… but, inevitably, I was a nightmare teenager.

Your DD is a human being, not an inconvenience.

I’m a brainwashed Mum clearly Funnily enough I didn’t need to create a thread asking why my baby was weighing less than it’s birth weight at 4 weeks though ... keep doing you though OP

Weird thread. You sound like most mums I know to be honest, including me. But those who use apps etc aren’t ‘brainwashed’, they just do things differently to me.
Does sound like you’ve become one of those mums who judge other mums for doing things differently to you, even when it doesn’t affect you at all. Maybe you should work on that.

For someone who posts about how she isn't using apps or books etc she certainly asks a lot of questions on Mumsnet about her baby and previous ones about pregnancy
So much for winging it...

Omgggg guys I don’t think she meant brain washed the way everyone is taking it! It was shitty wording but I think deep down she feels like a bad mum and is trying to get some reassurance that some things are normal but I get it brain washed is crappy wording and just mums would do things differently doesn’t make them Brain washed

Then why not post: I seem to be doing things differently to the other mums around me. I'm really not into all those parenting books and I sometimes let my baby cry - does that naje me a bad mum? instead of taking a rather imperious tone that suggests that anyone who does those things are brainwashed?

OMGGGG! Are we in a shit American high school film?

@Bancha

My mum was similar to you - made it very clear that being a mother was not her whole life, didn’t define her etc etc. I’ve seen your other threads - she didn’t much like children either and although she loved me, I don’t think she really wanted children. She was, like you, very eye-rolly at mothers who did things differently, whilst I looked on longingly at the kinder, softer, gentler mums my friends had, and wished I had more nurture and comfort at home. I felt unwanted a lot of the time. It was damaging. I was in many ways a very easy child (I had to be, I had to make myself and my needs small, in order to be tolerated)… but, inevitably, I was a nightmare teenager.

Your DD is a human being, not an inconvenience.

I could have written that myself (accept the loved me part...but that's for another thread!)

I have 2 Dds and I'll cuddle and comfort as much as they need, they do define me but I've never seen that as a negative- both traumatic births and difficult starts, we're so lucky they're here, healthy & happy-

Does that make me brainwashed? Possibly, but circumstances have made me alot more grateful for what I have.

(They're 2&3 now though- I'm grateful for more than 4 hours sleep too!)