My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

[Dolphin7]

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

@steakandcheeseplease

I think this is why we need to stop sending kids home to isolate due to close contact tbh. I really don't think its necessary anymore.

And to the OP, I'd be pissed off too.

I'm sorry but why? Why would the fact that this child didn't get lunch that day mean that isolations for positive Covid infections should stop?

The OP's daughter may not have eaten since breakfast.

My own daughter is autistic and would've been extremely upset if she missed lunch aged 10 years.

We had breakfast at 7.30 am before school. My daughter would be ravenous at break time (10.30 am) and would have a biscuit in her school bag for a snack. (Other children would typically have bags of crisps.). When school introduced healthy eating in the mid nineties biscuits/crisps were banned. Being autistic, she was a strictly routine character and couldn't understand why she couldn't continue to take her usual biscuit. This caused quite a bit of upset. She wouldn't eat fruit/raw carrot as she had food texture issues.

That meant she had no snack option and would become hysterical at break times and I would get a phone call informing me that 'Your daughter is hysterical, come and pick her up. '

We eventually arranged for her to stay in at break so she could be supervised eating her biscuit away from other children and go to break afterwards. (Thank goodness for the Ed. psych's support.)

If OP's daughter has only had a small (healthy) snack since breakfast, I would imagine she would be terribly upset to miss lunch as well.

I once had to ring a parent to ask if I could give my lunch to their child after I spotted that the sandwich they were about to put in their mouth was mouldy. There were no school dinners left as an option.

The school should have made sure OPs daughter had something to eat, autism or not.

When parents were late picking up their children (after school) I would have them in my class whilst I was marking work and share whatever I had to eat with them (usually Cheerios) because I know children can also be hungry straight after school.

If a child comes into school having forgotten their packed lunch and parents can't deliver it before lunchtime they have a school dinner or a member of staff will provide a packed lunch for the child.

Being late to pick up children from school/phone having no charge happens. It's not intentional. Who can hold up their hand and say they've never made mistakes?

Schools should recognise that the blood sugar dips, due to long periods of time between eating, can cause certain symptoms which can affect how a child behaves and performs.

My granddaughter's school have acknowledged this and children now have the opportunity for a mid afternoon snack.

Every single potential circumstance cannot be anticipated - cut the OP some slack.

I would let the school know that they neglected a child on that particular day.

My daughter is now an adult and is still badly affected by blood sugar dips - she gets 'the shakes', gets anxious, can become very short tempered and tearful and this state often brings on migraines. Some people simply just feel hungry.

Going without food for long periods does have consequences. PP saying that 'she won't starve' need to learn to have some respect.

The OP said her daughter was upset as a result of having no lunch - we don't know the extent of that 'upset'.

Don't judge.

I think the point is it’s parents responsibility to ensure someone can pick children up at short notice even if they can’t do it themselves. DH needed to figure this out all by his own self if OP was not reachable. Not collecting daughter 3 hours when she was not supposed to be onsite was not good enough.

Or he might have been out the area working - like I was last week which was a three hour drive away then three hours back!

Oh absolutely, it could have been. However the OP didn't put it like that, she said work commitments and later added travel. I assume (but might be wrong of course) she would have said he was working away or out of the area if that had been the case. Though as others say the problem isn't that he was unable to collect the child himself, but more that after he knew the situation, nothing seemed to have been done until the OP's phone had charged.

@NCtitleofyoursextape

I think the point is it’s parents responsibility to ensure someone can pick children up at short notice even if they can’t do it themselves. DH needed to figure this out all by his own self if OP was not reachable. Not collecting daughter 3 hours when she was not supposed to be onsite was not good enough.

This is it, in a nutshell. Blame the idiot who left her there, op. You know who it is.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow That's hilarious - unless you already have a place at a London primary school there is not a hope in hell of getting one from that far away. Have you any clue how oversubscribed they are?
What’s is hilarious is your lack of reading comprehension. I said a closer school to work. With a commute of two hours to London, there will be schools not in London but closer than home.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@OhCrumbsWhereNow* That's hilarious - unless you already have a place at a London primary school there is not a hope in hell of getting one from that far away. Have you any clue how oversubscribed they are?*
What’s is hilarious is your lack of reading comprehension. I said a closer school to work. With a commute of two hours to London, there will be schools not in London but closer than home.[/quote]
Eh? So you propose they live in town A, work in London and have children in school in town B somewhere in between? For the sake of a few weeks while they sort out some local connections?

That sounds very complicated and not at all in the best interests of the children.

I think it's pretty crap that they didn't feed her. But I wouldn't be lashing out about this when the more serious issue is that neither of you were able to collect her.

DH and I are both hospital doctors and both know it's a drop everything and get the kids with this kind of call, no matter what.

If your DH genuinely works too far away to reach the school within an hour, then you need back up plans.

School should have mobile, work and home number for both of you.
There should be a back up, emergency person. Ideally someone local who can collect, but even a number to call of a friend or family member who might have a better idea of how to track you down is better than nothing (we live in the Highlands and my MIL in Nottingham is one of ours because she will track us down if necessary).

You really need to look at this. This wasn't exactly an emergency in the truest sense, but it certainly could be.

@CallmeHendricks because its disruptive.We are sending perfectly healthy children home from school for a virus that really has no impact on them - infact the whole out look of the virus seriousness has changed due to the vaccination program. But people and certain scientists are obsessed with cases rather than the seriousness of the virus now.

@fairyannie

The OP's daughter may not have eaten since breakfast.

My own daughter is autistic and would've been extremely upset if she missed lunch aged 10 years.

We had breakfast at 7.30 am before school. My daughter would be ravenous at break time (10.30 am) and would have a biscuit in her school bag for a snack. (Other children would typically have bags of crisps.). When school introduced healthy eating in the mid nineties biscuits/crisps were banned. Being autistic, she was a strictly routine character and couldn't understand why she couldn't continue to take her usual biscuit. This caused quite a bit of upset. She wouldn't eat fruit/raw carrot as she had food texture issues.

That meant she had no snack option and would become hysterical at break times and I would get a phone call informing me that 'Your daughter is hysterical, come and pick her up. '

We eventually arranged for her to stay in at break so she could be supervised eating her biscuit away from other children and go to break afterwards. (Thank goodness for the Ed. psych's support.)

If OP's daughter has only had a small (healthy) snack since breakfast, I would imagine she would be terribly upset to miss lunch as well.

I once had to ring a parent to ask if I could give my lunch to their child after I spotted that the sandwich they were about to put in their mouth was mouldy. There were no school dinners left as an option.

The school should have made sure OPs daughter had something to eat, autism or not.

When parents were late picking up their children (after school) I would have them in my class whilst I was marking work and share whatever I had to eat with them (usually Cheerios) because I know children can also be hungry straight after school.

If a child comes into school having forgotten their packed lunch and parents can't deliver it before lunchtime they have a school dinner or a member of staff will provide a packed lunch for the child.

Being late to pick up children from school/phone having no charge happens. It's not intentional. Who can hold up their hand and say they've never made mistakes?

Schools should recognise that the blood sugar dips, due to long periods of time between eating, can cause certain symptoms which can affect how a child behaves and performs.

My granddaughter's school have acknowledged this and children now have the opportunity for a mid afternoon snack.

Every single potential circumstance cannot be anticipated - cut the OP some slack.

I would let the school know that they neglected a child on that particular day.

My daughter is now an adult and is still badly affected by blood sugar dips - she gets 'the shakes', gets anxious, can become very short tempered and tearful and this state often brings on migraines. Some people simply just feel hungry.

Going without food for long periods does have consequences. PP saying that 'she won't starve' need to learn to have some respect.

The OP said her daughter was upset as a result of having no lunch - we don't know the extent of that 'upset'.

Don't judge.

Blimey, that's quite a post and very little of it is even similar to what the OP has told us about her situation.

I would let the school know that they neglected a child on that particular day.

Yes, as did both parents.

By the way, I'm quite sure the staff would've noticed if the OP's child was hysterical.

@RuleWithAWoodenFoot

Just to consider - it's hard when a bubble closes. Logistically.

We need to move children out really quickly. Staff too. The room is closed while they are in there, toilets are allocated and other children have to be diverted, there is government office stuff to be done, so someone is doing that, there are letters to go out, someone is doing that, someone with the children, someone to run children back and forth to exit doors, someone on the exit door to meet parents/deal with concerns, someone to get children's stuff from the cloakroom and run it to the classroom, someone to get lunches if necessary. Meanwhile children (and staff) are upset, the rest of the school staff get an email, other staff are upset/anxious.

Last time I happened to be out of class. I had to mop up the class teacher in the toilets, deal with a crying TA, 3 crying children, then I ran lunches back and forth up the corridor, then I escorted children to the allocated toilets. Meanwhile the head was on the door, the class teacher pulled herself together and started sorting out work packs to go home (without leaving the room, so other TAs were pulled out of other classes to get work through the photocopier, another admin person was putting those things together in envelopes).

And then parents don't pick up the phone, or just can't quite get to pick a child up. Who might already be distressed.

Yeah, it's a super situation for all.

They still should have fed her something though.

No it isn't easy but well done for what you did and it sounds like your team pulled together and great that you would still want the child fed.

I'm well used to parents not turning up, used to run Beavers/Cubs but child's welfare is always the priority isn't it.

@Psychonabike

I think it's pretty crap that they didn't feed her. But I wouldn't be lashing out about this when the more serious issue is that neither of you were able to collect her.

DH and I are both hospital doctors and both know it's a drop everything and get the kids with this kind of call, no matter what.

If your DH genuinely works too far away to reach the school within an hour, then you need back up plans.

School should have mobile, work and home number for both of you.
There should be a back up, emergency person. Ideally someone local who can collect, but even a number to call of a friend or family member who might have a better idea of how to track you down is better than nothing (we live in the Highlands and my MIL in Nottingham is one of ours because she will track us down if necessary).

You really need to look at this. This wasn't exactly an emergency in the truest sense, but it certainly could be.

I'm in the South West, we've had police from various parts of the country down here for the G7. Not sure how they'd get to their child's school fast, the other parent could be doing a job where they can't be immediately contacted, barrister in court, social worker dealing with an emergency. Schools have to take these things into consideration, they are in loco parentis and can't just wash their hands of the care of the child.

Where I live the back up is normally grandparents which isn't that easy with covid.

@NCtitleofyoursextape

I think the point is it’s parents responsibility to ensure someone can pick children up at short notice even if they can’t do it themselves. DH needed to figure this out all by his own self if OP was not reachable. Not collecting daughter 3 hours when she was not supposed to be onsite was not good enough.

And it is the school's responsibility to look after the child until they are collected.

'This is it, in a nutshell. Blame the idiot who left her there, op. You know who it is.'

@Sweak

It sounds like the school punished her because you and her father couldn't get there. I think that is awful, if they have an issue with you they need to address that but while she is in their care they need to feed her.

What a stupid statement. Schools don't behave like this. It was clearly an oversight. No one is punishing the child by withholding food.

I've volunteered in schools for years and yes some teachers would do this, a minority I grant you but some teachers aren't very nice. I've worked with one or two who I wouldn't trust with my cat.

So the mother is condemned for an oversight with her phone, school have an oversight and leave a child hungry and it isn't their fault. Very fair.

It's not that dad wasn't able to travel and collect the daughter, it's that he didn't take ownership of the issue and come up with a solution.

No is suggesting the school were right not to fed her, just that they weren't the only ones to screw up here so a complaint isnt really fair.

[quote SafferUpNorth]@Dolphin7 - as others have said the bigger issue here is that neither of you were available to pick up your DD when asked, and did not have a a back up plan. What if she'd been rushed to hospital for something??

The whole point of children having multiple contacts on file is that there's a back-up if a parent is unreachable (eg your battery dying). Surely if your DH works several hours away, as you've told us, and would therefore not be in a position to get to her school quickly, you need an alternative emergency contact like a neighbour, family membe or friend.

We dont have relativs nearby but our lovely neighbours are on file as emergency contacts. They're retired so mostly at home... and near the school.

Why the hell did your DH not call someone else??[/quote]
It is nice you have lovely neighbours who would put themselves at risk in a pandemic. Not everyone would be comfortable with that, when I had to collect GS in similar circumstances I brought him home and put him straight in dining room and told him he couldn't go near granddad as he is 74 and vulnerable. He's had two jabs but we know with the delta variant people are still dying.

@helpfulperson

It's not that dad wasn't able to travel and collect the daughter, it's that he didn't take ownership of the issue and come up with a solution.

No is suggesting the school were right not to fed her, just that they weren't the only ones to screw up here so a complaint isnt really fair.

Would you be happy to collect a child who is safe and well but a known covid risk for the sake of 3 hours?

I wouldn't and I consider myself a pretty helpful person. I wouldn't call my child's grandparents to do it etc!

@helpfulperson

It's not that dad wasn't able to travel and collect the daughter, it's that he didn't take ownership of the issue and come up with a solution.

No is suggesting the school were right not to fed her, just that they weren't the only ones to screw up here so a complaint isnt really fair.

Actually some people are suggesting it was OK not to feed her.

I don't feel I was being clear there - unless I had a child in the same class who was also isolating, I wouldn't pick up my niece or nephew etc.

@fairyannie your post is very contradictory. 'Mistakes happen' 'don't judge'. Yet the rest of your point slates the school for their mistake.

Clearly both parties made mistakes that day. Her daughter is fine. Fair enough to flag to the school but perhaps not complain as such. And op will have her phone fully charged from now on I'm sure!

I had to collect my ds a few months ago when he had suspected Covid. He had to wait in an isolation room, but he's mid teens and also had a packed lunch so was fine. It's good that they have a policy to isolate children in these circumstances, but I think it's reasonable to expect school to give your child their lunch. It's hard to see how they'd forget that a child needs to eat when it's lunchtime, and easy to imagine that a child with ASD might take 'you can't go to the lunch hall' as 'you can't have lunch'. At that age (SEN or not) I think the staff need to think more about a child's needs rather than expecting them to ask, but I suppose we're in difficult times, etc, etc.

I also think it's pretty normal to not be able to collect instantly - don't know why some pps are so critical. A lot of people can't have phones switched on at work or might be working in a location that takes a long time to get home. It's not just people in the middle of performing open heart surgery who would struggle with this , and not everyone has local friends/family who are at home during the day, or even if they do, would they be happy to collect a child if there's been possible Covid contact?

@ancientgran if you read my other posts I didn't condemn the op. It was a mistake her phone battery died just as it was the school didn't get her lunch

You may have volunteered in schools but I'm a teacher and I've never known any member of staff who would withhold food to punish a parent or even punish a child. I stand by my statement, schools don't operate like that

ancientgran, why are you insisting malice from school? This was a mare unfortunate event that both party have made a mistake.
If OP has phrased her op differently instead of complaining to school and beyond despite the fact that some faults lies with them, I'm sure op have received different responce.
No one is saying it's ok not to feed her, it was either an oversight or a mistake. I think Op should mention it to the school so it won't happen again, but shouldn't complain, imo.

Is op had said due to distance rather than work commitments I , and I assume others would have responded differently. The follow up posts saying it was all because of distance are doubtful, the op said work commitments, ie DH feels that his more is More Important than his DD and the School Staff.