About to become a parent to 4 & 5 year old, hints/tips on what to buy?

[Bananahana]

Hi all,

Am about to become a mum to little kiddos via adoption. We’re just getting the house ready and looking for advice on what we need to buy, beyond the obvious of clothes, toys, kids cutlery etc.

Things like - I suspect I’ll need a big day bag rather than my smaller handbag... maybe a water bottle for each child.

What are you hints and tips on what we get?

To completely contradict what I just said I’d say that the must haves are.

Small toilet seat (Dunelm do a family one which is good)
Step for sink and getting in the bath and maybe a second one for the kitchen.
Toothbrushes and toothpaste
Face flannels (we didn’t use them so that one took us by surprise)
Hairbrush
Plastic plates and bowls
Plastic cups
Water bottles
Nightlight
Wellies and puddle suits
Dining chair booster cushions
Calpol, Piriton, plasters
Babywipes (so many babywipes)
Waterproof bed pads

Oh that's so lovely!!

I think everyone has you pretty much covered but just wanted to send luck. I'm sure you'll be great.x.

I'd be inclined to take each child shopping to choose their own items like back pack and water bottle. So that they have something that's "theirs" rather than given to them?

I would not do anything with rewards charts at all.

Also going to second this. I'm sure that you have had training on therapeutic parenting for dc being adopted etc but thought it was worth highlighting.

Congratulations- the start of a wonderful life for all. I have a 4, 3 and 1 year old boys.
Tbh they love anything we are excited about - bless! In particular tho- they love play dough, playing games ( Orchard do some great bingo or easy ones), mouldable bath foam soap, Lego / fake Lego kits from pound shop, outdoor gear so they can go outside even when pissing it down ( Lidl do some great special buys), stickers which smell for good behaviour and getting dressed each day, kid scissors and cutting paper/labels/play dough/ grass outside!! Jay cloths and little bowls for cleaning outside/ in bath. They got a metal spade each for Xmas and have really enjoyed just digging and messing in mud! And they love the stomp rocket they got. But honestly, some of the stuff they love the most is just ‘boring’ house stuff ( eg the jay cloths or brushes or hoover!). I think they’ll love anything you love and will spend time with them doing 😊
And I defo second what ineedaneasteregg says above- we have defo child proofed the house! Attached furniture to walls ( mine LOVE climbing) and removed breakables and all paint is wipeable. We buy nothing we would be upset that they would break because honestly my kids seem to find a way to break literally everything in record speed- and it just keeps it nice and relaxed for us and them. I didn’t realise how much we had done this until a trip to my mum’s! I couldn’t let them anywhere, and spent the whole trip on tender hooks!!
I wish you and your growing family all the happiness in the world

Baby wipes.

Also adopted children tend to act younger than their age so maybe bear this in mind. Takes a little while to catch up on their early years.

I'd also recommend a waterproof mattress protector for your own bed, as upset or poorly children tend to migrate there and wreck that mattress rather than their own. Buy one with Terry towelling on the top so it's less scrunchy. A plug in night light on the landing is useful for finding the loo in the dark, we had one that worked on a motion sensor.

I don't know of this is a good idea or not but a way to contact you in the night incase they are shy to come into your room bir are scared or upset. A baby monitor to talk through or even a little bell to ring?

Everyone has Said most of my ideas

Good first aid kit
Soft blankets to snuggle under while watching movies
A play tent or something similar so they can crawl in and get some alone time if they get overwhelmed
Lots of changes of sheets, underwear, socks so you aren’t washing every five minutes
You will need lots more towels, you household will double in size.

I'd get the freezer stocked so you have plenty of good to buy you time when you are feeling overwhelmed. Congratulations!!!

Some kids will be overwhelmed by being asked to choose things in a shop. Best to get the basics and not expect them to make choices.

Congrats OP

Come over to the adoption board (in becoming a parent). We’re a nice bunch and will have lots of pointers relating to the specific needs of adopted children.

Blackout blinds with a fancy night light galaxy type thing.

If you can-
Trampoline for the garden. Essential entertainment.
Biscuits. There isn't a child alive who doesn't love biscuits.
A lot of milk. You'll get through more than you ever thought possible. (Deliveries are fantastic if you have the option)
Tablets or similar with things downloaded. (Amazon fire for kids is good). There are times when kids (and you) just need a bit of technology to help regulate.
Plastic sheets for the beds/mattresses as accidents common. Lots of spare bedding including duvet.
Wishing you much joy and happiness xx

Ready meals for you.

Are they siblings? I know this post is asking about ‘things’ but I was adopted at a similar age along with my younger sister. My sister copied everything I did and looked to me for reassurance/‘permission’ before doing anything as I was the only constant in her life and I had had to do a lot of looking after her. I know it annoyed our adoptive mother as if I decided I didn’t like the tea my sister wouldn’t either even if she really did. It’s a really confusing time and they will have had thier whole world ripped away twice already (once from the birth family which no matter how bad it is is the only world they have known ) and then once they have got settled with a foster family that is now being ripped away and they are being placed into yet another strange life.
It’s really hard for people to understand how it affects you and they will try and cling on to any sense of control that they can. Rejection of all the lovely things you are buying for them in preference for some rag they have brought with them isn’t personal.

I think that only buying the essentials and then letting them choose thier won things when able to is a good way to go.

Don't overwhelm them with stuff. They will hopefully arrive with a couple of key bits they will be very attached to.

Proper first aid, calpol, thermometer etc and clothes and a few bits to do in the house. Everything else can be added to.

Get a backpack!

Congratulations 🥳

I would say Amazon prime! So overwhelming at first (from experience although we had a younger child placed) I know lots of people have ethical issues with amazon but so useful in early days of adoption placement to think oh ... we don’t have x ... x delivered tomorrow! Especially in current lockdown it’s one less thing to worry about!!! Hope all goes well with intros and placement

You can freeze milk. Cereal. If they are fussy you'll at least have cereal. Boxes of cake mix. You don't have to bake from scratch, not now anyway. They'll be delighted with that.

first congratulations op
But be aware even though sw & foster carer may have told you, dc who go through this system have emotional baggage& you don't know all they have gone through & they may take time to settle as others have said they may regress - take your time go slowly they may not want to be cuddled to begin with -just let them set the pace -
But the reward when you win their hearts & you will op!

Oh wow you guys! I’m totally emotional at the out pouring of support. I was feeling rather lost and overwhelmed, and then you all posted and now I feel great!!

Huge huge thank yous

So happy for you. I think you'll work out what's needed pretty quickly.

Aw congrats op, what a lovely thread.
@BrieAndChilli what a thoughtful post. I hope it worked out well for you.

OP, you need the Adoption board. Lots of people there who’ll help you feel less overwhelmed.

Congratulations!

If you can, contact the foster carers to get an idea of what the DC do and don’t like. Little things like what washing machine liquid they use, what shampoo and conditioner they use etc will help the children settle.
Avoid the temptation to get tons of toys etc as the children may not be used to this and will feel overwhelmed.

More than anything else, spend the time before intros reading up on attachment, checking if there are any local adoption support groups you can join and sleeping/relaxing. Intros are exhausting so get batch cooking too!

I agree with what other posters have said about adopted children being emotionally younger than their chronological age. This is definitely true of my two.

I would also get the children provisionally registered at your GP and get to know your health visitor. With AS1, we needed the GP hours into him moving in (he developed a nasty ear infection) and we spent ages faffing around as he wasn’t registered with our practice. With AD, we did it in advance. We also needed Calpol which we’d forgotten to get in advance.

Congratulations!

If you have the outdoor space, a trampoline (with the nets), as big as you can fit in the space.

A load of jugs and pouring things for bathtime.

Bubble machine for outside.

Plug-in nightlights.

Jigsaws.