About to become a parent to 4 & 5 year old, hints/tips on what to buy?

[Bananahana]

Hi all,

Am about to become a mum to little kiddos via adoption. We’re just getting the house ready and looking for advice on what we need to buy, beyond the obvious of clothes, toys, kids cutlery etc.

Things like - I suspect I’ll need a big day bag rather than my smaller handbag... maybe a water bottle for each child.

What are you hints and tips on what we get?

My tip would be not to get too much of anything at first, because it will be overwhelming. E.g. get a few books for them not a whole bookshelf full. So they don’t have too much to choose from and also can become familiar with things more quickly. Plus, then you can get more as you get to know them, and suggest other things that family members might like to give them, for birthdays etc.

Congrats OP!

I would put a little sign on the children's bedroom door(s) with their names on - 'Alex's room' etc.

No need to buy special name plates, you could make yourself. It might help them to feel welcome.

Wishing you all lots of happiness.

Bubble bath! Matey is an essential part of childhood.

Also...one thing about the ‘babying’ and buying things for younger children...
I realise you probably know all of this from preparation training but it might be interesting information for non adopters!

Children who have been in the care system will have experienced a great deal of loss and change alongside developmental trauma. As a result, they are often at a much younger developmental and emotional age than their actual age.
As adopters, we should encourage and actively build in activities which might stimulate regression; this helps to fill in the gaps of the nurture and early life experiences they may not have had. Often children have developed coping strategies and are overly independent. I had to work hard to let my daughter comfort her as she was so used to self soothing to meet her own needs. It took a lot of time and a very patient, gentle approach for her to loosen up and trust me enough for this to happen.

So don’t worry about things being more suitable for a toddler than a school aged child :) The suggestion of play dough was a great one, but it’s super easy to make - I know grown adults who will happily sit and play with play dough for ages so it’s kind of an age-less thing in my opinion.

I am sure most things have been covered, but a friend in a similar situation found that ‘wait and see’ was helpful, before buying masses of things, as other posters have suggested. Suggest a decent digital thermometer, Calpol Fastmelts (I only realised I didn’t have to cart around the Calpol bottle until DD was 6! 😕) , hot water bottles (comforting), a couple of decent family cookbooks ie Tana Ramsay, plus ‘can’t be bothered/ no time to cook’ meals like frozen fish fingers and chips, and a read of sites like this... theimaginationtree.com/
The Works is brilliant for stocking up on crafty things. Wishing you the very best of luck! 😀

Congratulations.. tangle teaser for long hair..

Definately plasters.

If you can find out what they already have..

I tend to avoid specific character things on lunch boxes, drink bottles as they change quickly .

In terms of games orchard games are really good.

As a childminder so obviously different but i do try and get a picture of the child on the wall asap so they feel the belong so may well be nice here.

I presume all their clothes coming with them. Friend was in same position but not 1 childs clothes hanger in the house to put clothes on.

Congratulations.
Sticker books and calpol
:)

Just to add a couple of toy ideas for that age group ...a large marble run, and Jenga. Fun for everyone, and absorbing.

Are you anywhere near London OP? I’ve so many books for that age that my child has outgrown in near perfect condition.

Congrats on becoming a parent. Challenging but so rewarding would sum it up for me!

Congratulations!! You are superstars

I would say as a general rule - get at least two of everything practical that you use daily.

My suggestions are artsy:

Lots of books.
Colouring books.

Lots and lots of drawing paper, craft paper.
Buy big packs of printer paper.

Paints - watercolours are a nice sensory experience, but also little pots of poster paint. Selection of brushes in different sizes.
Finger paints (check for washability).

Crayons - buy lots.
Colouring pencils and HB pencils.
Chalk and blackboards, also outdoor chalk.
Easels.
Whiteboards and markers.

Oilcloth for tabletops.
Smocks.

Clay and clay tools - playdoh, also plasticine and clay that can be baked for permanent artwork. Rolling pins and cutting and squeezing tools often come in Playdoh packs.

Glue.
Safety scissors.
Tape.
Mod Podge.
Coloured tissue paper.
Straws.

If you can get a handprint kit, a family handprint creation might be lovely for you all.

Scrapbooks for each of them so they can compile 'my family' narratives. Put photos from their early years in their scrapbooks (if you have them) as well as photos from now on. Little mementos can be used instead of photos.
*Take stock of what you have before embarking on this. The lack of documentation from early years items can be a source of pain for children.

Frames to put their art in. You can get frames in Ikea.

Magnets so you can hang art on the fridge.

If you don't already have them, a hand mixer, mixing bowls, a collection of cake and cookie recipes plus tons of sprinkles.
Little aprons.
Baking pans.
Pans for messy activities like baking broken crayons.

Bubble wrap.
Pom poms.
Craft sticks.

Sensory stuff in general - things that are interesting or beautiful to look at or touch like big sea shells, sand for the garden, little digging tools (trowels, etc), maybe pots to grow seeds in.
Little watering cans.

Family T-shirts and tie dye kit.

Some good 'process' art ideas here.
www.themeasuredmom.com/a-z-process-art-ideas-for-preschoolers/

I would also suggest a personalised chest or box for each of them to keep treasures in.

Little household tool sets - child size brooms, dustpan, dusters. They can help you do chores.

Big kitchen noticeboard to pin family schedule, shopping lists, and little pictures they create.

Safety - make sure chests of drawers, bookshelves, and TV are all attached to the wall.
Put a bolt up high on your front and back door, and make sure your windows have safety catches.
The children might decide to go visit the foster family or other people they know from their earlier years. Make sure they can't get out without you.

childcrisisaz.org/5-incredible-benefits-of-art-for-kids/

Also - wooden blocks. I would invest in a massive set, hundreds of blocks. Boys and girls alike can enjoy building.

This may or may not be an issue, when we looked after two little boys of similar ages they would wet the bed to start. I think it was the unfamiliarity of their surroundings and taking time to settle.

What I did was get 3 fitted sheets for each bed and waterproof sheets. I then layered the beds. So in the middle of the night you can whip off a layer of wet bed sheet and underneath is a dry clean one. Less upsetting if they are unsettled. And less effort in the middle of the night.

Congratulations on your new family!

Ooo how exciting!!

Definitely waterproof overalls (for you too!) so you can get out of doors whatever the weather. Wellies too for that matter.

Not what to get, but I can't suggest strongly enough that you rotate some of the toys you provide. In your shoes I would have a personalized toy chest each and their things they bring with them go in there, and they have access to them whenever, but you keep storage boxes of toys and activities in your garage or whatever, and swap out what they have out in the playroom as and when. That way they won't get too bored of the same stuff, you always have a carrot to encourage tidying ('WHEN we've put the trains away THEN we can get the farm out') and they can't be getting absolutely all their toys out at once, creating a stressful environment. This approach is a lifesaver when you or they are under the weather and you need something 'new' to occupy/distract them. Even something they've just not seen for a week will have a novelty value. As I say though, any belongings they bring with to should be 'theirs' for free access to.

Congratulations!

Once you've got the basics, I'd wait a bit, and take them shopping, and give them the power of choosing what they want. I know they are still very small, but a little bit of control over the things in their life might be very welcome.

...a little bit of control that THEY are allowed, I mean.

Backpack, picnic blanket, always carry clean water with you for rinsing grazes, dirty hands etc.

A few books, puzzles and games possibly although it might be nice to choose a few things with them

Non crinkly waterproof sheets (terry covered ones from John Lewis are good) also pampers bed mats or similar

Electronic thermometer, calpol,

OP, just a comment.

It took me months to be able to do things like trips to the park, baking, games, crafting etc with mine.

Don’t compare your kids to other 4 or 5 yos, don’t compare yourself to mums who have 5 years experience of their kids, don’t compare your parenting to other people’s parenting.

You need to meet your kids wherever they’re at, not wherever people on MN think they ought to be. I know you probably know this in theory, but it’s easy to forget or doubt yourself when you’re being bombarded with lots of advice from non-adoptive parents.

I don’t want you to think there’s something wrong with you if you can’t do those things. 💐

And seriously, when DH was driving us home from intros, I’d be on Amazon buying whatever I had just decided we needed. You really won’t need much in advance (beyond furniture and car seats.)

Congratulations OP. I’d go across to the Adoption section here on Mumsnet where you will get a lot of good advice from experienced Adopters, not only for stuff required but also settling in, what to expect, common behavioural issues for kids who’ve been adopted and how best to deal with it etc.

Great suggestions here op, just wanted to wish you the best of luck with everything and suggest an emergency bottle of gin for the inevitable moments when only that and will do!

Congratulations OP. Rather than overwhelming you (and the DCs!) with more 'stuff' I'd say get on your knees and look at your home from a child's eye view. Make sure everything is safe, that anything precious isn't get-at-able. Things like coat hooks at child's height will feel welcoming. And empty space/shelves for any stuff they bring with them - any wee bits they've brought with the will feel very precious. A wee bedside drawer for the things you love the best is very comforting.

Woah everyone. Seriously, the long lists are way OTT. These boys aren't going to want a load of new stuff. They're going to want their familiar stuff. Too much new and unfamiliar, is going to be too much change for them.

I don't have kids so can't offer any suggestions but wanted to say congratulations and all the very best to your family

Not forgetting the necessities for all reception age children - nit comb, nit hair treatment and worn medicine.

It’s best to be prepared

Night lights/lamps.
Calpol/Neurofen.
Plasters (characters preferably).
Paper/colouring books/pens/paints/brushes.
Books.
More underwear and pjs than you anticipate needing.
Batteries for toys (easier to bulk buy these).
Carseats.
Scooters/bikes.
Plastic cups/waterbottles/lunchboxes/small cutlery sets.
Football
Outdoor rainproof jackets/trousers/dungarees/wellies.

Watch for sharp corners/edges (you can buy foam to stick on to these).
Make sure bedroom windows can't be opened too far.
Put sharp knives/lighters/matches/household tools e.g screwdrivers are high up in a secure place.
Make sure washing machine/dishwasher tablets/bleach etc are out of reach.
Safely plug covers for electrical sockets.
Remove any keys from internal doors e.g. bathrooms.
If you have blinds, cut off any loops. They will still be usable.
Rugs on top of tiles.
A bath mat so they can sit down without slipping. Bath toys and bubble bath.
Children's hairbrushes/shampoo and sensitive skin shower cream and moisturiser.
Facecloths.
A couple of extra pillows for your own bed :)

Huge congratulations.