Eating a carrot is breaking my heart

[CarrotTrauma]

I’ve NC for this as I don’t want linked to my other posts as could be outing to people who know me.

So tonight we have come down hard on our 7yo DC, they are currently bawling their heart out at the table, have been for over half an hour because we are making them eat a carrot, not even a whole carrot, it’s a quarter of a roasted carrot.

We’ve always been fairly relaxed with food. Never forced our DCs to eat food they don’t like, never made them go to bed hungry. The snack draw is always available, they must ask though. But the diet of one of our DCs has gotten so bad we have had to play hard ball.

Number 1, had always had an issue with fruit and veg, bad gag reflex even as a baby. As they have gotten older that gag reflex is still there but they do try and have got to the point where they can eat things they never could before, not a huge amount but are gradually progressing and overall we get some decent healthy food into them. A lot of this has been down to school encouragement in trying new healthy foods and eating with their friends as well as age.

Number 3 child, no problems at all, they will actually get upset if there isn’t enough fruit and veg. 95% of the time they will choose fruit of any sweets/chocolate.

But with number 2 it’s has gotten so bad. As a baby it wasn’t a problem until they started copying number 1 and refusing to eat fruit and veg. As they were close in age it was hard to stop this. They started to make progress at nursery and school and I wasn’t too worried as both told me they were eating stuff they wouldn’t at home and I thought that like number 1 they would get better especially eating at friends homes or friends coming to us as with number 1. But lockdown happened, so they stopped eating with their peers and stopped trying new things which they would happily do at school.

We’ve also moved during lockdown and they are in a new school, but since returning only dose packed lunches. Previously I could live with picking my battles because there were always meals I could sneak a bit of blended veg into and I knew I had the back up that at school they were at least trying and eating foods they refused at home. This isn’t to say I havnt tried, I’ve blended veg hidden it in many mice dishes, spread it on home made pizzas, tried cooking it in lots of various ways. They will eat a bowl of stew and at the end all the meat and gravy is gone and all the veg left. I’ve made novelty meals, got very creative in designing fun plates, but nothing works.

Just to show how bad it is, this is now my DCs diet,

Breakfast - toast with butter, beans or sausages. They use to eat cereal but after being introduced to krave through a relative this is now the only cereal they eat. The only other breakfast foods are pancakes with Nutella. We only allow the krave or anything Nutella related at weekends now. Which is why we started making hot foods during the week.

Lunch - ham sandwich, no other sandwich, will eat plain bread and butter. Pretzels, popcorn and maybe breadsticks. Absolutely nothing else.

Dinner - pizza (cheese n tomato only), sausages, chicken nuggets and chips, roast chicken, hot dogs and pasta, beans, meatballs and of course McDonalds. Won’t eat potatoes in any other form or rice, cous cous, eggs, obviously no veg at all. Will try other meats but not really fussed.

At home they spend all their time asking for snacks, their idea of a snack is chocolate, crisps, sweets, ice cream.... this is why we are at breaking point. We have no issue with our children eating these in moderation and with a healthy varied diet, but our 7yo dose not anything near this.

So tonight was the night we have got tough and stuck to our guns. I’ve had to go upstairs as I can’t bare the crying. Both DH and I have horrible memories of being forced to sit at the table and eat stewed to death veg and swore we would never do it. But we have run out of patience and need to do something before it’s to late.

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

I'd ditch the shop-bought pizza from now on and make it clear that the only pizza on the menu is homemade. They can make their own pizza if they like and choose the shape of it.

Will they eat fish fingers?

[Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan]

I'd start by removing the snack drawer and replacing it with a fruit bowl and offer unlimited fruit.

I find putting everything on the table to self serve works best. They put on what they want.
We also meal plan and choose the weeks meals together.

[Cyw2018]

I was forced to eat foods that made me gag, even though on the whole i wasn't a fussy eater at all, and dinners were always emotional charged situations in the house when i was growing up.

My cousin never ate any veg when she was small, roast dinner was just meat, potatos and gravy.

I've had life long weight and emotional eating issues, my cousin has always been a slim stable weight.

Don't allow meal times to become an emotional battleground.

[Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin]

Ham sandwich is a once a week treat?
I really have heard it all now!!
Daughter has had a ham sandwich every day for about 4 years and before that it was a cucumber sandwich every day for about 4 years and she's still alive!!
Being too controlling is not good - my parents gave me food issues that way

[Clymene]

They'll eat when they're hungry
And
They'll eat X because all the other children are eating

Are total crap

[ViceLikeBlip]

I grew up with "sit at this table until you've eaten it". It's incredibly damaging, much more so than a poor diet. Please trust your heart on this one and find another way x

[GlumyGloomer]

Sorry if you've tried this but have you given bribery a go? We use a star system, and started with 1 star for eating her veg at both lunch and dinner. This worked ok, but resulted in her sat at the table for half an hour nudging cold veg around the plate but not wanting to quit on the star. So now she gets 2 stars if she eats the veg first. It works so much better, as she's hungry and wants to get to the meat or whatever. Also lets be honest cold veg is horrible.
Disclaimer: this works for bog standard picky veg refusal, no sensory issues or anything.

[Dddccc]

Ok mine was once a no veg eater he now eats everything nearly,

Step one get rid of all the crap out of the house if its not there they cant have it.

Give them what they will eat every day will 1 thing they don't so ie there nuggets and chips with 1 carrot baton they have to take 1 bite thats it, do that every meal for a month only the same veg after 2 weeks its the whole baton, then swap to a new veg continue with each one so month 2 they would have the carrot and 1 new veg ect its a slow process but it works, my son will now only not eat cooked pepper, mushrooms and avocado

[TheFormidableMrsC]

@arethereanyleftatall

I'm not sure id force the carrot.

But, their diet is atrocious. You know that. Start by sitting them down, explaining they can't eat like that. All those foods, every single one, even ham sandwich or toast for breakfast, would be a once a week treat meal for my dc.

I'd sit them down, work out a menu with them which contains decent stuff, non negotiable, and take it from there.

Chicken nuggets, mcds etc won't be on the menu at all.

I think you have food issues. Toast is hardly a "treat meal", it's just grilled bread. I'd like to try your methods with my ASD son who is food restrictive and avoidant. Your comments are unhelpful.

OP my DS diet is very similar, indeed less variety. He has problems with food related to his ASD. I am not suggesting this is the case with you at all, simply that I can empathise. I was advised to stop stressing about it, he's a happy healthy child who does an enormous amount of physical activity and I continue to encourage him to try things but don't make a fuss about it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but I've given up trying to force him to eat things, it's a pointless and just causes so much upset. I do understand how you feel you must stand your ground though. It's so difficult but it won't last forever. I would stop buying Nutella and Krave definitely. I stopped buying things like that and In firm with it. There is always a plentiful supply of fruit. Last week he tried a from scratch cottage pie and loved it. I can hide veg in that and use very lean meat. He had roast chicken tonight without an argument. Baby steps.

I wish you luck, I know it's hard work!

[KMBM107]

I think possibly it’s going to be too much of a battle to change everything in one go. Maybe could get rid of the snack draw and just have a treat once a week. Could you offer some veggies to go with the ham sandwich? My kids like raw carrots, peppers, cucumber ect with their sandwiches. How about taking them
To the supermarket and picking out their own fruit and veg to try? Maybe get them involved in preparing and trying different types? I’ve always said to my kids as long as they try it if they don’t like it it’s ok if they don’t eat it. Even if you could get a couple of options in, it will hopefully improve. How about going fruit picking or even growing own vegetables? Just thinking of ways to help make it fun and get them interested

[Bawdrip]

Unlike many pps, I did force the carrot. Except it was a strawberry. Took over 3 hours but he did it. 10 years later he's still fussy but he does eat a reasonable variety of veg. Trouble is he expects every meal ever to be something he finds delicious and is his favourite ever food. We have to remind him daily that sometimes you just have to eat the bloody carrot for the sake of your health. If you've started this battle, you have to finish it but when you win give him a real treat (not food)and lots of fuss and praise

[TheFormidableMrsC]

@GeorgiaGirl52

In the old days - before pediatric nutritionists et al. - we dealt with picky eaters by regressing. Go back to baby food. Give them totally pureed meats, pasta, veggies, fruits, etc. Milk and water to drink. No sugary treats - especially no chocolate, no biscuits, no crisps.
After a week or so, introduce finger foods, like sliced bananas or cheese cubes. Always add veggies and fruits first, bread and pasta second.
Still no sugary treats at all.
It can take 6-8 weeks of this. If they resist, just stop and go back to the puree. They are getting proper nutrition and will learn to deal with textures.
Once everything is accepted, you can add sugary treats. Suggest beginning with meringues and marshmallows.

What the actual fuck??

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

@CarrotTrauma maybe for a while try and expand their food choices rather than focus on fruit and veg. So rather than worrying exactly how many and what veg there are in a meal, diversify the meals. Ok won't eat spag bol anymore but will they eat plain pasta with butter plus meatballs/sausages. Experiment with potatoes.. chips,mash, baked, sauteed ,waffles etc.
Rice , have you tried the wetter risotto style ones rather than the typical ones?

Eggs again... boiled,fried,scrambled, baked, omelette.

And so on. Try and add meals to their diet rather than specific ingredients. Once they palate becomes more diversified, then add veg to it.


Keep trying as hard and exasperating as it is. I should know. I had to reintroduce fucking toast ffs!!

Keep fruit as an option. There are so many options with various tastes,smells, textures etc. Just for a try , or mashed i to ice cream or the juice used for ice lollies. No pressure, have a bite.


No fuss if they refuse or don't like anything. They need to trust and believe that trying won't mean forced,a battle,tears,angry mum/dad etc. This can cause a lot of anxiety before dinner is even on the table.

DD has become much better at trying stuff now she knows her not liking it or even spitting it out is now just met with "oh well.. well done for trying".

[BurbageBrook]

You are not going about this the right way by forcing them to eat a carrot. Surely you can see that?

[cabingirl]

I couldn't bear the smell and texture of cooked veg as a child so I ate everything raw - I still love things like cauliflower and cabbage more raw than cooked but as an adult I've learned to force it down if it means eating a more 'normal' meal with everyone else.

[CarrotTrauma]

Sorry, I tried to cover everything in the original post but forgot to say that dc has had lots of issues with constipation. GPs have put this down to diet. This is why we’ve had to sit them down and talk about it. They regularly take movicol which they also hate and is just as traumatic as eating a carrot.

We don’t make a big deal about food, I’m a very fussy eater especially when I was younger, which is why we’ve not pushed foods onto them, but we have encouraged all the DCs to try new foods. DH and i regularly eat different meals if the DCs interest is perked they are welcome to try it. An example we both love duck and we were having duck pancakes all wanted to try and were welcome too. My DH loves almost everything and travelled a lot so will have lots of exotic foods at times, again, he makes it and if anyone wants to give it a go then they are welcome. Our variety nights there is always food all the DCs will eat and we do it in a fun way, they never have to eat anything they don’t want. Tonight is the first time we have done it.

I’m definitely going to look into food phobias and seek some more advice as well as remove the snack draw. It’s not something I wanted to do as it’s not fair on the other DCs who do eat well that they can’t just go to it when we say it’s ok. Just for reference the snack draw dose have crap like crisps, chocolate etc.. but it also contains crackers, rice crackers, raisins, granola bars, nuts, seeds all of which my other DCs will regularly choose over something unhealthy.

[starrynight21]

@ChristmasJumpers

He probably doesn't, but consider the possibility that DS2 could have ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). It's a fear response to food but can look more like refusal to eat.

I have this and it stays with you for life. Being forced to stay at the table if he does have ARFID will not make him eat the carrot - nothing will. I battle all the time to increase what I eat (dieting is a nightmare). But if someone tried to make me eat carrots when I felt I couldn't, it would just make me worse.

This is a possibility. My nephew who is now in his 30's, lived entirely on Marmite sandwiches and sausages until he was a teenager. Nothing his parents did had any effect on his intake. He only tried a few other foods when he wanted to fit in with his friends in secondary school, but even then he was very restricted. He still has never eaten a vegetable or a piece of fruit. He is perfectly healthy and fit so it doesn't seem to have had an ill effect on him.

[Stickytreacle]

My son was terrible with food, to the point he would only eat a few foods. Forcing the issue made it worse and I ended up just offering different healthy options that were often left untouched. I worried constantly, but as he grew older he began trying different foods himself.
He is now an adult and a very impressive cook that puts me to shame and he has a very healthy diet! So while it is a worry for you, I'm sure things will work out, the more relaxed you are about food the more chance he will start to enjoy it, food should be a pleasure, not a trauma.

[Member869894]

'even ham sandwich or toast for breakfast, would be a once a week treat meal for my dc'

WTF???

[BurbageBrook]

It's also sad that you're happy for your child to be traumatised by DH playing 'bad cop' as long as you don't have to see it.....

[BurbageBrook]

But yeah having a snack drawer is a terrible idea.

[CarrotTrauma]

[quote AccidentallyOnPurpose]@CarrotTrauma maybe for a while try and expand their food choices rather than focus on fruit and veg. So rather than worrying exactly how many and what veg there are in a meal, diversify the meals. Ok won't eat spag bol anymore but will they eat plain pasta with butter plus meatballs/sausages. Experiment with potatoes.. chips,mash, baked, sauteed ,waffles etc.
Rice , have you tried the wetter risotto style ones rather than the typical ones?

Eggs again... boiled,fried,scrambled, baked, omelette.

And so on. Try and add meals to their diet rather than specific ingredients. Once they palate becomes more diversified, then add veg to it.

Keep trying as hard and exasperating as it is. I should know. I had to reintroduce fucking toast ffs!!

Keep fruit as an option. There are so many options with various tastes,smells, textures etc. Just for a try , or mashed i to ice cream or the juice used for ice lollies. No pressure, have a bite.

No fuss if they refuse or don't like anything. They need to trust and believe that trying won't mean forced,a battle,tears,angry mum/dad etc. This can cause a lot of anxiety before dinner is even on the table.

DD has become much better at trying stuff now she knows her not liking it or even spitting it out is now just met with "oh well.. well done for trying". [/quote]
No go on eggs at all, use to eat omelette and scrambled but not any more.

Risotto a no

My friends use to joke about me having potatoes with everything, you name it I can cook it when it comes to them (Irish heritage), no go.

Honestly I have tried absolutely everything. I love cooking, taken cookery classes for fun. I’ve experimented with everything.

The irony is with everything else this child is so so laid back with haha

I’m definitely going to look down the phobia route.

[HesSpartacus]

'even ham sandwich or toast for breakfast, would be a once a week treat meal for my dc'

Quite right. Kids shouldn't live on loads of bread - it isn't that great for you and has been massively mucked about with before getting to your plate:

www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/what-is-the-healthiest-bread

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

@CarrotTrauma

Sorry, I tried to cover everything in the original post but forgot to say that dc has had lots of issues with constipation. GPs have put this down to diet. This is why we’ve had to sit them down and talk about it. They regularly take movicol which they also hate and is just as traumatic as eating a carrot.

We don’t make a big deal about food, I’m a very fussy eater especially when I was younger, which is why we’ve not pushed foods onto them, but we have encouraged all the DCs to try new foods. DH and i regularly eat different meals if the DCs interest is perked they are welcome to try it. An example we both love duck and we were having duck pancakes all wanted to try and were welcome too. My DH loves almost everything and travelled a lot so will have lots of exotic foods at times, again, he makes it and if anyone wants to give it a go then they are welcome. Our variety nights there is always food all the DCs will eat and we do it in a fun way, they never have to eat anything they don’t want. Tonight is the first time we have done it.

I’m definitely going to look into food phobias and seek some more advice as well as remove the snack draw. It’s not something I wanted to do as it’s not fair on the other DCs who do eat well that they can’t just go to it when we say it’s ok. Just for reference the snack draw dose have crap like crisps, chocolate etc.. but it also contains crackers, rice crackers, raisins, granola bars, nuts, seeds all of which my other DCs will regularly choose over something unhealthy.

Out of curiosity , have foods that they previously enjoyed been cut out after a bout of constipation? Are they more reluctant to try things when bowel movement is impacted?

Have the snack cupboard but mostly with healthy stuff. Crisps in packed lunch or after school. Chocolate /sweets occasionally. (Maybe put these away ) Fruit always on offer. "Yes you can have a snack from the cupboard or fruit". If they won't have any because it's not what they want/like then that's their choice.

[CarrotTrauma]

@BurbageBrook

It's also sad that you're happy for your child to be traumatised by DH playing 'bad cop' as long as you don't have to see it.....

Not happy at all. DH works away a lot so I’m the one home dealing with them all the time and having to play bad cop every day. I don’t think there is any shame that I need my DH to be the bad cop here especially as it’s not something either of us ever wanted to do.