Eating a carrot is breaking my heart

[CarrotTrauma]

I’ve NC for this as I don’t want linked to my other posts as could be outing to people who know me.

So tonight we have come down hard on our 7yo DC, they are currently bawling their heart out at the table, have been for over half an hour because we are making them eat a carrot, not even a whole carrot, it’s a quarter of a roasted carrot.

We’ve always been fairly relaxed with food. Never forced our DCs to eat food they don’t like, never made them go to bed hungry. The snack draw is always available, they must ask though. But the diet of one of our DCs has gotten so bad we have had to play hard ball.

Number 1, had always had an issue with fruit and veg, bad gag reflex even as a baby. As they have gotten older that gag reflex is still there but they do try and have got to the point where they can eat things they never could before, not a huge amount but are gradually progressing and overall we get some decent healthy food into them. A lot of this has been down to school encouragement in trying new healthy foods and eating with their friends as well as age.

Number 3 child, no problems at all, they will actually get upset if there isn’t enough fruit and veg. 95% of the time they will choose fruit of any sweets/chocolate.

But with number 2 it’s has gotten so bad. As a baby it wasn’t a problem until they started copying number 1 and refusing to eat fruit and veg. As they were close in age it was hard to stop this. They started to make progress at nursery and school and I wasn’t too worried as both told me they were eating stuff they wouldn’t at home and I thought that like number 1 they would get better especially eating at friends homes or friends coming to us as with number 1. But lockdown happened, so they stopped eating with their peers and stopped trying new things which they would happily do at school.

We’ve also moved during lockdown and they are in a new school, but since returning only dose packed lunches. Previously I could live with picking my battles because there were always meals I could sneak a bit of blended veg into and I knew I had the back up that at school they were at least trying and eating foods they refused at home. This isn’t to say I havnt tried, I’ve blended veg hidden it in many mice dishes, spread it on home made pizzas, tried cooking it in lots of various ways. They will eat a bowl of stew and at the end all the meat and gravy is gone and all the veg left. I’ve made novelty meals, got very creative in designing fun plates, but nothing works.

Just to show how bad it is, this is now my DCs diet,

Breakfast - toast with butter, beans or sausages. They use to eat cereal but after being introduced to krave through a relative this is now the only cereal they eat. The only other breakfast foods are pancakes with Nutella. We only allow the krave or anything Nutella related at weekends now. Which is why we started making hot foods during the week.

Lunch - ham sandwich, no other sandwich, will eat plain bread and butter. Pretzels, popcorn and maybe breadsticks. Absolutely nothing else.

Dinner - pizza (cheese n tomato only), sausages, chicken nuggets and chips, roast chicken, hot dogs and pasta, beans, meatballs and of course McDonalds. Won’t eat potatoes in any other form or rice, cous cous, eggs, obviously no veg at all. Will try other meats but not really fussed.

At home they spend all their time asking for snacks, their idea of a snack is chocolate, crisps, sweets, ice cream.... this is why we are at breaking point. We have no issue with our children eating these in moderation and with a healthy varied diet, but our 7yo dose not anything near this.

So tonight was the night we have got tough and stuck to our guns. I’ve had to go upstairs as I can’t bare the crying. Both DH and I have horrible memories of being forced to sit at the table and eat stewed to death veg and swore we would never do it. But we have run out of patience and need to do something before it’s to late.

I couldn’t even read past your initial few sentences.

Don’t force your child to eat anything. Ever. It is NEVER worth crying over a fucking carrot.

I feel really angry reading your post. I have memories of being a child and having similar things done to me and now as an adult I cannot eat those foods as it literally makes me feel sick.
It is child abuse.

I have a child with autism who has a severely restricted diet - until he was about 4 all he could eat, ever was dough balls. He was under a dietician who told us never to make an issue
Out of it ever and just offer what he would eat, and something else as well and never even comment on it. Now aged 9 he will give most things a try but we never limit food and never force anything.

Crying over being made to eat something is fucking horrible.

I have two great eaters and one uber fussy one. OP I would be delighted if my fussy son would eat all the things you've listed in your son's diet!

I've treated them all the same, as much as one can, and middle son just has the worst diet ever. It's going to ruin his life and I have no idea how to fix it.

Bin the snack draw completely, offer fruit and veg. If they don't eat it they don't get to fill up on junk.

This is really embarrassing to admit but I have a phobia of fruit and vegetables. It started when I was young but got significantly worse when I started being made to sit at the table until I had eaten them, or my breakfast would be cold veg I hadn’t eaten before and then my step dad force fed me cabbage once. I am nearly 40 and still can’t eat any veg besides potatoes, sweetcorn and parsnips. A small amount of carrot if well cooked. I can eat green apples and grapes. That’s it.

It’s absolutely horrendous and mortifying. I wish my parents had tried to get some help for me rather than going the route they did. Restricted food intake is more understood now and there’s more information and help available.

I really have tried but it’s a complete panic reaction. I’m now able to handle the stuff as I feed it to my children but I can’t even taste it.

If he’s this upset about it I think it’s more than just being fussy. I would speak to your GP.

I’d honestly let them crack on with their current diet - not lots of McDonald’s but you know, toast, beans etc - not super healthy but not the worst by far!

I’d definitely cut out chocolate, crisps (other than say veggie straws or the odd pack of quavers on. Weekend etc).

Add in a multi vitamin and give them fresh juices - I get the innocent smoothies with added vegetables and vitamins. They don’t have them daily but occasionally during the week. You could easily make your own smoothies? Blend strawberries with milk, banana etc.

I personally wouldn’t force it down them.

I’ve never seen my SC eat a vegetable in 4 years, they sat and cried over a pepper once and gagged over a vegetable pasta bake - suddenly as if by magic I walked in and saw them eating a prawn salad the other day. With actual SALAD and carrots and all sorts of VEGGIES! ok it had a tbsp of Mayo on it but it was like a miracle.

Limit the snacks and crap, if you can get healthy stuff in by way of a little treat (juice, milkshake, covered in Mayo then the benefits outweigh the bit of sugar or fat

I cannot stop laughing at a slice of toast being a treat

Lol and sitting a 7 year old down and telling them they can't eat like this, and toast and a sandwich are treat foods

So tonight we have come down hard on our 7yo DC, they are currently bawling their heart out at the table, have been for over half an hour because we are making them eat a carrot, not even a whole carrot, it’s a quarter of a roasted carrot.

Read this again OP. And again. And again. Read this as many times as it takes for you to realise how ridiculous the whole situation is. You are stuck and you need to reset, but for now, please go and hug your poor child

Thanks everyone.

The carrot was their choice of food to try. They always say they will then refuse. As I said, I never wanted to do it this way but all else has seemed to have failed.

We’ve sat down talked about food, we’ve talked about food their hero’s eat and how they need to have a healthy diet to be like them. We’ve given options so so so many times. We do variety nights where there is a huge selection of foods to try, the problem is they now won’t try anything new and have stopped eating things they did in the past. We’ve talked about growing up and tastes changing, and that it’s good to keep trying things as just because they didn’t like it last year dosnt mean they won’t now. They have seen it happen with my oldest now eating food they wouldn’t before.

I’ve bought so much stuff for them to try absolutely everything is a no. When I buy new things I don’t just force it on them I say ok, I’ve bought this, it’s like such a thing that you liked before, it’s one of your best friends favourite foods, are you happy to give it a go, they say yes until it’s time to try it.

We’ve tried ignoring it in the hopes that will work, it dosnt.

If they even had the slightest healthy thing they liked I would be happy as it would be a start.

I’ve just spoken to them, they are all happy they ate the carrot, the reality is they had 2 tiny pieces of a quarter of a carrot, but it’s something and they are proud of themselves for doing it. Their reward was to watch The Mandalorian.

I have some Greek yogurt I’ve bought to try, they want to wait till after school tomorrow. They don’t like yogurt normally but they have only tried the ones their siblings eat so this is different. They have also agreed to have sautéed cabbage and bacon tomorrow on the condition they can have it with their favourite saussages, which we’ve agreed to 🤞

I know it’s psychological with them. They have also had it easy by turning in the water works in the past with me when DH has been working away. Which is why I had to leave DH to play bad cop tonight.

I've been there too but it's really not worth it and will backfire in some way or another. My own parents forced me to sit at the table til all my veg was gone too... I remember wrapping overcooked runner beans and broccoli in a napkin then flushing it down the toilet!!

In our house, we try to serve at least one thing we know DS will eat (sometimes it's even just the bread the accompanies the meal ) plus not allowing anything else after dinner, but he still kicks up a fuss several evenings a week about being "hungry" after refusing to eat things that he's happily eaten before... Well eat your fecking dinner then! He only wants to eat his "favourite" foods all the time! It's crazy-making!

I think you need to remove the battle ground

Tell him he has to have a veg with his dinner and a fruit with his lunch. What would he like? Give him a choice. You can still serve up other veg but don't make it a battle ground, if he doesn't eat it fine just ignore it.

Secondly I think you need to take away the snack drawer. If theres no snacks they can't have them. This doesn't mean never give them snacks foods but I think you DS needs a bit of a break from those type of foods. I know if I eat a lot of delicious salty, flavoured foods its really hard to go back to normal eating because everything tastes bland!

@Ohpulltheotherone

I’d honestly let them crack on with their current diet - not lots of McDonald’s but you know, toast, beans etc - not super healthy but not the worst by far!

I’d definitely cut out chocolate, crisps (other than say veggie straws or the odd pack of quavers on. Weekend etc).

Add in a multi vitamin and give them fresh juices - I get the innocent smoothies with added vegetables and vitamins. They don’t have them daily but occasionally during the week. You could easily make your own smoothies? Blend strawberries with milk, banana etc.

I personally wouldn’t force it down them.

I’ve never seen my SC eat a vegetable in 4 years, they sat and cried over a pepper once and gagged over a vegetable pasta bake - suddenly as if by magic I walked in and saw them eating a prawn salad the other day. With actual SALAD and carrots and all sorts of VEGGIES! ok it had a tbsp of Mayo on it but it was like a miracle.

Limit the snacks and crap, if you can get healthy stuff in by way of a little treat (juice, milkshake, covered in Mayo then the benefits outweigh the bit of sugar or fat

Smoothies are a no go, won’t go near them, shop bought or home made. You name it I’ve tried it.

Veggie straws are a no go either thanks to grandparents feeding them crisps in stead of the veggie straws I use to give them when they were little.

They don’t drink juice at all either.

From the looks of your last post you haven't taken notice of any of the comments in this thread. Please do so. This kind of experience is much worse for your child than a limited diet.

@DIshedUp

I think you need to remove the battle ground

Tell him he has to have a veg with his dinner and a fruit with his lunch. What would he like? Give him a choice. You can still serve up other veg but don't make it a battle ground, if he doesn't eat it fine just ignore it.

Secondly I think you need to take away the snack drawer. If theres no snacks they can't have them. This doesn't mean never give them snacks foods but I think you DS needs a bit of a break from those type of foods. I know if I eat a lot of delicious salty, flavoured foods its really hard to go back to normal eating because everything tastes bland!

This is literally the first real battle. We have given veg options at dinner times, there is always veg on the plat, it’s just never touched.

Fruit is definitely not a battle I have energy for. My 3yo put a half eaten banana in their cup holder while they had a drink in the car this morning and 7yo freaked it was too close to them, even though there was an entire seat free in between them. This is what they are like with all fruit. They won’t even touch a smoothie carton because if it’s contents.

@CarrotTrauma

Thanks everyone.

The carrot was their choice of food to try. They always say they will then refuse. As I said, I never wanted to do it this way but all else has seemed to have failed.

We’ve sat down talked about food, we’ve talked about food their hero’s eat and how they need to have a healthy diet to be like them. We’ve given options so so so many times. We do variety nights where there is a huge selection of foods to try, the problem is they now won’t try anything new and have stopped eating things they did in the past. We’ve talked about growing up and tastes changing, and that it’s good to keep trying things as just because they didn’t like it last year dosnt mean they won’t now. They have seen it happen with my oldest now eating food they wouldn’t before.

I’ve bought so much stuff for them to try absolutely everything is a no. When I buy new things I don’t just force it on them I say ok, I’ve bought this, it’s like such a thing that you liked before, it’s one of your best friends favourite foods, are you happy to give it a go, they say yes until it’s time to try it.

We’ve tried ignoring it in the hopes that will work, it dosnt.

If they even had the slightest healthy thing they liked I would be happy as it would be a start.

I’ve just spoken to them, they are all happy they ate the carrot, the reality is they had 2 tiny pieces of a quarter of a carrot, but it’s something and they are proud of themselves for doing it. Their reward was to watch The Mandalorian.

I have some Greek yogurt I’ve bought to try, they want to wait till after school tomorrow. They don’t like yogurt normally but they have only tried the ones their siblings eat so this is different. They have also agreed to have sautéed cabbage and bacon tomorrow on the condition they can have it with their favourite saussages, which we’ve agreed to 🤞

I know it’s psychological with them. They have also had it easy by turning in the water works in the past with me when DH has been working away. Which is why I had to leave DH to play bad cop tonight.

This actually does sound a lot like ARFID. Agreeing to try something tomorrow is easy, actually eating it when the time comes can be impossible. Go easy on him OP. He might grow out of it like most do. He might stay like this into adulthood. Either way nobody will be happy if you continue down this route.

You are doing what your parents did and giving the same horrible memories to your own child. It's gone full circle.

Relax, child eats a range of foods. Perhaps dump the snacks drawer since eating between meals means no so hungry at meal times.

Put the meal out with a little if something different on the plate and just Relax and chat. No stress around food. It will come.

@arethereanyleftatall

I'm not sure id force the carrot.

But, their diet is atrocious. You know that. Start by sitting them down, explaining they can't eat like that. All those foods, every single one, even ham sandwich or toast for breakfast, would be a once a week treat meal for my dc.

I'd sit them down, work out a menu with them which contains decent stuff, non negotiable, and take it from there.

Chicken nuggets, mcds etc won't be on the menu at all.

Ham sandwich, and toast are once a week treats? 😮

Seriously?

In the old days - before pediatric nutritionists et al. - we dealt with picky eaters by regressing. Go back to baby food. Give them totally pureed meats, pasta, veggies, fruits, etc. Milk and water to drink. No sugary treats - especially no chocolate, no biscuits, no crisps.
After a week or so, introduce finger foods, like sliced bananas or cheese cubes. Always add veggies and fruits first, bread and pasta second.
Still no sugary treats at all.
It can take 6-8 weeks of this. If they resist, just stop and go back to the puree. They are getting proper nutrition and will learn to deal with textures.
Once everything is accepted, you can add sugary treats. Suggest beginning with meringues and marshmallows.

I'd try spicing up the school packed lunches. They will be properly hungry at school since limited snacking. You won't be there to make a fuss and they won't be able to complain to you. The only option is eat food or leave it. So swap out sandwiches and crisps for things like pasta salad, couscous, wraps, carrot and celery sticks, cheese and crackers, apples, oranges and berries. They may crack and give them a go.

Also, if they don't eat their lunch and come home hungry, you can push the fruit and veg on them while they're weakest . So more carrot sticks and apple slices on offer after school while you offer to rustle them up some toast or a crumpet (and take your time over it!).

Another trick I saw someone suggest was to serve veg first at dinner. Have a veg 'course' with crudités/salad before the main meal sometimes.

I have a child with ARFID. Thus is really not the way to tackle food issues. It's cruel and self defeating. It will jot achieve what you want but just traumatise yourself child further

@CarrotTrauma

Thanks everyone.

The carrot was their choice of food to try. They always say they will then refuse. As I said, I never wanted to do it this way but all else has seemed to have failed.

We’ve sat down talked about food, we’ve talked about food their hero’s eat and how they need to have a healthy diet to be like them. We’ve given options so so so many times. We do variety nights where there is a huge selection of foods to try, the problem is they now won’t try anything new and have stopped eating things they did in the past. We’ve talked about growing up and tastes changing, and that it’s good to keep trying things as just because they didn’t like it last year dosnt mean they won’t now. They have seen it happen with my oldest now eating food they wouldn’t before.

I’ve bought so much stuff for them to try absolutely everything is a no. When I buy new things I don’t just force it on them I say ok, I’ve bought this, it’s like such a thing that you liked before, it’s one of your best friends favourite foods, are you happy to give it a go, they say yes until it’s time to try it.

We’ve tried ignoring it in the hopes that will work, it dosnt.

If they even had the slightest healthy thing they liked I would be happy as it would be a start.

I’ve just spoken to them, they are all happy they ate the carrot, the reality is they had 2 tiny pieces of a quarter of a carrot, but it’s something and they are proud of themselves for doing it. Their reward was to watch The Mandalorian.

I have some Greek yogurt I’ve bought to try, they want to wait till after school tomorrow. They don’t like yogurt normally but they have only tried the ones their siblings eat so this is different. They have also agreed to have sautéed cabbage and bacon tomorrow on the condition they can have it with their favourite saussages, which we’ve agreed to 🤞

I know it’s psychological with them. They have also had it easy by turning in the water works in the past with me when DH has been working away. Which is why I had to leave DH to play bad cop tonight.

I know how difficult and stressful it is... But it sounds like you're making a huge deal out of food and I'm sure the kids pick up on your anxiety surrounding it.

I'd say... Don't discuss it with them. Don't ask what they want for meals. Negotiation adds fuel to the fire... They shouldn't have so much input.

Provide nutritious food as far as possible and make it clear that this is what is for dinner, they can choose between X or X for breakfast/lunch... They can choose to eat or not. Obviously to begin with, include some favourite foods, but not exclusively.

Although I mentioned above that my child is often fussy at dinner, he does eat well in general.

OP, read your comments again - your child has a phobia. Delaying it, agreeing because they know it’s important to you but panicking when it comes to it, panicking because a banana is in their vicinity. This isn’t fussiness, he’s phobic. He’s not “turning on the water works”, he’s genuinely scared.

Do you have any phobias (I don’t mean the way people casually use it but an actual phobia)? It’s bloody horrendous to feel that way. And it’s so hard for other people to understand how you could be so terrified of something they have no issue with, but that’s how phobias work. I’m also needle phobic and people will say “but they don’t really hurt” as if that’s the issue. Phobias aren’t rational at all.

The fact that he’s eaten that tiny piece of carrot is an achievement - I’ve never in my life been able to eat a pea, for example. He’s doing better than I am!

I think you need to read up on food phobias to try and understand why he’s so resistant. It’s so different from “being fussy”

@00100001

Will they eat smoothies or "milkshakes"? Easy enough to hide fruit and/or veg in those.

Will he eat homemade meatballs? You can buy minced beef with carrot in it...he might not notice.

Also, you can get vegetable powder and hide that in all sort of stuff.

My DNiece Is often given veggie powder cheese crackers. She thinks they're just cheese crackers... They're not! They've got veggie powder and nutritional yeast in them.

With the stew...just blend some roasted veg (onions, carrots etc) into the gravy...

Does he eat homemade pizza? Again, easy to hide veg.

Of all else fails, bung him a vitamin gummy each day 👍👍

Will look at the veggie powder.

They don’t eat crackers, smoothies, yogurts to hide it in.

They realised spag boll had tomatoes in so won’t eat that now. We do make homemade meatballs and burgers that we have hidden blended veg in in the past but they have started picking at those. They won’t eat any kind of sauce so it’s hard to hide.

I use to make lots of homemade pizza but they decided they no longer like those and now will only eat the Chicago deep dish mini pizzas.

I remember an old colleague telling me her son was a nightmare and would only each chips. So one day she was making him some and he saw her peeling potatoes and had a complete meltdown because she was putting potatoes in his chips. I couldn’t stop laughing because I thought it was so funny. Not any more as I now have to hide ingredients in case they see them.

I feel for you OP. My DS was/is v fussy. Personally, I would stop being so creative with your meals. Not all kids like stews.

Breakfast: Beans on toast is fine. Try 50/50 white/brown bread instead of white.
Lunch: Ham sandwich isn't terrible. Buy naice ham. Send an apple even if they don't eat it.
Tea: Ditch the pizza, chips, chicken nuggets, hot dogs and Mcdonalds.
You have left sausages, roast chicken, and meatballs. This is all protein. So cook them pasta and meatballs, and secretly add in some veg to the sauce. Put carrots (non-mushy) and some form of potatoes next to the roast chicken, even if they don't eat it. Get the best sausages you can afford and serve with some potatoes instead of chips. If they don't eat the veg or potatoes don't say anything. Just repeat the above and see what happens over time. If they want a snack, offer fruit or nothing. Get some biscuits you don't mind them eating and offer those instead of ice cream.

@GeorgiaGirl52

In the old days - before pediatric nutritionists et al. - we dealt with picky eaters by regressing. Go back to baby food. Give them totally pureed meats, pasta, veggies, fruits, etc. Milk and water to drink. No sugary treats - especially no chocolate, no biscuits, no crisps. After a week or so, introduce finger foods, like sliced bananas or cheese cubes. Always add veggies and fruits first, bread and pasta second. Still no sugary treats at all. It can take 6-8 weeks of this. If they resist, just stop and go back to the puree. They are getting proper nutrition and will learn to deal with textures. Once everything is accepted, you can add sugary treats. Suggest beginning with meringues and marshmallows.

What a load of nonsense.

For most people with complete avoidance of certain foods, the issue is texture. Pulverising it won’t help - the only thing I can imagine that’s worse than eating actual peas is eating pee purée.

This wouldn’t get very far with me because I absolutely couldn’t and wouldn’t eat these things as a purée. I’m not sure why you’d think that would help?

Your making such a major issue out of it with all the talking and persuading and things.

I would take a massive step back and for the next month or so serve what is liked and stop talking about food. Then slowly look at adding one new thing at a time but with no pressure at all to do anything with it.

DS has arfid, his is a severe case but the worst thing I did was agree to the work with an eating disorders team because all that talk of food and what he should be eating made everything 100 times worse.