Eating a carrot is breaking my heart

[CarrotTrauma]

I’ve NC for this as I don’t want linked to my other posts as could be outing to people who know me.

So tonight we have come down hard on our 7yo DC, they are currently bawling their heart out at the table, have been for over half an hour because we are making them eat a carrot, not even a whole carrot, it’s a quarter of a roasted carrot.

We’ve always been fairly relaxed with food. Never forced our DCs to eat food they don’t like, never made them go to bed hungry. The snack draw is always available, they must ask though. But the diet of one of our DCs has gotten so bad we have had to play hard ball.

Number 1, had always had an issue with fruit and veg, bad gag reflex even as a baby. As they have gotten older that gag reflex is still there but they do try and have got to the point where they can eat things they never could before, not a huge amount but are gradually progressing and overall we get some decent healthy food into them. A lot of this has been down to school encouragement in trying new healthy foods and eating with their friends as well as age.

Number 3 child, no problems at all, they will actually get upset if there isn’t enough fruit and veg. 95% of the time they will choose fruit of any sweets/chocolate.

But with number 2 it’s has gotten so bad. As a baby it wasn’t a problem until they started copying number 1 and refusing to eat fruit and veg. As they were close in age it was hard to stop this. They started to make progress at nursery and school and I wasn’t too worried as both told me they were eating stuff they wouldn’t at home and I thought that like number 1 they would get better especially eating at friends homes or friends coming to us as with number 1. But lockdown happened, so they stopped eating with their peers and stopped trying new things which they would happily do at school.

We’ve also moved during lockdown and they are in a new school, but since returning only dose packed lunches. Previously I could live with picking my battles because there were always meals I could sneak a bit of blended veg into and I knew I had the back up that at school they were at least trying and eating foods they refused at home. This isn’t to say I havnt tried, I’ve blended veg hidden it in many mice dishes, spread it on home made pizzas, tried cooking it in lots of various ways. They will eat a bowl of stew and at the end all the meat and gravy is gone and all the veg left. I’ve made novelty meals, got very creative in designing fun plates, but nothing works.

Just to show how bad it is, this is now my DCs diet,

Breakfast - toast with butter, beans or sausages. They use to eat cereal but after being introduced to krave through a relative this is now the only cereal they eat. The only other breakfast foods are pancakes with Nutella. We only allow the krave or anything Nutella related at weekends now. Which is why we started making hot foods during the week.

Lunch - ham sandwich, no other sandwich, will eat plain bread and butter. Pretzels, popcorn and maybe breadsticks. Absolutely nothing else.

Dinner - pizza (cheese n tomato only), sausages, chicken nuggets and chips, roast chicken, hot dogs and pasta, beans, meatballs and of course McDonalds. Won’t eat potatoes in any other form or rice, cous cous, eggs, obviously no veg at all. Will try other meats but not really fussed.

At home they spend all their time asking for snacks, their idea of a snack is chocolate, crisps, sweets, ice cream.... this is why we are at breaking point. We have no issue with our children eating these in moderation and with a healthy varied diet, but our 7yo dose not anything near this.

So tonight was the night we have got tough and stuck to our guns. I’ve had to go upstairs as I can’t bare the crying. Both DH and I have horrible memories of being forced to sit at the table and eat stewed to death veg and swore we would never do it. But we have run out of patience and need to do something before it’s to late.

[Latte40]

Try hitting the reset button as opposed to forcing them to eat...

You have a list of food they deem acceptable- you can build from that.

Reassure them that you aren't going to force them but you will reward their efforts for not going crazy when you offer alternatives. This could look like;

You like to always have beans with chicken which you can have; I'm also going to put a pot of peas next to your plate and if you pick one up, don't whine, whinge, go crazy etc, that's 1point. If you lick it, 2points. If you just pop it in your mouth to try it, 3 points. If they get their points then maybe it's rewarded with extra 10 minutes at bedtime or playing out.

The point of doing things like this are to completely remove the battle ground where the kids now have stress responses as do you and your DH. If you would like for them to say eat another 3 different meals, plan for that over weeks and weeks.

Put them on a multivitamin if you're worried and explain whenever you can why human bodies need building blocks from food to grow and thrive. Whilst the food that tastes the absolute best is great as a treat, we have to train ourselves to eat up things that are going to give us optimal health.

If you and your DH can get excited about what you're cooking and get some amazing smells going and offer a taste etc then you breed a sense of pleasure and excitement over meal time.

Also, time and maturity really does help the process. Give yourself a break- you're doing brilliantly and you are doing your best.

[Misty9]

I feel your pain @CarrotTrauma as my youngest has a not dissimilar diet to your dc2. But, she's growing and healthy so I will not make it into a battle, partly because she's so stubborn it would be horrendous! One technique that got her eating broccoli was to ask her to choose one veg, just one, that she'd eat, and I ask her to decide how much a X year old (currently 7yo) would need to eat to be healthy. This usually results in her taking more florets than I would have given her. Yes she only eats the tree and not the stalk...but baby steps! dd has school dinner most days so I usually just do a ham wrap for tea, but if not then she eats what's on offer or nothing else. Tonight we had quorn chilli. She ate the tortilla chips and cheese, and did allow me to put a tiny spoonful of chilli on her plate (she'd helped cook it) but licked this and declared she didn't like it.

In short, if your dc is healthy and growing I wouldn't sweat it too much. Avoid letting them fill up on treats (mine would love a snack drawer!) and somehow they survive. If you make it a battle then nobody gains...

[SnarkyBag]

DS is like this with any cooked veg but over the years he will now eat veg as long as it’s raw. Cooking veg completely changes the taste and texture. He still only eats carrots, peppers, green beans and lettuce but that’s what he has everyday with his meals regardless of what I’m serving. Once upon a time he’d only eat bread and potato products. He’s come a long way but forcing it never helped.

If you can work towards finding a couple of veg options and fruit options they’ll eat that you can give them everyday then that’s what I’d do and not stress the rest

[Misty9]

And I'd avoid rewarding eating if you can... It's a normal activity that we should all do. Take away all focus from it and offer healthy food - look up the division of responsibility approach. Can't remember the woman's name.

[Northernsoullover]

@arethereanyleftatall

I'm not sure id force the carrot.

But, their diet is atrocious. You know that. Start by sitting them down, explaining they can't eat like that. All those foods, every single one, even ham sandwich or toast for breakfast, would be a once a week treat meal for my dc.

I'd sit them down, work out a menu with them which contains decent stuff, non negotiable, and take it from there.

Chicken nuggets, mcds etc won't be on the menu at all.

Oh give over!

My childrens diet was appalling. As they have got older most vegetables will now be eaten. Last year they even started enjoying asparagus.

[AnnaSW1]

I really wouldn't be making this a battle.

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

My fussy pain in the butt wouldn't eat half of the stuff you posted there but loves potatoes in any form,eggs and some other things , so swings and roundabouts. Loves fruit, abhors veg and is afraid of tomatoes. No comment on that one.


However do not turn meal times into a battle. Especially not over a carrot. Encourage trying stuff , but leave it if it doesn't work. Then try again and again in different ways/textures/combinations.

[lulupooh]

@arethereanyleftatall toast or ham sandwich as a treat? what did you let them eat on a daily basis? Gruel?

[BowserJr]

My DH was like this as a child. His mum forced him to eat vegetables. Do you know what he did? Put them in his pockets when she wasn't looking and hid them down the back of the armchair. He's 40 and still never eats veg. I wouldn't recommend his diet, but he is alive and well to tell the tale without any vitamin deficiencies.

Choose your battles. Cut out the takeaways first. Stop buying the 'junk' snacks but have fruit available for them to eat. Keep meals to what they will eat for now. Then as they gradually get used to less crap, try encouraging more vegetables etc. It takes time. But getting strict and reducing the kids to tears over it all is clearly helping no one.

[MilduraS]

I was like this as a child. To make it worse, I hated most meat- chicken, sausages and burgers were ok, everything else made me gag. I basically lived on potatoes, carrots, bread, pizza or pasta for a few years. My Dad did try to force the issue quite a few times but I genuinely preferred to sit at the table in front of my cold dinner for hours than actually eat it. I also avoided going to friends houses (even though I really wanted to) because I was scared of what they would serve. I started to grow out of it as a teenager when I got involved with the cooking but did go off meat completely. My parents had the rule that I should cook recipes exactly as they are and if I didn't like it, I didn't have to eat it. I was invested enough to want to try the meals and true to their word, if I didn't like it, they said no more.

As an adult, I'm food obsessed now and my limited diet for so many years doesn't seem to have done me any harm. I'm a vegetarian but besides meat, the only other things I won't eat are mushrooms, olives and blue cheese.

[DinaofCloud9]

Lol at a ham sandwich and toast being a once a week treat.

I think my son had a ham sandwich every school day for the whole of his school life. He's 18 and it doesn't seem to have done him any harm.

I wouldn't force the carrot eating at all. I'd make meals more relaxed.

[00100001]

@arethereanyleftatall

I'm not sure id force the carrot.

But, their diet is atrocious. You know that. Start by sitting them down, explaining they can't eat like that. All those foods, every single one, even ham sandwich or toast for breakfast, would be a once a week treat meal for my dc.

I'd sit them down, work out a menu with them which contains decent stuff, non negotiable, and take it from there.

Chicken nuggets, mcds etc won't be on the menu at all.

Toast is a treat?? TOAST?

[BowserJr]

[quote lulupooh]@arethereanyleftatall toast or ham sandwich as a treat? what did you let them eat on a daily basis? Gruel? [/quote]
Too many carbs in gruel. Would be some miserable gruel alternative made of cauliflower and oat milk.

[DeciduousPerennial]

By forcing the issue with the carrot all you have done is entrench the refusal.

You must know this.

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

@arethereanyleftatall

I'm not sure id force the carrot.

But, their diet is atrocious. You know that. Start by sitting them down, explaining they can't eat like that. All those foods, every single one, even ham sandwich or toast for breakfast, would be a once a week treat meal for my dc.

I'd sit them down, work out a menu with them which contains decent stuff, non negotiable, and take it from there.

Chicken nuggets, mcds etc won't be on the menu at all.

Oh get over yourself.

I wish my kid ate ham.

sighs

[itsgettingwierd]

I know how frustrating it is and we are always being told about setting up good diets for life. Feeding kids well etc.

But I was that kid that gagged at everything.

Being forced made me limit my diet even more.

Then I left home at 19 and my mum always commented she can't believe how much I eat now. It was so much easier when I had the control.

I would serve enough of what they will eat to fill them sufficiently. Put something else in there such as a veg.

Have set snacks available including some fruit and veg sticks.

Don't make it an issue just a nonchalant "yes you can have a snack - choose from .......".

If they complain they are hungry after meals suggest next time they eat more of what's in their plate.

It's not very often a true dislike but psychologically I found I couldn't chew and swallow foods I was wary of and I imagined they tasted bad.

Packed lunch it's easy to put 1/2 sandwich and replace with an apple or something. No fuss - just it's there. Same with swapping 1/2 popcorn for a raw carrot or cucumber.

The trick is not to leave them hungry it becomes a punishment to to leave enough room for those things they say they don't like if they choose to eat them!

[rainbowfairydust]

We have most meals with carrots, brocoli and peas or sweetcorn on the side (steamed veg seems to be accepted more) so I think mine, although sometimes they moan, have just got used to knowing they need to eat these veg staples. Try adding the same side of veg alongside a usual meal everyday for a month and you might see an improvement. The more they see it on their plate (with no pressure) the more they will get used to it and try it.
I do now insist they eat this or no pudding, but I am flexible in that I know certain potato makes one of mine gag so they are allowed to skip it and have extra yorkshire etc. My 3 year old will now eat brocoli, peas and sweetcorn but is a bit hit and miss with carrots but its taken a year to get to this point. Keep trying in a non pressure way, ask them to just take 1 tiny bite each day and the bite might get bigger

[WouldbeVa]

I have a similar 9 year old, dp stresses about it but I don’t think it’s worth the fight. My eldest ds was the same and now at 15 would eat anything. I refused all veg until I was in my 20s, love it now. Food should never be a battle.

[MarshaBradyo]

I’d stop buying the snack food and step back from the carrot issue for the moment

[00100001]

Will they eat smoothies or "milkshakes"? Easy enough to hide fruit and/or veg in those.

Will he eat homemade meatballs? You can buy minced beef with carrot in it...he might not notice.



Also, you can get vegetable powder and hide that in all sort of stuff.

My DNiece Is often given veggie powder cheese crackers. She thinks they're just cheese crackers... They're not! They've got veggie powder and nutritional yeast in them.


With the stew...just blend some roasted veg (onions, carrots etc) into the gravy...


Does he eat homemade pizza? Again, easy to hide veg.

Of all else fails, bung him a vitamin gummy each day 👍👍

[EasterEggBelly]

Don’t force them to sit alone with the carrot OP :(

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

Maybe try working out a few menus they will tolerate and then try to add in new things?

Toast with baked beans is a perfectly good filling breakfast (ideally low salt beans, 50/50 bread). I'd make this for my DC if I could be bothered but I'm lazy so he gets porridge and fruit instead (and the toast and baked beans is elevated to a lunch).

For lunch, nothing wrong with a sandwich, but I'd try to alternate fillings... ham, chicken and cheese, for example. Will they eat fish fingers? My DC won't normally eat lettuce but loves it in a fish finger sandwich. Serve sandwiches with a selection of carrot sticks, cucumber pieces and cherry tomatoes... eventually they might crack and try some.

Will they really not eat any fruit and veg at all? What about peas and sweetcorn? Strawberries? Apple pieces? A good starting-point would be to aim for five a day and maybe put a star chart on the fridge... they can get their five a day however they like but make a big fuss of the DC who manage it. Baked beans counts as one!

For snacks, maybe make each DC a snack box full of "acceptable" snacks (and not so many they won't be hungry for meals!). Then just don't have any other snacks in the house (you will have to ignore the whining at first). We have yoghurts, cheese or peanut butter oatcakes, bread sticks, nuts, crackers and the occasional biscuit as snacks here... anything else is a treat and only bought very occasionally. You could also add apples and oranges in the hope your DC might try them if they're the only snack left in the box. We buy yoghurt pops for our DC instead of ice cream (you can also make these at home) and he doesn't really realise the difference.

It's tough, but please don't force-feed your DC.

[MarshaBradyo]

And no McDs

Take out the treat stuff like this

And try to reset with something easier - like a cereal that’s not Krave

Or fruit cut up

[HandforthParishCouncilClerk]

WTF are you thinking?! Forcing them is not going to do anything apart from upset you all and make your child more food avoidant. Please STOP, I cannot say that firmly enough.

You can carry on offering other fruit and veg - always offer. And one day they’ll decide to try. Food issues in young childhood are the opposite of too late - almost all children grow into a wider diet later. But not if you torture them with food now! You really MUST NOT do this.

[ThankYouHunkyJesus]

What sort of parent considers a ham sandwich a treat meal?!

Op, step away from the carrot. You need to get them onside not force them to eat it.