Am I a bad mum ?

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My little girl arrived 4 weeks ago, she’s been a golden baby, really gave us an easy start. I was never a children loving person, for a really long time I thought I will not have children myself. As soon as I found out that I’m going to be a mum I knew that baby will not dominate my life and it didn’t ! Obviously the sleep is not the same and few other areas of life are restricted but I am still the same person (I was worried that I won’t be).
Sometimes I’m bit anxious that maybe I should be more of a brainwashed mum? I have no app that tracks every single feed and sleep times, I am not religiously counting wet and dirty nappies, I’m having a controversial glass or two of wine few times in a week and sometimes letting my baby cry for a bit longer because I want to finish making dinner, i’ve not read one book about mothering and basically I am just taking care of my child following my instinct and intuition. I love her very much but I know there is so much time for us to get to know each other and fulfil our hearts with many different feelings.

Ehhhh you’re one of those people that pick on little things people write.. gross.

@Bancha

My mum was similar to you - made it very clear that being a mother was not her whole life, didn’t define her etc etc. I’ve seen your other threads - she didn’t much like children either and although she loved me, I don’t think she really wanted children. She was, like you, very eye-rolly at mothers who did things differently, whilst I looked on longingly at the kinder, softer, gentler mums my friends had, and wished I had more nurture and comfort at home. I felt unwanted a lot of the time. It was damaging. I was in many ways a very easy child (I had to be, I had to make myself and my needs small, in order to be tolerated)… but, inevitably, I was a nightmare teenager.

Your DD is a human being, not an inconvenience.

Same here. I was out in my own room from night 1 and mum went back to work after 2 weeks.

I think I’ve spent about £5k on therapy so far and only now in my 40s (and as a mother myself) understanding and slowly undoing the damage that did.

@Bellasblankexpression sometimes people have to leave their babies to cry, doesn't make them a bad mum. Comments like yours make you as bad as the OP. 🙄

[quote supersonicginandtonic]@Bellasblankexpression sometimes people have to leave their babies to cry, doesn't make them a bad mum. Comments like yours make you as bad as the OP. 🙄[/quote]
I agree, sometimes they do, but at 4 weeks and the reason being because your finishing dinner? @Bellasblankexpression didn't say anything about her being a bad mum?

Hmm she said cry for a bit longer, hopefully she means just moving the stove off the top of turning the heat down and putting something back in the fridge so a minute tops.. I do this, if I’m in the middle of dinner I’ll turn the things off I need to or down so it’s safe and then attend to my bubba, surely OP didn’t mean she let her baby cry while she just kept cooking that’s a bit odd

Is the nicest possible way seeing as you’ve just had a baby wind your neck in 🙄

Having a baby changed me totally. I'm not who I was. There's part of me that are the same, but parts of me that are utterly different. Some of my life is the same, some is harder, some is more wondrous than its ever been.

I can safely say that with a 4 week old, I was not me. I was a zombie. But a zombie who never ever left a 4 week old to cry. Meals went uncooked and I lived on biscuits. I didn't use apps, but I did Google obsessively at 3am. I looked at people with 6 month old as wise experienced parenting experts.

Good luck with the 4 month sleep regression!

I don't have a baby - mine are in their forties now, but I never left them to cry. They are helpless and totally dependent on you to provide for their needs. Babies don't cry for the fun of it, they cry because they need something and crying is their only way of gaining attention.
So, yes, I would say you are a bad mother on that score

@Newmama93

Hmm she said cry for a bit longer, hopefully she means just moving the stove off the top of turning the heat down and putting something back in the fridge so a minute tops.. I do this, if I’m in the middle of dinner I’ll turn the things off I need to or down so it’s safe and then attend to my bubba, surely OP didn’t mean she let her baby cry while she just kept cooking that’s a bit odd

She said she leaves her to cry because she wants to finish making dinner.l, so I think that's exactly what she meant

Poor baby, I could never!! My baby in my number one priority, f*ck dinner! I always eat cold.